Tabletop Roleplaying Games (D&D, Pathfinder, CoC, ETC.)

[Adamska]

Just another one page(technically two page) meme system.
If you want something that took longer than a few hours to create there's Monsters of Murka, which is supposed to be a parody setting based on that one country.
It has some very creative monsters

These are from their kickstarterpage, there's also a troll trump called tromp but the image won't load. I'm waiting for someone to reupload it so I can see just how dated it's going to be in four years.

Three different versions of the same guy is pathetic and obsessive. No Cocaine Mitch on his Skullthrone? CN Rand Paul? Sleepy Ben as a psion? Come on, try harder.

 

[Corn Flakes]

Three different versions of the same guy is pathetic and obsessive. No Cocaine Mitch on his Skullthrone? CN Rand Paul? Sleepy Ben as a psion? Come on, try harder.

Seriously. At least give us Mitch as a Tortle.

If you're going to make a fool of yourself with your stupid political views and put it on the Internet, at least put some effort into it.

 

[TFT-A9]

You're not dealing with particularly imaginative people here.

 

[Corn Flakes]

You're not dealing with particularly imaginative people here.

That's true. So much for "creatives" working on games based on imagination. No wonder they want "representation" in everything. They literally cannot imagine being or acting as if they're other people.

 

[WinchesterPremium]

Just another one page(technically two page) meme system.
If you want something that took longer than a few hours to create there's Monsters of Murka, which is supposed to be a parody setting based on that one country.
It has some very creative monsters

These are from their kickstarterpage, there's also a troll trump called tromp but the image won't load. I'm waiting for someone to reupload it so I can see just how dated it's going to be in four years.

To be perfectly fair all the art and models look competently done. There is enough talent here that it feels like they're trying instead of running a scam.

I'll see if I can find a copy of the PDF to do a Kiwi Farms review sperging.

 

[TFT-A9]

That's true. So much for "creatives" working on games based on imagination. No wonder they want "representation" in everything. They literally cannot imagine being or acting as if they're other people.

It's almost as if they're actually terrible at the whole "roleplaying" thing and it's almost as if everyone should ignore their input on anything to do with the genre

 

[Corn Flakes]

It's almost as if they're actually terrible at the whole "roleplaying" thing and it's almost as if everyone should ignore their input on anything to do with the genre

Man, what a notion. I don't think anyone has ever thought of that. Who knows, maybe once the publishers realize woke people spend longer writing down their pronouns than they do rolling dice (or buying their products), we could try that tactic. It might just work.

 

[WinchesterPremium]

/tg/ is dragging their heels on this one, but there is a 35 page sample on the Drive Through RPG to give everyone a taste.

Spoiler: Content warning: Sperging and Female Trump Goblins

The first 5 pages are taken up by the usual list of kickstarter backers, random acknowledgments, and legal stuff. Only thing to actually note here is this little quote:

Disclaimer:Any similarities between monsters depicted in this book and monsters who actually exist are purely coincidental.

Har har. Judging by the page numbers the sample should take us halfway through Chapter 2. We miss out on everything from the cities of "Sea-addled, Washtown, Holly Woods (wait that one isn't even a pun), in addition to the Monsters, Spells, and Pantheon. Apparently opposing The Don's faction there appears to be the "Anti-gang" and "Communal Party". There are some "haha this is a real thing but its in a game now" stuff like Arnold Swatzinager and the Wizard of the Coast expies.

Now we get into the text. I had vaguely been hoping this would be a more even-handed saterization after hearing the faction names, but the About This Book killed that hope. Why did I write this book? I was bored. Then I liked the setting and thought maybe it'd let me punch up and make a difference. This is followed by a trigger warning: This book contains GUNS SLAVERY OPPRESSION VIOLENCE AND MORE! Talk to your GM for a session to make sure that you don't get triggered and have him remove things that would ruin this game for you poor little guy. There is a pointless HHGttG reference and a paragraph asking the reader to complain to them if they arn't inclusive enough.

Next page: The Forward. It can be summarized to "Autism on the concept of Satire", for a full page. It promises to break up echo chambers and bring people together but I'm not holding my breath. You know a book is going to be funny when it spends so much time explaining what funny is and why it is important to be funny.

Chapter 1: Shirtless Trump Goblins doing that flag raising thing. Overview: What is Murka?

Its America. Said in a paragraph of vaguely silly "we're the land of explosions who invented freedom" that you've seen before. Its at least vaguely patriotic and brings up some positives among the sillyness.

How will you survive in this world gone insane, where father fights son, friends fight one another, and everyone is offended?

So The Don is elected King but decides to call himself The Don. The country is divided. Politics across the nation is dominated by cities, there is different weather (including a Sharknado reference), industrialization is causing Green Lightning to set half the nation on fire.

Current events:
Orange man bad.
ICE Expy is arresting people
Seattle and Holly Woods are succeeding
Magitech used primarily for social networking
Trump is declaring war on foreign nations
Bad economy means that people are poor and do crimes. They're called The Weary in case that comes up.

Past Events (AKA history):
Basically starts out as just history, except the British expy discovered it for some reason. The Indians get nature magic (naturally). There is a second sharknado reference for some reason. Indians get genocided. They're is an unironically awesome picture of this world's George Washington:

But overall...its just American history with some vaguely silly name changes.

I do love the art though.

And it continues on like that. The American revolution happens but Washington is named Wash. Manifest Destiny happens but its called Manufactured Destiny instead. If you're the kind of autist who thinks something having a vaguely different name is funny you could possibly find this hilarious. I'm not one of them. For some reason slavery gets pushed back to making railroads instead of just always being there. Murca updated the not-quite-guns into guns in a sidebar. The Civil war happens over slavery. It turns the South into aggressors who invaded because Not-Lincoln freed all the slaves in the North after they already succeeded. The not-British turn into the Not-Nazis presumably just so we don't have to make another foreign empire. The Not-Nazis bomb not-Pearl Harbor so Not-America invades Not-Britian. They discover a not-nuke and unleash it on the enemy, it summons demons and makes the area uninhabitable. There was a not-holocaust and the not-nazi-scientists get hired by the not-Americans. Not-Russia has a revolution and there is a Not-cold war. Not-Stallin is a mage king so magic becomes a metaphor for communism. It is vaguely pro magic/communism. Magitech becomes a thing. Presumably it was already a thing since they had magic guns and magic nukes, so I'm not sure how this was a change. Twitter is a magic bird. Facebook is a thing. Wikis are libraries.

TLDR: You could have just said "History was the same but with silly names and magic" and you'd be done. I'm pretty sure none of this is ever going to come up in play until you get to the modern stuff.

Anyway, Trump gets elected. We Live in a Society (Their words). His supporters are:
1. The creatures he made himself pictured in the other guy's post
2. Racist human supremacists

Which is weird since he isn't human but whatever.

His opposition is the Communal Party. Aka commies. Its vaguely supportive of them but pictures them as naive.

The Shadow Kingdom: "Queen Killary's" deepstate. They burn her not-emails and make her enemies suicide themselves.

Anti-Gang: Antifa. Takes orders from Killary. "While they're not entirely wrong..."

The Weary: Poor people. Not sure why they get a fancy title or are considered a faction.

Now we get into Stereotypes. I'm sure this will be fun. Most people are white human with human privilege. Tradition VS progress is a thing. Some people want gun control.

The snowflake society thing is kind of clever.

There are not-cops. Progressives don't like not cops. Americans eat a lot of food. Americans think success is cool.

We're now 25 pages in, and what have we learned? This setting is America but with magic and funny names. A lot of this felt like unnecessary fluff, especially given that it is essentially just real world events with tiny changes and the occasional dry joke.

Chapter 2: Electric Ghost Tesla with that one guy from League of Legends or whatever. The art has been consistently good.

Now time for PLAYER OPTIONS! Are you ready for the background choices?
Undergrad but with two As: You went to college and are now in a massive amount of debt. This is your class feature. The people you are indebted to might save you so you can pay it off.

Lawyer/Judge: You're a lawyer, judge, paralegal, or intern. You can fill out paperwork and find legal documents. Or you can pick an alternative where rich people like you.

Redneck but we used a different shade of red: You can shoot guns and speak Southern. Class feature is you can take advantage of southern hospitality.

The Illuminated: Artificer alternative. You can channel the spirits of long dead Artificer's, presumably what Tesla was doing in the chapter picture. You can pick a number of magic/ magic like powers based off of who you are channeling from a list. There is a boring name change for each American scientist. Karver lets you work with plants, Kolt lets you work with firearms, Tezzla lets you shoot lightning...this game really likes blatant name changes for an unfathomable reason. They're are pages of these with their rules.

Barbarian Alternative: Gainz. Peak satire is changing the spelling of something. Gym barbarians - or as the game calls it "brobarians or babearians". Class features: Can make steroid "brotien" shakes. Makes anyone who eats it rage, turns Brobarian's rage into a "roid-rage". Roid rage gives three bonuses in return for getting you poisoned after it wears off. You become proficient in heavy armor and can use all non-Reach weapons one handed.

Well the art is still on-point.

Bard Alternative: Warrior Poetry: Its rap. You get a fancy dagger that only seems to exist for a bad joke and can slightly increase some things that get cut off because I'm at the end of the previews.

All in all it kinda forget it was about Trump after all the other stuff got tacked on. Which is probably a good thing given that not even the crazy fans could take 200+ pages of Trump fan fiction.

I'd like to end it there, but I also got my hands on an earlier sample. From a simpler time. No history lesson here. Trump just lied his way into office with false promises, twisted his followers into monsters, and wanted to build a wall. So to recap Orange Man Bad. Here we can actually see the stats of the monsters used. "Haha the trump goblin is armed with a hamfist! Because he's hamfisted!" "Haha the trump goblins are loud and obnoxious and narcissistic and in an echo chamber!"

But the art was always good.

Overall it feels like they started with a bland joke, "What if Donald Trump was the bad guy in our DND campaign? No...what if he was all the bad guys in the DND campaign?" then decided that putting real things into a DND game was a money maker and just did that to fill the rest of the pages. The artificer alternative felt like a homebrew from a completely different thing given how much screen time it got compared to the "Haha our barbarian is a body builder". If I had to guess at the rest of the content, we'd be looking at "Haha its Hollywood but in DND isn't that wacky"? for all the Holly Wood content, and essentially the same for the rest of it. Despite basically ripping off history the narrative isn't that well put together. They pretend like trains are some fancy new thing when they're history has steam trains existing hundreds of years ago as a major plot point for example. Or the fact that Donald was voted in legitimately (which it hammers in) when he doesn't seem to have any support among the population.

In the end its biggest sin is it just isn't very funny. Its hard to make a funny RPG book. Unlike when you're playing the RPG the jokes have to work consistently. Like how RPGs act as a setup to stories instead of telling a story, funny RPGs have to act as a set up to jokes instead of telling jokes. And its hard to be funny with just the setup to a joke. This book ends up resorting to just making jokes. If you tried to play it the jokes would get old fast since they're already told. Yes, we get it; the bad guy is smelly and dumb and looks like Trump just like it was 30 minutes ago. Yes, we get it; the barbarian is a weight lifter stereotype like he was last session. The game already told the joke and jokes get less funny every time you hear them. Even if you thought the jokes where funny in the first place it would fade fast.

 

[Swiss46]

That Washington art is the best part of the preview.

. Manifest Destiny happens but its called Manufactured Destiny instead

As far as RPG books go that joke isn't terrible.

The Shadow Kingdom: "Queen Killary's" deepstate. They burn her not-emails and make her enemies suicide themselves.

I hope they have Hillary Goblins. Maybe Bill can be a sax bard.

 

[WinchesterPremium]

That Washington art is the best part of the preview.

As far as RPG books go that joke isn't terrible.

I hope they have Hillary Goblins. Maybe Bill can be a sax bard.

I did find some art of Killary:

Spoiler: The art really is consistently high quality

I might have not hammered it in but the book does have a lot of art, and much of it is good. It has the feel of a professional book. There is good presentation throughout.

 

[RomanesEuntDomus]

It's almost as if they're actually terrible at the whole "roleplaying" thing and it's almost as if everyone should ignore their input on anything to do with the genre

ftfy

 

[DDBCAE CBAADCBE]

Oh this sounds like it's going places.

Hey, I was writing a part one for the story on Reddit and thought I'd share it here.

Spoiler: The Story Of The Argahla Adventure Part 1

Spoiler: It's REALLY long.

This is going to be my first time properly sitting down and typing out this story in it’s entirety so please bear with me as I attempt to explain what happened. I suppose I should start by saying that I had met the DM initially through a friend and had him as a player wherein he had varying levels of success with his characters which I personally believe sheds a little bit of a light on some of the actions he will commit going forward against his own players. We quickly became close friends and over time I began to see signs of less than desirable behaviors wherein all manner of games were concerned. He really didn’t like losing and would often throw tantrums if he lost to the point that I felt the need to apologize for him on several different occasions.

Eventually he came to me and proposed making his own homebrew D&D setting which he boasted was going to be a serious Rome inspired sandbox where we could go anywhere we pleased. He pitched the whole thing as the party fighting back an invading force of foreigners from the north. However, what we received in reality fell short of every promise he had made. Without going into too much excruciating detail allow me to summarize the issues with the actual development of this campaign before we get into the adventure proper. The map itself while certainly not the worst I have ever seen was a bit of a mess resembling Florida if you turned it into a clawed gauntlet, the thumb of which was bedazzled by a land presumably covered in massive crystal like structures which the DM to this day still has no idea what to do with. So far as I know he never actually gave it a purpose or actually considered it beyond it looking neat. The naming conventions he used for towns and cities was mostly fine but there were a few hiccups as I recall like Merfempol, named such because according to him there were mermaids that lived nearby but specifically only female ones. Personally, I think it sounds pretty tacky. Finally we come to the lore doc which itself lacked much in the way of lore at all instead seeming to consist of a very general statement about the main continent which by itself wasn’t bad and finally a list of gods unique to this setting. The gods are a fucking mess to say the least. I’ll go over the ones I remember off the top of my head briefly here. The first god on the list was Twil, a painfully obvious reference to the My Little Pony character Twilight in that not only is Twil a god of magic and knowledge but their holy symbol is literally just Twilight’s cutie mark from the show. That shit is embarrassing. Moving on we have Tongualingus, pronounced like cunalingus, because why not. Let me remind you that this campaign is supposed to be serious according to the DM. Next up we have Luto, a god of trickery and bards. His name as you have probably realized is just the word lute with the e changed to an o. The DM confirmed that this was intentional and I reflexively rolled my eyes at him. There were a few others whose names I can’t quite remember but were remarkably better and considerably more original as far as I could tell at a glance so I’ll leave them out. The real stand out however was the so called Mother Of Monsters who was described to me in private as being a unnaturally tall dark skinned woman with the head of a bull and an equine penis with multiple heads like an echidna. Yes, you heard me right. For some reason the DM in describing this goddess to me decided that it was information I need to know. Now to his credit however I don’t think he ever disclosed that to any of the other players.

Now as for the setup with the party he wanted to do four players minimum with a 32 to point buy and a maximum of 18 purchasable points in any given stat before racial modifiers. I tried to dissuade him from this as he was only a first time DM and besides myself we were going to have one other veteran player who though generally a great player also tends towards power gaming to an extreme at points and minmaxing which can prove quite a hurdle for new DMs. He proceeded to brag that his plan was fool proof and practically dared me to try and make something he couldn’t handle. So I did, albeit only after having several other characters rejected on the grounds that he didn’t know how to integrate them into the story... which as I would later find out was his way of saying that they didn’t have any immediate loved ones he could kidnap or kill for cheap story drama.

The party that we ended up going with consisted of myself and three other players, two of which were entirely new to D&D while as I stated above the rest of us were veterans of 3.5 and 5e. The other veteran of the group played a goliath ranger who had little in the way of remarkable personality but was overall a fine character. I believe his backstory was something like he had been a farmer turned forest guide or something but I could be misremembering. The other two players were a couple out of character but played their characters as having never met. The first was the half-elf bard whom as I recall was a local celebrity in game and a bit of a ditz. She played her character spectacularly and was a general delight in every session. Her boyfriend on the other hand played a half-drow rouge who lived in the sewers with his dog, Potato. He was also pretty great, though it was clear early on that he didn’t know how to play a rogue. He got considerably better though. Finally I played a 600+ year old eladrin fighter who specialized in archery. In game she was a war hero and local legend who had gone into retirement. Now I know snippets of the other character’s backstories but mine was considerably extensive and even held reference to my backup character should something happen to my current one. That is to say I discussed this backstory with DM at length making sure he was fine with everything, and explicitly pointed out that there was a backup character built in should it be required. I say this now because near the end of our friendship I was accused of never writing a backstory and giving the DM nothing to work with. Even Ranger’s player who memory opposite of an elephant called the DM our on this obvious bullshit.

DM insisted on a session zero to which I protested saying “They’re going to forget everything single thing you told them before session one and at least two of them won’t have character sheets.” Sure enough session one rolls around and I and Bard are the only one with completed character sheets while I remain the only player who remembers any of what was explained in session zero. Pretty typical. This is why you should take notes.

So into the story proper we open up at the capital city wherein we are to meet with the Empress’ council about a job. So we each individually head to the palace and everything is pretty great role playing wise. I’ll give DM credit where it’s due, he excels at describing areas and such and generally role plays very well as a DM. I’d even say in some regards he does a better job than I do at that. Suffice to say I was impressed with his performance with this being his first time and had really high hopes for the adventure ahead. So we meet the empress’ aides in this fancy lounge area and here we learn two distinctly odd things. First, the empress’ name is Zoe, as in Zoey. I couldn’t help but audibly snicker at this when the DM mentioned it which got me a glare. As an aside it took me literally a few seconds to find the baby name list he was using to name characters. It was literally the first listing for Roman names on google. Second, all of the important people including Empress Zoey had an anime eske streak of vibrant color in their hair that was meant to signify their rank. I’m happy to say I wasn’t the only person rolling my eyes at that. We’re told by the aides that apparently people have been disappearing on their way through the jungle to the north which is part of an important trade route. We’re told that we need to investigate at which point the Empress arrives and tells us what our specific roles are to be in this endeavor. Bard was given the job of being the groups diplomat. Rogue didn’t get a role really because as will become apparent later on his character is practically a civilian. In fact, I genuinely forget why his character was hired for the job. It’s not in my notes, which tells me it was probably never mentioned. Ranger was hired on as a guide for the group, and finally I was meant to protect the party on their travels. I would like to pause for a moment and preface what is about to be said with the fact that I had told DM early on that I wanted more of a background role as I wanted to give our new players a chance to really shine and come into their own so to speak. So as we’re leaving the palace Zoey pulls me aside and decides to be like “Oh hey, you that guy from your backstory that you were like totally in love with and who is currently taking care of your child... yeah well we sent him up there too and now he’s missing along with your son.” So I roll my eyes and let it slide while the session is going on. I’m really not a big fan of cheap drama like this, it’s lazy and though it can be done right I still have a general distaste for it. Anyways I talked to DM about it later and after some fussing on his part he relented and retconned it since that was my backup character and it was a stupid unnecessary plot hook. As he described it, I simply didn’t have any motivation to do the adventure otherwise which I don’t need to tell you I’d fucking stupid. Back to session one, we leave the palace and head out of town after hitting up a few shops and bonding, oh and we picked up a sacrifice to burn outside of the jungle to appease the forest goddess. Eventually night falls around the time that we reach an elevated quarry where we decide to camp out. I decide to take the high ground up on the hill to keep watch as DM describes obvious rock monsters disguising themselves as weird looking boulders. At this point Rogue had left to go to work leaving us a party of three but DM seemingly doesn’t change the encounter to reflect that and instead makes even more of them as combat begins populating them right next to me even though they hadn’t been there a moment before. To be clear he went out of his way last minute to print up extra tokens because he didn’t like that I was trying to gain a tactical advantage by being on elevated terrain where no monsters were. It’s not even like we didn’t know the rocks were monsters. In character we were all like “Probably rock monsters.” And the ones that populated around me didn’t even burrow their way up from the ground or something it was just like “They were there the whole time” which I and the rest of the party called him out on considering the rocks had been specifically marked on the map and I wasn’t anywhere remotely close to them. Anyways we kill the rock people and RP that Rogue slept through it. That’s about were session one ends. Though we did get DM to admit that he had been unfair on purpose.

Session two picks up with us leaving the quarry and heading for the mouth of the jungle which takes a whole day in which time I and Ranger decide we need to hunt down a better sacrifice for the forest goddess because she’s a notorious bitch and all Zoey gave us was a fox. We kill a buck I think and settle for using that and eventually night falls again. We set up camp around a big tree and start a fire. I climb up into the tree and make myself comfortable as again I plan to keep watch. Eventually I notice bandits coming out of the trees, around 8 of them and a 9th who is clearly the leader. The 8 stay back while the leader approaches our camp and tells us to hand over our stuff. Ranger tells him no, Bard wants to negotiate, and Rogue is worried about the safety of his dog. Meanwhile I’ve had my bow trained on this dumb fuck since I spotted him and am sufficiently stealthed, holding my action to shoot him if he tries anything. The bandit leader goes to whistle for his men and I shoot him in the shoulder before he can. DM tells us to roll initiative and I get the highest by a wide margin as my dex is 20. Most of us beat the bandits in initiative and I shoot the leader again for good measure only for my teammates to literally do nothing with their turns because they want to try talking it out... even though I’m being shot at now by bandits. Most of the bandits miss meaning it takes all 8 to put me down at which point I fall behind the tree unconscious whereupon Ranger comes to heal me a little. So I use my fey step to teleport into a nearby tent as the bandits didn’t see where I fell. I then wait while the rest of the party fails to negotiate with the bandits leading to the rogue stabbing the bandit leader in the stomach, the bandit leader stabbing him back and then another bandit shooting rogue in the back and effectively dropping him. At which point I roll out of the tent and shoot the leader taking him down and then roll back into the tent and use my Second Wind to get back some health. Mind you we’re all just level 2. So Ranger and Bard start fighting a single bandit and they’re doing poorly due to rolls. Meanwhile three bandits converge on the tent I’m in a start slashing at it with disadvantage giving me the chance to switch out my bow for two shortswords and murder two of them using my action surge. Ranger and Bard handle their boy and move onto another and this continues until their all dead or escaped and in that time I got dropped again. It was pretty fun despite the bullshit early on. So later on that session after doing our sacrifice we enter the jungle with Ranger leading the way and me pulling up the rear in case of an ambush. Instead of attacking Ranger or literally anyone else in front of me the giant snake that we somehow didn’t see despite Rogue’s 18 perception roll decides to attack me, which we later found out was because DM personally thought I was the biggest threat. Anyways we fight the thing and kill it with Rogue having his first and only moment of glory upon critting a crossbow attack and shooting it in the eye. So later that session we come across an old rotted log blocking the path and I with my 20 dex do a flip over it like a boss which makes DM visibly upset. Bard thinks this is cool as she in character is impressed with and fascinated by the much older elf and tries to replicate this only to fail miserably and break the log open with her hand causing several swarms of bugs to attack. So I use my grappling hook to get high into the trees and invite Rogue to follow me to safety after checking to make sure nothing was up there but DM once again pulls his bullshit and decides I’m actually standing right next to a poisonous snake. This time I didn’t even get a chance to call him out as Ranger and Rogue have my back and eventually DM relents and begrudgingly apologizes. That was the end of session 2 and only the beginning of the tree saga.

Session 3 begins with the revelation that I can use acrobatics and stealth together in the trees and just mitigate DMs bullshit by being a Naruto ninja. So I start doing that much to DMs frustration. We eventually come across a odd salesman with a cart and an owl. I immediately recognize him as one of DMs OCs that he’s constantly crowing about and choose not to engage unless a fight breaks out, instead relegating myself to staying in stealth up in the trees while the party tries to interrogate this weird man who we all suspect is secretly a necromancer because DM doesn’t know what subtle means. Things go uneventfully though and they camp with the guy while I watch Rogue try to rob him. The next day however we start seeing webs everywhere and eventually happen upon a fey spider and his two giant spider cohorts which weirdly is the first time negotiation has worked in this campaign. Bard and I convince him we’ll send him people to feed on later and book it out of there. DM however seems to think that this means the fey spider bested us... anyways we have a few more encounters but nothing of note and we reach level three.

At this point just before session 4 DM has made it clear to me that he doesn’t like me using the trees and claims in private that we bullied him into not putting creatures in the trees to which I explained that putting things in the trees is fine, it’s the fact that they just pop into existence without warning. He continues to be fussy and I refuse to leave the trees on principal at this point... though it also just really fits with how my character would fight anyways, she’s practically a Vietnam war vet if they fought like the Vietnamese, think Big Boss meets Pocahontas. So anyways the party comes to a big river and we decide to take a break here, RP a bit and enjoy the nature, but DM wants to be a dick. So, one thing I haven’t gotten really into yet is Rogue’s terrible luck. He is in many ways who I would consider the main character of the story as he functions as a rather average put upon everyman thrust into this fantastical adventure. A perfect audience surrogate if one wanted to tell this story from a first person view I’d think. Anyways, he has extremely low hp even by Rogue standards and thusly gets downed quickly in every, single, fight, without fail. This specific encounter would start the running gag that he’s just a civilian. So what happened is I was about to swan dive into the deep river from a high branch but Rogue goes in first while Bard and Ranger are cooking. I stop my action to see what happens to Rogue first and DM clearly gets upset and tries to argue that I can’t take it back now even though I had only suggested that it’s what I was thinking of doing. Everyone again comes to my defense thankfully resulting in Rogue getting one shot and dragged under by a water weird. I fire off an arrow and hit it while shouting to my party “Something’s dragged him under!” DM tried to argue that they wouldn’t know what I was talking about since they had been focusing on cooking and immediately everyone jumps on him again about his bullshit. Long story short Ranger dives in after him and Bard and I pelt the creature with arrows and bolts through the water until he’s too far resulting in my first trick shot. I jumped from the branch bow in hand and aim firing right before I would hit the water, killing the water weird, and then using fey step to immediately teleport to the shore without ever getting wet. We saved Rogue and I was back up in my tree before he was even conscious. We never told him I helped. DM was livid of course and his face showed it. Some other encounters happened after that but I really don’t remember much of them because they paled by comparison to the horror of the ThanksIHateItPit.

 

[Kabuki Actor]

I did find some art of Killary:

Spoiler: The art really is consistently high quality

View attachment 1619908

I might have not hammered it in but the book does have a lot of art, and much of it is good. It has the feel of a professional book. There is good presentation throughout.

Tip-tup avatar material.
This artstyle, blonic-and-blails worldbuilding style and specific sort of referential humor all make me flashback to Feast of Legends.

 

[TFT-A9]

Hey, I was writing a part one for the story on Reddit and thought I'd share it here.

Spoiler: The Story Of The Argahla Adventure Part 1

Spoiler: It's REALLY long.

This is going to be my first time properly sitting down and typing out this story in it’s entirety so please bear with me as I attempt to explain what happened. I suppose I should start by saying that I had met the DM initially through a friend and had him as a player wherein he had varying levels of success with his characters which I personally believe sheds a little bit of a light on some of the actions he will commit going forward against his own players. We quickly became close friends and over time I began to see signs of less than desirable behaviors wherein all manner of games were concerned. He really didn’t like losing and would often throw tantrums if he lost to the point that I felt the need to apologize for him on several different occasions.

Eventually he came to me and proposed making his own homebrew D&D setting which he boasted was going to be a serious Rome inspired sandbox where we could go anywhere we pleased. He pitched the whole thing as the party fighting back an invading force of foreigners from the north. However, what we received in reality fell short of every promise he had made. Without going into too much excruciating detail allow me to summarize the issues with the actual development of this campaign before we get into the adventure proper. The map itself while certainly not the worst I have ever seen was a bit of a mess resembling Florida if you turned it into a clawed gauntlet, the thumb of which was bedazzled by a land presumably covered in massive crystal like structures which the DM to this day still has no idea what to do with. So far as I know he never actually gave it a purpose or actually considered it beyond it looking neat. The naming conventions he used for towns and cities was mostly fine but there were a few hiccups as I recall like Merfempol, named such because according to him there were mermaids that lived nearby but specifically only female ones. Personally, I think it sounds pretty tacky. Finally we come to the lore doc which itself lacked much in the way of lore at all instead seeming to consist of a very general statement about the main continent which by itself wasn’t bad and finally a list of gods unique to this setting. The gods are a fucking mess to say the least. I’ll go over the ones I remember off the top of my head briefly here. The first god on the list was Twil, a painfully obvious reference to the My Little Pony character Twilight in that not only is Twil a god of magic and knowledge but their holy symbol is literally just Twilight’s cutie mark from the show. That shit is embarrassing. Moving on we have Tongualingus, pronounced like cunalingus, because why not. Let me remind you that this campaign is supposed to be serious according to the DM. Next up we have Luto, a god of trickery and bards. His name as you have probably realized is just the word lute with the e changed to an o. The DM confirmed that this was intentional and I reflexively rolled my eyes at him. There were a few others whose names I can’t quite remember but were remarkably better and considerably more original as far as I could tell at a glance so I’ll leave them out. The real stand out however was the so called Mother Of Monsters who was described to me in private as being a unnaturally tall dark skinned woman with the head of a bull and an equine penis with multiple heads like an echidna. Yes, you heard me right. For some reason the DM in describing this goddess to me decided that it was information I need to know. Now to his credit however I don’t think he ever disclosed that to any of the other players.

Now as for the setup with the party he wanted to do four players minimum with a 32 to point buy and a maximum of 18 purchasable points in any given stat before racial modifiers. I tried to dissuade him from this as he was only a first time DM and besides myself we were going to have one other veteran player who though generally a great player also tends towards power gaming to an extreme at points and minmaxing which can prove quite a hurdle for new DMs. He proceeded to brag that his plan was fool proof and practically dared me to try and make something he couldn’t handle. So I did, albeit only after having several other characters rejected on the grounds that he didn’t know how to integrate them into the story... which as I would later find out was his way of saying that they didn’t have any immediate loved ones he could kidnap or kill for cheap story drama.

The party that we ended up going with consisted of myself and three other players, two of which were entirely new to D&D while as I stated above the rest of us were veterans of 3.5 and 5e. The other veteran of the group played a goliath ranger who had little in the way of remarkable personality but was overall a fine character. I believe his backstory was something like he had been a farmer turned forest guide or something but I could be misremembering. The other two players were a couple out of character but played their characters as having never met. The first was the half-elf bard whom as I recall was a local celebrity in game and a bit of a ditz. She played her character spectacularly and was a general delight in every session. Her boyfriend on the other hand played a half-drow rouge who lived in the sewers with his dog, Potato. He was also pretty great, though it was clear early on that he didn’t know how to play a rogue. He got considerably better though. Finally I played a 600+ year old eladrin fighter who specialized in archery. In game she was a war hero and local legend who had gone into retirement. Now I know snippets of the other character’s backstories but mine was considerably extensive and even held reference to my backup character should something happen to my current one. That is to say I discussed this backstory with DM at length making sure he was fine with everything, and explicitly pointed out that there was a backup character built in should it be required. I say this now because near the end of our friendship I was accused of never writing a backstory and giving the DM nothing to work with. Even Ranger’s player who memory opposite of an elephant called the DM our on this obvious bullshit.

DM insisted on a session zero to which I protested saying “They’re going to forget everything single thing you told them before session one and at least two of them won’t have character sheets.” Sure enough session one rolls around and I and Bard are the only one with completed character sheets while I remain the only player who remembers any of what was explained in session zero. Pretty typical. This is why you should take notes.

So into the story proper we open up at the capital city wherein we are to meet with the Empress’ council about a job. So we each individually head to the palace and everything is pretty great role playing wise. I’ll give DM credit where it’s due, he excels at describing areas and such and generally role plays very well as a DM. I’d even say in some regards he does a better job than I do at that. Suffice to say I was impressed with his performance with this being his first time and had really high hopes for the adventure ahead. So we meet the empress’ aides in this fancy lounge area and here we learn two distinctly odd things. First, the empress’ name is Zoe, as in Zoey. I couldn’t help but audibly snicker at this when the DM mentioned it which got me a glare. As an aside it took me literally a few seconds to find the baby name list he was using to name characters. It was literally the first listing for Roman names on google. Second, all of the important people including Empress Zoey had an anime eske streak of vibrant color in their hair that was meant to signify their rank. I’m happy to say I wasn’t the only person rolling my eyes at that. We’re told by the aides that apparently people have been disappearing on their way through the jungle to the north which is part of an important trade route. We’re told that we need to investigate at which point the Empress arrives and tells us what our specific roles are to be in this endeavor. Bard was given the job of being the groups diplomat. Rogue didn’t get a role really because as will become apparent later on his character is practically a civilian. In fact, I genuinely forget why his character was hired for the job. It’s not in my notes, which tells me it was probably never mentioned. Ranger was hired on as a guide for the group, and finally I was meant to protect the party on their travels. I would like to pause for a moment and preface what is about to be said with the fact that I had told DM early on that I wanted more of a background role as I wanted to give our new players a chance to really shine and come into their own so to speak. So as we’re leaving the palace Zoey pulls me aside and decides to be like “Oh hey, you that guy from your backstory that you were like totally in love with and who is currently taking care of your child... yeah well we sent him up there too and now he’s missing along with your son.” So I roll my eyes and let it slide while the session is going on. I’m really not a big fan of cheap drama like this, it’s lazy and though it can be done right I still have a general distaste for it. Anyways I talked to DM about it later and after some fussing on his part he relented and retconned it since that was my backup character and it was a stupid unnecessary plot hook. As he described it, I simply didn’t have any motivation to do the adventure otherwise which I don’t need to tell you I’d fucking stupid. Back to session one, we leave the palace and head out of town after hitting up a few shops and bonding, oh and we picked up a sacrifice to burn outside of the jungle to appease the forest goddess. Eventually night falls around the time that we reach an elevated quarry where we decide to camp out. I decide to take the high ground up on the hill to keep watch as DM describes obvious rock monsters disguising themselves as weird looking boulders. At this point Rogue had left to go to work leaving us a party of three but DM seemingly doesn’t change the encounter to reflect that and instead makes even more of them as combat begins populating them right next to me even though they hadn’t been there a moment before. To be clear he went out of his way last minute to print up extra tokens because he didn’t like that I was trying to gain a tactical advantage by being on elevated terrain where no monsters were. It’s not even like we didn’t know the rocks were monsters. In character we were all like “Probably rock monsters.” And the ones that populated around me didn’t even burrow their way up from the ground or something it was just like “They were there the whole time” which I and the rest of the party called him out on considering the rocks had been specifically marked on the map and I wasn’t anywhere remotely close to them. Anyways we kill the rock people and RP that Rogue slept through it. That’s about were session one ends. Though we did get DM to admit that he had been unfair on purpose.

Session two picks up with us leaving the quarry and heading for the mouth of the jungle which takes a whole day in which time I and Ranger decide we need to hunt down a better sacrifice for the forest goddess because she’s a notorious bitch and all Zoey gave us was a fox. We kill a buck I think and settle for using that and eventually night falls again. We set up camp around a big tree and start a fire. I climb up into the tree and make myself comfortable as again I plan to keep watch. Eventually I notice bandits coming out of the trees, around 8 of them and a 9th who is clearly the leader. The 8 stay back while the leader approaches our camp and tells us to hand over our stuff. Ranger tells him no, Bard wants to negotiate, and Rogue is worried about the safety of his dog. Meanwhile I’ve had my bow trained on this dumb fuck since I spotted him and am sufficiently stealthed, holding my action to shoot him if he tries anything. The bandit leader goes to whistle for his men and I shoot him in the shoulder before he can. DM tells us to roll initiative and I get the highest by a wide margin as my dex is 20. Most of us beat the bandits in initiative and I shoot the leader again for good measure only for my teammates to literally do nothing with their turns because they want to try talking it out... even though I’m being shot at now by bandits. Most of the bandits miss meaning it takes all 8 to put me down at which point I fall behind the tree unconscious whereupon Ranger comes to heal me a little. So I use my fey step to teleport into a nearby tent as the bandits didn’t see where I fell. I then wait while the rest of the party fails to negotiate with the bandits leading to the rogue stabbing the bandit leader in the stomach, the bandit leader stabbing him back and then another bandit shooting rogue in the back and effectively dropping him. At which point I roll out of the tent and shoot the leader taking him down and then roll back into the tent and use my Second Wind to get back some health. Mind you we’re all just level 2. So Ranger and Bard start fighting a single bandit and they’re doing poorly due to rolls. Meanwhile three bandits converge on the tent I’m in a start slashing at it with disadvantage giving me the chance to switch out my bow for two shortswords and murder two of them using my action surge. Ranger and Bard handle their boy and move onto another and this continues until their all dead or escaped and in that time I got dropped again. It was pretty fun despite the bullshit early on. So later on that session after doing our sacrifice we enter the jungle with Ranger leading the way and me pulling up the rear in case of an ambush. Instead of attacking Ranger or literally anyone else in front of me the giant snake that we somehow didn’t see despite Rogue’s 18 perception roll decides to attack me, which we later found out was because DM personally thought I was the biggest threat. Anyways we fight the thing and kill it with Rogue having his first and only moment of glory upon critting a crossbow attack and shooting it in the eye. So later that session we come across an old rotted log blocking the path and I with my 20 dex do a flip over it like a boss which makes DM visibly upset. Bard thinks this is cool as she in character is impressed with and fascinated by the much older elf and tries to replicate this only to fail miserably and break the log open with her hand causing several swarms of bugs to attack. So I use my grappling hook to get high into the trees and invite Rogue to follow me to safety after checking to make sure nothing was up there but DM once again pulls his bullshit and decides I’m actually standing right next to a poisonous snake. This time I didn’t even get a chance to call him out as Ranger and Rogue have my back and eventually DM relents and begrudgingly apologizes. That was the end of session 2 and only the beginning of the tree saga.

Session 3 begins with the revelation that I can use acrobatics and stealth together in the trees and just mitigate DMs bullshit by being a Naruto ninja. So I start doing that much to DMs frustration. We eventually come across a odd salesman with a cart and an owl. I immediately recognize him as one of DMs OCs that he’s constantly crowing about and choose not to engage unless a fight breaks out, instead relegating myself to staying in stealth up in the trees while the party tries to interrogate this weird man who we all suspect is secretly a necromancer because DM doesn’t know what subtle means. Things go uneventfully though and they camp with the guy while I watch Rogue try to rob him. The next day however we start seeing webs everywhere and eventually happen upon a fey spider and his two giant spider cohorts which weirdly is the first time negotiation has worked in this campaign. Bard and I convince him we’ll send him people to feed on later and book it out of there. DM however seems to think that this means the fey spider bested us... anyways we have a few more encounters but nothing of note and we reach level three.

At this point just before session 4 DM has made it clear to me that he doesn’t like me using the trees and claims in private that we bullied him into not putting creatures in the trees to which I explained that putting things in the trees is fine, it’s the fact that they just pop into existence without warning. He continues to be fussy and I refuse to leave the trees on principal at this point... though it also just really fits with how my character would fight anyways, she’s practically a Vietnam war vet if they fought like the Vietnamese, think Big Boss meets Pocahontas. So anyways the party comes to a big river and we decide to take a break here, RP a bit and enjoy the nature, but DM wants to be a dick. So, one thing I haven’t gotten really into yet is Rogue’s terrible luck. He is in many ways who I would consider the main character of the story as he functions as a rather average put upon everyman thrust into this fantastical adventure. A perfect audience surrogate if one wanted to tell this story from a first person view I’d think. Anyways, he has extremely low hp even by Rogue standards and thusly gets downed quickly in every, single, fight, without fail. This specific encounter would start the running gag that he’s just a civilian. So what happened is I was about to swan dive into the deep river from a high branch but Rogue goes in first while Bard and Ranger are cooking. I stop my action to see what happens to Rogue first and DM clearly gets upset and tries to argue that I can’t take it back now even though I had only suggested that it’s what I was thinking of doing. Everyone again comes to my defense thankfully resulting in Rogue getting one shot and dragged under by a water weird. I fire off an arrow and hit it while shouting to my party “Something’s dragged him under!” DM tried to argue that they wouldn’t know what I was talking about since they had been focusing on cooking and immediately everyone jumps on him again about his bullshit. Long story short Ranger dives in after him and Bard and I pelt the creature with arrows and bolts through the water until he’s too far resulting in my first trick shot. I jumped from the branch bow in hand and aim firing right before I would hit the water, killing the water weird, and then using fey step to immediately teleport to the shore without ever getting wet. We saved Rogue and I was back up in my tree before he was even conscious. We never told him I helped. DM was livid of course and his face showed it. Some other encounters happened after that but I really don’t remember much of them because they paled by comparison to the horror of the ThanksIHateItPit.

So at this point it's a game of "who flips the table first?" and your DM is losing from what I can see. Godspeed, and remember, flipping the table = loss. If at some point he just pulls something that just cannot stand, get together with the other players (who already seem to be kind of weary of him) and just mass walk-out on him. Let him sit and stew. Life's too short to endure shitty DMs.

 

[Agent of Z.O.G.]

Finally grabbed Murka in time, flipping through it now.

Spoiler: Behold, orange beasts!

There's also a trumplin leader

There's 18 monsters in Monsters of Murka, seven of them are Trump (Trump, Goblin trump, goblin trump with a maga hat, Druegar trump, troll trump, beholder trump and brain paradise trump) Four of them are dragons (eagle dragon that's legally distinct from a griffon or hippogriff, old timey gun dragon, modern gun dragon, drone dragon) one Hillary Clinton, one KGB ant, two elementals (butter and oil), one twitter, one CIA pigeon and one unpaid intern. For something with "monsters" in it's name that's pretty disappointing.

I'll post a mostly permanent link soon.
Update: Here it is, the whole PDF.

 

[RomanesEuntDomus]

>D'lanod
Fucking really? I guess I shouldn't have expected them to be on a higher level than prime time Chris.

 

[Corn Flakes]

>D'lanod
Fucking really? I guess I shouldn't have expected them to be on a higher level than prime time Chris.

To quote @Homoerotic Cougar-kun:

You're not dealing with particularly imaginative people here.

 

[RomanesEuntDomus]

To quote @Homoerotic Cougar-kun:

You're not dealing with particularly imaginative people here.

Sure, I know... but "spell name backwards" is so incredibly childish, I thought that's a low too low for them to stoop to, but lo and behold, they canonball down into that sucker like there was no tomorrow.
EID PMURT EID indeed.

 

[WinchesterPremium]

As promised, now that I have access to the rest of the book I'll sperg about it. Thanks for the PDF.

Spoiler: USM! USM! USM!

We left off halfway through the Rapper bard variant. The rest of the styles follow the same function as above, just kinda making things a little stronger. Rappers also get the ability to talk really fast and thus cast verbal spells quickly. At level 14 they get three special reactions that don't seem particularly overpowered.

Moving on, we get two Cleric variants. Starting with explosion Cleric.

So they can use explosives, get a charisma bonus if explosions go off near them, and are resistant to explosives. This is probably where I should note that I'm not familiar enough with 5E to spot anything that is blatantly overpowered, most of the classes seem geared towards being silly rather than balanced. They can Channel Divinity into an explosion (dex save for some extra damage and a small knockback), can deal damage to anyone who touches their bare skin, can eat fire for an extra Channel Divinity, and eventually become completely immune to all explosives.

Freedom domain: The domain of freedom. At first level spells don't have verbal components anymore and you can use firearms (because of the First and Second amendment). I was ready to like this class if they went all in on the Bill of Rights flavor but the rest is just kinda freedom puns. You get FreeRunning and Free Range of Motion...so you can move as a bonus action, break non-magical binding/paralysis, don't get encumbered by armor, get some extra damage, and get eagle wings. A "thoughts and prayers" joke almost landed.

Druid Circe: Furries. Not kidding.

These druids can use Wild Shape to turn themselves into furries. They're called Furkin, which is almost certainly supposed to be a pun. At second level they can just take on part animal instead of going all in. At higher levels they can turn multiple parts into that of different animals, and use this ability while wild-shaped. When they reach level 14 they don't have a time limit on Wild Shape and are lost to furrydome.

Action Hero Martial Archtype: You get a bunch of "Signature Moves" and can use guns. Signature Moves take Adrenaline Points, which look roughly like Pathfinder's Grit with a couple extra ways to regain the points (The easiest being "Use a Dash Action", others being taking damage, rolling a critical hit, moving 20 feet in a straight line and making an attack, and the classic "doing something the GM thinks is cool".) You can use them for a handful of nifty bonuses (an extra dice of damage as a bonus action, +2 to any physical skill or saving throw). They fade after battle and are presumably meant to be something you generate during combat. At high levels you can use and dodge explosives, a fancy reload, and an extra extra damage die. They get a good page's worth of signature moves that are typically based on action movie tropes, with a majority being firearms based. For some random examples, you get a Disarm Attack that can shoot the enemy's weapon out of their hand (or steal it if unarmed), Throw Enemy that lets you throw a target at its friends for decent damage (3d6 medium, 4d8 Large), and Dodge This that lets you spend an arbitrary amount of Adrenaline to get a 1-1 bonus to the roll and a 1-1 increase in critical hit range. Overall it has a Feng-Shui like feel that I've always been weak to.

Munks get Pro-Wrestling. Way of the Wild Ensemble. You get free Persuasion, Performance, and Intimidation. Anytime you take melee damage you can grapple the attacker as a reaction. Any time you deal melee damage you can either do more damage to every nearby enemy and give them disadvantage or give hitpoints to nearby allies and give them advantage depending on if you decided to be a Face or Heel (at the cost of 2 Ki points).

You get the ability to knock grappled people prone or Incapacitate them, then you get both the auras from earlier. Overall its meant to be a charisma-focused Monk class,

Paladins get two too: Oath of Independence and Oath of the Peacekeeper. Independence has the Oath to be independent and help those who arn't independent become independent ("whether they want to or not"). Picture is Steven Colbart in lion armor. Like the Cleric of Freedom much of its abilities are giving people Independence. Channel Divinity can break binding and control based spells, turn a minion against its master, or absolutely murder anyone fighting in a group (1d8+1d8 for every one of its allies in 20 feet). Later you and all allies become immune to charm-like effects, are always under the effects of Heroism. At Level 20 you can get 1d6 extra damage for each of the enemy's allies within 30 feet (this time with a maximum of 10d6) and every hit has a chance of turning a minion against its master. Theoretically you could one hit kill any enemy by providing them with enough allies :thunk:.

Peacekeeper Paladins are really based on pacifism. You get proficiency with firearms. Most attacks are vaguely defensive, but it seems underpowered compared to the last one. You can make an enemy indifferent to you! Until someone attacks its friends, so its useless in combat. You get +3AC to everyone! Which gets chipped away by each attack anyone in your party makes. You can make a character attacking you with a spell roll Wisdom and if they fail....they have to attack one of your allies instead! At least on level 20 they get an Aura that makes everyone peaceful for 1 hour letting you walk through whatever without having to fight.

The art is also on point.

Now Rangers get their own archtype: Cowboy. Or...as...the game puts it "Bovine Youth". Their description is done in a bad accent. They get some special spells that will be described later. They designate a steed as their "Horse with No Name", giving them bonuses with all their special things if they're riding it. Their Quickdraw ability that lets them get a reaction against anyone shooting at them to disarm the target, and they can attack attacks as reactions if on their Steed. They get a reaction that lets them halve damage, can turn spell slots into roll and damage bonuses, and a special lasso attack thing.

Rogues get the Faceless AKA Antonymous. Their description is filled with forced f alliteration. It is unclear why. You can choose to become proficient with explosives or the disguise kit but you get a magic mask that acts as a magical disguise kit making the choice seem arbitrary. You can.../b/link (its blink geddit?) and teleport from person to person within 50 feet as your movement, and can roll to stay hidden with it. Later you can use any racial trait you want and make sneak attacks with explosives, get free counterspells, and a big bonus to charisma when wearing the mask (in return for a penalty when not).

I've been praising the art so far, and its all been good. I'll take this opportunity to finally poke a problem with it...As you may have noticed a lot of it is memey. Really on the nose pop culture references. Its like the bossman said "This class is about that Old Spice guy, draw him in." and the artist faithfully obeyed. This is probably to be expected from something that started as "Ha ha Trump is a goblin!", but it really feels like the Artists would be better off if they drew original work instead of "Hey how about you draw Will Smith's Kid but as a Sorcerer it will be funny"

Anyway, yeah, the Sorcerer's alternative is Afluenza. You're rich. You can be of the Trump line if you want. Spells are based around money, can steal money from strangers for free, get a bonus to casting based on the largest-value coin you have, you can spend gold and SP for a bonus, can magically summon transportation, and at 18 can deal SP*10 irreducible damage to anyone who is poor enough with no range limit.

Warlocks get a special patron: The Crowd. Its a Youtube flavored class. You get a bonus based on how many people are watching you, to the point this could definitely be abused to make you nearly invincible. You can add your charisma modi to your AC as a reaction, can apologize to deal damage, can paralyze crowds, and the Invocations "Senpai Has Noticed me, Don't Forget to like, ... And Subscribe" giving your allies advantages, giving you free charms, and not letting the people you charmed know they're charmed respectively.

For the Wizards, there is the School of Interfacing. Based off tech support I guess. You can use Help as a reaction and at a distance (remote support geddit?), can make a spell target more creatures (add-ons geddit?), they can "install" a spell long-term without needing concentration, can use Dash or disengage as a bonus action (Run or Cancel get it?), and can cause an ally to either take a rest or undergo death saving throws to remove negative stat effects (Turn it off and tu-you get it.)

Race options made it in, making this add-on significantly less woke than Wizards somehow. There are variations on Dragonborn, the Dragunborn and the Freedom Dragonborn. Dragunborn mostly just have Piercing/Bludgeoning damage as breath attacks.

Now's the time for you to check your privilege, dear reader, for we get to go on to the Privileged Human section after a full page warning!

If you missed it, Humans are white people and everyone else is minorities. Cops watch half-trolls and people pick normal human names over goblins for jobs or whatever. Humans just have so much privilege you guys. This is deep satire. So you get a bonus for playing Privileged Human that makes you actually better than everyone else! I guess that humans really are the master race after all? You get +1 to three ability scores and free advantage to Charisma checks and not looking sketchy.

We end up the chapter with Feats. Four of them: Bardic Diction Energy (Its big dick energy git it) give bardic inspiration to allies if they see you make charisma checks. Daredevil lets you steal the entire purpose of the Action Hero class, letting you use adrenaline and pick two Signature Moves. Musketeer lets you reload two handed guns easier, gets rid of penalties for close fighting, and lets you hit the target with your weapon as a bonus attack. Pistolero lets you reload one handed guns easier, removes penalties for close fighting, and lets you attack with a pistol as a bonus action.

Here we end the chapter and move on to Washtown. The Home of Trump, who has been mentioned but once or twice in this last chapter.

 

[RomanesEuntDomus]

You know... If I wasn't so lazy, I'd make a boardgame to milk SJWs.
Like a game with a dice mechanic, where you need to roll a certain number to get a special effect, however depending on the player, that number is lowered, the more oppression olympice checkboxes they hit. Like minorites and women get -1 on their to-hit number and the effect stacks for anyone that matches more than one category.
Marketing strategy: use a VPN to send public deaththreats on social media to myself and whining to MSNBC about it.