Today I quit my job as a restaurant manager because I refused to be mistreated.
I (31, M) and my partner (25, F) and my girlfriend (28, F) are in a polyamorous relationship. My partner and I work at a small high-end pizzeria in a major city in Texas (our gf is a doctor). This restaurant absolutely depends on me. I completely manage the front-of-house and work an average of 60 hours per week (from open to close almost every day) for two years. Just Friday, the restaurant owner and I sat down to discuss the poor operations of the restaurant in my 3 day absence (unfortunately due to a funeral for a family suicide). Needless to say, the place was pure chaos when I was gone. Terrible service, long kitchen wait times, and bad online reviews. We agreed that we were understaffed and set a plan to hire lots more people, which is a good problem to have. However, things took a surprising turn when the owner offered up information that I didn’t see coming.
He said, “Listen, this is awkward for me to talk about but... (pause)... was that girl at the bar with you on Super Bowl Sunday your girlfriend?”
“Yes. It is.”
- “And the one you asked to work hostess last weekend?”
“Uh sure I went on a date with her once but we are not together.”
- ”I thought so,” he replied. “You see we[restaurant owners] don’t like that and we don’t want it here.”
<blank stare>
He continued, “you know we are conservative. Your partner is like a daughter to us. You have both been working here together for a long time. And when you bring in a girl that is not her then we feel like that is wrong. So we don’t want you bringing in girlfriends around here.” He goes on a rant with an analogy. “Think about if you had a 25 yr old daughter and the guy she is with brings around another woman. It’s like cheating and we don’t like that. We are religious, you know.”
I didn’t see that coming. “Um okay, well I didn’t intend to bring this up but since we are talking about it, I am polyamorous. I don’t expect you to know or understand what that means. One thing is, that girl you saw at the bar is just as much my partners girlfriend as she is mine.”
- “Yea but you young millennials do things that you know we don’t agree with and we don’t want people to see that here. Customers know that you and your partner are engaged. So you can’t have your girlfriend here because the customers don’t like that. And you know that we are very conservative and don’t want that around here. As a matter of fact, the reason why we haven’t promoted you to general manager is because of that. I think I would have hired you to be general manager a long time go if it wasn’t for that reason.”
Here is what I said. “Nothing you’re saying offends me because I don’t care what you think. We are not friends. I don’t need you to like me, I need you to work with me. I can promise that I am 100% professional.”
I was shocked. I didn’t actually have the time to process everything because I had immediately pressing issues. Said issues were addressed and I ran the restaurant smoothly for the weekend. Good online reviews followed. I made sure to emphasize it was because of me.
Today, a small issue arose about seating arrangement in the dining room. The owner demanded that things be changed because the seats were too close together. We have a very small restaurant and reach capacity every day. So I pressed that we were doing the best we could with the space we had and we weren’t getting complaints about it. But he persisted. So I just said I am allowed to disagree and that I’d follow his lead and move tables. He burst out in protest on the fact that I so bluntly disagreed. He claimed all I need to do is what I was told because he knows better that I do. I reminded him that I had agreed to change the tables but that I have more restaurant industry experience than he does. Auto-fury ensues. He immediately sits me down and the first thing he says is, “Listen if you don’t like it here, then there is the door.”
That was the easiest decision I’ve ever made. Without hesitation I simply said, “okay.”
I set down my uniform and walked out because I think I finally processed that initial interaction before the weekend. The only way I could be a man is if I value my integrity. I know poly is hard and uncommon, but I live this life everyday. I’m not doing it for people, I am doing it for me. My work ethics would be appreciated at any establishment. I was being overworked and mistreated overall so the choice was simple. I realize the owner intended to show me how alpha he was. But his threats were empty. I already have a lead to another management job with better pay and better hours. I’m glad to be gone from there. It feels liberating. Undoubtedly, the restaurant will nosedive into chaos for the Valentine’s week and I will secretly love watching it crash and burn. I am moving on to greener pastures.
I called to tell my partner and girlfriend what happened and they are both proud of me.
