The Cole Smithey Thread

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Which of the 2 brothers is considered "more successful" is a matter of perspective. Cole got away from Barb, lives where he wants, does what he wants with his life, got married...if these are things one considered desirable, then I supposed Cole is the more successful of the two.

However, if you think doing nothing (with or without shat pants) and getting paid for it is the good life, then Chris has Cole beat. What the fuck does Cole do for a fucking job anyway? If he really pulling in enough pay being a dick in public to subsist off of, or is he milking his wife's fucking income?
 
Jaimas said:
I did something I probably shouldn't have, and read through some of Cole's litany of reviews.

I know as a general rule, the CWCki has considered him more successful than Chris, since, y'know, he hasn't managed to spend like five grand on Legos, but really, we have to stop and ask ourselves which one of them is genuinely more successful.
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That depends on how you define success. Chris might be better known (or infamous), but Cole actually has the life he wants. And I don't doubt that Chrissy would trade away all his internet fame if it meant he'd get the life he wanted.
Chris may have fucked a snowman and now be indivisible from the JULAAAAAY incident, but at the same time, Chris isn't being an intentionally pretentious bag of dicks.
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"Y'all should know me by now...:sonichu:"
Most of Chris' being offensive are the result of being ignorant or stupid and generally not knowing any better.
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Chris has intentionally acted malicious before. Remember the time he wished death on Adam Stackhouse and his little sister and then made a video of himself shooting a picture of Adam? Or the time he accused Snyder of molesting his own daughter? Sure, there have been times when trolls coaxed him into doing and saying offensive things, but there are plenty of time when Chris acted like a shithead all on his own.
To his credit, Chris can at least acknowledge some level of levity.I really have to wonder if Chris' issues are less Autism and more a product of the batshitzania insanity foisted on him by Barbara and Bob.
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It's really a combination of untreated autism, shitty parenting, coddling and massive ego. All of those thing feed into each other and exacerbate his flaws to a jaw dropping level.
The commonalities between CWC and Cole are too prevalent to be mere coincidence.
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They're brothers and were raised by the same people. Of course there'll be similarities. Thing is though, while Cole is a hipster douchenozzle, he managed to wind up doing what he wants to do for a living. At the very least he managed to escape Blarb's clutches and move out. Something that Fatty, for all his ebay success, cannot and will not ever be able to do.
 
Marvin said:
:lol: wow. The edginess. I wonder if Cole asks the amputee on the subway if they can sit somewhere else because their amputated limb is kinda gross.
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It surprises no one that Cole missed the entire point. That Ebert hit his stride as a writer and really seemed to connect with his audience on a new level after he lost the ability to speak and had been physically deformed by the botched operation is the entire point! It became almost a cliché because it was so easy to understand, after Chris Jones' famous Esquire profile:

It has been nearly four years since Roger Ebert lost his lower jaw and his ability to speak. Now television's most famous movie critic is rarely seen and never heard, but his words have never stopped.
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Cole is perhaps the only person with an assumed intelligence level above that of his half-brother that didn't comprehend this. To Cole it "nauseates", and "calls into question" why he didn't just hide himself from offending us with his ugliness.

This says so much about what's going on in Cole's head and none of it is good.
 
Coldgrip said:
They're brothers and were raised by the same people. Of course there'll be similarities. Thing is though, while Cole is a hipster douchenozzle, he managed to wind up doing what he wants to do for a living.
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I don't think Cole "makes a living" being a film critic.

Coldgrip said:
At the very least he managed to escape Blarb's clutches and move out. Something that Fatty, for all his ebay success, cannot and will not ever be able to do.
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While that was something Cole really wanted accomplish, I don't think that's really a big priority for Chris.
 
Artard said:
It surprises no one that Cole missed the entire point. That Ebert hit his stride as a writer and really seemed to connect with his audience on a new level after he lost the ability to speak and had been physically deformed by the botched operation is the entire point! It became almost a cliché because it was so easy to understand, after Chris Jones' famous Esquire profile:

Cole is perhaps the only person with an assumed intelligence level above that of his half-brother that didn't comprehend this. To Cole it "nauseates", and "calls into question" why he didn't just hide himself from offending us with his ugliness.

This says so much about what's going on in Cole's head and none of it is good.
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Cole sees Ebert as a "Window into Hell".
 
It's interesting that both brothers are disgusted to ridiculous levels by the human body. Chris wants all males to wear bras, while Cole gets nauseated at Ebert not withdrawing from public view Phantom-of-the-Opera-style
 
Pikonic said:
So I finally got around to seeing Frozen, I won't bore you with my review of the movie itself. I looked at Cole's web page and wouldn't ya know it, Frozen is absent from his list of reviews. As a professional movie reviewer, you'd think when a movie gets as much attention as Frozen did, you could take an hour to write up something. Fans want to know what you think of popular movies.
Also, the dark part of me was disappointed that I didn't get to read about the symbolism that clearly went over my head.
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Either he thought it was so below him he didn't want to bother (despite making a big deal about what's really appropriate or not for kids), or, most likely in my opinion, he decided to avoid Frozen because his career might not survive another Toy Story 3 type of incident.
 
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Gayzee Pacer said:
I love it. He's bragging about Ebert insulting him. Cole is definitely a Weston.
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I recall being quite chuffed when Richard Dawkins commented on an article I wrote when I was in journalism school, but the thought of being ~50 years old and still exhibiting that "OOH OOH A FAMOUS PERSON INTERACTED WITH ME" reaction horrifies me a little.
 
EleSigma said:
The more I'm seeing of Cole's exploits the more I'm starting to think he's a desperate scam artist.
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Yeah, seriously. "I specialize in teaching all levels of guitar students"? I thought he specialized in reviewing movies. Or as he would say, "film", or perhaps "cinéma".
 
Kosher Dill said:
Yeah, seriously. "I specialize in teaching all levels of guitar students"? I thought he specialized in reviewing movies. Or as he would say, "film", or perhaps "cinéma".
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Most people when advertising lessons to someone else don't usually advertise talents not related to the job.

Not to be a Debbie Downer but even Cole has the sense to know not to say "I'm da greatest film critic on da east coast" when he's advertising teaching a person to play guitar. Nobody's going to care if they are buying guitar lessons.
 
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