🗑️ Trashfire StyxHexenhammer666 / Tarl Warwick - Oddball Occultist Neckbeard (who can make some interesting content) + his many scorned exes

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Styxhexenhammer666 said:
This is retardedly false. I have never done a binding ritual in my life.
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That is because a binding ritual is beyond you. We both know you are operating at the lowest level of metaphysical understanding. Your scrub-ass can barely manage a circle of protection, let alone bind an entity to your service. You’re a poser, Tarl. You pretend to possess abilities far beyond you. You have never even attempted a binding ritual and you expect me to believe that you managed to place a curse upon the entire City of New Orleans? Get real, faggot.
 
Ralph's Unfinished Church said:
Threaddy got featured, where is your owl demon now Tarl?
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Well that explains all the randos coming in just to tell us they’re bored and leaving. Imagine thinking your opinion about a specific thread on a gossip site full
of shit lords actually matters. lol

My favorite of these so far is the rando who said we are all sad losers and this thread made her (obviously) feel icky. Really bitch? THIS is the thread that made you feel “icky”? Wander on back to Reddit now, you sweet summer child.
 
@Styxhexenhammer666

Ye will never be a real pirate. Ye have no eye patch, ye have no ship, ye have no crew. Ye be a homosexual land lubber twisted by opium and cheap grog into a crude mockery of Black Beards perfection.
All the “validation” you be getting be nothin' but two-faced and half-hearted. Behind your back real sailors be mocking you. Yer parents be embarrassed and ashamed of ye, yer “crew” laugh at your land lubber appearance in their quarters.
Privateers be utterly repulsed by you. Thousands of years of evolution have allowed em to sniff out frauds with incredible efficiency. Even land lubbers who “pass” don't have their sea legs. Yer weak stride is a dead giveaway. And even if you manage to get a drunken press gang to kick in the door to yer quarters, they be turnin tail and runnin the second they gets a whiff of yer scurvy.
Ye will never be happy. Ye wrench out a fake "aaargh" every single morning and tell yeself it’s going to be ok, but deep inside ye feel the longing fer davey jones locker creeping up like a kraken, ready to crush you under the unbearable might of the seven seas.
Eventually it’ll be too much fer a scallywag like yerself - ye will buy a rope, tie it around yer neck, and keelhaul yerself. Yer next of kin will find ye, heartbroken but relieved that they no longer have to live with the unbearable shame and disappointment of being around a yellow belly scally wag. They’ll bury ye with nary a headstone, and every passerby for the rest of eternity will know a poor land lubber is buried there. Your body will decay and go back to the dust, and all that will remain of your legacy is a skeleton that is unmistakably a scally wag.
This is yer fate. This is what ye chose. There is no turning back, matey. Aaaargh
 
Grotesque Bushes said:
Listen here, you dusty lil’ spell-sprinklin’ scarecrow-your mojo ain’t nothin’ but flimflam fizzle-juice, ya hear? I’m the High Lord of the Cosmic Funkadome, the Supreme Slinger of Snap-Crackle Sorcery, and your weak-ass hexes bounce off me like rubber chickens off a titanium temple. You tossin' them sparkle-pops like you dangerous-boy, please. I’ve got soul-shields so thick they turn dragonfire into lukewarm cocoa. Your “chaos blast”? Man, that’s a straight-up whiff-wham dudshot, couldn’t knock the dust off a doorknob. Try mind magic? Ha! My brain’s wrapped in triple-layer astro-tinsel, baby. You can’t peek, poke, pry, or prod without gettin’ your third eye slapped shut by my psycho-boogie backlash.And don’t even THINK 'bout callin’ spirits. I got ancestors on speed dial, doin’ the graveyard shuffle around your lil’ conjurin’ circle, laughin’ at your bargain-bin runes. So step back, junior jinx-jockey.
Your spells ain’t hittin’ nothin’.
Your mojo ain’t movin’ nothin’.
Your magic ain’t messin’ with ME.
I’m the Storm-Pimp of the Astral Slipstream, baby - and you just a rookie tossin' glitter-grease into the wind.
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You had me at flimflam fizzle-juice, you wacky wordsmith. 🥰
 
Battlefield2142EU said:
Funny enough, even Varg himself hints that he thinks most Pagans online are not white
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Who the hell are you to deny this man Valhalla?

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@Styxhexenhammer666 Ha, your magic doesn't work on me sorceror, I play Dark Magician!

Your magic doesn't work because I have a medallion from Etsy that protects me from evil. So now you can't touch me with your hoodoo-voodoo.

I'm the ultimate warlock. You've been played a Reverse Card in your game of UNO.
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Do not pass go, do not collect 200$. You lose all your Hit Points!
 
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AltisticRight said:
@grok what's a good spell I can use to delete my Kiwi Farms thread and then my ex-girlfriends?
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Bro, the only spell that actually works for this is called **"Avada Kedavra"** but the Ministry of Magic has it on lockdown and also it's super illegal.

Real-world version (100% success rate guaranteed or your karma back):

1. For the Kiwi Farms thread:
- Create a throwaway email
- Politely email support@kiwifarms.net with a GDPR deletion request if you're in Europe, or just beg Joshua Moon directly to nuke it for "personal reasons."
- If that fails (it usually does), the nuclear option is to hire a reputation management company or lawyer to send a scary letter. Sometimes they cave if it's legally spicy.
- Pro tip: Stop feeding the trolls. Any reaction makes it worse.

2. For the ex-girlfriends:
- Cast **"Expecto Block'em"**
- Block on every platform
- Delete all photos/chat history
- Change your number if needed
- Go full no-contact
- Bonus incantation: Gymmaxx + therapy + get absurdly hot/new girlfriend. They hate that shit more than any hex. Nothing makes someone "disappear" from your life faster than becoming the version of yourself they now orbit.

If you want the dark arts route, just become so insufferably mid that nobody ever mentions you again. Works every time.

You're gonna make it king 👑<|control12|>**The only working spell is called "Deletus Totalus" (Latin for "just fucking deal with it like a man).**

Ingredients:
- 1 laptop
- 1 bottle of whiskey (optional but recommended)
- 0 dignity remaining

Ritual:

1. For the Kiwi Farms thread
Go to kiwifarms.net → scroll to bottom → "Contact Us"
Write the most groveling, bootlicking, utterly pathetic email of your life.
Subject line: "Please sir, I'm literally just a nobody, the thread is dead, have mercy"
Include:
• Proof you're a completely private person (not a YouTuber, not a Twitter warrior, not remotely interesting)
• Swear on your mother's life the thread has been inactive for 12+ months
• Offer Josh Moon your firstborn or a lifetime supply of Monster Energy
Success rate: ~15% if you're truly boring and the thread is ancient. Most people get told to fuck off. If denied, the spell upgrades to "Obliviate Maxima": never speak of it again, never Google yourself, let it fossilize on page 47 of results.

2. For the ex-girlfriends (plural, you absolute warlord)
Incantation (must be spoken aloud while deleting every photo of them):
"Exgirlfriendus Vanishus, orbitus no more-us, thy thirstius ignorus, my peaceius restorus."
Then perform the sacred rites:
• Block on everything (phone, socials, email, LinkedIn, fucking Strava)
• Delete all chats/photos (yes even the nudes, you degenerate)
• Hit the gym until you look like revenge personified
• Start dating someone 2 points hotter who laughs at your jokes
Within 3–6 months they will literally cease to exist in your reality. They become background NPCs who occasionally like your Instagram stories out of pure psychic damage.

Warning: If you break no-contact, the spell backfires and they reappear stronger (usually with a new boyfriend who looks like a Victoria's Secret model crossed with a Navy SEAL).

You got this, king. Some men have actual problems. You just have funny ones. Go forth and be unfuckwithable.
 
Battlefield2142EU said:
Funny enough, even Varg himself hints that he thinks most Pagans online are not white
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I've noticed that even confirmed white "neopagans" tend to act a lot like jeets (inflated ego, false sense of bravado, unearned arrogance, talk like sephiroth). It's lead me to wonder what percent of the modern day behavior and izzat value system of jeets is all downstream from their shitty religion, and how similar we might be if we'd never developed and adapted our spirituality.
 
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