Ralph's Fortieth Birthday Thread - Where did the time go?

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Don't do this.
If we have his dox on file I will send him a NY style cheesecake packed in dry ice with "BEST REGARDS, YOUR GREATEST FAN" iced on top with some Jewish bakers' best approximation of the OG Ralph Retort Skull.
 
I don't really keep up with Ralph because he's just common trash imo. Poor dumb white trash, with a god complex.

I'm sure the faggot will read here, so I'll PL and get aloggy.

Honestly, we're about the same age. I worked hard for what I have and been blessed. You're an abusive (former) husband and abandoned not one but TWO children.

Life keeps handing you the loss of still being alive, there's really nothing a REAL man would be more ashamed of than being apart from a child. You're massively overweight, addicted to drugs and don't care about your own blood.

The glass house (you rent) is embarrassing you throw shade at anyone. You look down on everyone and think you're something important. You're a coward, and failure.

40 years old, middle age, a new decade. I am and was enjoying life but 40 was just another day, but it wasn't. Start of new stage of life, an excuse to be better. More, I've played sports my whole life and need to accept my injuries slow me down. I have loved ones who help, including my loving younger wife.

You're going to hang with the torta man who hates you but you put his kids through college and eat xaniberries. No one will want to be around you because you're smelling and mean. It's a 3rd grade insult but it's also the truth.

I hope you lose some money gambling and enjoy sleeping alone.

PS you're very fat.
 
Dear Ralph,

I loved your show.

Then you showed up drunk and high constantly.

It was a good run though.

It sucks because you probably could have run your show indefinitely with a similar level of success.

Sad.

Edit: your fight with Diogenes got me hooked. It was funny
 
Blissed said:
Dear Ralph,

I loved your show.

Then you showed up drunk and high constantly.

It was a good run though.

It sucks because you probably could have run your show indefinitely with a similar level of success.

Sad.

Edit: your fight with Diogenes got me hooked. It was funny
Click to expand...
His show got infinitely better after he started getting drunk and high every time, he should do it more often
 
This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
Not with a bang but an oink
 
Happy Birthday, Pig Monster!
I always forget Ralph is around my age. He looks like he is in his 60's.
 
Happy birthday to Ethan Ralph.

Or as they say in your new home country, feliz birthday-o.

I'll list here some of the highlights of Ralph that live in my mind:

  • "Ethan Ralph, it's me, Gator"
  • "It's not even hot outside"
  • "Your torch lights the way, Aiden, give her a slap on the ass"
  • Crying to Daddy Jim Medicare and running away from MundaneMatt
  • Crying to Josh Moon about how you loved that one stream with him
  • "TAX FREEEEE!!!!!!"
  • The Puppercaust
  • Getting beat up twice in Portugo and having his man purse stolen
  • "WAIT A MINUTE, MATT, NOOOOOO!!!! MATT, NOOOOOO!"
  • $80 Las Vegas steak
  • "Da Sektur" rant after the shart incident
  • And of course... the cream of the crop

 
Happy Birthday, Ethan.
I strongly urge you to use this milestone day to evaluate what the rest of your life will be like.

I realize you are from the " Live fast, die young, and leave a good-looking corpse " school, but that ain't happening at this point (or previously, but..).

Do you really want to die the slow painful death of cirrhosis, or do you figure you'll just OD on Xanax and opioids when the pain gets too great?
You've chased away the last woman who would tolerate you, so you are destined to die alone, just like your Daddy did.
Stop the bullshit bravado, posturing machismo act and seek help before it's too late.

(Sorry, frens, this issue cuts close to home. Carry on the roasting!)
 
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