The Cole Smithey Thread

[A-Stump]

Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

Lego charges like fifty bucks for a box of tiny plastic bricks. They are capitalism personified.

 

[Holdek]

Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

Breaking news! Fox News stirred into a frothy mix of outrage and uninformed opinion by children's movie. More at 11'.

They really took the baton from Jerry Falwell (RIP) with his Teletubbies. They got outraged about the Lorax and Spongebob Squarepants too.

 

[RP 520]

Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

It seems that Cole's not the only one who thought that the Lego movie was anti-capitalist. Fox News are in on it too.

http://www.escapistmagazine.com/news/vi ... Capitalist

Uh oh, Cole has opinions the right wing agrees with, he's going to have to bathe in a tub of craft beer and attend a North Korean re-education camp now to cleanse his mind of damn dirty Republican thoughts.

 

[Alec Benson Leary]

Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

Uh oh, Coleslaw has opinions the right wing agrees with, he's going to have to bathe in a tub of craft beer

But first someone has to buy it all for him, after winning the bid to do so on ebay.

 

[Holdek]

Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

It seems that Cole's not the only one who thought that the Lego movie was anti-capitalist. Fox News are in on it too.

http://www.escapistmagazine.com/news/vi ... Capitalist

Uh oh, Coleslaw has opinions the right wing agrees with, he's going to have to bathe in a tub of craft beer and attend a North Korean re-education camp now to cleanse his mind of damn dirty Republican thoughts.

Coleslaw is basically no better than a Republican cur.

 

[MysticMisty]

Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

Breaking news! Fox News stirred into a frothy mix of outrage and uninformed opinion by children's movie. More at 11'.

They really took the baton from Jerry Falwell (RIP) with his Teletubbies. They got outraged about the Lorax and Spongebob Squarepants too.

Not surprised about the Lorax, that's been controversial ever since the book was first published. And they'll try to find gay in anything and everything.

 

[Bugaboo]

Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

I thought the lego movie was about thinking outside the box and letting your inner child out.
Also not to take legos so fucking seriously.

 

[Andrew Noel Schaefer]

Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

Now I havent seen it, I might some time when I am bored and want some mindnumbing entertianment, but I really cant see how its anti-corporate in any form when freakin' batman is on the cover for it.

Does anyone remember when Legos had their own generic sets? Like this sortof generic Johnny Thunder guy who was a ripoff of Indiana jones and we all knew and it was awesome? And now they actually have the indiana jones license somewhere?

I aint mad, just kinda... what happend?

 

[Butta Face Lopez]

Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

Ok, so I guess he's at least as intelligent as people who thought The Dark Knight Rises was some anti Romney propaganda film because of the name Bane, even though the evil movement was pretty much a more organized, violent Occupy Wall Street.

 

[BALLZ-BROKEN]

Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

From Coleslaw's "articles" section of his website;

My mother Barbara left the living room for the adjacent bedroom where said pistol sat waiting. She returned with a fully loaded gun. I stood beside her about ten feet from the door where the would-be thief was still loudly at work trying to break down the front door. My mother pulled back the hammer, attempting to cock it. But she didn’t pull it back far enough for it to lock. BLAM! The gun fired. The bullet hit the floor, ricocheted onto the steel door, then onto the ceiling, before lodging in the plaster wall less than a foot to the left of my head. The would-be thief was scared off, so mission accomplished there, but I could easily have died. I remember sticking a pencil into the hole in order to measure how far the bullet had lodged after ricocheting so many times.
We never discussed what had happened that night, but I revisited the bullet hole in our living room wall anytime I wanted to remember the event. I’ll never forget the angle of the richochet that nearly killed me.

I'd like to think this story happened, but not the way Cole tells it.

Instead of a burglar, it was someone looking for a late night booty call. Hell, it might have been Bob. And he didn't show up because he wanted some middle-aged single mother poon; It was because Barb took his last three cans of Stroh's.

 

[John Daly the Golfer]

Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

Has Cole Smithey reviewed the film from 1992 "Under Siege"? I'd like to know if he'd find similarities between himself and tortured Ryback.

 

[Carlson]

Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

Has he really reviewed Frozen yet?

Nope. Which is rather bizarre, seeing as how it's extraordinarily popular, the biggest success Disney has had in a long time (and one of the biggest film successes period), and has been noted for having a surprisingly mature outlook on the classic princess and Prince Charming Disney tale.

The one big animated film that actually has more important meaning behind it and tries to teach kids more realistic lessons about life, and Cole doesn't even bother with it.

 

[MysticMisty]

Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

From Coleslaw's "articles" section of his website;

My mother Barbara left the living room for the adjacent bedroom where said pistol sat waiting. She returned with a fully loaded gun. I stood beside her about ten feet from the door where the would-be thief was still loudly at work trying to break down the front door. My mother pulled back the hammer, attempting to cock it. But she didn’t pull it back far enough for it to lock. BLAM! The gun fired. The bullet hit the floor, ricocheted onto the steel door, then onto the ceiling, before lodging in the plaster wall less than a foot to the left of my head. The would-be thief was scared off, so mission accomplished there, but I could easily have died. I remember sticking a pencil into the hole in order to measure how far the bullet had lodged after ricocheting so many times.
We never discussed what had happened that night, but I revisited the bullet hole in our living room wall anytime I wanted to remember the event. I’ll never forget the angle of the richochet that nearly killed me.

I'd like to think this story happened, but not the way Coleslaw tells it.

Instead of a burglar, it was someone looking for a late night booty call. Hell, it might have been Bob. And he didn't show up because he wanted some middle-aged single mother poon; It was because Barb took his last three cans of Stroh's.

I like to think that Barb was drunk and waving around the gun, and fired it for no reason because drunk. And young Cole wasn't even nearby at the time, he was at the other side of their house and asleep because it was 4 in the morning.

Has he really reviewed Frozen yet?

Nope. Which is rather bizarre, seeing as how it's extraordinarily popular, the biggest success Disney has had in a long time (and one of the biggest film successes period), and has been noted for having a surprisingly mature outlook on the classic princess and Prince Charming Disney tale.

The one big animated film that actually has more important meaning behind it and tries to teach kids more realistic lessons about life, and Coleslaw doesn't even bother with it.

Cole strikes me as the type to be above reviewing Disney movies unless he's forced to do so.

 

[Batman]

Maybe he avoided reviewing Frozen because he can't put his retarded spin on it. Or maybe he could and foresaw another Toy Story 3 incident.

 

[RP 520]

Maybe he avoided reviewing Frozen because he can't put his retarded spin on it. Or maybe he could and foresaw another Toy Story 3 incident.

His stupid opinion of Toy Story 3 was what made him (in)famous and put him in magazines and mentioned on websites. As desperate for attention as he seems to be, Disney Movies like Frozen should be his primary target.

 

[Picklechu]

Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

If Coleslaw were actually relevant, he'd at some point be in a discussion with a real critic or filmmaker (as opposed to wannabes and "indie" tryhards). When that happened, Coleslaw would have his ass handed to him by someone who actually knew something about film.

Oddly, Coleslaw's obscurity is the only thing protecting his thin veneer of credibility. If he got famous enough to be noticed, he'd be ridiculed back into the Ruckersville from which he came.

What a negative review of Frozen would do is attract attention. The last thing Cole needs is attention, for the reasons ChurchOfGodBear stated.

Exactly. Once, he gets some mentions. Twice, people wonder "who is this douche?"

 

[Carlson]

Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

The old adage is "No publicity is bad publicity." Reality has a way of telling you that's bullshit. Cole already got lambasted once by the public for his Toy Story 3 review, but he was lame and low enough on the totem pole to avoid staying in people's minds. If he gave Frozen a bad review and got himself attention for it, some people may recognize the name or just casually Google this random reviewer to see what his other opinions were and realize that he got in the same shit a few years back over another extremely popular animated film. And then some people might look at his website and see the rest of his reviews. If Cole doesn't fade into obscurity within days once more, he'll gain the same reputation he has here: a crappy reviewer who hasn't got a clue what he's doing and thinks that he does.

 

[The Joker]

Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

Maybe he avoided reviewing Frozen because he can't put his retarded spin on it. Or maybe he could and foresaw another Toy Story 3 incident.

The world's smartest film critic says: :arrow: Prince Hans represents evil republicans taking over and Queen Elsa represents my feelings of how my mother abused me. It was worse than Toy Story 3. Derp

 

[AnimuGinger]

Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

...Queen Elsa represents my feelings of how my mother abused me. It was worse than Toy Story 3. Derp

You just found why he won't review it. I have no doubt that he saw it, planning his negative review, but when he suddenly related it to himself, it was too traumatic to write.

 

[The Joker]

Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

...Queen Elsa represents my feelings of how my mother abused me. It was worse than Toy Story 3. Derp

You just found why he won't review it. I have no doubt that he saw it, planning his negative review, but when he suddenly related it to himself, it was too traumatic to write.

Naww man, he is just waiting to write a bad review to get him some non Chris related publicity.