The Cole Smithey Thread

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Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

Why couldn't Cole get a DNA test? Surely there must enough left of both of his potential fathers to do a test from?
 
Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

Batman said:
Why couldn't Cole get a DNA test? Surely there must enough left of both of his potential fathers to do a test from?

Yeah, but it's hard to get access to Barb's laundry. AUGH YEAH
 
Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

ChurchOfGodBear said:
Batman said:
Why couldn't Cole get a DNA test? Surely there must enough left of both of his potential fathers to do a test from?

Yeah, but it's hard to get access to Barb's laundry. AUGH YEAH

Wait, what? Barb does laundry?
 
Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

Batman said:
ChurchOfGodBear said:
Batman said:
Why couldn't Cole get a DNA test? Surely there must enough left of both of his potential fathers to do a test from?

Yeah, but it's hard to get access to Barb's laundry. AUGH YEAH

Wait, what? Barb does laundry?

At least, she used to, she even had to do chris's laundry, including all the :briefs: still loaded with shit... *SIGH*
 
Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

If I ever go to NYC, I'm going to pay to drink with Coleslaw and talk about nothing more than how I love shitty movies. I'll spend a week watching Scifi channel original movies and he'll having nothing more to do than to listen to me talk about Man Eating Man-Shark or Jurassic Terror
 
Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

Batman said:
Why couldn't Cole get a DNA test? Surely there must enough left of both of his potential fathers to do a test from?
Not if one or both of them was cremated. Still, from the snippets that have leaked out over the years I get the feeling that Cöle already has enough evidence to reasonably conclude that his father was indeed Ran Coleman Yeatts, and his repeated badgering of Barb is to either set his mind at ease once and for all, or attain some form of "final victory" over his mother.
 
Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

Hawtistic said:
Kind of funny how Coleslaw went for Chris' 18th birthday, but never Christmas, Thanksgiving or any Birthday after that. Idk if he is uncaring and selfish or if Chris really is that toxic.

No way of knowing probably, but is Coleslaw aware of just what sort of hijinks Chris has gotten into with Mary Lee Walsh, Meghan, Snyder, and all the fake girlfriends and trollign etc? He's probably kind of aware of his internet reputation, but probably doesn't think about it that much?

The CWCki used to say that a troll e-mailed Chris' nudes to Cole from Chris' account, and that Cole responded "NEVER E-MAIL ME AGAIN" or something. While it was probably deleted because it was bullshit, it was pretty funny.
 
Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

I've heard that trolls have, in the past, managed to hack Chris' email account. Although that was probably because his password was something like 'ChrisChanSonichu'.
 
Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

Batman said:
I've heard that trolls have, in the past, managed to hack Chris' email account. Although that was probably because his password was something like 'ChrisChanSonichu'.
Chris has kept the same e-mail for years. The tism won't let him change it for his own good. :geek:
 
The Joker said:
Batman said:
I've heard that trolls have, in the past, managed to hack Chris' email account. Although that was probably because his password was something like 'ChrisChanSonichu'.
Chris has kept the same e-mail for years. The tism won't let him change it for his own good. :geek:


HE HAS BUSINESS CARDS!!!
 
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Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

The Joker said:
Batman said:
I've heard that trolls have, in the past, managed to hack Chris' email account. Although that was probably because his password was something like 'ChrisChanSonichu'.
Chris has kept the same e-mail for years. The tism won't let him change it for his own good. :geek:
Yeah, but his password security has gotten much better than most people, out of troll paranoia.
 
Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

Well, that 'riddle' he did last year should tell us exactly how good his password strength is.
 
Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

Batman said:
Well, that 'riddle' he did last year should tell us exactly how good his password strength is.
Hmm? Not sure what you mean.

Like, personally, I can't stand passwords. Either I can't remember them, and have to use a password manager like keepassx, or they're weak as hell. And I think that's what a lot of people end up dealing with. But with Chris, the paranoia from the trolls drove him to come up with irrationally complicated passwords. They're probably way stronger than necessary.
 
Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

Cole did a review of the Lego Movie. I bolded some choice quotes.

Animated Resistance
Hollywood Creates a New Genre of Kids Movie

There’s a strong subtext of socio-political resistance at play in “The Lego Movie.” It may be the first mainstream animated resistance film ever made by a Hollywood studio. Beneath its over-the-top visual mishmash of American cultural iconography — ranging from a literally two-faced good cop/bad cop, to an evasive Abraham Lincoln, to Vitruvius (voiced by Morgan Freeman), an ostensibly Christian prophet à la Jesus Christ — sits an anti-1% message that seethes with a vengeance.

Forget the film’s seemingly obvious product placement of a toy from Denmark that has captured the imaginations of many generations of kids since they first became available in 1947; the movie is about much more than that.

Although its sickly rainbow of clashing colors and disjointed graphic styles inflicts sensory overload on its viewer, the film’s theme of social uprising couldn’t be clearer. Still, parents shouldn’t be too concerned that their children will be indoctrinated into seeing through the multi-national global corporate mechanism that crushes original thought and free will with its constant barrage of media-led disinformation. Such instruction would take a lot more coaching than watching “The Lego Movie” a 100 times could deliver.

The film is akin to a surreal 3D animated blending of Terry Gilliam’s “Brazil” with “The Matrix Trilogy.” Emmet (voiced by Chris Pratt) is an inveterate conformist who aspires to mediocrity. The everyman character is a simplified cross between “Brazil’s” low-level government bureaucrat Sam Lowry and Keanu Reeves’s would-be savior Neo (aka the “One”).

Emmet loves to follow rules. He doesn’t do anything not prescribed in the instructional manual he refers to first thing in the morning (“Instructions to fit in, have everybody like you, and always be happy”). Not.


Emmet doesn’t appear to have a contrarian bone in his body. He repeats a mantra of fascistic social conditioning, “Always use a turn signal, park between the lines, read the headlines, don’t forget to smile, always root for the local sports team, drink overpriced coffee.” Emmet is pleased to pay $37 for a cup of coffee because he is an ultimate consumer. He loves the corporate pap song “Everything is Awesome” that contributes to the droning consensus reality he lives in.

“Everything is awesome, everything is cool when you’re part of a team.” The sneering satirical nature of the song is so keen, that it cuts in all directions. Emmet can sing the mindless tune for hours on end.

By day Emmet is a lowly blue-collar construction worker. His programmed life does a 180-degree turn when he meets Wyldestyle (voiced by Elizabeth Banks), a cute anti-corporate Goth-girl activist attempting to capture the mysterious “Piece of Resistance” that will free humanity from the universal clampdown masterminded by President Business (aka Lord Business) as voiced by Will Ferrell. You can see how screenwriters Phil Lord and Christopher Miller (“Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs”) toy with the unholy alliance between church, state, and corporate policy. Satirical allegories fill scenes masked by cutesy sight gags, disorienting spectacle, and tame jokes.

Lord Business is a presidential, religious, and corporate composite character that wants to glue down everything and everyone in his LEGO world so that nothing can move. His plan is indicative of where global society already seems to be headed. The threat of trigger-happy cops, NSA surveillance, random public shooters, and unpredictable weather conditions are all tacitly referred to throughout the story. You might imagine that Trey Parker and Matt Stone (“Team America: World Police”) dreamed up the premise.

Acting on an artificially invented prophesy from Vitruvius, Wyldestyle imagines Emmet to be “The Special,” a master-builder capable of capturing the Piece of Resistance. However, Emmet isn’t “the most important, most talented, most interesting, and most extraordinary person in the universe” that Wyldstyle temporarily envisions him to be. Still, that’s not to say Emmet doesn’t possess the potential to rise to the occasion, and help disarm Lord Business of his militarized stranglehold across all dimensions of the LEGO world. Herein lies the film’s message, that anyone, no matter how simpleminded, is capable of being personally responsible for leading a winning resistance against the greedy powers that enslave humanity.

The CGI wizardry on display is impressive even if lacking in editorial restraint. For a kids’ movie that manages to be eye-popping, funny, and thought provoking, “The LEGO Movie” is surprisingly fruitful. However, one obvious area the movie lacks is in its white-bread depiction of society. Morgan Freeman’s character doesn’t even have dark skin. What’s up with that?

Rated PG. 101 mins. (B-) (Three Stars - out of five/no halves)
 
Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

The Morgan Freeman comment at the end... the fuck? That sounds like something Chris would point out.
 
Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

Like, personally, I can't stand passwords. Either I can't remember them, and have to use a password manager like keepassx, or they're weak as hell. And I think that's what a lot of people end up dealing with. But with Chris, the paranoia from the trolls drove him to come up with irrationally complicated passwords. They're probably way stronger than necessary.
Also, Chris probably thinks that trolls legitimately hack his stuff rather than just guessing passwords or getting him to reveal information. A password's strength is only as strong as the user's intelligence; someone who gets tricked into giving it out to someone they think is a hot chick or always uses the exact same password for everything will never have good security no matter how complex the password is.

That's why the vast majority of hackers prefer to use social engineering and typical "spy" techniques: lying, sneaking into buildings, looking for notes, and guessing security questions. Just about every website worth its salt has strong enough security that you can't casually break in through scripts and looking through source code. Best way to get into someone's Facebook is to get them to hand the password right over to you, just like the best way to take down a server is to walk into the building and whack it with a hammer.
 
Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

From Cole's "articles" section of his website;


My mother Barbara left the living room for the adjacent bedroom where said pistol sat waiting. She returned with a fully loaded gun. I stood beside her about ten feet from the door where the would-be thief was still loudly at work trying to break down the front door. My mother pulled back the hammer, attempting to cock it. But she didn’t pull it back far enough for it to lock. BLAM! The gun fired. The bullet hit the floor, ricocheted onto the steel door, then onto the ceiling, before lodging in the plaster wall less than a foot to the left of my head. The would-be thief was scared off, so mission accomplished there, but I could easily have died. I remember sticking a pencil into the hole in order to measure how far the bullet had lodged after ricocheting so many times.
We never discussed what had happened that night, but I revisited the bullet hole in our living room wall anytime I wanted to remember the event. I’ll never forget the angle of the richochet that nearly killed me.
 
Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

Good try Coleslaw, but a hammer is designed to deliver enough force to discharge rounds only when fully pressed back. If you're going to make shit up, try to learn about the mechanics of firearms. Unless his mother was using a firearm from the early 1900's or it was a Chinese backroom special, he is the biggest bullshitter of all time
 
Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

Carlson said:
Marvin said:
Like, personally, I can't stand passwords. Either I can't remember them, and have to use a password manager like keepassx, or they're weak as hell. And I think that's what a lot of people end up dealing with. But with Chris, the paranoia from the trolls drove him to come up with irrationally complicated passwords. They're probably way stronger than necessary.
Also, Chris probably thinks that trolls legitimately hack his stuff rather than just guessing passwords or getting him to reveal information. A password's strength is only as strong as the user's intelligence; someone who gets tricked into giving it out to someone they think is a hot chick or always uses the exact same password for everything will never have good security no matter how complex the password is.

That's why the vast majority of hackers prefer to use social engineering and typical "spy" techniques: lying, sneaking into buildings, looking for notes, and guessing security questions. Just about every website worth its salt has strong enough security that you can't casually break in through scripts and looking through source code. Best way to get into someone's Facebook is to get them to hand the password right over to you, just like the best way to take down a server is to walk into the building and whack it with a hammer.

Marvin did say that if the inner circle wanted to, they could easily get Chris' passwords. Of course, for reasons I hypothesised, there's no cracking them straight up. They'd have to do what you suggested, which is get him to talk.

Bragorboats said:
From Coleslaw's "articles" section of his website;


My mother Barbara left the living room for the adjacent bedroom where said pistol sat waiting. She returned with a fully loaded gun. I stood beside her about ten feet from the door where the would-be thief was still loudly at work trying to break down the front door. My mother pulled back the hammer, attempting to cock it. But she didn’t pull it back far enough for it to lock. BLAM! The gun fired. The bullet hit the floor, ricocheted onto the steel door, then onto the ceiling, before lodging in the plaster wall less than a foot to the left of my head. The would-be thief was scared off, so mission accomplished there, but I could easily have died. I remember sticking a pencil into the hole in order to measure how far the bullet had lodged after ricocheting so many times.
We never discussed what had happened that night, but I revisited the bullet hole in our living room wall anytime I wanted to remember the event. I’ll never forget the angle of the richochet that nearly killed me.

That's hilarious. Further proof that A) Barb is a horrible parent B) She fits the stereotype of Southern gun nut.

A-Stump said:
Good try Coleslaw, but a hammer is designed to deliver enough force to discharge rounds only when fully pressed back. If you're going to make shit up, try to learn about the mechanics of firearms. Unless his mother was using a firearm from the early 1900's or it was a Chinese backroom special, he is the biggest bullshitter of all time

Old SAAs are notorious for accidental hammer drops. That's why the Cowboys only kept five in the chamber.

Also, so what? He doesn't know anything about guns. That puts him on level with every movie maker in Hollywood.
 
Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

Yeah. It's telling because it sounds like he's making shit up. Like I said, unless she was using a cheap knockoff fingerbuster Chinese revolver or a six shooter straight from the wild west, that couldn't have happened. They're designed in such a fashion that the firing pin will catch unless you've delivered enough inertia behind the hammer. He claims she didn't, invalidating his story :snorlax:
 
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