Sam Losco's Wife
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Someone donated that song to Ralph.
🐷 The Killstream General Discussion Thread - Discuss Ethan Ralph's stagnant Killstream and his appearances on other shows.
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There are two viable options, robbed or lost, but his meandering story of woe in Tijuana makes it unclear. Idk if some some, or all, of his valuables were lost/stolen in a drunken Xanax stupor on Saturday night. Or he still had some things but during his forced highway march to the airport on Sunday cops or detention center employees took whatever remained in his possession.
No way he pawned it, it would have only got him $20 which wouldn’t even solve his problems. Pawn stores in Tijuana give below market smelt rate. I think Ralph would publicly cry and beg on twitter, or the streets, before he’d resort to pawning pawpaw’s ring. He did not willingly let it go. It most likely went with his phone, and any cash he had, while passed out in a Tijuana hooker bar.
It’s a shame Gunt lost so much weight, last year that thing was on so tight even a Tijuana hooker would have given up trying to get it off the passed out gringo’s finger.
Family heirlooms exist within families that have generations of some stability, responsibility and values. There’s a reason Ralph got pawpaw’s pimp ring, not his property. Uncle Louis knew who he was dealing with, but if the ring was any kind of test Ralph failed miserably. From his Daddy’s family Ralph got a rundown house and a ring, and now has neither.
Ironically Harry had all the other non-cash value Ralph family heirlooms. Ralph left his family heirlooms (and stupid merch) in the garage of a man who despised him, because he was too cheap to rent a proper storage space when he decided to flee the country in a red truck he just financed. A red truck he also no longer owns due to his stupidity and terrible choices.
Imagine even Ronnie Ralph left his children with more heirlooms and assets than Ethan Ralph could ever dream of doing. If Ralph drops dead tomorrow his kids get sticky piss bottles, empty Mexican Xanax boxes, a used litter box, ruined electronics and some ball caps and t-shirts covered in grease, smoke and cat hair. That’s the true Ralphamale inheritance.
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Among those heirlooms were his dear mom Sandra's ashes, which were graciously forwarded to one of Ralph's orbiters, Michael Sisco once the relationship soured.
Unsurprisingly, he also burnt the bridge with Sisco partly because he had formed the expectation that his mother's garage would now become the free storage unit for any and all Ralphamale needs as they arose.
DO YOU SEE A SIGN THAT SAYS "DEAD SANDRA STORAGE"?
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- Feb 1, 2020
Idk. Ralph is an extremely impulsive creature. If he was panicking about lack of Xanax, I could see him doing it. Especially if he already knew how he was gonna cope about it when people knew it was gone. All Ralph would need to do is justify it to himself during his impulsivity and then BAM. It's a future Ralph problem, and current Ralph has ALWAYS fucked over future Ralph. It's kinda one of his defining aspects.
He was crybegging on Twitter! For flight tickets and cash for Uber rides to the airport. Now, Ralph would never lie about how he spends someone else's money. Would he???
I'll consneed though. I think pawning was the least likely option, but it's definitely plausible.
It's crazy that Ronnie owned a house in the first place. Yeah, it may have been a dump in an undesirable area, but I would never have thought ol' Ronnie "The Hammer" Ralph would have been in the position to leave a house to his son. There's some deep irony that Ethan basically abandoned the property and ignored property taxes because that's what I would have expected a schizo like Ronnie would do, but nope. A man whose death led to him fusing with his couch was orders of magnitude more mature than Ethan.
Hrm. I wonder what Ralph's estate will even encompass. Even if he has valuable assets, they'd have to be sold to repay whatever percentage of debt it could. Ignoring the impossible logistics of an estate sell in Merida, some random items may fetch more than expected due to alog interest. That's also assuming any debtor would force an estate sell to recoup where they could though. No idea if that's common for anyone with standard middle class level assets, but I wouldn't think it'd be a consideration for someone of the Ralphamale's caliber.
What possessions could Ralph even leave:
- Cats (You mentioned the litter box, but uhh, this is Ralph. His room is filled with piss bottles. There is either a litter box that hasn't been cleaned since Pantsu left or no litter box at all. Horrifying.)
- Computer and streaming setup
- Old clothes
- Manpurses
- Hats (Imagine being the rando who has to sift through Ralph's shit after he dies. Normally, you'd expect it to be a family member or friend, but no one is gonna venture down to Mehico to do that. A random Mexican is gonna come and certainly going to stumble upon the 'Kid Diddler' hat. I'm envisioning a scenario where they can't read English and are curious enough to run it through a translator. "Why did this pig gringo have this hat?" God forbid they google it and stumble upon his thread. Maybe it'll be the Mexican lawyer/plumber/torta guy and he'll tell the tale of the Ralphamale. I can dream! This is also assuming he didn't leave the hat in storage or with Harry, but it's not hard to believe he'd prioritize along the same lines as the bowling trophy.
- Sunglasses
- Phones
- Nora's dildo
- Bowling trophy
- Leftovers cigarettes and booze (No food though except uneaten tortas)
After that, I'm drawing blanks. He had a storage unit before he fled to Mehico, but I find it hard to believe he's still paying. Hell, I find it hard to believe he even remembers it exists.
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- Joined
- Oct 27, 2021
Nothing. Even when he made a bit of money he didn't buy anything of value*, just wigger flash shit and vices. Nothing durable or meaningful, not even sentimental.
I mean, fuck, even Vickers had a house to lose.
* Dumbass 100% didn't even throw some cash at IRAs.
Tiger Jack
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I think it's been long enough now that we can just call it Ralph's dildo.
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- Jun 13, 2016
Ronnie had a house thanks to his father and brother. After Ronnie went schizo hobo and returned to Arkansas his family helped him get stable housing. They probably helped him buy, or gave him that lot, hoping a little project house would help keep occupied and off the streets.
I believe before he went off the deep end Ronnie and his brother had a contracting business together, so Ronnie must have had some practical skill sets.
After he became floridly schizophrenic Ronnie was on SSI disability. (Ronnie was on SSI and Medicaid for mental disability, Sandra was on Medicaid and SSI for physical disability, poor Evan relies on Medicaid for his care and survival. We can only hope Ralph stays in Mexico, but if he returns to the USA he will be an indigent on Medicaid.
The only reason Ronnie owned a house was thanks to the help and assistance of his family. I think Uncle Louis decided his family obligation was done after Ronnie died and he wasn’t going to enable Ronnie’s mentally ill, alcoholic offspring’s life of terrible choices.
Ralph’s only opportunity at owning his own home was the house Ronnie left him. I think his uncle tried to push Ralph to take on the responsibility and make something of it, but Ralph was too stupid and lazy. His uncle knew he couldn’t take Gunt seriously if he just pissed away a piece of property like that. It might have needed work, and wasn’t in a great area, but Ralph could have turned into a real asset. Other very similar houses like Ronnie’s on the same street are now valued at $100,000 plus.
Ralph was still earning decent money when he inherited that house. He could have actually put his money towards something besides drugs and gambling in Vegas and got it fixed up. But Ralph thought he was too good for Ronnie’s old house and just tried to get some quick cash out of it. I think the house being in Evan and Ethan’s name was an attempt to prevent Ralph from doing just that.
If Ralph had put the $25k he spent on gambling in 2021 towards that house, he’d now have an option other than being a destitute alcoholic in Mexico. He’d have the house his daddy gave him in the country his daddy gave him, maybe he’d even still have the ring his uncle gave him with a truck parked out front.
Ralph has no ability to think beyond immediate or short term gratification. He thought running away from responsibilities and all his self-created problems was the solution to all his problems and it turned out exactly as we all knew it would.
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KILLSTREAM EXCLUSIVE: Gerber Baby from Hell gets shit all over his face, Retorters claim it's all part of the plan: "5 Year Plans, Bitch!"
I have a dream. I dream that one day, Null will visit Mexico for vacation. He'll hit up some shops to see if he can find some more coins for his collection. In a shop he visits, he sees a ring. He recognizes it instantly. In that moment, he is euphoric.
Um...
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Well maybe he actually pawned it, and not sold it, to the pawn shop. So his plan is to get back in to TJ and repay the loan and get the ring back.
Do we know how that story ended? Did Sisco toss his shit out? Where did the ashes ultimately end up?
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- Feb 1, 2020
There is a very realistic scenario where returning to the USA will not be financially possible. I'm not talking about renting an apartment, room, or anything like that either. I'm not sure he can afford to rent a moving truck at this point, so he'll have to abandon his prized possessions, and all his life's work, in Mehico. While someone of sound mind would think "oh, easy, he doesn't own shit anyways so none of the stuff down there matters", this is Ethan Ralph. A man defined by his laughably meager possessions.
This is also ignoring the very real trainwreck that goes with anything involving Ralph leaving the shack. While it's more likely he'd do the Florida shipping container thing again, I can't fathom the content if Ralph streamed himself driving a Uhaul to the border.
Technically, they are solutions! Now, they are typically the worst solutions and people who mature past the age of 16 know that, but Ralph's development stagnated well before then. It's one of those things where the blame ultimately falls on Ralph for never maturing, but you can't ignore the hand Sandra and Ronnie had in that.
TBF, I did not expect it to get to this stage 5+ years ago, which is kinda crazy since his current state is the most logical conclusion. You'd expect Ralph would have an "aha" moment as to why his life has been a snowball running downhill, but that never happened.
At this point, I don't believe it can happen anymore. Maybe if he had a support system in one form or another, but his closest active relationship is Adolwulf. For all of Adolwulf's sins, he attempts to deter Ralph from doing some Gonzo journalism, at least until Ralph pretends to be sober again. (How the retard can't perceive he's enabling Ralph is beyond me, but that's another question.)
Other than him, who does Ralph have to even rely for support through recovery? That's assuming Ralph had the ability to acknowledge he has a problem in the first place. Yeah, he copes and hollers that his substance abuse is playing a role in the trainwreck that is his life, but the moment he has to confront ANY self-induced problem, <bottles.wav> and <glug glug glug>. Which all goes back to him never maturing beyond ignoring all his problems and using substances as his only coping mechanism.
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- Jan 7, 2024
No ring, no truck, no wife, no kid, no Latina, no church on the RalphaSwamp, no book, no website, no money, and he's been on the precipice of having two child support obligations for a few years now.
REGENDarySumanai
Scraping the arse end of the barrel for these.
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No family, no friends, no support system, nothing. He is a rootless pig.
Gator_Aids
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A pig without a pen.
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- Jun 13, 2016
It’s not, which is why I said he’d just be an indigent on Medicaid if he came back. He’d basically be treated like every other homeless addict in America. They’d waste some money on rehab, sober living and homeless shelter beds for him before he ended up on the streets and showing up at ER’s for vacations and disinfecting.
I don’t think Ralph had any shipping container. He basically moved to Mexico with whatever he could fit in his truck according to Harry. I doubt he has more than a few boxes and trash bags of possessions. His cats are his main tie to any stability or responsibility. The bulk of his worldly goods were left in Harry’s garage. Besides the cats all his wordly possessions could probably be put into two moving boxes.
Ironically, Ralph the most vapid materialist possible basically lives like minimalist because he’s so stupid, irresponsible and broke.
Blue Gunty
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Yes most of his belongings he dumped on Harry who was willing to be his free storage until Ralphamania time when he attacked his other daughter and so he broke/sold all his stuff.
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He's definitely not in a favorable situation as far as people caring about him. The people who know him IRL range from 'don't give a shit about him' to 'hoping he dies' and I honestly can't think of any who'd unironically help him. I think there's a few who'd maybe try out of pity for their supremely-fallen friend (I'm thinking Gator or Andy), but that'd require Ralph accepting his station in life and not holler at them for 5 fucking minutes.
I could also see PPP finding it in his fat, Canadian lesbian heart if Ralph could finally turn off the Ralphamale filter, be honest with himself, and beg like the broken man he is. Hell, Null is probably the most likely to lend a helping hand if it came down to it.* He's a big softy that understands the Ralphamale on a foundational level, and has a heart of cheese that's meaningless without the ham.
(While on this note, Null mentioned he wasn't aware ham and cheese sandwiches were 'a thing'. Nigga WHAT? That's the same tier as PB&J, spaghetti and meatballs, salt and pepper. Is he an alien????)
*By "down to it", I mean Ralph doing a 180 for a meaningful amount of time, sucking dude's bananas for sustenance, organ failure, and truthfully repenting to all those he wronged. Where Ralph is fundamentally a different person.---
His former friends, like Juju, Cokey the ex-lawyer, and Fag Fuentes would be lumped into the 'don't give a shit' category. No big surprise there since that's just who they are. (There is a sense of poetic irony considering those were BEST friends.) I'd probably throw the baby mamas and family, excluding Ralph 2, here as well. Though I think their flavor of 'don't give a shit' is more of the wishing Ralph just stop existing variety.
Then there's the 'hope he dies' category. Obv, the first one that comes to mind is Ralph 2, though I'd assume he'd probably die immediately after since he can't exist without the original.** No other person falls into that category off the top of my head, but I'm sure there are many o'side characters that'd slide right in from the Ralphapast. Definitely people he's hollered at that aren't on the Internet anymore. MAYBE someone like Dispatch or even Cog, but would the latter really prefer to gloat and wave the final W over his only revenue stream vanishing if he could help it? (Lolyes)
**Schizo theory to patch the problem with that assumption, since Ralph 2 was born before Ralph 1: It was the product of some time travel scheme enacted by future Xanduh Vickers to stop Skynet. Or to alog his dad, granddad, mom, etc. OR, possibly alog himself for a currently unknown, yet unbelievably meta, reason.---
Don'tAnalizeMeBro!
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FWIW & IIRC the ashes made it from Harry to someone who was then on the Gunt’s side of things, probably Sisco, and then into someone related to Sandra’s hands.
Maker's Mark
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Schizo theory: Ralph purposely showed the sex tape because he heard PPP and Andy say they were going to stop covering him unless something crazy happened.