Shitty Alternate History Thread - If only the Romans had AK-47's they would've survived...

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IF Franz Ferdinand wasn't assassinated, there would be no WWI. If There was no WWI, there would be no WWII. If there were no WWII, John Lennon probably wouldn't be born. If John Lennon wasn't born, there would be no Beatles. If there were no Beatles, he couldn't say The Beatles are bigger than Jesus. If he could not say anything controversial, he wouldn't die from gun violence. If he didn't die from gun violence, he would definitely be in Fortnite.
 
What if Hitler stopped being a fucking loser and went back to school to get a degree?
When he got rejected from art school, they suggested he became an architect.
 
Foltest said:
What if Hitler stopped being a fucking loser and went back to school to get a degree?
When he got rejected from art school, they suggested he became an architect.
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IMO this is a probable outcome if Germany won. Without the chaos at home sucking him into politics, the experience of being a soldier might have been enough to temper him. He was barely an adult when he applied to Vienna, but as a decorated and semi-functional man in a victorious post-War Germany, he would probably be in a better place to try again.
 
I've been autistically fascinated with the idea of the Sturmabteilung and Roehm betraying Hitler in turn for Kurt von Schleicher. It wouldn't ever happen but imagining the Weimar Republic surviving as a paramilitary-backed anocracy interests me. Maybe Roehm would've been a Mussolini instead of a dead gay faggot, who was also fat.
 
What if in 2007 EA had approved a promotional stunt to mail a personalized replica Medal of Honor to each player of Medal of Honor: Airborne that turned in proof they beat the game, then they got hauled in to Congress for violating 18 U.S. Code § 704, leading to Congressional hearings and EA's bankruptcy?
 
A world where EA games goes bankrupt in 2008 means that the licenses for sportsball games goes back to auction and other studios can try their hand on it.

It would likely also mean Mass Effect would have taken longer to finish the trilogy, and likely would have had a better ending without EA around to try and push a more space opera angle. Dead Space would likely not have been killed off and allowed to develop normally.
 
I have a dream of a novel that would be accused of plagiarism because Turtledove did a version I KNOW had to have been shallow junk

Joe Steele was a poor boy from Texarkana. He was a Cherokee mestizo whose ancestors walked the Trail of Tears from Georgia and was raised in the bandit country. Trained for the Baptist seminary. Aspiring country balladeer. Converted to revolutionary labor union socialism around the time of the Green Corn Rebellion. When the situation collapsed in the 1920s (maybe America lost or backed the wrong horse or something) and the V8 engine came along (maybe a little earlier) he was part of the golden age of bank robbers like Bonnie and Clyde and Dillinger that exploited auto power to outrun cops on the frontier. Eventually our redskin wound up becoming dictator of the United States after the Second Revolution.

Tell me who Joe Steele is?
 
Ughubughughughughughghlug said:
I have a dream of a novel that would be accused of plagiarism because Turtledove did a version I KNOW had to have been shallow junk

Joe Steele was a poor boy from Texarkana. He was a Cherokee mestizo whose ancestors walked the Trail of Tears from Georgia and was raised in the bandit country. Trained for the Baptist seminary. Aspiring country balladeer. Converted to revolutionary labor union socialism around the time of the Green Corn Rebellion. When the situation collapsed in the 1920s (maybe America lost or backed the wrong horse or something) and the V8 engine came along (maybe a little earlier) he was part of the golden age of bank robbers like Bonnie and Clyde and Dillinger that exploited auto power to outrun cops on the frontier. Eventually our redskin wound up becoming dictator of the United States after the Second Revolution.

Tell me who Joe Steele is?
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Josef Stalin, obviously.
 
Briananderson1138 said:
Josef Stalin, obviously.
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I probably should have left the dictator part off. I got to liking the idea so much I started imagining a real story about it, but Steele turns out the way men of steel do in the United States, ventilated by G-men in a cornfield in Kansas. What if the Greatest Man in history died in a ditch forgotten because he was a country and decade off? Turned out some of the biographical detail actually overlaps crazy well with Pretty Boy Floyd.

If I actually do anything with this you can all dox me off of it LOL
 
It being Black History Month, I want to write a Reconstruction timeline where some of the Radical Republicans actually go down South and get caught in the ethnic conflict. They therefore conclude that racial equality is inconsistent with racial cohabitation, and, accordingly, partition the South so that the Negroes get control of the Deep South Black Belt and the Whites everything else. We therefore get something like India-Pakistan eighty years early. I know that it would be an absolute shitshow, but it would be a damned interesting shitshow, and an interesting point of comparison.
 
Since Maryland was Americas Catholic colony what if Maryland became the Papal States in exile?

(I imagine either disunited US + anti-Catholic French being spectacularly successful or maybe a very powerful Huguenot France destroying the Papal States from a different direction.)
 
Ughubughughughughughghlug said:
Since Maryland was Americas Catholic colony what if Maryland became the Papal States in exile?

(I imagine either disunited US + anti-Catholic French being spectacularly successful or maybe a very powerful Huguenot France destroying the Papal States from a different direction.)
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You'd have to destroy a lot of other Catholic states in Europe before the papacy flees to the new world. All of Italy, Spain and Portugal, the Habsburgs....

And Maryland is *England's* Catholic colony, they can settle down in Cuba or Mexico just fine as well. Why would the Anglican English be interested in ceding land to the papacy?

It's a fun idea but it requires a bit more thought.
I'd say that if the 18th century south American Jesuit state-within-a-state survived, plus you have a stronger anti Catholic french revolution you could create the context in which the papacy flees to Buenos Aires.
 
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