😵‍💫 Skitzocow Taxman / Kyle Hawkins

[TonySnark]

I'm sorry but I just cant unsee it...

Spoiler

Separated at birth?

I though he looked like an autistic Eric Stoltz.

 

[Phil Ken Sebben]

He recently uploaded another video, this one at work with an innocent bystander oblivious to his closet racism:
https://youtube.com/watch?v=4_HiB_aHfFE

Oh yeah, this really proves he knows his stuff. All it really comes down to is how well he's able to peddle his bullshit, how gullible the person he's talking to is and how far he's willing to go to make a sale.

A standard trick of the trade is to sound like you know what you're talking about even if you have no clue. Pepper it up with some descriptions, some food pairings that are usually written on the bottle and realize that most people have no clue when it comes to a good wine or beer. A T-bone steak goes great with a glass of Cabernet Sauvignon or a Shiraz. They're both big and bold and can stand up to the steak. But so can a white like Chardonnay or Sauvignon Blanc. They have enough structure and backbone but also have that crispness that can cleanse your palate and cut through the fat of the steak. I'll tell you right now that I don't drink white wine but if somebody came into the restaurant and wanted a steak but didn't like a red, those would be the ones I suggested. For all I know they actually work well with steak but so long as I said it like I believed it the clients also believed it.

Besides, I think it was David Chang (celebrity chef and owner of Momofuku) that said one of the best beers to serve is Budweiser because it goes with everything. It doesn't actually complement the food but because it's so light and has such little flavor you can literally serve it with just about anything. He might very well be right, but you'll never find me ordering a Bud.

 

[CatParty]

Oh yeah, this really proves he knows his stuff. All it really comes down to is how well he's able to peddle his bullshit, how gullible the person he's talking to is and how far he's willing to go to make a sale.

A standard trick of the trade is to sound like you know what you're talking about even if you have no clue. Pepper it up with some descriptions, some food pairings that are usually written on the bottle and realize that most people have no clue when it comes to a good wine or beer. A T-bone steak goes great with a glass of Cabernet Sauvignon or a Shiraz. They're both big and bold and can stand up to the steak. But so can a white like Chardonnay or Sauvignon Blanc. They have enough structure and backbone but also have that crispness that can cleanse your palate and cut through the fat of the steak. I'll tell you right now that I don't drink white wine but if somebody came into the restaurant and wanted a steak but didn't like a red, those would be the ones I suggested. For all I know they actually work well with steak but so long as I said it like I believed it the clients also believed it.

Besides, I think it was David Chang (celebrity chef and owner of Momofuku) that said one of the best beers to serve is Budweiser because it goes with everything. It doesn't actually complement the food but because it's so light and has such little flavor you can literally serve it with just about anything. He might very well be right, but you'll never find me ordering a Bud.

Kinda hard to sound sophisticated when he peppers in the pony craziness. You have to be real special to think you're in a relationship with a cartoon.
Bronies are bad enough to begin with, but these headmate freaks are cream of the crop autism.

 

[Phil Ken Sebben]

Kinda hard to sound sophisticated when he peppers in the pony craziness. You have to be real special to think you're in a relationship with a cartoon.
Bronies are bad enough to begin with, but these headmate freaks are cream of the crop autism.

Can't argue with you there.

I've really got nothing specific against ponyfags, after all I love all things Batman more than any straight man should, but when you start getting into headmates and actually saying you're going to go to Equestria like it's a real place then you have fucking major psychological issues.

 

[Felon's Apprentice]

Oh yeah, this really proves he knows his stuff. All it really comes down to is how well he's able to peddle his bullshit, how gullible the person he's talking to is and how far he's willing to go to make a sale.

This is all true, but he really, really doesn't come across as the smooth-talking salesperson type in his videos. The reverse, in fact. He must have really tolerant/easily-swayed customers.

A standard trick of the trade is to sound like you know what you're talking about even if you have no clue. Pepper it up with some descriptions, some food pairings that are usually written on the bottle and realize that most people have no clue when it comes to a good wine or beer. A T-bone steak goes great with a glass of Cabernet Sauvignon or a Shiraz. They're both big and bold and can stand up to the steak. But so can a white like Chardonnay or Sauvignon Blanc. They have enough structure and backbone but also have that crispness that can cleanse your palate and cut through the fat of the steak. I'll tell you right now that I don't drink white wine but if somebody came into the restaurant and wanted a steak but didn't like a red, those would be the ones I suggested. For all I know they actually work well with steak but so long as I said it like I believed it the clients also believed it.

There's probably some Emperor's New Clothes involved too. Whoever buys or picks the wine/beer will lose a lot of face if everyone else thinks it's rubbish, and if it's Dad or Mum or someone else who's enough of an authority figure for everyone else, chances are they won't want to complain about it too much even if they don't like it.

 

[MasterDisaster]

So I gotta ask since he's been talking about this for awhile now...he says he's got this potion (poison) that's supposed to magically transport his stupid ass to a magical land of ponies and pony fucking; is he keeping the recipe secret so no one beats him to the punch? How many ingredients does this doom drink need? Is there any chance it won't drive him batshit crazy when it doesn't work/kill him? I just get the horrible impression they'll find him dead, naked in bed and surrounded with all his MLP shit and a manifesto describing how shit went down and how he's gone off to Equestria to stick his dick in cartoon critters.

 

[Phil Ken Sebben]

Well I take back what I said about him only drinking the cheap stuff.

In his new video he does sperg a bit about the stuff he's drank and shows us an empty bottle of Chateau Margaux 1985. That's a $500 bottle of wine. That is wine that I'd love to try but would never actually pay any money for because unless you have money to burn, you buy a $500 bottle of wine either because you're an idiot or you're trying to impress somebody. Seriously. I defy any wine drinker to tell the difference between a $500 Chateau Margaux and a $50.00 Bordeaux.

Oh, and for more lulz, I found a hidden video from this guy where he talks about being kicked out of his own community that he helped found.

So I gotta ask since he's been talking about this for awhile now...he says he's got this potion (poison) that's supposed to magically transport his stupid ass to a magical land of ponies and pony fucking; is he keeping the recipe secret so no one beats him to the punch? How many ingredients does this doom drink need? Is there any chance it won't drive him batshit crazy when it doesn't work/kill him? I just get the horrible impression they'll find him dead, naked in bed and surrounded with all his MLP shit and a manifesto describing how shit went down and how he's gone off to Equestria to stick his dick in cartoon critters.

Oh I figure it's going to go all Heaven's Gate before he's done. Some of his spergy friends will show up to join him on his quest and the end result will be several less ponyfags in the world. Media attention will be high, ponyfags will be in the crosshairs but eventually the furor will die down although this might actually kill the franchise or at the very least deal it a serious blow.

 

[The Oddball from MLW]

So I gotta ask since he's been talking about this for awhile now...he says he's got this potion (poison) that's supposed to magically transport his stupid ass to a magical land of ponies and pony fucking; is he keeping the recipe secret so no one beats him to the punch? How many ingredients does this doom drink need? Is there any chance it won't drive him batshit crazy when it doesn't work/kill him? I just get the horrible impression they'll find him dead, naked in bed and surrounded with all his MLP shit and a manifesto describing how shit went down and how he's gone off to Equestria to stick his dick in cartoon critters.

From what I've read, Curio gave him the potion, so the potion itself isn't anything more than a mental construct.

 

[MasterDisaster]

Well I take back what I said about him only drinking the cheap stuff.

In his new video he does sperg a bit about the stuff he's drank and shows us an empty bottle of Chateau Margaux 1985. That's a $500 bottle of wine. That is wine that I'd love to try but would never actually pay any money for because unless you have money to burn, you buy a $500 bottle of wine either because you're an idiot or you're trying to impress somebody. Seriously. I defy any wine drinker to tell the difference between a $500 Chateau Margaux and a $50.00 Bordeaux.

Hell, I could save you even more money with a far less fancy bottle of Two Buck Chuck. I heard it's nothing to really rave about but it's more of a blue collar kind of wine, something that isn't utter shit but doesn't make you feel like you wasted your money of piss water. It'll get you drunk, make you feel fancy for doing it and you'll be the envy of all your white trash friends not-withholding as you sip it from wine glass like a dapper man.

 

[The Oddball from MLW]

Well I take back what I said about him only drinking the cheap stuff.

In his new video he does sperg a bit about the stuff he's drank and shows us an empty bottle of Chateau Margaux 1985. That's a $500 bottle of wine. That is wine that I'd love to try but would never actually pay any money for because unless you have money to burn, you buy a $500 bottle of wine either because you're an idiot or you're trying to impress somebody. Seriously. I defy any wine drinker to tell the difference between a $500 Chateau Margaux and a $50.00 Bordeaux.

Oh, and for more lulz, I found a hidden video from this guy where he talks about being kicked out of his own community that he helped found.
https://youtube.com/watch?v=yPLlNm1MGjg

Oh I figure it's going to go all Heaven's Gate before he's done. Some of his spergy friends will show up to join him on his quest and the end result will be several less ponyfags in the world. Media attention will be high, ponyfags will be in the crosshairs but eventually the furor will die down although this might actually kill the franchise or at the very least deal it a serious blow.

Likely not. It would bring infamity to the franchise for some time, causing viewership to go up as people flock to see how this innocent children's show spawned a cult. This would almost immediately cause people like Alex Jones to claim MLP is satanic. But it likely will be vaguely mentioned in the news on local TV.

 

[Phil Ken Sebben]

Hell, I could save you even more money with a far less fancy bottle of Two Buck Chuck. I heard it's nothing to really rave about but it's more of a blue collar kind of wine, something that isn't utter shit but doesn't make you feel like you wasted your money of piss water. It'll get you drunk, make you feel fancy for doing it and you'll be the envy of all your white trash friends not-withholding as you sip it from wine glass like a dapper man.

Yeah but if you're drinking just to get drunk that's one thing and honestly I feel it's a waste of good wine. If you want to get hammered there are very cheap wines out there that are made to drink easily. Mad Dog 20/20 comes to mind but I don't know anybody outside of college that actually drinks that stuff. Two Buck Chuck is a bit of a step up but it's still nowhere near being a "good" wine".

Likely not. It would bring infamity to the franchise for some time, causing viewership to go up as people flock to see how this innocent children's show spawned a cult. This would almost immediately cause people like Alex Jones to claim MLP is satanic. But it likely will be vaguely mentioned in the news on local TV.

Could be, don't know why that deserved a "disagree" but you forget that this is the company that removed an episode with a retarded pony because a group of parents complained it made fun of retards. If a bunch of ponyfags died by drinking a "potion" so they could go to Equestria for realsies you can bet that there would be more than just a little media coverage on it.

 

[Piga Dgrifm]

So, is his new waifu his OC? That's even more autistic.

 

[The Oddball from MLW]

Could be, don't know why that deserved a "disagree" but you forget that this is the company that removed an episode with a retarded pony because a group of parents complained it made fun of retards. If a bunch of ponyfags died by drinking a "potion" so they could go to Equestria for realsies you can bet that there would be more than just a little media coverage on it.

You know the chapel hill shooting? The media pecked at it for like two weeks then virtually forgot about it. The same would be with Tax. If this ended up like Waco with a standoff, it would generate hordes of attention. However, the fact that Tax is racist and ex-military would spark a firestorm on conspiracy news sites. Seeing how weird fringe incidents happen a lot, (ie: School shootings inspired by Doom, Beevis and Butthead inspired house fires, etc.) the franchise won't be affected too much.

 

[Ruin]

You know the chapel hill shooting? The media pecked at it for like two weeks then virtually forgot about it. The same would be with Tax. If this ended up like Waco with a standoff, it would generate hordes of attention.

Nah. Most of the media is in bed with the Tumblr school of politics. A white male autist who dies in a shootout with cops won't even make the front page. Rush and Hannity might spend a night or two giggling over the pony aspect but that's pretty much it.

 

[Bungleboy]

I'm hoping for a drunken repeat of Mr. Hands myself.

 

[Ravenor]

Besides, I think it was David Chang (celebrity chef and owner of Momofuku) that said one of the best beers to serve is Budweiser because it goes with everything. It doesn't actually complement the food but because it's so light and has such little flavor you can literally serve it with just about anything. He might very well be right, but you'll never find me ordering a Bud.

I have read that before and I think that he was talking about the Czech stuff not the American brand drunk the world over an regretted the next day, there is a distinct difference between the two.

 

[Phil Ken Sebben]

I have read that before and I think that he was talking about the Czech stuff not the American brand drunk the world over an regretted the next day, there is a distinct difference between the two.

Oh no. He genuinely loves shitty beer with his food and will ask for Bud, Natty Ice or whatever other swill they might have.

You know the chapel hill shooting? The media pecked at it for like two weeks then virtually forgot about it. The same would be with Tax. If this ended up like Waco with a standoff, it would generate hordes of attention. However, the fact that Tax is racist and ex-military would spark a firestorm on conspiracy news sites. Seeing how weird fringe incidents happen a lot, (ie: School shootings inspired by Doom, Beevis and Butthead inspired house fires, etc.) the franchise won't be affected too much.

I really don't agree but arguing about this is fucking autistic as hell. Let's just wait and see what happens when he doesn't manage to get to Equestria. If the news doesn't cover this or blow it out of proportion then I'll buy you a beer.

 

[DuckbilledPlaty]

"If you come back to me , there will be a place for you in equestria".
"I know your address"
"When I was in California I was only a hour away from you, That proves I care enough about you to not do something...stupid."

Oh shit. If I were that guy the worry I would live with.

 

[LurkerTheLurker]

Too bad he's full of regular ole' human blood...just like the rest of us. Going on record here when I secretly hope he's in an accident and finds himself in a need of a blood transfusion; only to awaken later and find out his donor was (GASP!) black!

Amen to that! Kindness transcends race, creed, and third thing.

So, is his new waifu his OC? That's even more autistic.

This 'Curio' he refers to very often is male. I think the word would be 'husbando,' but pretty much, yeah.

I really don't agree but arguing about this is fucking autistic as hell. Let's just wait and see what happens when he doesn't manage to get to Equestria. If the news doesn't cover this or blow it out of proportion then I'll buy you a beer.

You just told the 'oddball from MLW' you'd buy him a beer. I'm not sure what to say about that, but good luck.

Oh shit. If I were that guy the worry I would live with.

Midnight's female, unless you're using the word 'guy' gender-neutrally. Which makes this even weirder, considering that Tax is very, very gay.

Man, I feel like freaking Tumblr for correcting people about whatever gender whoever is. One of you promise to shoot me if I turn, please.

Tax is pretty harmless, I'd say, as strange as it sounds. He can scarcely harm himself, let alone another person. The guy talks the talk, but doesn't walk the walk. You know?

 

[Shugo]

This video started out so promising for his mental health...

House tours seem tied to disturbed cows, huh?

In relation to the car rant video, Taxman references "Moonman, the most notorious member of the KKK." If you have no clue who Moonman is, it's a person who took on the persona of a character with a huge moon face who was used in a few McDonald's commercials in the 80s, to advertise staying open late. He then uses the character to rap about using synthesized voices the KKK, killing niggers, Jews, white supremacy, etc as parodies to popular songs such as The Fresh Prince of Bel Air's theme song. It's easy to see why /pol/ started giving him attention. Here's a sample: