The Cole Smithey Thread

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Tragi-Chan said:
Cole's review of Life Itself, the documentary on Ebert's life, is pretty hilarious. There's an awful lot of passive-aggressive slating going on. It can be boiled down to:
1. Roger Ebert wasn't as good as everyone says he was.
2. He should have stopped writing long before he did.
3. What he did achieve was pointless and stupid and no one cares about Pullitzer prizes anyway.
4. He was a bit of a bastard sometimes. Did you know that he was an alcoholic who used to visit prostitutes? I'm not judging him, but just sayin'.
5. I mean, I do still respect him. I just feel that it's my duty as a journalist to give you a balanced view about the hooker-using, alcoholic, underling-bullying, credit-stealing, overrated, beloved critic.
6. BAWWWWWWWW
Click to expand...

Holy shit it's amazing.

This is an entire paragraph, unedited:

Beyond its obligatory stream of talking-head interview segments with filmmakers, friends, and fellow critics, a good 30% of the film is spent with Ebert after his lower jaw had been removed — the result of his 2006 thyroid cancer surgery which left him unable to speak or eat. He used a laptop computer to serve as his voice (think Stephen Hawking). The grim reality of Ebert’s diminished state nauseates, and calls into question why the egotistical critic extended his career beyond his own physical limitations. Roger Ebert won a Pulitzer Prize back in 1975 — an honor that would signify a career high for anyone else. Only four other film critics have won the award since — not that the Pulitzer is any different from any other award (read hollow).
Click to expand...

1. Lots of people yadda yaddaing about Roger Ebert.
2. Most of it's about his life after his surgery.
3. His surgery is YUCK!
4. What an egotistical fuck, continuing to write rather than just dying!
5. He won a Pulitzer (the first film critic to ever do so)
6. Not that I care!!

These thoughts are all connected, and valid, in the labyrinth of Cole's mind.
 
Artard said:
Holy shit it's amazing.

This is an entire paragraph, unedited:



1. Lots of people yadda yaddaing about Roger Ebert.
2. Most of it's about his life after his surgery.
3. His surgery is YUCK!
4. What an egotistical fuck, continuing to write rather than just dying!
5. He won a Pulitzer (the first film critic to ever do so)
6. Not that I care!!

These thoughts are all connected, and valid, in the labyrinth of Cole's mind.
Click to expand...

Fucking A Cole.. Roger Ebert had a passion and love for film that has rarely been matched before or since. So much so that other critics and film makers recognize his legendary status. But he had yucky surgery so he should have given that up?

That kind of passion is why he's a legend and Cole is "Chris' less successful brother."
 
Artard said:
Holy shit it's amazing.

This is an entire paragraph, unedited:



1. Lots of people yadda yaddaing about Roger Ebert.
2. Most of it's about his life after his surgery.
3. His surgery is YUCK!
4. What an egotistical fuck, continuing to write rather than just dying!
5. He won a Pulitzer (the first film critic to ever do so)
6. Not that I care!!

These thoughts are all connected, and valid, in the labyrinth of Cole's mind.
Click to expand...
:lol: wow. The edginess. I wonder if Cole asks the amputee on the subway if they can sit somewhere else because their amputated limb is kinda gross.
 
There will never be a better film reviewer than Ebert. He was the one person who's reviews I would read and give any serious thought to. Even when he hated a film, the way he described the movie would make it obvious to me that I may still like the movie despite his opinion. Plus he's the only well known film reviewer I know to give The Cell a positive review.

Cole is basically Chris with the ability to interact with normal people and fool them into thinking he's not a spergy autist. I honestly never knew he was this bad until this Ebert flap.
 
http://filmcritic1963.typepad.com/articles/2007/07/coles-100-best-.html

What amazes me about this list is how he puts his retarded opinions right next to respectable ones. Granted, most of the movies on his list aren't bad but I don't think his number 20 "Night of the Living Dead" compared with AFI's 20 "It's a Wonderful Life". I just feel that edge factor.

Other comparisons:

CS6: Blue Velvet. AFI6: Gone With the Wind
CS52: This Is Spinal Tap. AFI52: Taxi Driver
CS49: Alien. AFI49: Intolerance
CS86: Letters to Iwo Jima and Flags of our Fathers AFI86: Platoon

Granted all above mentioned movies are really good, but he has a very pretentious and obvious taste. It's also worth noting that not all of the films in his top 100 are American. I mean, anyone can pick 100 movies they like and call them 'among the best'. But anyone who knows anything knows that liking a film is not necessarily what makes a film important. I love "Ghost Dog", but it's hardly a cinematic masterpiece. I can't stand "Avatar", but it's an important movie that furthered the art of film, like a modern day "Intolerance" or "Gone With the Wind".

And, it has been said before, but I'll say it again. What ultimately makes him a bad film critic is the fact that I don't learn anything about film by reading his reviews.
 
I just knew this existed.

JCFVOKH.png
 
Dude seems to be just willfully ignorant of his own unoriginality. He's a cookie cutter self important smug pretentious "artsy" douche who, in keeping with that cookie cutter status, is unaware that he's a fucking cookie cutter self important smug pretentious "artsy" douche.

And he's only about thirty years too old for it, too.
 
I did something I probably shouldn't have, and read through some of Cole's litany of reviews.

I know as a general rule, the CWCki has considered him more successful than Chris, since, y'know, he hasn't managed to spend like five grand on Legos, but really, we have to stop and ask ourselves which one of them is genuinely more successful. Chris may have fucked a snowman and now be indivisible from the JULAAAAAY incident, but at the same time, Chris isn't being an intentionally pretentious bag of dicks. Most of Chris' being offensive are the result of being ignorant or stupid and generally not knowing any better. To his credit, Chris can at least acknowledge some level of levity.

I really have to wonder if Chris' issues are less Autism and more a product of the batshitzania insanity foisted on him by Barbara and Bob.
The commonalities between CWC and Cole are too prevalent to be mere coincidence.
 
It wouldn't surprise me at all to learn that what Chris has spent on Legos, Cole has spent on skinny ties and corduroy pants
 
Compared to Cole...

...Chris has made more money on eBay.

...Chris has appeared in more interviews.

...Chris is followed by more people on any given social media site.

...Chris has more commentary written about his opinion. (By a factor of ten thousand)
 
ChurchOfGodBear said:
Compared to Cole...

...Chris has made more money on eBay.

...Chris has appeared in more interviews.

...Chris is followed by more people on any given social media site.

...Chris has more commentary written about his opinion. (By a factor of ten thousand)
Click to expand...
Chris has created a TRUE AND HONEST ORIGINAL. Cole has not.
 
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