Something Awful and Friends - The roller-coaster train-wreck embarrassing downfall of a Web 1.0 giant and its tick offspring like from Cloverfield

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Ah, SA, my old forum. It's been more than a decade.

To think I used to consider the D&D libertarians - bowtie weenies like Calenth - annoying and the worst sort of posters one could ever imagine. I used to think the GBS of 2005 was intolerably conservative and right wing. The naiveté of youth.

It's really fitting that SA is ending like this, with a whimper znd not with a bang. I wish I could still find the original Dear Richard letter, that one would be fun to read right about now.
 
Rational Volcel said:
Ah, SA, my old forum. It's been more than a decade.

To think I used to consider the D&D libertarians - bowtie weenies like Calenth - annoying and the worst sort of posters one could ever imagine. I used to think the GBS of 2005 was intolerably conservative and right wing. The naiveté of youth.

It's really fitting that SA is ending like this, with a whimper znd not with a bang. I wish I could still find the original Dear Richard letter, that one would be fun to read right about now.
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The one in regards to "Stupid Newbie" getting changed to "Trump Lover" cause that shit was fucking hilarious.
 
Ebonic Tutor said:
The one in regards to "Stupid Newbie" getting changed to "Trump Lover" cause that shit was fucking hilarious.
Click to expand...

Nah, I'm talking waaaaay back, like 2003 or 2004. There was some guy who wrote this amazing long "Dear Richard", provoked by some drama lost to the mists of time, where he just ranted about how Lowtax would end up a total failure, how the author had yet again "underestimated Kyankas ability to fail". It was a real hoot, but I can't find it anywhere now.
 
Ebonic Tutor said:
Oh, shit yeah... forgot about those. Back when you'd get banned for "wacky" reasons instead of political ones.

Things were so much simpler then.
Click to expand...

You also got banned for death threats. I know that sounds crazy now, but back then if you said "I am going to murder this specific person for X Y Z reason" then you got smacked with the hammer. Talk about crazy priorities, when this is so forgettable and irrelevant compared to deadnaming Caitlyn Jenner or whatever.
 
To be fair that was back when goons would do stupid shit like threaten the president of the United States and Richard would get calls from the secret service.

I can't say I blame him for not wanting to deal with that sort of crap because goons are goons.
 
Rational Volcel said:
Nah, I'm talking waaaaay back, like 2003 or 2004. There was some guy who wrote this amazing long "Dear Richard", provoked by some drama lost to the mists of time, where he just ranted about how Lowtax would end up a total failure, how the author had yet again "underestimated Kyankas ability to fail". It was a real hoot, but I can't find it anywhere now.
Click to expand...

It was King REoL. He had a massive sperg-out because Lowtax gave his Doom maps a bad review.
 
Richard,

It seems I have underestimated your ability to fail. For that, I apologize. Not to you, but to the people who would enjoyed seeing me tearing your little world apart just that much more. It's a shame, really, that you ignored all of my warnings. Perhaps, if you had just a few brain cells left that weren't circling the bowl, you would have realized how pointless and counterproductive this whole thing was and quit a long time ago.

This little venture of yours has failed on every level. On a personal level, for example, have you noticed that the very people you profess to hate have infested your site? They are utterly devoid of reason, their minds deluded with lies and ignorance. Their perceptions are hard-coded in a language they will never understand. Yet, these empty shells have flocked here, and what's even more amusing about it is, they emulate you.

They've taken the worst things about you, namely your personality and humor, and twisted it into something far more repugnant than even you are capable of being. One bad joke becomes one thousand hideous hybrids, and it spreads like a virus. This is your audience, Richard, and they love you. That isn't very important, though. I am sure you don't care, as long as they're lined up at the trough. What is important, however, is this.

I would guess that you take as much enjoyment as anyone might at seeing these ridiculous business models fail like the insane fantasies they were. The pseudo reality of Internet commerce has finally been perceived for what it is, and the only people left are those who were lucky, smart or both.

Now, being exposed to so much talk of this, for what, like over a fucking year now, have you ever stopped to consider how you ever came to the conclusion that a parasite like yourself could possibly hope to survive in this environment? The corporate tit is gone, and you are completely incapable of surviving on your own. You think these failed companies had stupid business models? How about yours?

I knew the advertising market was going to collapse years ago, because it's based on the assumption that banners are effective. Think about it. You are entirely dependant on advertising. yet, the people you try to attract are people who aren't going to click on, let alone buy whatever stupid crap that is being advertised. I am sure most of the clicks you have gotten have been sympathy clicks.

Did you actually think that it was going to last forever? Everybody knows it doesn't fucking work, and most sites have to beg their readers to click, just to pay the server bill. Did you think corporations weren't going to notice that no one was buying their products? You're an idiot, Richard, and I sincerely mean that.

The contemptuously stupid decisions you made regarding the various networks you joined don't matter at all because the entire idea was flawed from the start. Enjoy your last moments as a free man. You'll soon be shovelling shit for the rest of your life at some nameless corporation, a vacant look forever etched upon your face.

Years from now, when you're no better off than when you started, when it finally hits you that it's all been nothing but a wasted lie, think of me. Think of me, Richard, and when you do, realize that I was the only beacon of logic and truth in this sad menagerie. You seem predestined for failure, however, so I doubt there is anything one can do for you.

Just remember, when the joy is gone, when you're clawing at the boundaries of your little world, you always had a choice.
 
gobbogobb said:
Richard,

It seems I have underestimated your ability to fail. For that, I apologize. Not to you, but to the people who would enjoyed seeing me tearing your little world apart just that much more. It's a shame, really, that you ignored all of my warnings. Perhaps, if you had just a few brain cells left that weren't circling the bowl, you would have realized how pointless and counterproductive this whole thing was and quit a long time ago.

This little venture of yours has failed on every level. On a personal level, for example, have you noticed that the very people you profess to hate have infested your site? They are utterly devoid of reason, their minds deluded with lies and ignorance. Their perceptions are hard-coded in a language they will never understand. Yet, these empty shells have flocked here, and what's even more amusing about it is, they emulate you.

They've taken the worst things about you, namely your personality and humor, and twisted it into something far more repugnant than even you are capable of being. One bad joke becomes one thousand hideous hybrids, and it spreads like a virus. This is your audience, Richard, and they love you. That isn't very important, though. I am sure you don't care, as long as they're lined up at the trough. What is important, however, is this.

I would guess that you take as much enjoyment as anyone might at seeing these ridiculous business models fail like the insane fantasies they were. The pseudo reality of Internet commerce has finally been perceived for what it is, and the only people left are those who were lucky, smart or both.

Now, being exposed to so much talk of this, for what, like over a fucking year now, have you ever stopped to consider how you ever came to the conclusion that a parasite like yourself could possibly hope to survive in this environment? The corporate tit is gone, and you are completely incapable of surviving on your own. You think these failed companies had stupid business models? How about yours?

I knew the advertising market was going to collapse years ago, because it's based on the assumption that banners are effective. Think about it. You are entirely dependant on advertising. yet, the people you try to attract are people who aren't going to click on, let alone buy whatever stupid crap that is being advertised. I am sure most of the clicks you have gotten have been sympathy clicks.

Did you actually think that it was going to last forever? Everybody knows it doesn't fucking work, and most sites have to beg their readers to click, just to pay the server bill. Did you think corporations weren't going to notice that no one was buying their products? You're an idiot, Richard, and I sincerely mean that.

The contemptuously stupid decisions you made regarding the various networks you joined don't matter at all because the entire idea was flawed from the start. Enjoy your last moments as a free man. You'll soon be shovelling shit for the rest of your life at some nameless corporation, a vacant look forever etched upon your face.

Years from now, when you're no better off than when you started, when it finally hits you that it's all been nothing but a wasted lie, think of me. Think of me, Richard, and when you do, realize that I was the only beacon of logic and truth in this sad menagerie. You seem predestined for failure, however, so I doubt there is anything one can do for you.

Just remember, when the joy is gone, when you're clawing at the boundaries of your little world, you always had a choice.
Click to expand...

In 2004, this read like a joke. Turns out it was a prophecy all along! :smug:
 
gobbogobb said:
Richard,

It seems I have underestimated your ability to fail. For that, I apologize. Not to you, but to the people who would enjoyed seeing me tearing your little world apart just that much more. It's a shame, really, that you ignored all of my warnings. Perhaps, if you had just a few brain cells left that weren't circling the bowl, you would have realized how pointless and counterproductive this whole thing was and quit a long time ago.

This little venture of yours has failed on every level. On a personal level, for example, have you noticed that the very people you profess to hate have infested your site? They are utterly devoid of reason, their minds deluded with lies and ignorance. Their perceptions are hard-coded in a language they will never understand. Yet, these empty shells have flocked here, and what's even more amusing about it is, they emulate you.

They've taken the worst things about you, namely your personality and humor, and twisted it into something far more repugnant than even you are capable of being. One bad joke becomes one thousand hideous hybrids, and it spreads like a virus. This is your audience, Richard, and they love you. That isn't very important, though. I am sure you don't care, as long as they're lined up at the trough. What is important, however, is this.

I would guess that you take as much enjoyment as anyone might at seeing these ridiculous business models fail like the insane fantasies they were. The pseudo reality of Internet commerce has finally been perceived for what it is, and the only people left are those who were lucky, smart or both.

Now, being exposed to so much talk of this, for what, like over a fucking year now, have you ever stopped to consider how you ever came to the conclusion that a parasite like yourself could possibly hope to survive in this environment? The corporate tit is gone, and you are completely incapable of surviving on your own. You think these failed companies had stupid business models? How about yours?

I knew the advertising market was going to collapse years ago, because it's based on the assumption that banners are effective. Think about it. You are entirely dependant on advertising. yet, the people you try to attract are people who aren't going to click on, let alone buy whatever stupid crap that is being advertised. I am sure most of the clicks you have gotten have been sympathy clicks.

Did you actually think that it was going to last forever? Everybody knows it doesn't fucking work, and most sites have to beg their readers to click, just to pay the server bill. Did you think corporations weren't going to notice that no one was buying their products? You're an idiot, Richard, and I sincerely mean that.

The contemptuously stupid decisions you made regarding the various networks you joined don't matter at all because the entire idea was flawed from the start. Enjoy your last moments as a free man. You'll soon be shovelling shit for the rest of your life at some nameless corporation, a vacant look forever etched upon your face.

Years from now, when you're no better off than when you started, when it finally hits you that it's all been nothing but a wasted lie, think of me. Think of me, Richard, and when you do, realize that I was the only beacon of logic and truth in this sad menagerie. You seem predestined for failure, however, so I doubt there is anything one can do for you.

Just remember, when the joy is gone, when you're clawing at the boundaries of your little world, you always had a choice.
Click to expand...
That is eerily prophetic. I wonder if Lowtax even remembers it.
 
Nekromantik said:
That is eerily prophetic. I wonder if Lowtax even remembers it.
Click to expand...

Hopefully someone from Something Sensitive or My Posting Career can break into the hospital in the dead of night and then whisper that entire rant into Lowtax' ear as he's lying on his deathbed. Surely that would be justice. Goon justice, you might even say.
 
lol King Reol

I believe he now runs a youtube channel where he reviews elevators in tall buildings. Also he still makes shitty Doom maps.
 
BlueSpark said:
Apparently the person who made this "art" just created their own idea of what the Retsupurae guys look like, because Slowbeef and Diabetus look nothing like that:

View attachment 625100
Slowbeef on the left, Diabetus on the right (the soyboy in the middle isn't Proteus, just a fan).
Click to expand...

But I think we can all agree that Proteus' portrayal was 100% accurate.
 
Slowbeef is a sort of mini-Lowtax in a way. Lazy, insipid, insecure, attention-seeking, and extremely bitter about how the concept "he" invented - Let's Plays - didn't stay as some sort of holy sacrament inside the tight confines of the LP subforum but instead exploded and became a thing for the masses.

I actually posted in the LP forum way back when and in the long, long list of shitty tinpot moderators on SA, Slowbeef was definitely up there. He'd arbitrarily prohibit LPs from people he didn't like, and then have a bunch of dumb rules to make sure only his toadies could actually post. Years later he is still trying to eke out some sort of fame as the "father of Let's Plays" or whatever, begging table scraps from people who have more success and fame in their pinky finger than he has ever had in his life. Birds of a feather with Lowtax, that one.
 
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