The Cole Smithey Thread

[Judge Holden]

The guy is the epitome of a "know nothing-know it all", and a boringly pretentious one at that. He tries to dress up hilariously idiotic and ill informed opinions about movies he watches with any language he thinks is "sophisticated", desperately pins any theme he thinks is "trendy" onto them, and tries to compare them to any stereotypically "elite" movies just to make himself look like some classy film critic. Hell, even I in all my boozy, uncouth, lecherous glory was writing better reviews for my English A-levels in Secondary school.

The guys a talentless idiot who despite his best efforts is not even the 3rd most famous man in his bloodline, with far more people knowing about Chris and Barb than will ever know about him.

(And yes the above was Aloggy but I honestly detest brainless and pretentious douchebag hipsters like Cole since at least Chris has the excuse of being a tard and the decency to be a genuine lolcow)

 

[CatParty]

The guy is the epitome of a "know nothing-know it all", and a boringly pretentious one at that. He tries to dress up hilariously idiotic and ill informed opinions about movies he watches with any language he thinks is "sophisticated", desperately pins any theme he thinks is "trendy" onto them, and tries to compare them to any stereotypically "elite" movies just to make himself look like some classy film critic. Hell, even I in all my boozy, uncouth, lecherous glory was writing better reviews for my English A-levels in Secondary school.

The guys a talentless idiot who despite his best efforts is not even the 3rd most famous man in his bloodline, with far more people knowing about Chris and Barb than will ever know about him.

(And yes the above was Aloggy but I honestly detest brainless and pretentious douchebag hipsters like Cole since at least Chris has the excuse of being a tard and the decency to be a genuine lolcow)

hi cole-log!

don't forget he's also a fake hipster. he's a wanna be cinephile. a wanna be social climber.

 

[Judge Holden]

^ and I want to reemphasise how fucking boring and formulaic. Im half convinced he has some generic review generator he just adds in names and whiny comments on how it offends him or how its genre is dying or how it ties into a 10 year old political theme or whatever the fuck offends his sensibilities that particular day.

God, im actually fucking angry just watching a few clips of his shitty web show and reading some of his reviews. Hes like what would happen if the cinemasnob was a real fucking person. I gotta calm myself down watching the nice serene new Dredd movie again.

 

[2_CUTE_2_BOLT]

Read/skimmed Cole's little post-Toy Story damage control or whatever.

1- What he (and the second letter) thinks kids can and can't handle is amazing. I was 6 when Batman: The Animated Series came out and in retrospect that had some nightmarish shit in it. Something that still sticks with me to this day is Poison Ivy turning people into these human tree things. Of course discounts any implied death and violence that was fairly regular on the show. Yet I turned out fine. A teddy bear being a douche isn't much.

Cole probably has never seen Watership Down growing up. I freaked out when I first saw it as a kid, but guessed what, I bounced back.

 

[CatParty]

Read/skimmed Cole's little post-Toy Story damage control or whatever.

1- What he (and the second letter) thinks kids can and can't handle is amazing. I was 6 when Batman: The Animated Series came out and in retrospect that had some nightmarish shit in it. Something that still sticks with me to this day is Poison Ivy turning people into these human tree things. Of course discounts any implied death and violence that was fairly regular on the show. Yet I turned out fine. A teddy bear being a douche isn't much.

Cole probably has never seen Watership Down growing up. I freaked out when I first saw it as a kid, but guessed what, I bounced back.

with those parents who brought him up, he should be able to handle anything

 

[Henry Bemis]

Read/skimmed Cole's little post-Toy Story damage control or whatever.

1- What he (and the second letter) thinks kids can and can't handle is amazing. I was 6 when Batman: The Animated Series came out and in retrospect that had some nightmarish shit in it. Something that still sticks with me to this day is Poison Ivy turning people into these human tree things. Of course discounts any implied death and violence that was fairly regular on the show. Yet I turned out fine. A teddy bear being a douche isn't much.

Cole probably has never seen Watership Down growing up. I freaked out when I first saw it as a kid, but guessed what, I bounced back.

with those parents who brought him up, he should be able to handle anything

A nice cold shower should clear the mind of any bizarre scenario.

 

[BALLZ-BROKEN]

I found Cole's review of "It's a Wonderful Life"

"Babyface Jimmy Stewart" is one describe Stewart's miserable racist character George Bailey in what the actor and director says will be his last film role. Bedford Falls resident and family man George is a veteran of the sledding accidents who carries the ugly experience with him everywhere he goes. He's most comfortable around his taxi driver friend who he can relate to in the same rude way that bankers of his generation expressed the subtext of their situation--with lots of racial insults and four letter words. A family of garlic-eating wops try to finance the house next door, but gradually soften him up with their respectful traditions and culinary generosity. In the face of intimidation from a group of soybean plastics manufactures, George takes Potter's teen-aged daughter Mary (played by newcomer Donna Reed) under his wing, and under the swimming pool that opens magically beneath them. Less than solid performances from some of its inexperienced actors tug at the overall effect of the movie, but "It's a Wonderful Life" is a delicacy for its keen embrace of a dying breed of American male identity that Jimmy Stewart perfected around the time of the Peloponnesian War.

 

[Hyperion]

A family of garlic-eating wops

[/quote]




Oh Cole. You so cray cray.

 

[Holdek]

I kept read through this whole thing hoping he would mention Chris, but he didn't: http://www.colesmithey.com/capsules/2013/04/disconnect.html

 

[IceBeam]

It's gotta suck, being a fairly prolific guy and being associated with CWC. He no doubt gets a lot of shit, especially how his embarrassing personal life was laid bare to the public with the leaked Chris emails.

 

[RP 520]

I often think Cole is what Chris would have been like if he was raised by pre-retirement, pre-horder Borb.

You can see some of the negatives qualities of Chris in Cole. Seeing how Cole was concieved with a different father I think it can be determined that the horrible traits come from Barb's side of the family. I wonder if Cole will become a paranoid horder after he retires?

 

[c-no]

I often think Cole is what Chris would have been like if he was raised by pre-retirement, pre-horder Borb.

You can see some of the negatives qualities of Chris in Cole. Seeing how Cole was concieved with a different father I think it can be determined that the horrible traits come from Barb's side of the family. I wonder if Cole will become a paranoid horder after he retires?

It could be possible for Cole to become a hoarder after retirement, though that could have him butting his head against his wife who would have more of a backbone than Bob in saying no to the hoarding. If Cole ever becomes a hoarder, I'm thinking it's a hoarder of movies both good and bad. Cole would also not only hoard the movies but like his half-brother and the vidya games, Cole wouldn't watch all of his hoarded videos.

 

[murdoc]

not fond of this bloke

imo his style and persona distract from what he's trying to say
he goes for articulate + thoughtful + culturally relevant and ends up sounding like the amateur blogspot critics attempting to ride the coattails of the angry internet reviewer trend
misused vocabulary words pile atop impressive pretentiousness that seeks to be contrarian because of course the majority opinion is never right and the minority opinion is always valid no matter how ridiculous it is
also a healthy dollop of...what is that, racism? contempt for people with different opinions? whatever it is it's shitty and makes his reviews almost as much of a slog as his inept writing
the end result is of such irrelevance that he can't even find an audience the size of the one belonging to the irate gamer

i think if i sent this to him in an email - typed a little better, probably - he wouldn't reply, but mention in his next review/blog post/thing that he cares not for the opinions of the plebs who disagree, for they are dullards who do not understand

do wonder how much of his cockish behaviour is a response to his bad upbringing and how much is simply inherited from his mother

 

[Holdek]

It's gotta suck, being a fairly prolific guy and being associated with CWC. He no doubt gets a lot of shit, especially how his embarrassing personal life was laid bare to the public with the leaked Chris emails.

Yeah. Maybe he had it coming though after "The World's Smartest Movie Critic TM" gave the only negative review to Toy Story 3. JK.

I often think Cole is what Chris would have been like if he was raised by pre-retirement, pre-horder Borb.

You can see some of the negatives qualities of Chris in Cole. Seeing how Cole was concieved with a different father I think it can be determined that the horrible traits come from Barb's side of the family. I wonder if Cole will become a paranoid horder after he retires?

It could be possible for Cole to become a hoarder after retirement, though that could have him butting his head against his wife who would have more of a backbone than Bob in saying no to the hoarding. If Cole ever becomes a hoarder, I'm thinking it's a hoarder of movies both good and bad.

Which would be the inverse of what most people consider good and bad, naturally, so it would come out as a wash.

not fond of this bloke

imo his style and persona distract from what he's trying to say
he goes for articulate + thoughtful + culturally relevant and ends up sounding like the amateur blogspot critics attempting to ride the coattails of the angry internet reviewer trend
misused vocabulary words pile atop impressive pretentiousness that seeks to be contrarian because of course the majority opinion is never right and the minority opinion is always valid no matter how ridiculous it is
also a healthy dollop of...what is that, racism? contempt for people with different opinions? whatever it is it's shitty and makes his reviews almost as much of a slog as his inept writing
the end result is of such irrelevance that he can't even find an audience the size of the one belonging to the irate gamer

I've noticed that Cole's reviews have recently been turning up when I bring up movies on the Movie Review Query Engine.

do wonder how much of his cockish behaviour is a response to his bad upbringing and how much is simply inherited from his mother

He's also a NY hipster, and his best friend is Ted Rall, who is a POS in his own right.

 

[CatParty]

It's gotta suck, being a fairly prolific guy and being associated with CWC. He no doubt gets a lot of shit, especially how his embarrassing personal life was laid bare to the public with the leaked Chris emails.

it's only fitting that cole's idiot brother has more online fame than him.

 

[Henry Bemis]

do wonder how much of his cockish behaviour is a response to his bad upbringing and how much is simply inherited from his mother

Personally, I think a lot of it is just overcompensating; partly in response to his upbringing, true, but also for his overall lack of distinction.

He strikes me as the type who would go out of his way to deride anything not sufficiently metropolitan, lest anyone figure out that he's from south of the Mason-Dixon line, much less not a born-and-bred city boy. On the other hand, stories of his redneck child abuse are bound to get him free sympathy points in any of his social circles.

He's also a NY hipster, and his best friend is Ted Rall, who is a POS in his own right.

Cole once provided a voice-over for one of Rall's cartoons, a by-the-numbers bit about corporate assholes robbing their employers blind. Even at his most fiery and controversial, his opinions are disturbingly rote.

 

[c-no]

Seeing how we are all discussing Cole Smithey, I had for some reason only God would know decided to Google the hipster film critic half-brother of CWC and I actually founded a couple wiki articles of two movies that mention him, here are the links
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Beasts_of_the_Southern_Wild
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Side_Effects_(2013_film)
just search for his name in the reception section of the articles. If that's not enough to make ya think it's him, just look at the references, they will link you to his website. Anyone think Cole may have tried to edit the articles himself to gain some miniscule attention?

 

[Henry Bemis]

Seeing how we are all discussing Cole Smithey, I had for some reason only God would know decided to Google the hipster film critic half-brother of CWC and I actually founded a couple wiki articles of two movies that mention him, here are the links
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Beasts_of_the_Southern_Wild
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Side_Effects_(2013_film)
just search for his name in the reception section of the articles. If that's not enough to make ya think it's him, just look at the references, they will link you to his website. Anyone think Cole may have tried to edit the articles himself to gain some miniscule attention?

It's suspect, at least, that Cole Smithey is mentioned before the Chicago Tribune.

 

[Holdek]

It's gotta suck, being a fairly prolific guy and being associated with CWC. He no doubt gets a lot of shit, especially how his embarrassing personal life was laid bare to the public with the leaked Chris emails.

it's only fitting that cole's idiot brother has more online fame than him.

True

Seeing how we are all discussing Cole Smithey, I had for some reason only God would know decided to Google the hipster film critic half-brother of CWC and I actually founded a couple wiki articles of two movies that mention him, here are the links
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Beasts_of_the_Southern_Wild
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Side_Effects_(2013_film)
just search for his name in the reception section of the articles. If that's not enough to make ya think it's him, just look at the references, they will link you to his website. Anyone think Cole may have tried to edit the articles himself to gain some miniscule attention?

It's suspect, at least, that Cole Smithey is mentioned before the Chicago Tribune.

Cole is about as clever at editing wikis as Chris is.

 

[Saney]

Seeing how we are all discussing Cole Smithey, I had for some reason only God would know decided to Google the hipster film critic half-brother of CWC and I actually founded a couple wiki articles of two movies that mention him, here are the links
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Beasts_of_the_Southern_Wild
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Side_Effects_(2013_film)
just search for his name in the reception section of the articles. If that's not enough to make ya think it's him, just look at the references, they will link you to his website. Anyone think Cole may have tried to edit the articles himself to gain some miniscule attention?

He's edited wiki articles to mention him before, hasn't he? Sounds like something he would do anyway.