Since we are talking about little kids and lack of understanding with sex. I always have been a hyper chad, so I some how learned or was told or overheard boobs are a thing and cool. I damn well needed to see some. I managed to talk my female friend into letting me look down her shirt. I was let down because this was like second grade or something. But I didn't want to be mean so I told her they were rocking even though she was just as flat chested as you can expect her to be. Had no idea of puberty just thought since kids don't have sex girls hid theirs.
Don't know if this counts but I thought the lyrics to CCR's "Bad Moon Rising" was "There's a bathroom on the right" instead of "There's a bad moon on the rise"
Saw a bunch of black kids in 5th grade calling each other nigga. Hung out with some of them and didn't know the difference between "nigga" and "nigger" so I called them all niggers, got the shit beat out of me, and suspended.
For probably the entire time I was in Elementary School I thought Active Shooter Drills happened because an Invisible Gunman was in the School
I also remember believing that Jizz was another word for Pee, and when somebody talked about jizzing the meant that they were using the bathroom. Somehow took me until high school to find out it was actually another word for semen, and that only because my friend told me this.
I thought they were for discouraging gay men because I thought they would keep penises from being put into your butt, since the plug was already there. Oh, how wrong I was...
When I was little I was too innocent to think that anywhere in the "civilized" western world there were schools that needed something called an 'active shooter drill'.
At my elementary school we had predator drills which were supposed to teach us what to do if a child hungry pedophile is seen on school premises. My dumb little ass couldn't grasp the concept of grown adults prowling for children to fulfill their depraved fantasies, so I believed that these drills were meant to prepare us in the event that a bear or a mountain lion or something somehow found its way into our school. I was fucking terrified that I could be mauled to death by a wild animal in the schools halls at any given moment until I was in middle school. Maybe that's why I had anxiety problems as a kid.
I thought that if you ate a watermelon seed it'd grow in your stomach like a parasite.
I thought that puberty would happen all in around a month or so and when I got my first beard hair I thought I'd have a full beard in a couple weeks, and was really excited because for some reason I loved the idea of having a beard.
I thought I would eventually grow out of my problem of chronically having nightmares.
I thought that the reason kids couldn't drink alcohol is because it was lethal (like couple of drops and you die levels of lethal) unless you were 21 or older.
When I was little I was too innocent to think that anywhere in the "civilized" western world there were schools that needed something called an 'active shooter drill'.
I remember having "earthquake drills" in school in California.
Up until about the age of 13 I thought beef jerky was some kind of adult/tobacco type product, mostly because back in the 80s and early 90s they would always have it stacked up near the front counters right next to cigarettes and shit.
And when I was a young kid and heard the word "rape" on the news I thought they were saying "rake" and I imagined some kind of like deranged serial killer who was going around killing people with a steel rake and then later figured it was just a made up/derived word to describe an especially gruesome/grisly killing. Like there were two types of killers, the kind who just used like guns or whatever and then crazies who would mutilate a person to death... and those were rapists. Like the difference between killing someone out of rage or theft and a person who killed for pleasure.
The difference is that decisive action from local and national governments and a change in entrenched 200 year old frontier law attitudes isn't going to help prevent Earthquakes.
I used to have a weird theory about consciousness that I can't really explain because it doesn't translate into words very well but the crux of it is that if I concentrated really REALLY hard I would just be able to experience somebody elses life somehow.
The difference is that decisive action from local and national governments and a change in entrenched 200 year old frontier law attitudes isn't going to help prevent Earthquakes.
I used to have a weird theory about consciousness that I can't really explain because it doesn't translate into words very well but the crux of it is that if I concentrated really REALLY hard I would just be able to experience somebody elses life somehow.
Reminds me of the time our cat died when I was like six years old and I remember sneaking off with a bible and going out in our tree house and thinking there was some mystical way I might be able to wish the cat back to life through reading part of it and praying hard enough. I used to perceive the Bible as being some kind of dark/sacred/adult oriented book of secrets that kids couldn't really understand. Like adult books were written in a strange non-kid type language form and if I could decipher it and understand it then I would be able to do all sorts of crazy shit.
...of course I also believed it was possible to turn into a brachiosaurus when I was six. Like I REALLY wanted to be a brachiosaurus for some odd reason. I also thought there were only five days in a week and thought my mom was lying to me and teasing me when she kept saying there were seven.
I also went through a short period of time where I thought I was a space alien named "Zing".
Still hold a bit of a grudge against the BFG for bullshitting little Spl00ge into thinking I could fly. I just wasn't believing hard enough. Hop, skip jump...nope. still grounded. Actually broke a few bones from 'believing' a little too hard.
Also thought that the black airbox behind the driver's helmet on old F1 racing cars were hooded 'death'/the grim reaper/some kinda Darth Vader-esque drivers controlling the cars. No clue how I missed the actual driver's head and assumed part of the car was a person's 'head'...
Also assumed 'No XING' signs were prounounced "No zing' and wondered if it was a sign for chinese people.
I once asked my uncle at Thanksgiving why Swiss cheese has holes in it, and he told me that they were bullet holes from people at the cheese factory shooting at mice that were trying to eat the cheese.
