- Joined
- Jan 26, 2018
Featured on Jan 13, 2026 by notorietus: The Second Annual Bufords (to honor Kiwis who have made outstanding contributions) is open for voting. Vote today.
The Bufords are the annual ceremony to honor Kiwis who have made outstanding contributions. (Last year's Bufords)
Instead of significantly limiting nominee lists as is done for the Julays, the Bufords are meant to recognize the best contributions. All of the most worthy threads and contributors are nominated in their respective categories.
Best Overall Contributor
This award is for the highest-quality new OP. This award is for a Kiwi who researched the subject of their thread thoroughly, provided all needed context and depth without being TL;DR, and properly formatted, linked, and archived relevant media. Do not vote for this award based on who is your favorite lolcow among the thread subjects.
This award is for the highest-quality rewrite of an old OP. This award is for a Kiwi who researched the subject of their thread thoroughly, provided an in-depth and accessible journey through the lolcow's history, and properly formatted, linked, and archived relevant media. Do not vote for this award based on who is your favorite lolcow among the thread subjects.
@Admiral Throbnelius, "Der Oshiführer" 0
@ladmanboy, "Ralph Attends a Funeral" 18
@Loling at Cows, "The Stirrings of the Pig King" 1
@MK3, "Glass: The Lolcow Live" 1
@NaggotFigger, "Trick or Pepperoni" 11
@Shush, "Rekieta Bodycam Reenactment" 35 WINNER!
@Skitarii, "LOVE LIKE A PIPE BOMB" 3
Most Deserved Ban
This award is being given to the Izzat post by @GluttonousManSlob.
Instead of significantly limiting nominee lists as is done for the Julays, the Bufords are meant to recognize the best contributions. All of the most worthy threads and contributors are nominated in their respective categories.
Best Overall Contributor
- @Admiral Throbnelius
- @AltisticRight
- @Axiom.
- @Bruno Powroznik
- @Bulgarian Lives Matter
- @dcss
- @GenociderSyo
- @Ghostse
- @Haramburger
- @Leo Frank
- @Lidl Drip
- @lol cow supreme
- @Magic Pickle
- @NaggotFigger
- @neger psykolog
- @notorietus
- @Osama Bin Laden
- @Relinquish WINNER!
- @Samson Hydemanfinkelstein
- @Useful_Mistake
This award is for the highest-quality new OP. This award is for a Kiwi who researched the subject of their thread thoroughly, provided all needed context and depth without being TL;DR, and properly formatted, linked, and archived relevant media. Do not vote for this award based on who is your favorite lolcow among the thread subjects.
- Angela Vondra by @Cryptojew 2
- Braden Peters by @Guns of the Gaytriots 0
- Claudio Hernández Castañeda by @Spectate 0
- Coby Zachary Naughton by @Chudborean 4
- Elijah Jordan Millar by @thhrang 1
- Francis E. Dec, Esq. by @Mister Mint 17 WINNER!
- Francisco Austria Barzaga by @Tommy John Surgery 0
- Jess Zhang by @Hamplanet Fitness 0
- Jet Orion Neptune by @Rache Bartmoss (honorable mention to this author's Jonathan Abraham Curtis thread) 4
- Jonathan Wilkins by @Artaius 0
- Karl Jobst by @Gremperor 10
- Kenneth Schulz by @Nigga Bullshit 6
- KiwiTubers by @Osama Bin Laden 9
- Luke Manley by @Polentic 0
- Michael Evans by @Relinquish 1
- Pedro Fuertes Stille by @dcss 0
- The Sims Online by @Demon Mist 11
- Zizians by @Coo Coo Bird 4
This award is for the highest-quality rewrite of an old OP. This award is for a Kiwi who researched the subject of their thread thoroughly, provided an in-depth and accessible journey through the lolcow's history, and properly formatted, linked, and archived relevant media. Do not vote for this award based on who is your favorite lolcow among the thread subjects.
- Blake Tait by @1994 Honda Civic 2
- Brian Dennis Martin by @Relinquish 5
- Francis Joseph Benditt IV by @Admiral Throbnelius (honorable mention to this author's Nikolas Marshall Talbott rewrite) 11
- Mat Brunet by @ASeabear8952 0
- Paden Reilly by @sex haver 1
- Russell Greer (not yet merged) by @Sexy Senior Citizen 16
- Sam Hyde by @Lidl Drip 19 WINNER!
- SplatSource Community by @Tread Miller 3
- @AssignedEva 5
- @Avenue 3
- @cremechocolate 1
- @Folgers Can 6
- @GenociderSyo 12
- @Gibs 2
- @Guns of the Gaytriots 0
- @Haramburger 1
- @I_Am_Not_Bruce_Willis 2
- @Kees H 1
- @MNPublicRecords 7
- @Nigga Bullshit 1
- @notorietus 9
- @Relinquish 9
- @Romeo 1
- @Spectate 1
- @Useful_Mistake 18 WINNER!
- @Vott 1
@Admiral Throbnelius, "Der Oshiführer" 0
@ladmanboy, "Ralph Attends a Funeral" 18
@Loling at Cows, "The Stirrings of the Pig King" 1
The Stirrings of the Pig King
Hollow now lies the land of the Sekturite kingdom. All around is but blight and ash.
The Pig King who once ruled this land now lies old and withered, weighed down by the fruits of his boundless gluttony and transgressions. Where once his hollers had shook empires, he can now but tremble and shiver. He bears age upon his visage, his mighty gunt now whithered, his voice now frail and whispy.
It is said the king himself burned down this kingdom in a madened haze from imbibing the most rancid of alchemical conctions. Where once had patrolled mighty generals like Dingo the Drunk and Gator the Wrangler, it is now a breeding ground of minor demons form from the twisted spirits of the doxed and bestowed life by the ashes of burned bridges.
Stories are carried away from this land by blessed archivists and intrepid adventurers. Some say there are still riches in this long dead land, though most would call them madmen.
Neighboured to this cursed land stand two other kingdoms, both lands of disrepute and degenercy beyond imagination.
To the west stand the Baronet of the Mershfather, a land so ravaged by poverty it is said its inhabitants can but feast upon the flesh of cats.
To the south stands the ruins the fallen Balldonian kingdom, the less of which is said the better. Though some say it was taken by the same curse as that which gripped the Sekturian kingdom itself. Gold once flowed here in amounts like flowing rivers. Now it is a land of shambling undead, garbage and vile filth. During its fall it was said that children were forced to imbibe alchemical concoctions and that wives were traded like playthings. Its king now claims to passed away and arrisen again in twisted imitation of greater things, yet obvious to all he lives a life undeath not freed from chains of twisted degeneracy.
The rulers of these sorry lands had long stood allied to the King of Pigs, seeing in him the echoes of their own faults and failings and seeking to wield his madness like a blade to cut down their enemies. Yet into this unholy bond stepped common woman.
She was no beauty, no sage or wisewoman. No, she was but common whore, a harpy of no renown. Seeking thrills or twisted pleasure, no one knows. But she presented herself before the undead king of the Balldonian kingdom, seeking to consort with him.
Tales of this encounter are scarce, but it is said that undead king found her pleasing to the eye and sought thus to share her with his closest allies.
Brought before the Mershfather she was denied. Though foolish and poor, the Baron had long come to understand his own worth and by insight could see the malice hidden in her heart. Some still claim however the Mershfather did not disdain to sample her, for there are few depths to which the Baron would not reach.
Denied by the Mershfather, she was brought to the shack the Pig King now called home. And in but a moment the aged king of pigs was besotted. Wrought so long by lonliness and driven mad by spirits and alchemical concoctions, he saw in her an angel stepped down from heaven. He bowed to undead king and kissed his feat, accepting his twisted offer.
Thus was sparked beginning of the final stirrings of the Pig King.
As was clear to all of sound mind, the unamed whore would soon deny the Pig King's attempted advances - disgusted by his frail form and withered gunt.
Heart wrecked by the betrayal of his beloved the king of pigs felt echoes of his former self stir inside his heart and soul. Upon the wind he thought himself hear the Mershfather himself claim that he had cuckolded the king of pigs, the greatest in the Sekturite kingdom. Such a slight could not be tolerated.
Madened, the Pig King threw himself to gluttony and sought in vain to battle the Mershfather, forgetting that he was no longer the pig he once had been. His hollers could not even shake the foundation of Mershfather's barony.
So turned the Pig King his ire against the rubble of the Balldonian kingdom, hollering of secrets and hidden knowledge. And there did they find purchase, bringing the undead king to his knees.
This victory gave the Pig King little peace however, for in this battle it is said that the final connection he had to his long lost son was destroyed. Little was gained and much was lost, such is the folly of the king of pigs.
No victors were there in the final stirrings of the Pig King, but for the Mershfather who stood unaffected and but for those bystanders, intrepid adventurers and archivists who found gold in the ashes left in their wake.
Hollow now lies the land of the Sekturite kingdom. All around is but blight and ash.
The Pig King who once ruled this land now lies old and withered, weighed down by the fruits of his boundless gluttony and transgressions. Where once his hollers had shook empires, he can now but tremble and shiver. He bears age upon his visage, his mighty gunt now whithered, his voice now frail and whispy.
It is said the king himself burned down this kingdom in a madened haze from imbibing the most rancid of alchemical conctions. Where once had patrolled mighty generals like Dingo the Drunk and Gator the Wrangler, it is now a breeding ground of minor demons form from the twisted spirits of the doxed and bestowed life by the ashes of burned bridges.
Stories are carried away from this land by blessed archivists and intrepid adventurers. Some say there are still riches in this long dead land, though most would call them madmen.
Neighboured to this cursed land stand two other kingdoms, both lands of disrepute and degenercy beyond imagination.
To the west stand the Baronet of the Mershfather, a land so ravaged by poverty it is said its inhabitants can but feast upon the flesh of cats.
To the south stands the ruins the fallen Balldonian kingdom, the less of which is said the better. Though some say it was taken by the same curse as that which gripped the Sekturian kingdom itself. Gold once flowed here in amounts like flowing rivers. Now it is a land of shambling undead, garbage and vile filth. During its fall it was said that children were forced to imbibe alchemical concoctions and that wives were traded like playthings. Its king now claims to passed away and arrisen again in twisted imitation of greater things, yet obvious to all he lives a life undeath not freed from chains of twisted degeneracy.
The rulers of these sorry lands had long stood allied to the King of Pigs, seeing in him the echoes of their own faults and failings and seeking to wield his madness like a blade to cut down their enemies. Yet into this unholy bond stepped common woman.
She was no beauty, no sage or wisewoman. No, she was but common whore, a harpy of no renown. Seeking thrills or twisted pleasure, no one knows. But she presented herself before the undead king of the Balldonian kingdom, seeking to consort with him.
Tales of this encounter are scarce, but it is said that undead king found her pleasing to the eye and sought thus to share her with his closest allies.
Brought before the Mershfather she was denied. Though foolish and poor, the Baron had long come to understand his own worth and by insight could see the malice hidden in her heart. Some still claim however the Mershfather did not disdain to sample her, for there are few depths to which the Baron would not reach.
Denied by the Mershfather, she was brought to the shack the Pig King now called home. And in but a moment the aged king of pigs was besotted. Wrought so long by lonliness and driven mad by spirits and alchemical concoctions, he saw in her an angel stepped down from heaven. He bowed to undead king and kissed his feat, accepting his twisted offer.
Thus was sparked beginning of the final stirrings of the Pig King.
As was clear to all of sound mind, the unamed whore would soon deny the Pig King's attempted advances - disgusted by his frail form and withered gunt.
Heart wrecked by the betrayal of his beloved the king of pigs felt echoes of his former self stir inside his heart and soul. Upon the wind he thought himself hear the Mershfather himself claim that he had cuckolded the king of pigs, the greatest in the Sekturite kingdom. Such a slight could not be tolerated.
Madened, the Pig King threw himself to gluttony and sought in vain to battle the Mershfather, forgetting that he was no longer the pig he once had been. His hollers could not even shake the foundation of Mershfather's barony.
So turned the Pig King his ire against the rubble of the Balldonian kingdom, hollering of secrets and hidden knowledge. And there did they find purchase, bringing the undead king to his knees.
This victory gave the Pig King little peace however, for in this battle it is said that the final connection he had to his long lost son was destroyed. Little was gained and much was lost, such is the folly of the king of pigs.
No victors were there in the final stirrings of the Pig King, but for the Mershfather who stood unaffected and but for those bystanders, intrepid adventurers and archivists who found gold in the ashes left in their wake.
@MK3, "Glass: The Lolcow Live" 1
@NaggotFigger, "Trick or Pepperoni" 11
@Shush, "Rekieta Bodycam Reenactment" 35 WINNER!
@Skitarii, "LOVE LIKE A PIPE BOMB" 3
In the quiet corners of São Paulo, Toji Suzuhara found solace in the glow of his computer screen. His world was a tapestry of pixels and code, a sanctuary where he could escape the noise of the bustling city and the weight of his own introversion. Toji-tan was a dreamer, a young man lost in the labyrinth of his own mind, where the lines between reality and fiction blurred. His obsession with Evangelion and Serial Experiments Lain consumed him, offering a refuge from the societal detachment that gnawed at his soul.
Toji-tan's days were filled with the hum of online forums, where he could be anyone he wanted to be. Behind the anonymity of his screen name, he was fearless, eloquent, and passionate. But in the real world, he was a shadow, a ghost drifting through the crowded streets, unseen and unheard. His heart ached for connection, for someone who understood the depths of his loneliness and the beauty of his dreams.
And then, one day, he found her.
Tiffany Skylar Johnson, known to the world as Zoey, was a kindred spirit, a lost soul adrift in the digital sea. She lived in a small town in Florida, her life a chaotic whirlwind of uncertainty and pain. Her house was a literal dumpster, a reflection of her inner turmoil. Unemployed and without a GED, she struggled with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) and autism, her mind a battleground of conflicting emotions and thoughts. She was trapped in a perpetual state of adolescence, her Peter Pan syndrome keeping her from embracing the rigors and joys of adulthood.
But in the forums, she was free. She was Zoey, the girl who loved Lain, Hanako-chan, and the absurdity of Skibidi Toilet. She was a beacon of light in the darkness, a voice that echoed Toji-tan's own longing for connection. Their bond was instantaneous, a spark that ignited a flame of friendship and understanding.
As the days turned into weeks, and the weeks into months, Toji-tan and Zoey's bond deepened. They shared their dreams, their fears, and their hopes. They laughed together, cried together, and slowly, they fell in love. Toji-tan found himself drawn to Zoey's strength, her resilience in the face of her struggles. He saw in her a reflection of his own pain, and he vowed to help her find her way.
Toji-tan became Zoey's rock, her guiding light in the darkness. He encouraged her to seek help for her mental illnesses, to embrace the challenges of adulthood, and to find the beauty in the world around her. He celebrated her victories, no matter how small, and held her hand through her darkest moments. And in return, Zoey motivated Toji-tan to be more proactive, to overcome his social anxiety, and to step out of the shadows of his own mind.
Their love was a slow burn, a flame that grew brighter with each passing day. It was a love born of understanding, of shared pain and shared dreams. It was a love that transcended the boundaries of their screens, a love that promised a future filled with hope and possibility.
And so, Toji-tan made a decision. He would save up enough money to fly to Florida, to meet the girl who had stolen his heart. He counted the days, the hours, the minutes, his heart pounding with anticipation and fear. And when the day finally arrived, he stepped out of his comfort zone, his heart in his throat, and made his way to the airport.
But as he stood at the gate, his phone buzzed with a message from Zoey. She was too nervous to leave the house, she said. She wanted him to meet her at her home instead. Disappointment washed over him, but he understood. He knew the weight of her fears, the chains that bound her to her past. And so, he hailed an Uber, his heart heavy with longing and uncertainty.
As he slid into the back seat, he gave the driver the address, his voice barely above a whisper. And as the car pulled away from the curb, he looked up, his eyes meeting the driver's in the rearview mirror. And there she was. Zoey. His Zoey. Her eyes sparkled with mischief and love, and he knew. She had found work as an Uber driver, and she had decided to surprise him, to meet him halfway on this journey of love and redemption.
In that moment, Toji-tan knew that their love was real, that it was strong enough to conquer the demons of their past and the fears of their future. He knew that together, they could face the world, hand in hand, hearts entwined. And as the car sped through the streets of Florida, he reached out, his fingers brushing against hers, and he knew. He was home.
Toji-tan's days were filled with the hum of online forums, where he could be anyone he wanted to be. Behind the anonymity of his screen name, he was fearless, eloquent, and passionate. But in the real world, he was a shadow, a ghost drifting through the crowded streets, unseen and unheard. His heart ached for connection, for someone who understood the depths of his loneliness and the beauty of his dreams.
And then, one day, he found her.
Tiffany Skylar Johnson, known to the world as Zoey, was a kindred spirit, a lost soul adrift in the digital sea. She lived in a small town in Florida, her life a chaotic whirlwind of uncertainty and pain. Her house was a literal dumpster, a reflection of her inner turmoil. Unemployed and without a GED, she struggled with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) and autism, her mind a battleground of conflicting emotions and thoughts. She was trapped in a perpetual state of adolescence, her Peter Pan syndrome keeping her from embracing the rigors and joys of adulthood.
But in the forums, she was free. She was Zoey, the girl who loved Lain, Hanako-chan, and the absurdity of Skibidi Toilet. She was a beacon of light in the darkness, a voice that echoed Toji-tan's own longing for connection. Their bond was instantaneous, a spark that ignited a flame of friendship and understanding.
As the days turned into weeks, and the weeks into months, Toji-tan and Zoey's bond deepened. They shared their dreams, their fears, and their hopes. They laughed together, cried together, and slowly, they fell in love. Toji-tan found himself drawn to Zoey's strength, her resilience in the face of her struggles. He saw in her a reflection of his own pain, and he vowed to help her find her way.
Toji-tan became Zoey's rock, her guiding light in the darkness. He encouraged her to seek help for her mental illnesses, to embrace the challenges of adulthood, and to find the beauty in the world around her. He celebrated her victories, no matter how small, and held her hand through her darkest moments. And in return, Zoey motivated Toji-tan to be more proactive, to overcome his social anxiety, and to step out of the shadows of his own mind.
Their love was a slow burn, a flame that grew brighter with each passing day. It was a love born of understanding, of shared pain and shared dreams. It was a love that transcended the boundaries of their screens, a love that promised a future filled with hope and possibility.
And so, Toji-tan made a decision. He would save up enough money to fly to Florida, to meet the girl who had stolen his heart. He counted the days, the hours, the minutes, his heart pounding with anticipation and fear. And when the day finally arrived, he stepped out of his comfort zone, his heart in his throat, and made his way to the airport.
But as he stood at the gate, his phone buzzed with a message from Zoey. She was too nervous to leave the house, she said. She wanted him to meet her at her home instead. Disappointment washed over him, but he understood. He knew the weight of her fears, the chains that bound her to her past. And so, he hailed an Uber, his heart heavy with longing and uncertainty.
As he slid into the back seat, he gave the driver the address, his voice barely above a whisper. And as the car pulled away from the curb, he looked up, his eyes meeting the driver's in the rearview mirror. And there she was. Zoey. His Zoey. Her eyes sparkled with mischief and love, and he knew. She had found work as an Uber driver, and she had decided to surprise him, to meet him halfway on this journey of love and redemption.
In that moment, Toji-tan knew that their love was real, that it was strong enough to conquer the demons of their past and the fears of their future. He knew that together, they could face the world, hand in hand, hearts entwined. And as the car sped through the streets of Florida, he reached out, his fingers brushing against hers, and he knew. He was home.
Most Deserved Ban
- @BrunoMattei 7
- @Das ist dumm 1
- @Equal Rights for Androids 1
- @Get the rope Macaulay! 6
- @Glowie 5
- @S_A_L_T 1
- @Shitty User Stole a Good Name 0
- @slungus22 14
- @Vinluv Handesbukia 31 WINNER!
This award is being given to the Izzat post by @GluttonousManSlob.
Voting is now closed.
IN MEMORIAM
To honor the lolcows we lost in 2025 because the Put to Pasture award was given to Cobes. Not open for voting.
Sara Potter (COD: FAT)
Krzysztof Kononowicz (COD: Pneumonia)
Abdulaziz al-Yami (COD: Complications after suicide attempt)
Rachael Farrokh (COD: THIN)
Josh Saunders (COD: Heart attack)
Akinwale Arobieke (COD: Natural causes)
Joe Winko (COD: Suicide)
Ashley Isaacs (COD: THIN)
Valerie Lynne Glenn (COD: Unknown)
IN MEMORIAM: Kiwis
To honor the Kiwis who passed away in 2025. If you know of others, post them in this thread. Not open for voting.
@Cats
@BrunoMattei
@Second Alter Ego
@apolloday
@Gehenna
@CGoody564
IN MEMORIAM
To honor the lolcows we lost in 2025 because the Put to Pasture award was given to Cobes. Not open for voting.
Sara Potter (COD: FAT)
Krzysztof Kononowicz (COD: Pneumonia)
Abdulaziz al-Yami (COD: Complications after suicide attempt)
Rachael Farrokh (COD: THIN)
Josh Saunders (COD: Heart attack)
Akinwale Arobieke (COD: Natural causes)
Joe Winko (COD: Suicide)
Ashley Isaacs (COD: THIN)
Valerie Lynne Glenn (COD: Unknown)
IN MEMORIAM: Kiwis
To honor the Kiwis who passed away in 2025. If you know of others, post them in this thread. Not open for voting.
@Cats
@BrunoMattei
@Second Alter Ego
@apolloday
@Gehenna
@CGoody564
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