The Cole Smithey Thread
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Scatman said:
Cole. I mean, Chris wants people to volunteer to hang out with him, Cole thinks he can charge for the privilege.
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Yes, make us bid $250 to go out drinking with him and paying for it after the first round of drinks. At least Chris said "Come to me in person." That wouldn't require much compared to Cole, especially since Chris makes no mention of money.ChurchOfGodBear said:
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Saney said:
Who has the patience to sift through the edit logs and find the user who added the witty and potent commentary of that Mr. Smithey fellow?
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- Feb 3, 2013
Evil Dead sperging aside, his review of the new Evil Dead is really bad, and undeniable proof that he doesn't watch the movies he reviews.
[quote="The "smartest" film critic in the world":kceu5a9e]The most shocking aspect of this homage horror movie based on Sam Raimi’s campy 1981 cult classic is its utter lack of wit or humor for which the original is famous. For a movie that’s nothing if not a bloodbath, “Evil Dead” is as dry as the Sahara. That Sam Raimi and Bruce Campbell share producing credits seems to speak more to economic concerns rather than any regard for artistic merit. "The Evil Dead" felt like a well thought-out prank for its audience to share in; "Evil Dead" feels like an eversion therapy punishment for some undeclared sin against the State — drug use perhaps? Written as is — by Fede Alvarez and Rodo Sayagues — there is no place for the iconic B-movie sensibilities that Bruce Campbell brought to his character in the 1981 version.
Although it stays fairly true to the skeleton plot outline of the original, “Evil Dead” lacks panache. Where the imaginative special effects of Raimi's movie elicited smiles, there is no such pleasure to be had here. Gone is any remnant of the slapstick humor that filled the film's far superior inspiration. There's no character to root for. You just keep looking at your watch, waiting for everyone to finally die, die, die.
The irony is that “Evil Dead” adheres to modern day horror clichés adhered to by the likes of hipsters such as Rob Zombie. It's as unoriginal as they come. Sure, there are plenty of gory displays of dismemberment and flesh-puncturing episodes, but without a sense of fun and excitement “Evil Dead” is a morose throwaway exploitation flick. A few Exorcist-inspired lines of twisted demonic dialogue is as close as “Evil Dead” comes to delivering the cheap and goofy thrills that fans of the first movie will come to see. Don't come looking here for fun; you won't have any.[/quote]
No one is watching the movie looking for fun, Cole. Any idiot who saw the trailer could figure out that the movie isn't supposed to be funny.
The whole review is just him comparing it to what he thinks is the original Evil Dead, and not the actual original. He clearly hasn't seen the original, because he keeps saying how Evil Dead was known for it's wit and humor. This is completely incorrect. The original movie was known for it's bad acting, and cheesy effects. There was little humor, and any humor it had was very dark. It wasn't until Evil Dead 2 and Army of Darkness that the movies became known for their humor. He also mentions how the effects from the original elicited smiles.
Yeah... sure.
May be NSFW.
He also mentions how there's no character to root for. You're supposed to root for Mia.
He also talks about "modern horror cliches," but he doesn't elaborate on them. That's all he says about the movie as a stand-alone movie. What about the acting? The characters? I heard the characters were kind of weak.
[quote="The "smartest" film critic in the world":kceu5a9e]The most shocking aspect of this homage horror movie based on Sam Raimi’s campy 1981 cult classic is its utter lack of wit or humor for which the original is famous. For a movie that’s nothing if not a bloodbath, “Evil Dead” is as dry as the Sahara. That Sam Raimi and Bruce Campbell share producing credits seems to speak more to economic concerns rather than any regard for artistic merit. "The Evil Dead" felt like a well thought-out prank for its audience to share in; "Evil Dead" feels like an eversion therapy punishment for some undeclared sin against the State — drug use perhaps? Written as is — by Fede Alvarez and Rodo Sayagues — there is no place for the iconic B-movie sensibilities that Bruce Campbell brought to his character in the 1981 version.
Although it stays fairly true to the skeleton plot outline of the original, “Evil Dead” lacks panache. Where the imaginative special effects of Raimi's movie elicited smiles, there is no such pleasure to be had here. Gone is any remnant of the slapstick humor that filled the film's far superior inspiration. There's no character to root for. You just keep looking at your watch, waiting for everyone to finally die, die, die.
The irony is that “Evil Dead” adheres to modern day horror clichés adhered to by the likes of hipsters such as Rob Zombie. It's as unoriginal as they come. Sure, there are plenty of gory displays of dismemberment and flesh-puncturing episodes, but without a sense of fun and excitement “Evil Dead” is a morose throwaway exploitation flick. A few Exorcist-inspired lines of twisted demonic dialogue is as close as “Evil Dead” comes to delivering the cheap and goofy thrills that fans of the first movie will come to see. Don't come looking here for fun; you won't have any.[/quote]
No one is watching the movie looking for fun, Cole. Any idiot who saw the trailer could figure out that the movie isn't supposed to be funny.
The whole review is just him comparing it to what he thinks is the original Evil Dead, and not the actual original. He clearly hasn't seen the original, because he keeps saying how Evil Dead was known for it's wit and humor. This is completely incorrect. The original movie was known for it's bad acting, and cheesy effects. There was little humor, and any humor it had was very dark. It wasn't until Evil Dead 2 and Army of Darkness that the movies became known for their humor. He also mentions how the effects from the original elicited smiles.
Yeah... sure.
May be NSFW.
He also talks about "modern horror cliches," but he doesn't elaborate on them. That's all he says about the movie as a stand-alone movie. What about the acting? The characters? I heard the characters were kind of weak.
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Cole should review the expressionist independent relationship drama "For Julie's eyes only", its powerful message of freedom and the existentialist questions it raises would appeal to his highbrow taste.
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- Feb 3, 2013
Yeah, I haven't seen the recent Evil Dead but when he claimed the original had wit and humor... nope. Did he also just call Rob Zombie a "hipster"?
DrChristianTroy
kiwifarms.net
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Cole really is the shittiest reviewer.BatmanVSTonyDanza said:
murdoc
kiwifarms.net
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- Apr 8, 2013
you are in luck because i am a wikipedia detective masterHenry Bemis said:
edit for beasts of the southern wild. the user who added a mention of smithey has been a wikipedia editor since at least 2009
edit for side effects. the edit was made by someone using an IP instead of a username (which piqued my interest) but the IP is from ontario and the user added an entire paragraph about reception of the film instead of just the bit about cole
my conclusion: legitimate edits not by cole smithey
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- Feb 4, 2013
I was alerted by a colleague about a trippy movie called "Beyond the Black Rainbow".
I just looked in RottenTomatoes, and the movie was getting savaged by many of the reviewers.....so much so that I was about to not bother with looking for this flick....then I saw this:
I've decided I'm going to see the movie out of sheer spite.
Because if Coleslaw hates it, it must actually be too awesome.
I just looked in RottenTomatoes, and the movie was getting savaged by many of the reviewers.....so much so that I was about to not bother with looking for this flick....then I saw this:
May 28, 2012 Full Review Source: ColeSmithey.com | Comments (5)Coleslaw said:
Cole Smithey
ColeSmithey.com
I've decided I'm going to see the movie out of sheer spite.
Because if Coleslaw hates it, it must actually be too awesome.
DrChristianTroy
kiwifarms.net
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Beyond the Black Rainbow. It's very 70's feeling. Very trippy stuff. Honestly sober you'll go "What the hell???" If you happen to be on drugs I can't help but imagine it's the best thing ever. When I saw it I rated it a Kangaroo because of how trippy it was. In retrospect I go with C. I've seen much worse but this can be unbearable at times. Battlefield Earth bad though? No. I got bored by Battlefield Earth. BtBR is just trippy and fascinating.
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- Apr 20, 2013
The problem is that Smithey isn't very smart, He actually thinks someone is going to pay well over $100, or even 50, to have a drink with him? His reviews are rather boring and dry, I'm not saying that he should become an over reacting try hard (IE like many internet videogame/ movie reviewers), but add a little color, for crying out loud! Third problem, the guy is a douche, plain and simple. He just comes across as very smug and hateful quite a few times, y'know? It's like the guy thinks he's Roger Ebert or something
Tetsu Deinonychus
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- Apr 18, 2013
Ah, but who's the bigger loser? Chris, or the guy who will forever live in the shadow of Chris?CatParty said:
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Now that a little more about Cole was released, I wonder how long it will be until he starts getting e-mails of school bus pictures.