The Cole Smithey Thread
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Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread
Compare to, say, Kyle Kallgren...
...whom I can believe has those books for more than scenery. And also has a job he genuinely seems to enjoy.
Compare to, say, Kyle Kallgren...
...whom I can believe has those books for more than scenery. And also has a job he genuinely seems to enjoy.
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Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread
I wish I had that many booksHenry Bemis said:Compare to, say, Kyle Kallgren...
...whom I can believe has those books for more than scenery. And also has a job he genuinely seems to enjoy.
DrChristianTroy
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Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread
Didn't see Great Gatsby nor did I read the book. But I can't help but assume this is a characteristic from the book. IDK just sounds like bitching for no reason. Which is pretty much every review by Cole.pickleniggo said:Henry Bemis said:
Another example of Coleslaw having a Barb flashback in the middle of a review.
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Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread
That's okay, neither did Cole, apparently.
It's in the book, and DiCaprio affects this really bizarre NY accent for the film. But of all the weird stylistic choices and things going on in that movie, that Coleslaw picked this one detail to nitpick says a lot about his reviewing. It's like watching The Room and choosing to complain about the lighting.
DrChristianTroy said:
That's okay, neither did Cole, apparently.
DrChristianTroy said:
It's in the book, and DiCaprio affects this really bizarre NY accent for the film. But of all the weird stylistic choices and things going on in that movie, that Coleslaw picked this one detail to nitpick says a lot about his reviewing. It's like watching The Room and choosing to complain about the lighting.
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Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread
I just had a thought. Does Cole do any work besides his movie reviews? Or is his wife and her family supporting him? The reason I ask is if it's the latter, it's kinda Chris-like.
Chris wants his sweetheart to support him while he does whatever it is he does. We can argue that it's part of his selfish nature. But I'm thinking it may be that he has seen it happen to Cole. "Duh, Cole married his sweetheart. Now he can watch movies, write and play cool jazz all day." Maybe these two apples didn't fall that far apart from each other.
I just had a thought. Does Cole do any work besides his movie reviews? Or is his wife and her family supporting him? The reason I ask is if it's the latter, it's kinda Chris-like.
Chris wants his sweetheart to support him while he does whatever it is he does. We can argue that it's part of his selfish nature. But I'm thinking it may be that he has seen it happen to Cole. "Duh, Cole married his sweetheart. Now he can watch movies, write and play cool jazz all day." Maybe these two apples didn't fall that far apart from each other.
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Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread
Reading that, maybe Cole's wife and/or her family do support him financially. Perhaps his wife works while Cole just makes his pseudo-intellectual reviews for his website. Still, even if Coleslaw doesn't work, is he actually a good or at least decent husband compared to Chris if Chris ever managed to become one?Kamen Rider Black said:
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Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread
I'm going through some of his reviews now and one thing is standing out very strongly to me. Most reviewers who pan films give negative reviews because they really like movies and they're reacting negatively to disappointment. Cole legitimately doesn't seem to like movies. That, or he's so intent on being "the smartest critic in the world" that he's deliberately trying to prove that pop culture is beneath him. In which case . . . dude, you are so in the wrong line of work.
I'm going through some of his reviews now and one thing is standing out very strongly to me. Most reviewers who pan films give negative reviews because they really like movies and they're reacting negatively to disappointment. Cole legitimately doesn't seem to like movies. That, or he's so intent on being "the smartest critic in the world" that he's deliberately trying to prove that pop culture is beneath him. In which case . . . dude, you are so in the wrong line of work.
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Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread
Is it safe to say that if Chris some how managed to break away from Barb he would end up just like Cole? They both seem almost the same in my eyes, both have over inflated egos and think of themselves as always right, awesome-popular people with fans who listen to them. Neither can take criticism and ignore or lash out when the "hurtful truth level" is reached. Chris blames MLW, Meagan, Snyder and the dang dirty trolls for his problems; Cole blames the dang dirty Republicans, Bob, Barb, and anyone that doesn't agree with him for his. Both of them tried to use each other in the past, Cole trying to find out who his real father was through Chris and Chris trying to get a stupid vote through Cole. Chris has tried to use other people as well and even though we don't know Cole completely, it's obvious he tries to do this as well with roughly the same results (the beer tab e-bay auction). Both he and Chris tend to do stupid things repeatedly with no success (again the beer tab e-bay auction), Chris is much much worse with this though. It's also possible that Cole is a pathological liar like Chris is, for all we know he might not even be married and be a virgin (with rage) living on a lower middle class to poor wage. Just because you get mentioned/hated on by some popular magazines and web sites doesn't mean you're rolling in dough.
The only difference being that Chris is lazy so he'll never leave the house or Barb. Cole also has a slightly better self-esteem and doesn't give into trolls, which is why he isn't a lolcow.
Is it safe to say that if Chris some how managed to break away from Barb he would end up just like Cole? They both seem almost the same in my eyes, both have over inflated egos and think of themselves as always right, awesome-popular people with fans who listen to them. Neither can take criticism and ignore or lash out when the "hurtful truth level" is reached. Chris blames MLW, Meagan, Snyder and the dang dirty trolls for his problems; Cole blames the dang dirty Republicans, Bob, Barb, and anyone that doesn't agree with him for his. Both of them tried to use each other in the past, Cole trying to find out who his real father was through Chris and Chris trying to get a stupid vote through Cole. Chris has tried to use other people as well and even though we don't know Cole completely, it's obvious he tries to do this as well with roughly the same results (the beer tab e-bay auction). Both he and Chris tend to do stupid things repeatedly with no success (again the beer tab e-bay auction), Chris is much much worse with this though. It's also possible that Cole is a pathological liar like Chris is, for all we know he might not even be married and be a virgin (with rage) living on a lower middle class to poor wage. Just because you get mentioned/hated on by some popular magazines and web sites doesn't mean you're rolling in dough.
The only difference being that Chris is lazy so he'll never leave the house or Barb. Cole also has a slightly better self-esteem and doesn't give into trolls, which is why he isn't a lolcow.
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Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread
The Knife said:
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Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread
It's funny how this guy calls himself "the greatest film critic in the world", but yet only four pictures of him exist online.
It's funny how this guy calls himself "the greatest film critic in the world", but yet only four pictures of him exist online.
DrChristianTroy
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Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread
While not something as noteworthy as his Toy Story 3 review Cole ended his review of the Maniac remake (one of my faves this year) with this.
Also apparently "Hardold & Kumar Go To White Castle" is considered a CLASSIC FLICK PICK.
While not something as noteworthy as his Toy Story 3 review Cole ended his review of the Maniac remake (one of my faves this year) with this.
Because this was a date movie to begin with? Seriously there are some horror movies that are fodder for dates (James Wan stuff or the latest slasher remake). I highly doubt the independent horror movie with a pretty low theatrical run is it. He also bitches about how Elijah Wood's character lacks empathy. Well duh. Ignoring the brilliant casting of going the exact opposite of Joe Spinell in the original he isn't supposed to be. He also thought it took cues from Silence of the Lambs which I didn't see in any way.
Also apparently "Hardold & Kumar Go To White Castle" is considered a CLASSIC FLICK PICK.
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Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread
There is some facial similarity to Chris, I think... just imagine that instead of trying to look all intellectual, he'd be staring absent mindedly into the void - you'd get a face resembling his half brother's.bradsternum said:
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Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread
His review of "Freddy Got Fingered":
He gave it an A. Let that sink in.
His review of "Freddy Got Fingered":
In this sadly unloved comedy, class clown extraordinaire Tom Green brings his anti-establishment performance art comedy to a recurring boil with a movie that combines a punk rock esthetic with acted-out cartoon abandon. Where teen gross-out movies like the recent "Say It Isn’t So" or "Tomcats" sink in their own toilet humor, "Freddy Got Fingered" soars because of Green’s sincerely committed imagination, curiosity, and irony-free execution of comic stunts that frequently involve oral fixation, word play, or Green’s bizarre take on large animals' naughty appendages. Non sequitur comic gags involving skateboard ramps, salamis, a British Bobby uniform, and a cordless phone play out behind cartoon animator hopeful Gord Brody’s (Green) attempts at finding his niche in society, thereby making his father (Rip Torn) proud. Green masterfully achieves his goal of ‘confusing audiences enough to enjoy’ his signature brand of demented comedy with a heart of gold. It’s a movie that works perfectly on its own terms, much like a Swiss watch in a doghouse overrun by bees and monkeys.
Tom Green is a comic genius. Audiences familiar with his MTV show already know the twisted magic that pops out the lanky prankster with unrelenting regularity. As director, Green layers songs from punk music standard bearers The New York Dolls and The Sex Pistols to fuel his irreverent vision while subtly commenting on the scene at hand. The Pistol’s song "Problems" becomes an opening power chord statement for the movie as Gord skateboards through a shopping mall while being chased by irate security guards. Gord pulls off a few skating flourishes to show mocking grace under pressure before catching up with his parents who are waiting to see their boy off to Los Angeles to pitch his cartoon ideas and make something of his life.
Dad and mom surprise Gord with a blue convertible Le Baron that instantly becomes an award of favoritism that the 28-year-old Gord flaunts over his 25-year-old brother Freddy. Freddy is as straitlaced and dull as Gord is unpredictable and wild. It’s a classic sibling rivalry that goes beyond crisis when, after Gord’s dad Jim ruins his skateboard ramp, and Gord responds by accusing daddy of ‘fingering Freddie’ to a family counselor. In this way, Gord pits authority on itself and wins a victory over his brownnosing brother and his overbearing father. Sure it’s a last ditch mean-as-snakespit thing to do, but Gord seizes the opportunity like the underestimated no holds barred man-boy that he is. Gord doesn’t want to be taken seriously, he just wants to be taken (as in accepted).
After meeting with failure in getting a top L.A. television executive to hire him, Gord returns home to Portland to further incubate in his parent’s house. On a day that Gord is supposed to be out looking for a job, Jim returns home to find Gord wearing one of his suits backward while holding a briefcase in front of a full length mirror and repeating a ditty to the effect of, ‘I’m a backward man, I’m a backward man.’ The scene is loaded with humor as Gord lies about having secured a job with a computer company to his overjoyed father before going back to his self entertaining mirror act.
The character that the movie turns on is Gord’s adorable love interest Betty (Marisa Couglan - "Teaching Mrs. Tingle"), a paraplegic nymphomaniac who also happens to be an amateur rocket scientist. Betty can’t get enough of having Gord cane her lifeless legs or letting her give him oral sex. It’s through Betty’s bottomless inspiration that Gord is able to turn his personality crisis into a successful career as an animator and finally reconcile the differences he has with his dad.
By that time Gord has perhaps fondled one too many animal penises (once while repeating "I’m a farmer, I’m a farmer"), and spent a little too long getting intimate with an umbilical cord (by duct taping a piece of umbilicus to his navel that gets discovered by Betty), or a roadkill deer (which he guts and wears on his head). What’s important is Tom Green’s priceless comic delivery, quick to the mark timing, and daredevil sense of humor. When Gord tries to impress Betty at a nice restaurant by pretending to be a stock market consultant, he uses an out of date cordless phone with a tape recorder to fill in as a cell phone. Gord’s haiku rendition of the stock market is in a league of its own. For every person who walks out of "When Freddy Got Fingered," there will be two hundred others howling in laughter.
Rated R. 92 mins. (A) (Five Stars - out of five/no halves)
Tom Green is a comic genius. Audiences familiar with his MTV show already know the twisted magic that pops out the lanky prankster with unrelenting regularity. As director, Green layers songs from punk music standard bearers The New York Dolls and The Sex Pistols to fuel his irreverent vision while subtly commenting on the scene at hand. The Pistol’s song "Problems" becomes an opening power chord statement for the movie as Gord skateboards through a shopping mall while being chased by irate security guards. Gord pulls off a few skating flourishes to show mocking grace under pressure before catching up with his parents who are waiting to see their boy off to Los Angeles to pitch his cartoon ideas and make something of his life.
Dad and mom surprise Gord with a blue convertible Le Baron that instantly becomes an award of favoritism that the 28-year-old Gord flaunts over his 25-year-old brother Freddy. Freddy is as straitlaced and dull as Gord is unpredictable and wild. It’s a classic sibling rivalry that goes beyond crisis when, after Gord’s dad Jim ruins his skateboard ramp, and Gord responds by accusing daddy of ‘fingering Freddie’ to a family counselor. In this way, Gord pits authority on itself and wins a victory over his brownnosing brother and his overbearing father. Sure it’s a last ditch mean-as-snakespit thing to do, but Gord seizes the opportunity like the underestimated no holds barred man-boy that he is. Gord doesn’t want to be taken seriously, he just wants to be taken (as in accepted).
After meeting with failure in getting a top L.A. television executive to hire him, Gord returns home to Portland to further incubate in his parent’s house. On a day that Gord is supposed to be out looking for a job, Jim returns home to find Gord wearing one of his suits backward while holding a briefcase in front of a full length mirror and repeating a ditty to the effect of, ‘I’m a backward man, I’m a backward man.’ The scene is loaded with humor as Gord lies about having secured a job with a computer company to his overjoyed father before going back to his self entertaining mirror act.
The character that the movie turns on is Gord’s adorable love interest Betty (Marisa Couglan - "Teaching Mrs. Tingle"), a paraplegic nymphomaniac who also happens to be an amateur rocket scientist. Betty can’t get enough of having Gord cane her lifeless legs or letting her give him oral sex. It’s through Betty’s bottomless inspiration that Gord is able to turn his personality crisis into a successful career as an animator and finally reconcile the differences he has with his dad.
By that time Gord has perhaps fondled one too many animal penises (once while repeating "I’m a farmer, I’m a farmer"), and spent a little too long getting intimate with an umbilical cord (by duct taping a piece of umbilicus to his navel that gets discovered by Betty), or a roadkill deer (which he guts and wears on his head). What’s important is Tom Green’s priceless comic delivery, quick to the mark timing, and daredevil sense of humor. When Gord tries to impress Betty at a nice restaurant by pretending to be a stock market consultant, he uses an out of date cordless phone with a tape recorder to fill in as a cell phone. Gord’s haiku rendition of the stock market is in a league of its own. For every person who walks out of "When Freddy Got Fingered," there will be two hundred others howling in laughter.
Rated R. 92 mins. (A) (Five Stars - out of five/no halves)
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Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread
... the fuck.
... the fuck.
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- Jun 24, 2013
Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread
Hates "Toy Story 3", but likes "Freddy Got Fingered"
Cole is just as stupid as Chris.
Hates "Toy Story 3", but likes "Freddy Got Fingered"
Cole is just as stupid as Chris.
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Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread
Yeah the freddy got fingered thing is just proof he is a pretentious hack who tries to be "controversial" for attention. As if any more was needed.
Yeah the freddy got fingered thing is just proof he is a pretentious hack who tries to be "controversial" for attention. As if any more was needed.
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Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread
Another more troubling question: does Cole really love his wife?
The only real mention we get of her is in his emails from 2007, which are mostly known for their "nyah nyah nyah, suck it, Mom" tone. And in those brief moments of describing his domestic life, Katherine becomes an object, a trophy, a badge of a successful life without his mother. Maybe it's just me, but that's not really something a loving husband would do.
c-no said:
Another more troubling question: does Cole really love his wife?
The only real mention we get of her is in his emails from 2007, which are mostly known for their "nyah nyah nyah, suck it, Mom" tone. And in those brief moments of describing his domestic life, Katherine becomes an object, a trophy, a badge of a successful life without his mother. Maybe it's just me, but that's not really something a loving husband would do.
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Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread
Since this can be proof of Coleslaw being a pretentious hack who tries to be edgy, it may as well show he is nothing more than a wannabe film critic who thinks having pseudo-intellectual babble in his reviews makes him an intelligent critic.Judge Holden said: