I teach at a very small private school, and the student population is what you might expect for a small school. the kids are what I lovingly refer to as, " misfit toys." bright, creative, but just haven't been able to thrive in public education.
For a small school, we have a fairly decent size amount of kids who identify as members of lgbtq+ community. and as you may assume, in the last few years, it's been not out of the norm for students to express themselves by wishing to change their pronouns, and names. we as teachers, and admin do our best to support them. however, we ask that their parents ( whom which we have contracts with) give permission for our staff and faculty to refer to them as their preferred pronouns and names.
in daily life, we do our best to remember each student's preferred pronouns and names (those who have done through the expected process) and sometimes we are successful, and sometimes not. I often refer to a student whom I've known as "he"for many years incorrectly. when I catch myself I immediately apologize and refer to that student as "them." they understand that it takes some getting used to, and they recognize that I'm trying.
however, there is a large amount of students in that community that have really taken to weaponizing their pronouns and names. I often hear them talking about how some teachers are disrespectful, and don't even try, and"why do we even have to get our parents permission?" it's basically become trash talk...and not in the fun basketball court way.
We literally have eight High School teachers on our staff, I know each one of them personally and we are all very supportive. not one of these teachers wants to hold these students back from expressing their gender the way they prefer. these kids just seem to think that because they have decided on Tuesday to be referred to one way and on wednesday, be referred to as another way, we are obligated to get it right every time. it's becoming toxic.
Just wondering if any others experience this in their school, and have any ideas or solutions? I want to be able to support my students, but also help them understand that this is still relatively new and we are doing the best that we can.
EDIT: Sorry, I think I may have left out a key detail. If a student is under 18, and wants to change their gender, we will wait until they've told their parents, so we don't run into problems at conferences or with addressing that student in front of their parents. Until they're ready to do so, they are referred to as the name/gender we have on the contract we've made with the parents.
if a student is 18 (a legal adult) we ask that the student submit their change in writing and at that point the student and their parents are included in the discussion.
We are not interested in outing anyone.
Thank you for the varied responses and opinions!
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