The Cole Smithey Thread

[CatParty]

Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

they even have the same attraction sign tactics. but at least chris has given up his (for now)

http://www.ebay.com/itm/291000338567

 

[Chairman Meow]

Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

they even have the same attraction sign tactics. but at least chris has given up his (for now)

http://www.ebay.com/itm/291000338567

Cole will hang out with you for three hours at a West Village bar of his choosing to drink great craft beer

So you, lucky bidder who just paid $250 (or more) for the privilege of drinking with Coleslaw and are picking up most of the tab to boot, don't even get to pick the venue.

Also, I notice from his history he actually sold one in 2011. For $0.99. The buyer's feedback: "A bargain at twice the price"

 

[Clydesdale Cash]

Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

Hey guys, just created an account here. Only glanced through this thread so far after the Freddy Got Fingered review, so not sure if anybody called attention to this yet. At any rate, enjoy!

...hopeful Gord Brody’s (Green) attempts at finding his niche in society, thereby making his father (Rip Torn) proud.

Dad and mom surprise Gord with a blue convertible Le Baron that instantly becomes an award of favoritism that the 28-year-old Gord flaunts over his 25-year-old brother Freddy.

Kind of interesting, considering the blatant bit of projection in his Toy Story 3 review.

 

[Henry Bemis]

Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

I'm meh about Coleslaw. He doesn't strike me as a particularly pleasant person or a good writer, and he's trying too hard to be a hipster, but he's putting in the effort make a career doing what he went to college to study, searching for a break in a niche market that at the moment is oversaturated. He's a small fish with a big ego trying to swim with the sharks.

True. When you get down to it, he's everything the Weston/Chandler line truly is: invisible.

 

[c-no]

Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

I'm meh about Coleslaw. He doesn't strike me as a particularly pleasant person or a good writer, and he's trying too hard to be a hipster, but he's putting in the effort make a career doing what he went to college to study, searching for a break in a niche market that at the moment is oversaturated. He's a small fish with a big ego trying to swim with the sharks.

Same here. As much of how he shares similarities with his half-brother, he does put more effort in to it such as going to a university or actually sticking to what he wanted to do like making reviews and as you said, he's just a small fish trying to swim with sharks.

 

[drmccoy]

Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

I'm meh about Coleslaw. He doesn't strike me as a particularly pleasant person or a good writer, and he's trying too hard to be a hipster, but he's putting in the effort make a career doing what he went to college to study, searching for a break in a niche market that at the moment is oversaturated. He's a small fish with a big ego trying to swim with the sharks.

True. When you get down to it, he's everything the Weston/Chandler line truly is: invisible.

True, but in his case it's a good thing. He's got a good gig going. Obviously his family does well enough to live in NYC and while he's not rolling in champagne kisses and caviar dreams his wedding photos demonstrate a pretty decent network of friends, an active social life and a gig making "SHOCKING" reviews of movies that no one probably reads anyway, except us.

I would rather be a fourth or fifth tier movie reviewer in NYC than Christian Weston Chandler any day. Plus, I assume he never responded to his brother and his mother's "holey buttocks", right? Good on him. Sometimes you have to sever, man.

 

[Uzumaki]

Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

I'm meh about Coleslaw. He doesn't strike me as a particularly pleasant person or a good writer, and he's trying too hard to be a hipster, but he's putting in the effort make a career doing what he went to college to study, searching for a break in a niche market that at the moment is oversaturated. He's a small fish with a big ego trying to swim with the sharks.

True. When you get down to it, he's everything the Weston/Chandler line truly is: invisible.

True, but in his case it's a good thing. He's got a good gig going. Obviously his family does well enough to live in NYC and while he's not rolling in champagne kisses and caviar dreams his wedding photos demonstrate a pretty decent network of friends, an active social life and a gig making "SHOCKING" reviews of movies that no one probably reads anyway, except us.

I would rather be a fourth or fifth tier movie reviewer in NYC than Christian Weston Chandler any day. Plus, I assume he never responded to his brother and his mother's "holey buttocks", right? Good on him. Sometimes you have to sever, man.

My understanding was that Cole never actually got the holy buttocks tweets. It was another of Chris's "if I put this out on the Internet it's rightful recipient will somehow get it hm yeah" deals.

 

[c-no]

Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

My understanding was that Coleslaw never actually got the holy buttocks tweets. It was another of Chris's "if I put this out on the Internet it's rightful recipient will somehow get it hm yeah" deals.

So by your understanding, someone else may of gotten the tweets from Chris? I can only imagine their reaction to such tweets.

 

[Uzumaki]

Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

My understanding was that Coleslaw never actually got the holy buttocks tweets. It was another of Chris's "if I put this out on the Internet it's rightful recipient will somehow get it hm yeah" deals.

So by your understanding, someone else may of gotten the tweets from Chris? I can only imagine their reaction to such tweets.

Nah i think it was just that Chris had all his tweets set to friends only or some other thing where Cole couldn't see them. Maybe someone remembers more specifics.

 

[DrChristianTroy]

Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

I would rather be a fourth or fifth tier movie reviewer in NYC than Christian Weston Chandler any day.

I'd rather be elbowed in the face than be Chris. The rabbit hole of "rather than be Chris" is deep. As for Cole, I just like bitching about his shitty reviews. Particularly genre flicks.

 

[Asperchu_Super_Fan]

Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

Kind of interesting, considering the blatant bit of projection in his Toy Story 3 review.

On /cwc/ somebody posted a good review analyzing said projection (I think it was about how Cole was like Lotso). Do you remember what it was?

On the subject of Cole,

He's a hipster douche, that's for sure, but he also manages to clean his clothes and can at least string together a sentence. He has also published much more than Chris.

So compared to Chris, he's successful, but Chris has set the bar so low that it makes Barb look like an accomplished mother and homemaker At least she completed her Lovequest.

 

[rocket]

Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

my biggest most secretest wish is that cole is a member of these forums

 

[Butta Face Lopez]

Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

He strikes me as the type of man who would never be able to keep that sort of thing a secret. I believe he would be simply unable to let it slide when people criticize his writing, or his pretentiousness, or anything else that exceeds his hurtful truth level. He's the smartest film critic in the world, after all, and I believe he would sure as shit try to let you know it.

Just like how Chris can never keep his own presence on message boards a secret.

 

[DrChristianTroy]

Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

He strikes me as the type of man who would never be able to keep that sort of thing a secret. I believe he would be simply unable to let it slide when people criticize his writing, or his pretentiousness, or anything else that exceeds his hurtful truth level. He's the smartest film critic in the world, after all, and I believe he would sure as shit try to let you know it.

Just like how Chris can never keep his own presence on message boards a secret.

Golly. I hope he isn't on here.

 

[c-no]

Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

my biggest most secretest wish is that Coleslaw is a member of these forums

If Cole were a member, he'd be trying to defend himself within this thread before getting banned if he ever reaches a point where he harasses other members and spams his reviews constantly.

 

[Henry Bemis]

Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

He strikes me as the type of man who would never be able to keep that sort of thing a secret. I believe he would be simply unable to let it slide when people criticize his writing, or his pretentiousness, or anything else that exceeds his hurtful truth level. He's the smartest film critic in the world, after all, and I believe he would sure as shit try to let you know it.

Just like how Chris can never keep his own presence on message boards a secret.

I assure you, that very handsome and astonishingly potent Mr Smithey is not trodding these boards like a cur.

 

[RP 520]

Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

Going out on speculation here but I wonder if Cole had trouble with women in the past, since he finally got married only when he was around 50, which considering when most people get married is unusually late. Also I wonder if he and Chris are sterile?

 

[Henry Bemis]

Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

Going out on speculation here but I wonder if Coleslaw had trouble with women in the past, since he finally got married only when he was around 50, which considering when most people get married is unusually late. Also I wonder if he and Chris are sterile?

At this point, Cole has no other choice but to be sterile, lest he repeat the sins of the Republican cur and the Human Sarlaac Pit (or whatever his nickname for Barb is).

 

[Jewelsmakerguy]

Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

Going out on speculation here but I wonder if Coleslaw had trouble with women in the past, since he finally got married only when he was around 50, which considering when most people get married is unusually late. Also I wonder if he and Chris are sterile?

Honestly, I don't think I could see him not sterile.

 

[RP 520]

Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

Human Sarlaac Pit (or whatever his nickname for Barb is).

I doubt Cole has ever seen any of the Starwars movies though. Too mainstream.

But I was wondering because usually when the genepool gets as wrecked as Barb's (since a majority of the horrible traits that Chris and Cole have seem to be traced back to her) it's pretty much guaranteed that they won't be able to have kids. I imagine that Cole could have a kid, but that kid would end up with a slew of problems like Chris in part due to the Weston genes and because of Cole's age. Chris though...hahahahaha But considering his unending grudge (another Weston trait) of his family, Cole probably decided not to have kids just to spite Bob and Barb out of a grandchild. He's probably also afraid of his potential son rejecting his brand of hipster liberalism and possibly becoming something horrible....like a moderate....or a REPUBLICAN.