random_text.txt / Random Quotes - Back in the day it was literally a text file on the webserver called random_text.txt and now it's a whole thing.

[BirdUp]

No, child. You wouldn't. You would be immediately immobilized and held down while the cops were called. The back of your head would also get slapped by pendulous, disgusting bitch tits. He'd then willingly eat his dice. He willingly eats many, many things.

Enjoy prison.

 

[Dr. Butt]

I have never, in my entire life, seen a man who supposedly sucks dick be so bad at sucking dick.

 

[Hamplanet Fitness]

uwu-ifying child slave rape

 

[JustSomeDong]

I have not seen Destiny's penis and I'm doing everything in power to never see it.

 

[Sexy Senior Citizen]

dead people don't bend (they only vote)

 

[SSj_Ness (Yiffed)]

(Pixiv's translation literally just has "mesugaki" as "sassy loli".) They're sometimes sexually aggressive (though not always) - if they are they'll often be hitting on someone who knows they are not supposed to reciprocate, which is often part of the fun for them.

Still not over the vagina bones removal in Tokyo Mirage Sessions.

FOR LOVE OF GOD AND ALL THAT IS HOLY PLEASE DON'T TURN THIS INTO KIWI FARMS LOLI DEBATE THREAD#1236128361224
I'M ON MY FUCKING KNEES HERE

I like big anime titties.

 

[NerdShamer]

The chests are covered. That's why.

 

[Larry David's Opera Cape]

All I said was breathing is unnatural and wrong, why am I being put on a List of the Insane?

 

[Diggus Bickus]

I'm still declining the opportunity to see Destiny's penis, thanks though.

 

[Big Nasty]

Listening to an Indian speak shitty Spanish to an Italian is hilarious.

summon the piss witch

burt is the splrut that keeps on goonin

"Jobe's a drunk, I'm an alcoholic, there's a difference. I can still wake up at 8 o clock in the morning"

 

[HyperboreanRightsActivist]

A secret cult of 19th century Occultists and 20th Century Hippy Weirdos secretly run the world and, with the help of the owner of the Detroit Tigers, put Woke in the schools so They can Dialectically force Christians to stand up for themselves so THEY have an excuse to crush them and usher in a one world government/religion and achieve Apotheosis. To this end they have sent Gen. Michael Flynn other members of the Deep State to steal Christian prayers, redirect them to a Zoroastrian Chaos Demon, and trick Donald Trump into encouraging more Catholics to pray to obscure poorly understood figure St. Michael. In doing so, Trump will fulfill the role of Christian Warlord Antithesis set for him, ushering in the final Synthesis.

 

[UERISIMILITUDO]

Seeing the page where he described what Nanachi’s butthole smells like what the final straw for me. Normally I drop a series a lot quicker than that, but was only pulled in by the story.

 

[BirdUp]

No, child. The only thing Patrick knows about lolcows is that there is no such thing as a lolcow. I'm sorry you're so stupid. Enjoy prison, stalker.


Child.

No, thoughtcriminal child. You love Pig Brother, as you have been told many thousands of times. Enjoy the Ministry of Love.

 

[UERISIMILITUDO]

Jannies have the work ethic of a mexican illegal, and PG is hit the worst out of all forums because of it.

 

[HONKY DESTROYER]

I don't support Trump you punk ass faggot Come here and tell me that and I'll sodomize your fucking sorry ass, you punk cuckboy. You faggot. You can't touch me fucking bitch. fucking ho. you're nothing but a sorry ass FURRY bitch. You bitch. Come on you bitch. You fucking miserable scared coward, wanna suck Jin's cock for more than two fucking decades good fucking luck bitch. Look at you silly cuck, Scared like a little bitch boy. Scared of the real man. I'll fuck you till you love me faggot.

-ZatLit

https://embed.kiwifarms.st/threads/...eksismywife-zeelover2049.144847/post-19985782

 

[Aunt Carol]

Fucking pieces of shit at the Pokemon Company sent my plushies to the billing address not the mailing address.

 

[demicolon]

Never trust a man that has more than two tits.

 

[Disc]

there I was outside the men’s restroom, waiting for a paper cup full of semen.

My friends threw me a big sperm party ― not a party where people brought sperm, which might have been a great idea, but a fundraiser to buy the stuff.

And yet, ironically, sperm is not a scarce commodity.

One Saturday in the midst of this process, I went to an intuitive healing workshop with my closest friend and confidant, RoiAnn. We wrote down goals and meditated, focusing on creating a life we believed in. I was on that journey but I was stuck. The leader insisted, “There is no stuck. We can move through anything.”

How about money for sperm? I thought, but she didn’t address that.

Shortly after retiring to a room on the lower level, Drake returned with a coffee cup full of his fresh semen.

Using my handy little syringe to squirt the valuable fluid right up to my cervix, I inseminated in a room full of windows looking out into the woods. During the night, deer came to eat corn left outside in the moonlight. It was magical.

But I didn’t get pregnant.

Telling you I got pregnant that night would be the Hollywood ending to this story, but I didn’t. Nor did I on the next trip to Burger King or the few we took after that.

I decided to go the frozen sperm route.

Articles and News is a magical place.

 

[Gentlebastard]

This writing style is just so obnoxious. It would have been quaint if Maddox published this article in 1999. It would have been old hat if it'd been posted on Cracked circa 2010. Now it's just embarrassing.
You don't need to pretend to be Hunter Thompson covering every gay little thing that happens in your life.

I'd like to think that it wouldn't take much brain power to figure out the rough bristle brush used to scrub shit off of the side of a toilet should not be shoved up you gina.

I was a senior in high school when the Virginia Tech shooting happened, and I remember finding out about it and me and my friends seeking out more information because we were actively workshopping jokes in the cafeteria literally instantly.

You can instantly corral a lot of people into a predictable place by simply saying the word nigger, then not apologizing. You can also do that by pulling your pants and shitting on their shoes, but this is easier.

she describes breathing normally as "raw dogging air"

All I said was breathing is unnatural and wrong, why am I being put on a List of the Insane?

hey dudes... pissin, huh? yessir that's my shit. I love to piss. right out my man dick. whew I'll tell ya, something all us guys know and love is a good old fellas piss

What's the best solution in this case?

1) Pulling them out and see if their "non-violence" posturing still holds up
2) "Accidentally" spilling bottled fox urine right near their face
3) CRUNCHCRUNCHCRUNCH

as we all know nothing is more badass than basic kitchen appliances

His gunt reached critical mass and is starting to split down the middle into two mini-gunts. Gunt mitosis.

 

[Cnidarian]

It is a lot more distracting for a post to read like a homosexual robot than for it to read like a third worlder.