The Cole Smithey Thread

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My Earnest Opinions said:

if his birthday here is true, he turned 60 three months ago. If he retires at 65 then maybe he'd have enough free time to the point where he'd be so bored and dejected he might as well start spilling all the beans (or some of them at least) on his decades old experiences with Barb, Bob, and Chris.
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But for how long will social media react? Just as long as the July 2021 situation?
 
My Earnest Opinions said:
If he retires at 65 then maybe he'd have enough free time to the point where he'd be so bored and dejected he might as well start spilling all the beans (or some of them at least) on his decades old experiences with Barb, Bob, and Chris.
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He's self-employed, and unclearly successful at that, he's not retiring.
 
Blarmed&Dangerous said:
Cole is sixty years old and will never know who his real father is 🤷‍♂️
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Honestly Barb might've been telling the truth. Or she could've been lying. Or she's such a skank she doesn't know herself.

We don't really know.

One thing we do know is that Cole says he tracked down his alleged biological father but didn't bother to get a paternity test. Cole would rather seethe at Barb than settle the question of his paternity. Both Cole and Barb are total cows.
 
Marvin said:
Honestly Barb might've been telling the truth. Or she could've been lying. Or she's such a skank she doesn't know herself.

We don't really know.

One thing we do know is that Cole says he tracked down his alleged biological father but didn't bother to get a paternity test. Cole would rather seethe at Barb than settle the question of his paternity. Both Cole and Barb are total cows.
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True, I think Barb's promiscuity is probably one of the more important little known things about her.
 
Marvin said:
Honestly Barb might've been telling the truth. Or she could've been lying. Or she's such a skank she doesn't know herself.

We don't really know.

One thing we do know is that Cole says he tracked down his alleged biological father but didn't bother to get a paternity test. Cole would rather seethe at Barb than settle the question of his paternity. Both Cole and Barb are total cows.
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See, in my estimation, Chris hasn't been even remotely funny since, well, blarms. The ebegging saga, the Idea Guy stuff, the shit himself and do nothing saga - hell, even the incest saga is/was more shocking than "funny."

Cole, however, I feel is intrinsically funny, but is just self aware enough to stay thoroughly guarded. The stuff that manages to peak through, though? I think that, if Chris hadn't come to such internet infamy, Cole would be less closed off and his behavior would be worthy of a thread in its own right. If Cole didn't have Chris as an example, he would be up there with Patrick Tomlinson.

I can't know, but I imagine how he seethes that his bitch-whore of a mother had to go fuck that Republican cur Bob Chandler and give birth to a retard that drinks his own cum cocktails and goes around in a muscle bra claiming to be a "tomgirl," about how Chris is such a massive fucking embarrassment that he can't do anything with his brilliant, cuttingly insightful film reviews because of the weens, that he'd be a respected, hipster-famous film critic it not for the weens which are because of Chris, who is because of Bob, who's eternally tied to him because of Barb.
 
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I don't really think Cole is anywhere near enough of a cow or interesting enough to ever warrant his own thread in isolation
But it is really funny imagining that he had to live with the fact he will never be as popular as his room temperature iq schizo brother
 
MechanicalHugbox said:
I don't really think Cole is anywhere near enough of a cow or interesting enough to ever warrant his own thread in isolation
But it is really funny imagining that he had to live with the fact he will never be as popular as his room temperature iq schizo brother
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See, I disagree. He wouldn't be anything major, but I can definitely see a set of circumstances where he ends up earning a thread. He's extremely egotistical, and in a way that he thinks is being ironic about it but is really just masking a deep-seated insecurity. His "world's smartest film critic" honorific has huge "jk jk...unless..." energy.

Cole would never admit it, but he's learned from Chris, specifically not to engage. First out of embarrassment of being associated with them (he's better than his whole family, remember, not just Chris), but now he's far more concerned with being embarrassed like his brother should be than he is about indulging his dreams.

If there were no Chris to give Cole caution, I can really see him being far more vocal online and being something akin to a MovieBob.
 
Blarmed&Dangerous said:
I imagine how he seethes that his bitch-whore of a mother had to go fuck that Republican cur Bob Chandler
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Whenever I see the "Republican cur" quote I'm reminded that Cole held more animosity towards Bob, who at worse he disagreed with politically, than his previous stepfather who was a drunkard and who, by Cole's admission, beat him.
He might not be cow material on his own but he's certainly close. Had he not been pulled from the same hole Chris-chan was (though Cole was only pulled out of that hole once), he'd probably just be part of one of the bad critics community threads.
 
Chud Visigoth said:
Whenever I see the "Republican cur" quote I'm reminded that Cole held more animosity towards Bob, who at worse he disagreed with politically, than his previous stepfather who was a drunkard and who, by Cole's admission, beat him.
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And for god's sake, Bob was a HUGE booster of the UN. The UN. That is NOT your standard MAGA grassroots American conservative position.
 
This has to be people who don’t check their bank accounts and don’t realize the recurring charge. IMG_3380.jpeg
 
King Metalia said:
His take on Toy Story 3 was a good troll. Which is ironic given who Cole's brother is.
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I once saw Disney selling a Lots O Huggin Bear plush and was tempted to buy it for my step niece. I don't believe her parents know much about Pixar/Disney.

Skitarii said:
No, stalker child, it is YOU who wishes you were me
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I wish I knew myself that well.
My Earnest Opinions said:
If his birthday here is true, he turned 60 three months ago. If he retires at 65 then maybe he'd have enough free time to the point where he'd be so bored and dejected he might as well start spilling all the beans (or some of them at least) on his decades old experiences with Barb, Bob, and Chris.
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Yes, but that would make him interesting as a person.
 
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