The Cole Smithey Thread

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Shiversblood said:
I don’t understand why Barb decided to never tell Cole who his real father is. Not telling him when he was young was a shitty thing to do, but what really confuses me is why did she refuse to tell him who his father is after he was a full grown adult who moved out. Why not tell him then? Just to be a bitch? The only explanation I can possibly think of is, she just wanted to be a fucking bitch.
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My guess is that she couldn't figure out which guy she shacked up with was Cole's real father, or the answer was very embarrassing for her. Barb was pretty loose up to the point that she met Bob. As @TrunksFromDragonballGT pointed out, Cole's dad might have even been kin, like a cousin or something. White trash is as/who white trash does.
 
Shiversblood said:
I don’t understand why Barb decided to never tell Cole who his real father is. Not telling him when he was young was a shitty thing to do, but what really confuses me is why did she refuse to tell him who his father is after he was a full grown adult who moved out. Why not tell him then? Just to be a bitch? The only explanation I can possibly think of is, she just wanted to be a fucking bitch.
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This happens more than you can believe. I'm not siding with incels, but there is a biological basis for why this happens. Doesn't make it right, but it happens throughout the animal kingdom, we're just smart enough to figure it out.
 
Shiversblood said:
I don’t understand why Barb decided to never tell Cole who his real father is.
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How do you know she didn't? Barb says his real father is Jack Dale Smithey, Cole believes it's actually Ran Coleman Yeatts. We don't know who is right, but it's entirely possible that Barb is telling the truth. Cole never got a DNA test or anything.
 
Shiversblood said:
Why won’t someone pay for a dna test for Cole? He deserves to know!
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He would need a dna sample to compare it too. We don't have access to law enforcement dna banks. Private companies generally have an opt in program when you give them ownership of your genetic material, so there is no guarentee that they would tell him who his father is even if he took one of their tests.
 
Truthboi said:
Chris wants a sweetheart
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Does he? I haven't seen any sign of interest in a real relationship since the doopie fiasco and even that played out very differenly in his head than it did in reality. Then he made a video of him licking badly drawn imaginary hedgehog dick and now he has an imaginary harem of fever dreams.

WorldsSmartestManRonOTool said:
I still say Barb outlives Chris, but what a spectacle her funeral would be
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She's pushing 80, is very physically inactive and lives in absolute filth so I doubt it. Also someone film her funeral and yell Julaay pls.
 
Shiversblood said:
What would be a good way to force Cole to deal with Chris Chan?
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Why? Cole may be an egotistical asshole, but he doesn't deserve having to deal with his bumblefuck gender-bending brother. Cole owes nothing to Chris or their harpy mother.
 
His article on the Sonichu wiki is my all time favorite. The two quotes at the top of the page are just perfect.
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