Something Awful and Friends - The roller-coaster train-wreck embarrassing downfall of a Web 1.0 giant and its tick offspring like from Cloverfield

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Gwydion said:
The owner threw a big fat gay hissy fit because people kept calling him a fat soft nerd, so he decided everyone was a nazi and deleted it.
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Was that the kayak-cuck or was that another one? I remember one had a shitty lawn and another threw a hissy fit over antisemitism. All the histrionic faggots that ran that place tend to blur into one.
 
Goodbye Horses said:
Was that the kayak-cuck or was that another one? I remember one had a shitty lawn and another threw a hissy fit over antisemitism. All the histrionic faggots that ran that place tend to blur into one.
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Faggot the First was GAPO, a wet brained middle aged Texan who was easily triggered by mockery of his small balls, his dead lawn and his days as a Nazi thug. He was Very Scared of antisemitism, and was totally incompetent at absolutely everything. He routinely doxxed himself for no apparent reason, and was ridiculously incompetent with computers and machinery. He would occasionally get Weird about online ladies, and for a while was desperately trying to get Lowtax's wife to notice him.
One time he asked if someone could hop on a stream so he could check his webcam was working. It was, but it was upside down. I told him so, and he went "Oh so uh...what do I do?". I said "Turn it?" and he did. Away from him, so it faced the wall. It was still upside down.

Eventually after a bunch of skirmishing with some muscular idiots on SomethingSensitive, he kinda flared out for no reason and passed the forum on. He was last seen posting an ass clenchingly dumb apology on Something Awful during The Slappening but he's apparently doing alright now and has a kid.

Faggot the Second was Dog-O-Tron, a posting chum of GAPO's. Not quite as retarded as his predecessor, less is known. What IS known is he was ALSO Very Scared of antisemitism, much more so than GAPO even, and that he hated muscular people. He was some kind of mid-level retail drone, and would occasionally post depressing insights into THE CORPORATE HIGH LIFE he aspired to, getting his breakfast comped as he went to some quarterly sales conference apparently being all he'd dreamed of and more. Mealy mouthed, slimy and odious, he managed to alienate the userbase to a ridiculous degree, and took SS offline for a fair chunk of time while he handwrung and kvetched about how The Evil Swole Cru were a cancer on the forums.

[Said Swole Cru consisted of neat, a ginger muscular guy who lived on a farmstead and kept failing intro college courses, MassiveMilitant, a Duke Nukem looking idiot who worked on boats and eventually went OFFGRID roleplaying as a fash black bloc operative and OSI, a middle aged admin for border control who wasn't actually swole at all but would post these long rambling stories about how he was a special agent farmsteader and author when he wasn't boxing and shattering local weightlifting records despite not knowing what "a plate" was in weightlifting terms. The least intimidating group of evildoers imaginable but there ya go.]

The Third and Final Faggot was Aran, a.k.a PCOS Bill, a.k.a @Silas. A fat greasy security guard who loved LEGOs and self disclosure, he was the gooniest goon ever to goon. A fidgeting sack of shit, incapable of just relaxing and letting stuff be, he just kept fucking with stuff, and getting assblasted whenever people mocked his consoomerism, grossness, obvious paedophilia and total inability to conduct himself like a human being. He contacted a user's dad when he was offline for a while, kept fucking with people's accounts and titles and was generally a fuckin' nuisance. Unfortunately for him most of SS had migrated to Discord at this point, so his attention seeking didn't get the desired results. Flounced multiple times - when SS found his Youtube channel that revealed him to be a fat wheezing insurance scammer who got boxed up by a tiny negress, for example - but the Final Flounce came when people realised his wife was a) obviously way out of his league b) obviously gay and c) obviously cheating on him with the handsome older lesbian she was going on a loooooooong kayak trip with. Aran attempted some inane "oooh you better be nice to me or I'll delete SS" brinksmanship, and when it failed he started threatening to doxx people, and then he got banned from the SS Discord and took down SomethingSensitive to 0 fanfare.
 
Suction Bucket said:
The Third and Final Faggot was Aran, a.k.a PCOS Bill, a.k.a @Silas. A fat greasy security guard who loved LEGOs and self disclosure, he was the gooniest goon ever to goon. A fidgeting sack of shit, incapable of just relaxing and letting stuff be, he just kept fucking with stuff, and getting assblasted whenever people mocked his consoomerism, grossness, obvious paedophilia and total inability to conduct himself like a human being. He contacted a user's dad when he was offline for a while, kept fucking with people's accounts and titles and was generally a fuckin' nuisance. Unfortunately for him most of SS had migrated to Discord at this point, so his attention seeking didn't get the desired results. Flounced multiple times - when SS found his Youtube channel that revealed him to be a fat wheezing insurance scammer who got boxed up by a tiny negress, for example - but the Final Flounce came when people realised his wife was a) obviously way out of his league b) obviously gay and c) obviously cheating on him with the handsome older lesbian she was going on a loooooooong kayak trip with. Aran attempted some inane "oooh you better be nice to me or I'll delete SS" brinksmanship, and when it failed he started threatening to doxx people, and then he got banned from the SS Discord and took down SomethingSensitive to 0 fanfare.
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Something about pizza as well.
 
Gwydion said:
The owner threw a big fat gay hissy fit because people kept calling him a fat soft nerd, so he decided everyone was a nazi and deleted it.
Click to expand...
Also because his wife was cucking him with a 50-something lesbian on a "canoe trip", and he was getting owned on discord.

Goodbye Horses said:
Was that the kayak-cuck or was that another one? I remember one had a shitty lawn and another threw a hissy fit over antisemitism. All the histrionic faggots that ran that place tend to blur into one.
Click to expand...
Yeah, Kayak Cuck.
The King of the Jews was Dog-o-tron who continued to keep himself nailed to the cross of niggerdeath despite the posters telling him multiple times to fuck off if he was triggered by ((()))'s
He also killed the site for a month by holding on to his title of fagmin until the last possible second, then being a technologically incompetent boomer took like two months to turn the DNS over to the new interation.

Suction Bucket said:
Faggot the First was GAPO, a wet brained middle aged Texan who was easily triggered by mockery of his small balls, his dead lawn and his days as a Nazi thug. He was Very Scared of antisemitism, and was totally incompetent at absolutely everything. He routinely doxxed himself for no apparent reason, and was ridiculously incompetent with computers and machinery. He would occasionally get Weird about online ladies, and for a while was desperately trying to get Lowtax's wife to notice him.
One time he asked if someone could hop on a stream so he could check his webcam was working. It was, but it was upside down. I told him so, and he went "Oh so uh...what do I do?". I said "Turn it?" and he did. Away from him, so it faced the wall. It was still upside down.

Eventually after a bunch of skirmishing with some muscular idiots on SomethingSensitive, he kinda flared out for no reason and passed the forum on. He was last seen posting an ass clenchingly dumb apology on Something Awful during The Slappening but he's apparently doing alright now and has a kid.
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Excellent write up, you left off Gapo's (@NavyGuzzler ) thirst-simping for Lowtax's (now ex) wife Ashley.
Least you think he was hopelessly idolizing mediocre pussy, he's a good part responsible for her using the Lady Ambien name (as Lowtax was referred to Lord Ambien).
 
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This was the :gapo: smilie on SomethingSensitive, which was an extremely flattering estimation of GAPO's technical acumen.
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I dunno, it's all mostly accurate to me.
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Except I got along pretty good with OSI. I helped critique his books and he was a pretty good writer.

Also I wasn't privy to Late Stage SS, and based on the above kayak story, my head canon is that Aran was cucked by cis scum in troon form.

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Collection of SS stuff that saved out of nostalgia

The best smilies
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Some other smilies
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Some extra shit you could put on your profile

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Troon queen Aleph Null
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Senior Woodchuck
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Probably made after goons melted the fuck down over the Zimmerman verdict
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