Likewise I think there is a place and audiencr for "meat grinders" and brutal games but trying to sell it or force it as the one true D&D experiemce is retarded.
I think the ideal balance would be a lethal game, but one where most of the lethality can be avoided without relying on combat or saving throw luck. This is kind of a wooly concept because I admit I didn't get to play all that much AD&D before 3e
bulldozed through back in the early 00s, but that was my first GM's philosophy.
There were traps, there were powerful single monsters and "unfairly" large groups of weaker enemies. But for the vast majority of threats if the players were smart, paid attention to the rooms they explored, and knew when to retreat to come up with a plan, they'd come out on top with remarkably little dice rolling. The inventory management mini-game wasn't just because the game designers were complete autists (although they were), it was so players could weigh their options and know when to retreat when the rogue came back from his scouting run and told the party of the monsters two rooms over. Do we wait to see if the monsters wander off? Do we leave and come back later? Do we have enough options to deal with them quickly and quietly? Can we take on them directly without taking too much damage in return? Does the wizard have a fireball still prepared? Etc, etc.
Sure, levels 1-3 were still incredibly lethal because a single arrow from a goblin archer taking cover behind an overturned table would one-shot half the classes available, but once player characters gathered enough HP, gear and knowledge deaths became far less likely (and resurrection a lot easier). They weren't meant to be difficult to kill because they were superhuman, as all the instant kill effects in the game even at high levels made clear, but because they were experienced and well-prepared. One of the guys on my first group joked that in order to get good at AD&D, you had to be AC&C: Awfully Careful & Crafty.
Of course, that was just my first group and my first GM. I have no idea what other groups were doing at the time, and once we settled into 3e there wasn't quite as much incentive to be careful & crafty. Which most of us were fine with back then because it was just fun to be able to play an impulsive character without getting one-shot by a poison trap or a hidden kobold with a blowgun five minutes into the session.
Personally, I feel 5e wouldn't be terrible when it came to lethality if you did away with death saves and going down to 0HP meant you were either dead or so seriously wounded spontaneous healing magic couldn't get you back up. All the HP characters have in 5e, plus the three chances to just refuse to die, on top of
any healing getting you back up instantly, feels like it's too much. There's rarely a reason for player characters to run away unless things went poorly from the start. Even if one or two of them went down, so long as they knew they'd win the damage race they could just get their friends back up with barely any investment in resources.