Remaking Harry Potter Is A Terrible Idea

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Remaking Harry Potter Is A Terrible Idea

BY
STACEY HENLEY

Harry Potter is getting a seven season television adaptation that retells the movies, with JK Rowling heavily involved. What's the point in any of it?

News that Harry Potter is getting a HBO television reboot feels emblematic of where our current media culture is right now. Harry Potter is now a highly controversial franchise, thanks almost entirely to creator JK Rowling’s stance on trans people, which in turn has dredged up the problematic undertones of her Jewish-caricature bankers and Asian characters named Cho Chang who is excellent at Maths, or Irish character Seamus Finnegan who is stupid, dirty, and often causes explosions while trying to brew alcohol. Mostly though, it’s emblematic because it’s boring.

Leaving aside your, my, or anyone else’s thoughts on Harry Potter as a political entity, this is just a dull idea. The proposed TV series will run for seven seasons, each one dedicated to a book. The last movie came out barely a decade ago in 2011, and they’re still regularly shown on TV around Christmas and air frequent marathons. Why do the exact same thing again? At least Hogwarts Legacy, for all its flaws, was a new idea.

This might be where Rowling’s public image finally comes back to bite her. An easy way to make money would be to bring Daniel Radcliffe, Rupert Grint, and Emma Watson back and do a ‘where are they now’ continuation with Harry as a Wizard FBI agent, just as the books ended. But given all three have publicly criticised Rowling and publicly stated their support for trans rights, and that JK Rowling is actively involved in this new show, those three seem happy to remain on muggle shores.

Then there’s the fact that Rowling is mentioned at all. Let’s ignore what that means from a social justice perspective (my colleague Tessa Kaur has an excellent breakdown of that) and instead look at it from a production point of view. Recently, The Last of Us creator Neil Druckmann was heavily involved in the game’s HBO adaptation, and as a result we see a lot of shot for shot recreations of scenes and characters we already know so well.

Some episodes expanded on things heavily, like Long, Long Time, but mostly it’s just the game, exactly as the game looked. Considering Rowling was also heavily involved in the movies, and her closeness to the show won’t allow it to interrogate any of her worst writing traits, you have to wonder what the point of the series is at all.

Then, we come back to the answer - it’s money. Hogwarts Legacy made money. Harry Potter merchandise still makes lots of money. Ergo, the TV series will make money. But I’m not sure that’s so simple either. The Fantastic Beasts movies declined at the box office to the point where the fourth and fifth movies were quietly dropped, and I’m not sure who the target audience for this is. There are a lot of Harry Potter obsessed adults but what they love most of all is their own nostalgia.

Hogwarts Legacy let them live out their dreams of, well, going to school, I guess. It’s hard to see that many people with Harry Potter tattoos or children named Luna and Draco caring about the stories they’ve already seen a million times but this time without the actors they love. Then you get to the fact the books are wildly different in length, meaning the first series will need a lot of padding and not start off on the strongest foot. Amazon thought Lord of the Rings was too big to fail, but The Rings of Power has been average at best in both quality and viewership, and that’s without any controversy.

It’s easy to buy a video game because of anti-wokeness. There’s a huge crossover online between those who live their lives specifically to be against a thing, and those who play video games. Many of the internet’s most reactionary content creators have their roots in video games, so it’s natural that they support Hogwarts Legacy. Partially because trans people asked them not to, and partially because it’s a triple-A game. That’s harder with a HBO show, very few are going to keep up with a subpar magic high school drama full of padding and where they’ve already seen the movie version tell the story much slicker, just to own the libs.

The name alone will ensure the Harry Potter TV show does kind of well, at least to begin with. But it won’t attract the rampant fanbase who flock to the Wizarding World theme park to buy their personalised wands, nor will it have much sway with a general audience who’ve already seen the movies and read the books. Later series, which expand on what the movies had to trim, may have potential, but by then the first couple of thin books may have already turned fans off.

Looking only at the cash flow, you can see why ‘more Harry Potter’ makes sense. But remaking popular movies that many people still watch regularly, failing to appeal to the most obsessed audience by only showing them what they’ve seen before, and attaching the highly controversial creator to ensure bad publicity and a lack of original ideas is the worst way to go about ‘more Harry Potter’. If you hate trans people and are going to force yourself to watch it to win some made up culture war, you’re in for a bumpy ride.
 
Pretty sure the heretical magic and the gay goat fucking grandpas made the series controversial long before most fans even knew what a troon was.

Harry Potter is getting a seven season television adaptation that retells the movies,
Tell me you're an illiterate dumbass without telling me you're am illiterate dumbass
 
HBO Max, which is owned by Warner Bros, which should in theory have the Harry Potter movies on their streaming service, doesn't have the rights to stream the movies because Peacock has those rights. I'm not saying I agree with the decision to reboot the series but on the other hand I can understand wanting to given that they can't stream what is arguably Warner Bros most popular property.

They probably want to milk the franchise dry with tv series like what Disney + is doing with Star Wars.

Edit: You actually can watch the original movies on HBOMax. I admit I didn't check but you couldn't last month because I tried to and they weren't there.
 
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Why make it?

Cause it will make money you dumb shit. That's the only reason.

Man can these child fuckers not read another book. Yes people like Harry Potter and no they will not boycott it because you tell them to. No one cares if some mentally deficient troon threaten to off themselves if people watch the show.

Kindly fuck off.
 
News that Harry Potter is getting a HBO television reboot feels emblematic of where our current media culture is right now. Harry Potter is now a highly controversial franchise, thanks almost entirely to creator JK Rowling’s stance on trans people,
This isn't controversial anywhere except in the little corners of the internet where troons go to dilate. People watch Harry Potter because they love it. The problem with Fantastic Beasts was that it was a bad story, that's all.

which in turn has dredged up the problematic undertones of her Jewish-caricature bankers
Nobody ever mentioned that until these people did.

and Asian characters named Cho Chang who is excellent at Maths,
When did this happen? There is not even Maths in Hogwarts. She's in Ravenclaw, where the smart nerds are, but so is Luna Lovegood.

or Irish character Seamus Finnegan who is stupid, dirty, and often causes explosions while trying to brew alcohol..
What fanfic has this person read? This doesn't happen either. The explosion things are a gag in the movies and in the final one, it's a moment of awesome, actually. And he's never brewed alcohol...

Is this article a parody?
 
HBO Max, which is owned by Warner Bros, which should in theory have the Harry Potter movies on their streaming service, doesn't have the rights to stream the movies because Peacock has those rights. I'm not saying I agree with the decision to reboot the series but on the other hand I can understand wanting to given that they can't stream what is arguably Warner Bros most popular property.

They probably want to milk the franchise dry with tv series like what Disney + is doing with Star Wars.
I believe it. It's why the Pokemon Company remade the 1st pokemon movie after getting the rights for Mewtwo back from Shudo's estate
The Mewtwo that has ties to minor plot beats in the series was owned by the person who created it and later his estate after he died. Pokemon Company could still use Mewtwo but not THAT particular Mewtwo. When they were finally able to get the rights for him back, Strikes Back was remade as the final nail in the whole thing. Pokemon company had to repeatedly emphasize in a different movie that the mewtwo that was in it was a completely different from the one that appeared before. It was a bit of a mess and easier to just buy the rights back to the OG Mewtwo.

As long as they make it canon that Snape is sexy as hell, I am here for it.
Rip Alan Rickman, that man did not look his age when he was playing Snape.

What fanfic has this person read? This doesn't happen either. The explosion things are a gag in the movies and in the final one, it's a moment of awesome, actually. And he's never brewed alcohol...
He tried to turn water into wine tho, therefore he's a drunk (his actor ended up being a hot mess but that's besides the point)
 
Yer an Indian Ari!

18-Brilliant-Photos-Showing-If-Harry-Potter-Movies-Had-Indian-Cast-1.jpeg
 
I hope they do make it. Not because I want to see it, but because the coping and seething will be a thing of unparalleled beauty.
 
If it makes Troons seethe, its gotta be good. At the very least, its the kind of fire where breaking out the marshmallows is worth it.
 
It's going to be pointlessly unwatchable. I wouldn't humor it even for the spectacle of seeing how hard they drop the ball like with Rings of Power, and my interest in that waned after episode 3 because it was too boring.
 
It's going to be pointlessly unwatchable. I wouldn't humor it even for the spectacle of seeing how hard they drop the ball like with Rings of Power, and my interest in that waned after episode 3 because it was too boring.
Exactly. I don't have the patience to hate-watch something like this. It's just a fact of life now that we live in an age where every property that is even remotely successful will be run into the ground until literally no one is watching anymore.

It's time to move on to more interesting, original IPs. Harry Potter's height of awesomeness has come and gone with the conclusion of the series. I suppose Hogwarts Legacy was alright but most of the fun I've had playing it was the smug knowledge that the troons wouldn't even be able to pirate it.
 
I don't want them to remake it because they will fuck it up. The Weasleys will be niggers because redheads are no longer allowed to exist, Hermoine will be a tranny, and SPEW Elf Lives Matter will be tearing down statues of Merlin because he was too straight, white, and male.

Kill mudbloods. Behead mudbloods. Roundhouse kick a mudblood into the concrete. Slam dunk a mudbloods baby into the trashcan. Crucify filthy muggles. Defecate in a mudbloods food. Launch mudbloods into the sun. Stir fry mudbloods in a wok. Toss mudbloods into active volcanoes. Urinate on a mudbloods broom. Judo throw mudbloods into a wood chipper. Twist mudbloods heads off. Report mudbloods to the HMRC. Karate chop mudbloods in half. Curb stomp pregnant muggle mudbloods. Trap mudbloods in quicksand. Crush mudbloods in the trash compactor. Liquefy mudbloods in a vat of acid. Eat mudbloods. Dissect mudbloods. Exterminate mudbloods in the chamber of secrets. Stomp mudbloods skulls with steel toed boots. Cremate mudbloods in the oven. Lobotomize mudbloods. Mandatory abortions for mudbloods. Grind nigger mudbloods in the garbage disposal. Drown mudbloods in fried chicken grease. Vaporize mudbloods with a ray gun. Kick old mudbloods down the stairs. Feed mudbloods to alligators. Slice mudbloods with sectumsentra.
 
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