Share Your School Stories - Weirdos, freaks, and idiots (self-inclusion optional)

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I vividly remember this time in middle school where we were in the cafeteria for our lunch period and the special ed kids are in line to get rid of their dirty plates and one of the kids just grabs this guy sitting in front of me by the collar and yanks him up from his seat.

Kid just starts yelling "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING? LET GO OF ME RETARD" and faculty had to separate the two. I just remember laughing my ass off that he pleaded with him by calling him a retard. Good times.
 
Miel67 said:
In Freshman year an obese bully wanted me under her thumb, and got angry at me for drawing a satirical drawing on Anorexia, demanded I draw her and an ugly Mexican girl and challenged me to draw only guys in Spring Break, which I quickly gave up on.
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Did she have a buzz cut or danger hair, by any chance?
 
Ginger Piglet said:
Sounds like Karen before Karen was a thing.
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Agreed.
The worst part?
Thanks to my mother's (limited English) at the time and literally moving me in due to the school's academic reputation, she couldn't be sued at all and literally got away with it.

BTW, the Middle school and High School were High Bully Schools. A former teacher literally told me that during a class in community college...
 
One day in early February in fifth grade my teacher gathered the class in a circle (as my teachers loved to do in elementary school) to talk to us. She was debating which book she'd next read aloud to the class and wanted to talk it over with us. Previous choices included The Hobbit and Holes so I was expecting something really good. However the one she was hesitant about was a historical novel, I don't remember what it was called. She said it was about a white boy who worked on a slave trade ship, and his job was to play a flute in order to amuse the Africans before they reached their destination.

The problem however is that this novel was accurate to history with it's liberal use of The N Word and she didn't know if she ought to expose that to us or not. One of the two black kids in class (both girls) raised her hand and said we had no business hearing that word ever and that she shouldn't read us the book. A boy then suggested that the teacher use "navigator" as a replacement word. The other black girl said that avoiding it altogether means that we won't truly understand the reason why it's the absolute worst word and that we should read the book and not replace it with navigator (with an understanding that it's never okay to say it aloud otherwise). Another girl objected to the idea of replacing it with navigator (or anything else) because it implies that navigators are bad people that way.

At this point all hell broke loose as pretty much everyone argued all at once about if we should use navigator or not, or even read the book at all. I was in the camp that we should read the book and not use navigators to hide history. I also agreed that it made navigators out to be a dirty word itself and at one point turned to a friend and said that it made me feel sorry for actual navigators.

Eventually my teacher had enough and shouted at us to shut up. She then said that she was ashamed of us for an unspecified reason, that she decided we weren't mature enough for the book and she'd read us something else. Half the class felt vindicated, the rest of us were disappointed. I felt like the whole thing was her looking for an excuse to not read us that book.

Way back in first grade a large widespread rain event lasting all day started producing lightning later in the day. After the first thundercrack this one girl, a black girl who absolutely hated me for some reason, smirked and told me I'd better watch out or I'd get struck by lightning. Without looking up from my work I told her she better watch out herself. She told me nope, she doesn't have to worry because lightning never, ever strikes black people; just white people.

I told that that was both stupid and a stupid lie, but she insisted it wasn't. After that, any time there'd be thunder she'd tell me lightning was going to strike me "soon". I didn't give her the benefit of a response after that, but she kept at it. Even though I didn't believe it, the fact that she was telling me over and over again it was going to happen (and implying it deserved to happen) made me deeply uncomfortable. It got to the point where I felt threatened enough that I told the teacher, who chewed me out over it. Somehow it was my fault that she told me lightning would definitely strike me, and that it was also my fault that I felt uncomfortable and threatened by her telling me that repeatedly. Like my classmate. the teacher also hated me and never passed up a chance to rip me a new one even when I had done nothing in the first place. Though for what's it worth this teacher was just extra cunty in general and hated most of us.
 
MysticMisty said:
One day in early February in fifth grade my teacher gathered the class in a circle (as my teachers loved to do in elementary school) to talk to us. She was debating which book she'd next read aloud to the class and wanted to talk it over with us. Previous choices included The Hobbit and Holes so I was expecting something really good. However the one she was hesitant about was a historical novel, I don't remember what it was called. She said it was about a white boy who worked on a slave trade ship, and his job was to play a flute in order to amuse the Africans before they reached their destination.

The problem however is that this novel was accurate to history with it's liberal use of The N Word and she didn't know if she ought to expose that to us or not. One of the two black kids in class (both girls) raised her hand and said we had no business hearing that word ever and that she shouldn't read us the book. A boy then suggested that the teacher use "navigator" as a replacement word. The other black girl said that avoiding it altogether means that we won't truly understand the reason why it's the absolute worst word and that we should read the book and not replace it with navigator (with an understanding that it's never okay to say it aloud otherwise). Another girl objected to the idea of replacing it with navigator (or anything else) because it implies that navigators are bad people that way.

At this point all hell broke loose as pretty much everyone argued all at once about if we should use navigator or not, or even read the book at all. I was in the camp that we should read the book and not use navigators to hide history. I also agreed that it made navigators out to be a dirty word itself and at one point turned to a friend and said that it made me feel sorry for actual navigators.

Eventually my teacher had enough and shouted at us to shut up. She then said that she was ashamed of us for an unspecified reason, that she decided we weren't mature enough for the book and she'd read us something else. Half the class felt vindicated, the rest of us were disappointed. I felt like the whole thing was her looking for an excuse to not read us that book.

Way back in first grade a large widespread rain event lasting all day started producing lightning later in the day. After the first thundercrack this one girl, a black girl who absolutely hated me for some reason, smirked and told me I'd better watch out or I'd get struck by lightning. Without looking up from my work I told her she better watch out herself. She told me nope, she doesn't have to worry because lightning never, ever strikes black people; just white people.

I told that that was both stupid and a stupid lie, but she insisted it wasn't. After that, any time there'd be thunder she'd tell me lightning was going to strike me "soon". I didn't give her the benefit of a response after that, but she kept at it. Even though I didn't believe it, the fact that she was telling me over and over again it was going to happen (and implying it deserved to happen) made me deeply uncomfortable. It got to the point where I felt threatened enough that I told the teacher, who chewed me out over it. Somehow it was my fault that she told me lightning would definitely strike me, and that it was also my fault that I felt uncomfortable and threatened by her telling me that repeatedly. Like my classmate. the teacher also hated me and never passed up a chance to rip me a new one even when I had done nothing in the first place. Though for what's it worth this teacher was just extra cunty in general and hated most of us.
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'Sup, my navigator?
 
MysticMisty said:
One day in early February in fifth grade my teacher gathered the class in a circle (as my teachers loved to do in elementary school) to talk to us. She was debating which book she'd next read aloud to the class and wanted to talk it over with us. Previous choices included The Hobbit and Holes so I was expecting something really good. However the one she was hesitant about was a historical novel, I don't remember what it was called. She said it was about a white boy who worked on a slave trade ship, and his job was to play a flute in order to amuse the Africans before they reached their destination.

The problem however is that this novel was accurate to history with it's liberal use of The N Word and she didn't know if she ought to expose that to us or not. One of the two black kids in class (both girls) raised her hand and said we had no business hearing that word ever and that she shouldn't read us the book. A boy then suggested that the teacher use "navigator" as a replacement word. The other black girl said that avoiding it altogether means that we won't truly understand the reason why it's the absolute worst word and that we should read the book and not replace it with navigator (with an understanding that it's never okay to say it aloud otherwise). Another girl objected to the idea of replacing it with navigator (or anything else) because it implies that navigators are bad people that way.

At this point all hell broke loose as pretty much everyone argued all at once about if we should use navigator or not, or even read the book at all. I was in the camp that we should read the book and not use navigators to hide history. I also agreed that it made navigators out to be a dirty word itself and at one point turned to a friend and said that it made me feel sorry for actual navigators.

Eventually my teacher had enough and shouted at us to shut up. She then said that she was ashamed of us for an unspecified reason, that she decided we weren't mature enough for the book and she'd read us something else. Half the class felt vindicated, the rest of us were disappointed. I felt like the whole thing was her looking for an excuse to not read us that book.

Way back in first grade a large widespread rain event lasting all day started producing lightning later in the day. After the first thundercrack this one girl, a black girl who absolutely hated me for some reason, smirked and told me I'd better watch out or I'd get struck by lightning. Without looking up from my work I told her she better watch out herself. She told me nope, she doesn't have to worry because lightning never, ever strikes black people; just white people.

I told that that was both stupid and a stupid lie, but she insisted it wasn't. After that, any time there'd be thunder she'd tell me lightning was going to strike me "soon". I didn't give her the benefit of a response after that, but she kept at it. Even though I didn't believe it, the fact that she was telling me over and over again it was going to happen (and implying it deserved to happen) made me deeply uncomfortable. It got to the point where I felt threatened enough that I told the teacher, who chewed me out over it. Somehow it was my fault that she told me lightning would definitely strike me, and that it was also my fault that I felt uncomfortable and threatened by her telling me that repeatedly. Like my classmate. the teacher also hated me and never passed up a chance to rip me a new one even when I had done nothing in the first place. Though for what's it worth this teacher was just extra cunty in general and hated most of us.
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That first story: I had to read that same book and you were then assigned to make a flag on the book. I drew the kid in animu style (I recalled the kid was blonde in the book) and had my mom paint the sea scape as it was set in the Caribbean Sea. it was immediately presented in the English class's wall....
 
necro because something happened today which reminded me of school, and how exceptional myself, my friends, and teachers could be.

to give an idea of my old school - it's in a middle class, small town in the midlands, UK. you wouldn't expect it to be a shithole, but it is, we didn't have to wear any uniform, speds were accepted within a blink of an eye, lots of kids with drug problems from as young as 14, and is now getting a reputation for having current students and alumni tragically dying young. oh, and the chemistry teacher turned out to be a pedophile, but got let off the hook because he was 'genuinely sorry' (he never shagged a kid, but he groomed over snapchat and fondled some 14 year olds arse and chest).

i fucking hate the place, it's a breeding ground for mental illness. when a couple of my best friends got in trouble for selling weed in school, the school didn't go to the police because one of the boys in particular was very clever and would get the school good grades (we sucked in the league tables due to having a high amount of speds). having the fear put in him by the police might have stopped him from dying at 15 from an accidental overdose, and the headteacher ended up quitting after the school was found deliberately to have withheld information from police during his inquest. my best friend died and other than mental illness, their negligence is the biggest thing to blame. they're still going and failing ofsteds today, and waking up to hear that one of my friends or aquaintances at that school have died has stopped being as shocking. something is fundamentally wrong in that place.

it's like waterloo road, without the dramatisation, and instead is just fucking depressing

i'll refer to him as L, he was a pretty normal looking, 50-odd year old, short and skinny and quite wrinkly. was generally nicer to the female students, and horrible to the male students, for reasons we now know.

he HATED certain kids in our chemistry class. it was top set, so full of the clever kids in our year, a lot of them like myself who just get bored and misbehave all the same, but ace through class anyway. i did actually behave in this class though, because i thought L was nice (his noncery was not a thing at this time), and i was also right at the front of the class, so everything i did he could see.

one day, he gives us this experiment to do, then just fucks off out of the classroom for 20 minutes. no responsible teacher leaves 15 year olds with a bunch of chemicals, and then can expect them to produce anything decent. he comes back in to chaos, and demands we all put our test tubes at the back of the classroom and then come and stand by our desks. i can't remember wtf the experiment was but the test tubes were supposed to look a certain way.

he's in full chimp, screaming at us all. 'YOU ARE TOP SET, YOU MUST REALISE THAT WHEN YOU COMBINE CHEMICALS TOGETHER IT CAN BE SERIOUSLY DANGEROUS' and just forgets the fact that he fucked off out the classroom whilst we were playing with these 'dangerous' chemicals. the moment that i was so glad i was at the front of class, was when he went to the back and started picking up individual group's test tubes. none of them were fucking right, and he picked them up one by one, found the owner and then chimped at them. 'DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE FUCKING EXAMPLE?', 'WHAT THE FUCK IS EVEN IN HERE, PENCIL SHAVINGS?' etc. and just rees for a solid ten minutes.

we're not dumb kids. we realise he's having some form of breakdown and instead of being scared, we all start trying to stop ourselves from laughing. sadly, some poor lad who L hated anyway just burst into laughter and got his ass handed to him and sent out of the class. L managed to waste the rest of the lesson by screaming at us, and we learnt nothing.

later i found out that this happened in another one of the science sets. and mid-chimp some poor little year 7 (11 year old) walked in after some books, and L turned and fucking screamed at him.

4 years later he gets busted as a nonce, he was grooming some 14 year old girl over snapchat saying she had nice lips and boobs, and groped her multiple times. and he fucking got away with it, because he 'seemed genuinely sorry'. he has (could be had now let's face it) a wife and two sons. my friend who used to swim told me that no one at the swimming baths trusted him as he was creepy, and he only liked her and would be nice to her due to him having seen her swimming.

not going to lie, i was an evil little cunt, so most of these stories are going to be about my own exceptional behaviour. the school library had a computer area, and then some tables that were sectioned off from eachother by bookcases. they weren't backed bookcases, so you could have a row on each side of the bookcase of books. you could see through them, but trouble was still to be had.

the librarian was too far into his photography and would obsess about it to the point where it was quite creepy, a 60+ year old wanting to take pictures of teenagers always will be. the pros to the shelves in the library was the fact that you could just boot a row of books and it'd come pouring out the other side, usually landing on the heads of the kids at the table on the other side. this was sadly, too indicative of where the biblio-attack came from, so me and my friends would always be kicked out.

so instead of knocking whole rows of books off the shelf, we started just grabbing the closest non-lethal paperback book we could find and would launch it across the library. it was usually towards other tables in the library, or just at eachother, but a few of the other targets were funny.

i once managed to whale a book over the shelf towards the computers, where it hit some poor sperg in the head. we lied and said it wasn't us, but we still got kicked out. my friend managed to hit one the deputy-head-to-be in the back whilst he was in doing some photocopying, we lied our way out of that one by saying he assailant had fled the building already. the same friend also launched one at the librarian whilst he was sitting at his desk, and it hit his computer screen and knocked it over. we ended up with a lifetime ban after that, and got dragged into the office with claims that we were deliberately bullying him.

before the ban, i decided one day that i didn't want to eat my egg sandwiches so i shoved them between two books on the shelf. it was MONTHS before they were found. the library smelt fucking HORRIFIC, long after i'd been banned from there

the Worst french teacher was actually the wife of the librarian mentioned above, and was fucking bonkers. their son became a TA at one point and ended up chatting up one of my friends, which just confirms the school's place as a nonce magnet.

french teacher Pam, had a wonky eye, and just generally spoke like she was insane. because of the eye, she'd been taken the piss out of for many generations by kids singing 'eye of the tiger' to her, and that got passed through all the yeargroups in the school, year after year. we also came to know that one boy in the year above us locked her in the closet she has in the room, and left her there for the rest of the lesson. pretty sure he got expelled for that, but the kids in his class at the time survived to tell the story.

back to the eye of the tiger. we'd play bogies (bogies = a game where you have to shout the word bogies, each time louder than the person who went before you) but with the eye of the tiger melody. the first bar - DUH, DUH DUH DUH. whenever she cottoned on, she'd turn around from the board and just stare at everyone, watch them, looking for the culprit. no one ever owned up, and she didn't ever take it further, so it became a weekly game whenever we had her for french.

then one day, my friend straight up decides to launch a rubber at her when she's facing the board and writing, and it pings off the board about a 1cm from her face.

she LAUNCHES her whiteboard pen at the wall and spins around, staring us all down, then starts screaming 'WHO HAS DONE ME THIS DISRESPECT'. looking back it's funny, but in the time we were all so fucking horrified, we couldn't laugh. she leans over her desk and individually looks at everyone in the classroom whilst saying 'WHO DID THIS', and no one confessed, because most of us had lost our fucking voices at that point due to the shock. after about ten minutes she let the staring contest go, and started up teaching again.

every week we'd have one of her lessons before lunch (which started at 12:20), and because the lunch queues were fucking awful to wait in, me and some friends would just pack our bags and fuck off out of the classroom at 12:15. we'd hear her shouting in the background 'I HAVE NOT DISMISSED YOU!' but it happened every week and she never reported us.

our other nutjob french teacher once went ballistic on the day before our exam because we were all chatting instead of revising. she smacked her notebook down and screamed 'aaaaHHHHHH WHY ARE NONE OF YOU DOING WORK, IT'S YOUR EXAM-EVE!!!!' like. christmas eve. but for an exam. i've never heard a teacher say anything like that before.

for gcse, we had two graphics teachers. one, a normal bloke, and then, big don. our school ran gcse courses in a weird way - you had 4 optional subjects, 2 were taught over 2 years, and 2 were taught over 1 year, one in year 10, one in year 11. graphics was the year 11 one year-er for me.

i'd mellowed down since the summer was after my best friend's death, so i wasn't the naughty self i was in the previous stories. still, it was easy as fuck in graphics to do fuck all. the presentation work and design work were stupidly easy. the teachers realised this and with 9 lessons a week in graphics, they started letting us just make things that we wanted to, and that included access to the laser cutter.

now, big don had been building a 3d printer for an excessive amount of years, and it was sat next to the laser cutter. one day we go into class and he's got his 3D printer on the table, and is holding some belt looking material. someone had chopped the belt off his 3D printer WIP, and whereas none of us had a clue who it was, we got interogated anyway, and big don was not the same after.

which brings me to, the laser cutter incident. one of my friends unknowingly picks a piece of polycarbonate out of the box of plastic scraps, and so once the laser hits it, it sets alight. my friend and our other graphics friends were watching it and just laughing, but big don caught wind and RAN through one of the wood workshops (IN THE MIDDLE OF TEACHING A DIFFERENT CLASS) screaming 'PULL THE PLUG, PULL THE PLUG!!!!' the kids turn around and look at him in awe, also lmao we don't know where the plug is on this machine. he runs, SHOVES 3 kids out the way and rips the plug out of the back of the machine. we all got the fuck out of the way so i don't know what happened to the fire, but i do remember seeing big don banging his head repeatedly against the top of the laser cutter.

less than a year later he's off on sick after a mental breakdown... which he blamed on my brother and his friends. the normal tech teacher i found out was a boozehound, as he came in the pub i worked a couple years later when i was 18, looked at me and said 'YOU! YOU'RE THE ONLY PERSON I'VE KNOWN IN MY CAREER TO GET 100% IN THE EXAM! A LEGEND!'. he was pretty legendary himself.

the school was half new build, half an old building. the older part, right at the front of the building, had some computer rooms. these computer rooms had windows into the corridor, and windows to the outside in the square that these buildings form.

my friendgroup always hung around in the corridor during lunch, and one lunch we see one of the supply teachers in this computer room, and she's one we don't like, so we keep banging on the window. eventually she kicks us out of the corridor, so we go outside and sit on our usual benches, and then quickly realise we can carry on the torment from outside. i go to knock on the window and end up sticking my whole fist through it.

we're all gobsmacked, i step back just as the supply teacher snaps open the blinds and my other friend just stares creepily at her through it. senior staff are up there straight away and questioning us, and i say i smashed the window. they don't believe me, they think i'm covering for my friends, despite the fact my wrist is bleeding :story:

that school was fucking awful, i have more stories to share but tired. i moved after gcses and went to a different sixth form, where this happened


we had a classmate in further maths who had resat the year, so he was 18 at the time. he goes to the toilets during the lesson, and comes back looking disturbed. for some reason this school had toilets based on gender and year, and at this time the sixth form and year 11 boys toilets were closed off, so this guy had to go to the year 10 boys toilets.

we ask what's up, and classmate says that he went in these toilets and could hear people having sex in one of the cubicles.

the teacher is concerned and just blown away by it all, we find it hilarious, and soon enough it's going around the school that some couple shagged in the year 10 toilets. there was even a rumor that i heard that two twins in year 10 were running a sex ring where if someone paid for their lunch they'd shag them in the toilets (??? why.)

anyway, once the senior teachers realise this they call my classmate in for an investigation, and end up watching the cctv that's positioned outside the toilet. no one was shagging in the toilet that day. my classmate had walked in, heard a male and female voice, and bolted out and assumed the worst, when it was just a workman and workwoman fixing one of the toilets.
 
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A few years after I left, a few ex-pupils from my primary school broke into the science labs, turned on all the gas taps for the Bunsen burners, and legged it. The resulting explosion and fire caused 7 figures worth of damage. Given my experiences in that shithole, I could only wish Godspeed to the little scrotes.

When I was in sixth form, there was a recently-hired teacher straight out of grad school. He was young enough to think he could be "down with the kids", especially the 17-18 year-olds in the sixth form. He knew a few of us were into heavy metal, so he decided he was a heavy metal fan too, even though he clearly wasn't. So we had some fun with him calling his bluff. We would make up the names of metal bands, and ask him what he thought of them. He would then offer his nuanced opinions on these non-existent bands:

"Sir, have you heard the new Skullcrusher album?"
"Oh yeah, it's really good."
"Really? Everyone else seems to hate it."
"Well clearly it's not for them. Not everyone "gets" Skullcrusher."
"Even that song about raping Jesus?"
"Well, not that one. It's disappointing to see that on there, but you have to understand that they're making a point about religion, and it's their right to do that."
"What about the video for "Chainsaw Tracheotomy"? Do you think it's a bit extreme?"
"Nah, I've seen worse."
"Really? You've seen worse than a nun being put through a woodchipper?"
"Oh yeah. But you're not all 18 yet, I can't really talk about them."
"Sir, Skullcrusher isn't a real band, we made them up."
"Yes they are. Just cause you haven't heard of them..."

Twat.
 
couple of wines down and i'm remembering more shit that happened at that monstrosity of a school.
a lot of these are me being the cuntish kid in question, in all honesty.

it was either year 7 or year 8 english where we studied the book holes, and the school provided us each with a book to read.

over about the space of a week, the books had gone from brand new, to borderline unreadable. these books were shared between four classrooms, so i'm presuming some brown-noser got an extra vandalised copy, and showed the teacher, because the headteacher storms in at the start of the class and slams down the offending box of books and addresses us all.

for examples of the vandalism - i watched a friend one day absolutely whale at one of the books with a compass, stabbing it over and over again. there was a lot of penis-drawing vandalism, generally kids would cover a page with a giant squirting cock. the sides of the pages in one of the books was completely coloured in with black biro.

the headteacher gives us all a verbal whopping and tells us that if they see anyone vandalising a book they'll be in deep shit, yadda yadda. the books get handed out and one of the good kids gets a book with a cock drawn on a blank page, and turns to me and the girl between us and goes 'god, how immature is this'. the kicker? i drew that cock. i had to feign agreement whilst trying not to laugh at the situation.

the village where i grew up was deemed 'out of the catchment area', so one of the village mums set up a bus plan with a local coach company which cost parents a fucking bomb, but would get us to and from school everyday. so many kids started using it that they had to use one of the bigger coaches, one aisle having 3 seats per row and the other having 2.

me and my friend were always cunts on this bus. we took to just launching random objects across the bus at random kids. when the loom band phase occurred, we'd get those and just flick them about. the driver stopped the bus to tell us off a few times, but there were two times that the school got involved.

the first was when i used to sit with a group at the back of the bus who didn't give a fuck. the art teacher gave me two canvasses to paint at home because i didn't have enough work for the coursework exhibition for gcse art. as soon as my friends spied the canvasses, they came to the collective decision that they must destroy at least one of them.

i'm not too fussed about them shitting up a canvas, so after they ask a couple of times, i hand one over. straight away, one of the borderline mentally retarded ones sticks their head through it, which gave me an idea. i grabbed the canvas back and sharpie'd CUNT onto a patch that wasn't ripped up, and then gave it back to one of the borderline-speds to hold up against the back window.

traffic out of the village is very slow moving due to there being a parking on one side of the road - fine for two cars to pass, buses and lorries were harder to pass. at this point, we're at a standstill, and were for a while, so the following happened:
b-sped held the canvas up, and behind us was a lorry driver. this enraged him so much that he left his truck idling, got out and came and started banging on the side of the bus and screaming. this grown man wanted to fight us 16 year olds.

trucker was pissed and rang the bus company, who contacted the school. everyone on our bus had to have an assembly on bus behaviour. what might have also contributed to that was that to hide the wooden beams on the canvas, we had to punch the plastic back of one of the seats so we could cram the wooden beams into the hollow seat.

the second time, some kid was laughing at me on the bus one evening, so i plotted with my friend overnight and we decided to deliver some payback. the next morning at the bus stop, i walk over and kick this kid square in the chest, and he goes flying into a metal gate. of course when we got to the school, he reported us straight away and we got suspended for the day and banned from the bus. except the latter was a lie, because i waltzed on the bus after my suspension ended and they bus company didn't have a clue that we were supposedly banned. the kid i kicked? my mum knew him and hated him, so when the school rang to tell her of my suspension, she laughed, said 'good', and hung the phone up. wrecked.

most uk schools had a mentally deranged art teacher, and we were not exempt from this. crystal abyss, who's name wasn't spelt like that atall, it just sounded like it, was a crazy bohemian looking half german woman in her 50s. her spergs were incredible.

not a lot of teaching persay is done in art, but when it was, it was fucking painful. she wouldn't let us draw or paint when she was talking, but she'd flip out at a kid every 5 seconds, so it often took a solid 20 minutes to get through a 5 minute instruction. she hated two kids especially, who she'd address by screaming their names (VILL!! BIN!!, they were called will and ben respectively). she was particularly fun to fuck with. i remember three of my offenses, there were more, but this was years ago and i forget.

1. i sat at the front of the class, next to her computer. when she was up one day, i unplugged the USB mouse and keyboard from her computer tower. she comes back to pull up an example for another kid, and cannot fathom why her mouse won't move, and why she couldn't type in the word document she had open. me and my desk mate got to sit and silently giggle at her for a good ten minutes, before she called IT to come and help her. IT were PISSED when they came all the way over, just to plug a mouse and a keyboard back in.

2. one day i decided to be utterly spiteful and wrap cotton around the legs of two tables, just in front of the computer. she didn't notice me doing it, but when she was making her way back over to the computer, i ran off to the sinks to watch. she doesn't see the cotton, and because it was layered, she goes flying over it as it snaps. she doesn't hit the deck but has quite the obvious trip, and the whole classroom could hear the snap of the cotton. she spins around and stares at us all, and she definitely knew that i did it, she just never confronted me. she had the gaze of a fucking madwoman, though.

3. back to the sinks, we had two, with four taps (faucets). they're on the left as you went into the classroom, so one day i just turned all of them on on my way past. once she silenced the class, she noticed the taps, and went to turn them off. as soon as she was distracted, i turned them all on again. she'd go and turn them off. this went on all lesson, for a couple of lessons, until she started spending every lesson guarding the taps to try and catch the tap bandit, pulling her madwoman gaze whenever a kid got up to wash a brush or palette.

lastly wrt VILL and BIN, she primarily just hated them because they never shut the fuck up, and stopped letting them sit near eachother. yet every lesson they'd go and sit together, so every lesson begun with a 'ZHOU KNOW ZHOU'RE NOT ALLOVED TO ZIT THERE!' right off the bat

jonty
somehow in year 7, we'd come to learn that our science teacher hated to be called 'jonty' (his first name was john.) i'm 98% sure that another teacher told us all this. one day he tells a girl to be quiet, so she replies 'alright jonty'. he instantly goes bright red like a fucking cherry, runs over to her and says 'did you just say what i thought you said', to which she sat agape, so he sent her out and put her on-call, and told the whole class to never call him that again.

umbrella
there was an english teacher who often spat whenever she spoke. a tale that all the year groups knew was of a boy in the year above me, who sat on the front row in her lessons. one day whilst she's speaking, he pulls his umbrella out and opens it directly in front of her. she rages, and the kid gets on-called. he was considered somewhat of a legend after that.

knife dart
i mentioned in the previous set of stories that we were often bored as fuck in our graphics gcse lessons. one day, my friend make a blowdart out of a craft knife, cardboard, and a cardboard tube. it easily could've been lethal. the sound tech teacher caught him using it when he literally sent the knife-dart from one side of the classroom to the other, where it got lodged in the wall. he momentarily sperged, but didn't report it when said friend said he wouldn't do it again.

bag olympics
my friend group used to pick someone every lunchtime and just whale their bag around in the outside area of the old block. inside the top of the block was the sped room, and then right at the front of the school was the sped building. numerous spastics were hit, or nearly hit, with flying bags. one of our friends once chimped out after another had taken a running jump at his man-bag and smashed all of the folders that were in it.

one devil spastic used to deliberately run into kids in her mobility scooter. she was an evil bitch, and always got away with it despite knowing what she was doing. one day she ran into the wrong kid and the kid turned around and punched her straight in the face. i laughed for days when i first found out about it

the 'tism teacher who ran his own dog over
this is in sixth form, so a different school. i'd never had the agony of having to be taught by him, but there was a humanities teacher that was autistic as fuck, and not in an endearing way. he was known for arriving late to work one day, because he'd ran over and killed his own dog in his driveway. pretty much everyone in sixth form knew this.

i'd resat year 12 because i didn't get the grades i wanted, but i was still allowed to go to my year group's prom. legal drinking age is 18 here, which most people were unless they were born late july/august. i'm outside with some friends, chatting and smoking, and this teacher, Platz, comes outside.

one guy, K, had one of my friends sat on his knee. platz, being the fucking incel he is, looks at K and asks 'so K, are you ever going to lose your virginity?'
K was shocked. everyone was shocked. K replied 'platz, what?' and platz then replied again with 'COME ON, we all know that you've never had a shag!'
K is genuinely one of the nicest people i've ever met, and someone that genuinely cares for other people. he was fucking gobsmacked, and i'd had a bit to drink and was angry, so i turned around to platz and said 'at least he's never ran over his own dog!'

platz ran off. my friends are shocked but found it hilarious. during my year 13 i noticed a couple times when platz spotted me in corridors that he'd run off and go a different way. never said a word to me after that.
 
I'm reposting this from the ”autism you witnessed IRL” thread since I guess this counts as a school story?
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In my French class I sat next to a girl who was known as a politisperg. She was, and still is, the sort of person who gets her politics from TikTok and Instagram memes, and has always enjoyed pretending to be an ”activist” despite never doing anyactual activism.

We were given an assignment where we had to write a French essay about our heroes to prepare us for the GCSE's. Most people just waffled about their family members or a film star. This girl chose to write a pretty lengthy paragraph about Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez.

This would put you on the verge of lolcowdom in and of itself, but it got even funnier when we discovered that she didn't know how to spell AOC's name and didn't know what her policies were, so she just waffled about her ”iconic red lipstick” for the duration of this essay. She then chose to accompany the essay with a printout of AOC's face, with her lips painstakingly coloured in red biro.

Before you ask, she wasn't a sped but was just an incredibly rich white girl who follows politics because she thinks it makes her interesting.
 
Here's a more positive story from elementary school.

Back in the day, we'd have parties for certain holidays. The higher up in grades you got, the less events you did but the ones they always did for all the grades were Halloween, Christmas, and Easter.

So in Sixth Grade, me and a few friends got together a couple weeks before the Halloween party to do a group cosplay. It was me, two girls I was friends with, and another guy.

The group cosplay in question? Inuyasha. No joke.

The two girls already were planning to do cosplays of Kagome and Sango before we came up with the idea to do a group costume and IIRC, they saved up money to get costumes from eBay and one of those Halloween stores that was a couple hours away.

I was going to cosplay as Inuyasha and my other friend was Miroku.

Our costumes were a lot more impromptu. I basically just wore a long-sleeved red shirt and red pajama pants that I already owned and I used some allowance money to buy a cheap pair of cat ears and a granny wig from K-Mart's Halloween costume section to complete the look.

My friend made a Miroku cosplay with black pajamas and a purple beach blanket tied around it, with a crude cardboard staff wrapped in gold duct tape and he was using playing cards as sutra cards.
 
Not too many stories, just some oddities.

There was a group of freshman flute players who'd snuggle in the hallway, meow like cats, and groom each other.

Witnessed a boyfriend/girlfriend couple pop each other's zits in computer class.

In 8th grade, one of the weeb chicks would bring hardcore gay comic book porn and read it outright in class.

The entirety of the Future Farmers of America was cringe all on its own. Never seen so many people limp around in cowboy boots that clearly were never broken in before.
 
soft bones said:
In 8th grade, one of the weeb chicks would bring hardcore gay comic book porn and read it outright in class.
Click to expand...
Weeb chick I used to hang out in school actually DREW hardcore gay porn on the last pages of her notebook, then we had them gathered, and (female) teacher looked real dusgusted handing it back.
 
During my freshman year of high school, I had a biology teacher that previously had some medical job at a nearby airbase. He told an hour-long story about how he had to pull a pickle, a ketchup bottle, and a ping-pong ball out of an airman's rectum when we were supposed to be going over proteins.
 
UnsufficentBoobage said:
Weeb chick I used to hang out in school actually DREW hardcore gay porn on the last pages of her notebook, then we had them gathered, and (female) teacher looked real dusgusted handing it back.
Click to expand...
A guy I know once wrote a lengthy story about another student's cock, which he described as ”veiny” and ”succulent”. He then left it in the back of his English book.
 
My school was right across from a gas station, and apparently every night a black dude would just ominously walk back and forth under the dimly lit pumps. We dubbed him Nigger Phil, and he would rape you if he saw you.
As it turns out, he was a raging drug addict who killed his dealer at the station a few months after I got out. So yeah. Watch out for Nigger Phil.
 
Don't know if this is true but my cousin said that at his school they would throw shite at this teacher when his back was turned. They'd throw half ham sandwiches at the back of his head and apples at the white board above him so apple shite would rain down on him.
One kid hit him with an apple and his head went in to the whiteboard and cracked it.
The teacher turned around, grabbed a heavy book off his desk and threw at some random kid in the front row.
The teacher left shortly after that.
 
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