Obscure Laughingstocks - Lolcows without substantial online presence.

[Frank Rizzo]

I just want to introduce you all to my favourite obscure laughing stock. Sadly I'm not sure how well the humour will translate for the MURRICANS but basically all you need to know is my real life job is in the legal industry, and one of the hallmarks of the people who intend to become lawyers is that they often (1) have a massively overinflated opinion of themselves, and (2) are often not that bright.

Now, we have three levels of attorney in this country. The lowest is a solicitor. They can often only be heard in lower courts (Civil/Magistrates/Crown) which are basically the smaller, more local cases and less serious crimes. If you're on your way to a higher court, you need to enlist the services of a barrister (also known as counsel) who can practice all the way up to the Supreme Court (the highest court in the UK) or, if you're only going as far as a High Court (which is somewhere in the middle) you can also use a solicitor-advocate, which is basically a solicitor with rights to be heard in the High Court.

Enter our friend Lord Harley of Counsel, a solicitor-advocate with such an insanely over-inflated opinion of himself that he has given himself EVERY TITLE GOING. Have a look at his absolutely insane LinkedIn CV:

http://www.legalcheek.com/2014/09/9...-has-the-best-linkedin-cv-of-any-lawyer-ever/

Looks mildly amusing, right? It is, until people started looking into all the alleged titles and peerages and found that absolutely none of them held any weight whatsoever. This man has been representing people on death-by-dangerous-driving charges, and nobody can even prove where he got his degree from, or where he trained as an advocate. It's frankly unclear why he is allowed to practice in the first place.

Anyway, he was largely getting away with all this bullshit until he came across a judge in a death-by-dangerous-driving case in Cardiff, Wales. There ensued one of the absolute funniest court transcripts ever known to man as the judge commented on his gown sown with ribbons that he had awarded himself and proceeded to rip the literal shit out of all his imaginary titles and peerages.

http://www.legalcheek.com/2015/03/l...sh-crown-court-judge-full-transcript-emerges/

Since then, the LinkedIn CV has been whittled down, the UK Law Society have launched an investigation into his spurious claims, and it's pretty clear that Lord Harley has decided to sit tight and wait for everything to blow over, if indeed it does.

Tl;dr mad pompous lawyer gets trashed by unimpressed judge.

Blimey. This kinda reads like a British version of the "Kacey's Father Call". With every passing question and minute, Lord Harley just digs himself deeper.

 

[sparklemilhouse]

There's this woman that the craftybeautydiva1 (Maria) followers on guru gossip found recently, and she is just a gem. Her name is Anna Farringer, and she's real similar to maria, as in she doesn't know how to manage money, and makes white trash choices. She doesn't work, only her husband, but yet they always blow money on disney trips, and only make measly payments on important stuff like medical bills. Someone found this post where she posed as herself to defend herself (I don't know the source, sorry):

She's not a fatty mc fat fat you guys.

 

[My Main Man Kobain]

Meet Fernando Salazar.

Few know about him but I think he may in fact be the dumbest person on the Internet, outpacing the idiocy of the likes of FemaleGoodra and Chris-Chan by a country mile. His completely outrageous theories about the world are both terrifying in their implication on the state of the human race and fascinating in their sheer and utter insanity.

For those who can't or don't want to click the YouTube link, here's a list of the claims he makes in that one thread:

Spoiler: Really long list, be ready

- Electromagnets are impossible
- The coilgun in the video is a fake
- magnetism is "created" by the "elements"
- magnetism = gravity
- Electricity doesn't require matter to "be created" (>implying that electrons don't need to exist to exist)
- Magnetism has no poles, but electricity does
- Resistance causes magnetism (I'm literally like six comments down at this point)
- All information has been altered by some sort of NWO
- "is plain evil"
- here's a kicker; he believes that his dissenters were brainwashed by some dude named Jose Santiago Herrera, who I guess abused him as a kid or something because he's definitely not a public figure
- Trolls don't exist (HA)
- The Discovery Channel is full of false information
- Carnivorous plants are "physically impossible"
- "fake weapons" (aka rail/coilguns)
- Dinosaurs were not killed by a meteor (possibly the most reasonable claim he's made so far)
- The above is because the Earth's magnetic field would have repelled them (aaaaand he killed it)
- The idea that a meteor's momentum could overcome the magnetically repellent force of the Earth is seeded in evil (AND HE'S TOTALLY NOT RELIGIOUS GAIZ)
- "magnetic orbit"
- Saturn's rings were caused by magnetism
- magnetism is more powerful than gravity (black holes notwithstanding of course)
- The meteor that struck Russia in 2014 was a hologram
- Everyone has "evil software" implanted in their minds (yes, we think as a computer)
- "evil is design to twist reality and distort it, it affects the thinking process and learning" (essentially him)
- BUT GAIZ I NEVER SAID SCIENCE WASN'T REAL
- Scratch the evil software in the mind, it's now in every single human cell
- Jose Santiago Herrera comes up again, and apparently Fernando believes he is the Devil himself. (what did that guy do to him?)
- Apparently we all think Jose Santiago Herrera is God
- All priests are clones of Jose Santiago Herrera, and that's why they rape boys (i can feel that evil software destroying brain cells to defend me)
- Jose Santiago Herrera is racist
- Satan exists (BUT IM NOT RELIGUZ)
- Religion was created by Satan to deviate humanity from science
- The Russian meteor was Jose Santiago Herrera's idea
- To ascend, you cannot believe science, but science is true, but it is not
- You can't mix electricity with magnetism
- Electric motors don't run off of electromagnetism because electromagnetism doesn't exist
- Cars use "heat compression" to run the engines (as a car nut this is one of the most ridiculous claims I've heard)
- Alternators are run by ionizing a plastic belt (INFINITE IONS)
- Compasses ionize the magnetic energy inside them to function (forgetting that ions are atoms with mass and stuff)
- Magnetism is "emotion from the elements"
- Electricity has a blue color that holograms cannot create
- The human cell's secret power abilities can lift cars into a crusher (no comment)
- All sources are false, even if they support him
- Jose Santiago Herrera is us, we are Jose Santiago Herrera
- Jose Santiago Herrera is a homosexual cell
- Lamarckian evolution is the correct one, not Darwinian
- Satan is a human cell designed to mimic human behavior
- "teletransports information"
- Electrostatic charges are the real deal, while magnetism is separate
- Magnetic force can create electricity via ionization of metals to generate electricity from heat
- Rubbing a magnet on a screwdriver "temporarily" charges it statically, and that's how magnetic screwdrivers work
- We have telekinetic abilities
- "the best I can suggest is to experiment once again and this time better, with the utilization of computers, robotic arms, and wiser knowledge will be more accurate result for an exact result without mistakes and misconceptions."

Just... Just marvel at the stupidity.

 

[Big Nasty]

he believes that his dissenters were brainwashed by some dude named Jose Santiago Herrera, who I guess abused him as a kid or something because he's definitely not a public figure

It's probably just a guy a he knows, or have heard of. Paranoid individuals often develop an obsession with certain people, who they see as their nemesis. I've heard stories about a guy called the "Statement Man", who used to stand on a street corner holding large homemade signs accusing an old school buddy of his of murder. I think the target of the accusations never pressed charges for defamation, because it was obvious that the guy in question was totally insane.

 

[Vitriol]

I just want to introduce you all to my favourite obscure laughing stock. Sadly I'm not sure how well the humour will translate for the MURRICANS but basically all you need to know is my real life job is in the legal industry, and one of the hallmarks of the people who intend to become lawyers is that they often (1) have a massively overinflated opinion of themselves, and (2) are often not that bright.

Now, we have three levels of attorney in this country. The lowest is a solicitor. They can often only be heard in lower courts (Civil/Magistrates/Crown) which are basically the smaller, more local cases and less serious crimes. If you're on your way to a higher court, you need to enlist the services of a barrister (also known as counsel) who can practice all the way up to the Supreme Court (the highest court in the UK) or, if you're only going as far as a High Court (which is somewhere in the middle) you can also use a solicitor-advocate, which is basically a solicitor with rights to be heard in the High Court.

Enter our friend Lord Harley of Counsel, a solicitor-advocate with such an insanely over-inflated opinion of himself that he has given himself EVERY TITLE GOING. Have a look at his absolutely insane LinkedIn CV:

http://www.legalcheek.com/2014/09/9...-has-the-best-linkedin-cv-of-any-lawyer-ever/

Looks mildly amusing, right? It is, until people started looking into all the alleged titles and peerages and found that absolutely none of them held any weight whatsoever. This man has been representing people on death-by-dangerous-driving charges, and nobody can even prove where he got his degree from, or where he trained as an advocate. It's frankly unclear why he is allowed to practice in the first place.

Anyway, he was largely getting away with all this bullshit until he came across a judge in a death-by-dangerous-driving case in Cardiff, Wales. There ensued one of the absolute funniest court transcripts ever known to man as the judge commented on his gown sown with ribbons that he had awarded himself and proceeded to rip the literal shit out of all his imaginary titles and peerages.

http://www.legalcheek.com/2015/03/l...sh-crown-court-judge-full-transcript-emerges/

Since then, the LinkedIn CV has been whittled down, the UK Law Society have launched an investigation into his spurious claims, and it's pretty clear that Lord Harley has decided to sit tight and wait for everything to blow over, if indeed it does.

Tl;dr mad pompous lawyer gets trashed by unimpressed judge.

Omg that is hilarious. For anyone who knows anything about the british nobility system his 'titles' set off a tonne of red flags, irish earldoms are notoriously hard to prove and in the late 90's everyman and his dog seemed to claim one- it got so bad the republic abolished its vestigial title system entitrely. Senior Counsel is used as an analogue to Queens counsel in canada and Australia- it doesn't exist as a legal rank in the uk. He's 'senior' only in that hes been operating for 15 years not because he is skilled like a QC. By the order of st john he's referencing the voluntary first aid service not the knights hospittiliar. Its all very misleading sound-a-likes. Medals can be worn to Courts- but to royal courts not legal courtrooms!

Bizzarre. Its almost clever how he's playing fast and loose with definitions to give himself absurd airs and graces. Almost clever but utterly retarded.

Had he stuck with one more modest title he might have gotten away with it.

Yours,

Lord Commander Duke Vitriol III Knight of the moon, defender of the faith, master of horse, President of Officers, Viceroy.

 

[Ravenor]

Omg that is hilarious. For anyone who knows anything about the british nobility system his 'titles' set off a tonne of red flags, irish earldoms are notoriously hard to prove and in the late 90's everyman and his dog seemed to claim one- it got so bad the republic abolished its vestigial title system entitrely. Senior Counsel is used as an analogue to Queens counsel in canada and Australia- it doesn't exist as a legal rank in the uk. He's 'senior' only in that hes been operating for 15 years not because he is skilled like a QC. By the order of st john he's referencing the voluntary first aid service not the knights hospittiliar. Its all very misleading sound-a-likes. Medals can be worn to Courts- but to royal courts not legal courtrooms!

Bizzarre. Its almost clever how he's playing fast and loose with definitions to give himself absurd airs and graces. Almost clever but utterly retarded.

Had he stuck with one more modest title he might have gotten away with it.

Yours,

Lord Commander Duke Vitriol III Knight of the moon, defender of the faith, master of horse, President of Officers, Viceroy.

The whole Titles thing is a bit ridiculous and could be worthy of a thread on it's own.
There is a laughable misnomer that a title can be bought an sold by common folk, that simply isn't the case* (for the non British) how it is supposed to work is a title is no longer needed so it's sold with a parcel of land (I have also seen items too) that you have no rights to and is about a foot square that enables you to use the title. However the title isn't a legal one and can't be entered into court or financial documents, passports etc and is quite honestly a scam and is mostly used as a Gag gift or by some one trying to increase there image. My friend tried to get me one as a joke once and I bought him a brown dwarf star from one of those name a star registry's if you think along those lines you'll get how it works.

*= There is a way of buying a Title, OBE / MBE etc but you have to be insanely rich an have the ear of some one with access to the Queens Honors list and be willing to pay the odd bribe, The whole honors system is a farce anyway.

 

[Vitriol]

The whole Titles thing is a bit ridiculous and could be worthy of a thread on it's own.
There is a laughable misnomer that a title can be bought an sold by common folk, that simply isn't the case* (for the non British) how it is supposed to work is a title is no longer needed so it's sold with a parcel of land (I have also seen items too) that you have no rights to and is about a foot square that enables you to use the title. However the title isn't a legal one and can't be entered into court or financial documents, passports etc and is quite honestly a scam and is mostly used as a Gag gift or by some one trying to increase there image. My friend tried to get me one as a joke once and I bought him a brown dwarf star from one of those name a star registry's if you think along those lines you'll get how it works.

*= There is a way of buying a Title, OBE / MBE etc but you have to be insanely rich an have the ear of some one with access to the Queens Honors list and be willing to pay the odd bribe, The whole honors system is a farce anyway.

Yes I've heard of the fake courtesy titles scam- its ridiculous and the court of the lord Lyon king of arms has formally declared it to be meaningless I think his English counterpart has done the same.

Its often promoted by the people who do the whole 'buy a star' thing.

Interestingly there are a tiny number of courtesy titles in Scotland that are tied to land but they almost never come up for sale and one has to buy the whole estate not a tiny foot.

Generally speaking titles can only be either inherited or earned in modern Britain. And as you say the process of 'earning' one is more than a little shady.

 

[Ravenor]

Yes I've heard of the fake courtesy titles scam- its ridiculous and the court of the lord Lyon king of arms has formally declared it to be meaningless I think his English counterpart has done the same.

Its often promoted by the people who do the whole 'buy a star' thing.

Interestingly there are a tiny number of courtesy titles in Scotland that are tied to land but they almost never come up for sale and one has to buy the whole estate not a tiny foot.

Generally speaking titles can only be either inherited or earned in modern Britain. And as you say the process of 'earning' one is more than a little shady.

Yep the Royal Collage of Arms and some one else descried it as illegal, Interestingly though you can be passed a title in a Will if your outside a legitimate owners bloodline but it involves prior notification to the RCoA and accent by both parties involved and if you don't already have a title it can take years for it to become official an cost a fair bit of money (payed by the crown I might add) to prove it an map your lineage etc.

To be honest I don't know why the quite honestly worthless titles still knock around, as today they have very little power other than PR and even then it has a limited value.

And as you said "Earning" a title today is subjective at best, Jimmy Savile had a OBE (now stripped of it) and the court was aware of allegations of sexual assault but Mrs Thatcher forced it through and a awful lot of pointless people seem to accrue them (seeing as it's a useless title anyway it seems quite apt) as the only thing your a Overseer or Master of are a few rocks with negligible habitation and a few sheep in the South Atlantic.

I might just make a thread about this at some point.

 

[HandsomePete]

Longtime lurker, first-time poster. I'm wondering if anyone else has heard of Devon Sweeney, AKA Pothead1818

https://twitter.com/pothead1818 His twitter
https://youtube.com/channel/UCHKtgT8VXQKvf5vYsyKBCOQ His youtube channel

A brief summary:
Devon is an obese 19 year old Canadian tryhard attention whore who devotes most of his time to taking selfies and pretending to be a stoner. I don't believe he has openly stated that he is autistic, but he certainly comes across as autistic, he recieves a $1098/month tugboat, and up until recently lived in a "semi-independent youth group home." He was kicked out recently because, in a hilarious display of financial mismanagement which would make CWC blush, he hadn't paid his rent in 3 months, electing to spend his tugboat on more important things, such as weed and a new ipod/iphone. I imagine his penchant for destroying things in fits of tardrage probably didn't help either. Of course Devon blamed the group home for kicking him out, insisting "it's not my fault I'm a teenager and want to get drunk and high all the time." He is currently living in a youth homeless shelter per his twitter, which he uses primarily to post selfies brag about things most would find shameful.

A few more quick facts:

• Claims to have survived cancer twice
• Made a video condemning people for joking about cancer, only to tell a commenter to get AIDS and die
• Was either suspended or expelled from school for making a string of death threats on Youtube targeting "Dougie Blaze," his 16 year old former best friend, who supposedly stole Devon's ipod and sold it for MDMA
• Spergs out whenever someone tells him that he looks like a potato.
• Talks constantly about being bisexual/wanting cock. He is currently advertising $5 blowjobs on twitter(I wish I were joking). Shockingly he hasn't had any takers.

I'm not sure Devon deserves his own thread, but he's good for almost daily new content, and he's extremely gullible. Also, unlike many cows, he is still fairly sensitive to trolling/criticism. Ordinarily one might feel sorry for Devon, but a quick scroll through his twitter feed or YT channel is all it takes to remove any sympathy for Devon. Similar to CWC, 100% of his problems are self-created, yet he refuses to ever accept one iota of responsibility, and anyone who tries to help him or give him criticism, constructive or otherwise, is either ignored or bombarded with verbal abuse.

Anyway, sorry for the long post, but a search didn't turn anything up on Devon on the forums, and I thought one or two people might get a laugh. Also, his proclivity for bragging about committing crimes on twitter/YT while being on probation, as well as his frequent bouts of tardrage, make me feel as though Devon's career as a lolcow will be a short one. In the words of Lao Tzu, "The flame that burns twice as bright burns half as long," and Devon burns with the white hot intensity of a thousand autists.

 

[AnOminous]

Does he have some kind of genetic condition? Something just looks seriously off about that dude. I can see why he gets upset about people saying he looks like a potato, because he actually does.

 

[HandsomePete]

Does he have some kind of genetic condition? Something just looks seriously off about that dude. I can see why he gets upset about people saying he looks like a potato, because he actually does.

I'm not sure, if he ever mentioned what exactly entitles him to his tugboat then it was before I started following him. I've always found his appearance vaguely unsettling, but assumed it was autism. He makes almost the exact same face in every selfie: vacant eyes, teeth gritted like he's about to bite someone.

 

[Randall Fragg]

I found this video. Don't know where he's from, but he's 2edgy4me.

It did inspire me to write this:

Spoiler: Edgy Rising

The zombie apocalypse had arrived. I knew it would. My fucking mom and her FUCK COCKFUCKER second husband Chad alwys critized me, telling me to stop playing "That fucking Jap cheerleader zombie game". But I knew better. It was my intellectual fortitude that drove me to prepare. I stockpiled weapons and provisions in the basement, dreaming of when the dead would rise and kill all the fucking conformist christian fags at my school. I would join the their slaughter, the cleansing of the vermin called humanity. That is why, when that beautiful news alert arrived, I went to my room in the basement, loaded my stash of Mt Dew and Cheetos into my Pinkie Pie backpack, and holstered my katana and Glock. it was time for my genocide crusade to begin. I would smite the earth, destroying all 'purity' and 'goodness'. I could not give a fuck about other people, they were all intellectually inferior faggots who didn't give a shit about anything but fucking sluts and pop music. I wandered into the street, and found my first zombie. Some fucking wage slave working for his Chad-fucking slutwife and his fucking snot nosed cockspawn. The first to die by my blade. I drew my katana, and readied it, dreaming of the house of corpses I would make from the bodies of the fags and preppies. I had been dreaming of this for a long, long time. The zombie turned, and I struck, just like in my anime episodes. "Watashi wa jun'nō o utsu to kurai fukushū no watashi no ha de daunhomo" I bellowed, as my shadow blade sliced into the zombies chest.
My katana struck his ribcage and stopped. I tugged. It was stuck. I pulled frantically. Still stuck tight. The zombie moaned and reached toward me. I gave a terrifying squeak of blood vengeance and ran. "Fuck cunt nigger!" I thought to myself. "That Katana cost me $47 bucks on Amazon".
I wandered the deserted carcass of the city. I still had my Glock of Shadow Retribution with me, and I was itching to make my revenge upon society still work. I had started work on my house of corpses, but it was really hard dragging corpses around. They're fucking heavy. I decided to build it in a location with large amounts of corpses closer to it. Suddenly, I caught the whisper of survivors on the wind. A twisted smile spread across my face like mold on a corpse. I walked towards a convinance store, where the fucking preppy jocks came to buy condoms and beer to fill their whore's loose cunts. There they were. Two fucking sluts from school, the ones who laughed at me when I asked them to cure my incel, with their Chad, Darren.
"Alright, Casey, you sure your mom's place is safe?"
"Positive. Dad started fortifying the place when the virus first appeared. He knew this would happen."
"Alright. Jane's got the rifle she got in the wreaked convoy and a baton, I got a pistol and a crowbar, Casey's got a section of lead pipe, and we all have supplies. We head down 5th to the suburbs, use the flashlight to send the code to your parents, and they'll let us into your place. We stay with your parents until either the military comes through, or the situation is lost and we drive out in your dad's Jeep."
Enough of their claptrap. Their pathetic plans won't save them from their judge of devastation, me. I step into the store and draw my pistol at "Darren".
"Look out, he's infected! I'm gonna have to put him down!"
I fire. Instantly I am deafened. I reel in pain. Darren falls back, a wound on his left arm visible. I try to regain myself. Through the underwater sounds of my shattered eardrums, I can faintly hear the words leave my mouth.
"Now that Chad's dead, will you sluts fuck a deserving Nice Guy like me?"
Pain cripples my left side as I feel my ribs snap. Casey had struck me with her lead pipe. I wiled in mournful agony and beat a dark shadowy retreat, being assaulted by the two sluts. I felt my flesh bruise, my bones crack. Flashes of light sprung up behind me, and I smelt burned flesh as a bullet grazed my left flank. I scrambled up a fence and retreated into the healing shadows of a dark ally.
My genocide crusade was not going well, I pondered, as I wandered the city streets bruised, bleeding, and broken. I turned a corner, and found myself facing a horde of zombies. The TV store had attracted them, and they were all pawing at the glass display. "How symbolic" I thought, grinning at the genius symbol of conformist American idiots. It was, like, Green Day brilliant. As I drew my Glock of Gory Depraved Revengance, the roar of an engine and gunshots sounded in the distance. They were drawing closer. I heard shouts.
"WHOOO WEE, THEM CITYBOYS DON'T KNOW HOW TO DO JACK SHIT, DON'T THEY CLETUS?"
"YOU BET! THIS IS BETTER THAN HUNTING DEER BY A COUNTRY MILE! I NEVER GOT TO DO THIS ON BOARDER PATROL!"
"HELL YEAH, YOU KNOW WHAT BILLY BOB? THEY GOTTA MAKE THIS A REAL SPORT, LIKE NASCAR! OR WRASSLING"
"AMEN MAYNERD, THIS IS WAY FUNNER THAN THAT EUROTRASH SOCCER CRAP! SQUEAL LIKE A PIG YOU UNDEAD SONOFABITCHES!"
A battered truck rounded the corner, and the horde of zombies dissolved into a spray of chunky salsa. The rednecks in the truck whooped as they destroyed the zombies, my only real peers. As the last zombie dropped, the rednecks took notice of me.
"Where yew goin cityboy? You need help or sumthin?"
My blood boiled in intellectual fury. How dare this NASCAR watching, beer guzzling, bible thumping, Fox News watching yokel address me, ME, as an equal? What right did he have to walk on the same earth as me, much less be in my presence.
I tipped my fedora, cocked my gun, and stepped forward.
"F..f..fffuck YOU You fucking inbredpigfucking skywizard lovers! YOUR SKYWIZARD DOESN'T EXIST, THE BIBLE IS FOR FAGGOTS LIKE YOU YOU SUCK COCK LIKE FAGS AND YOU ARE STUPID TRASH WHO ARE Intellectually inferior to ME! I have CLASSS! You have NOTHING!"
A zombie corpse next to me exploded as Billy Bob fired his BAR at it. I shit myself and ran.
"GIT 'EM BOYS!"
I ran into an ally, heading to a vacant lot. The rednecks chased me, whooping and yelling. As my feet crunched over gravel, my back seared with pain, and I got a face full of glass bits and dirt.
"YEEHAW, Filled his hide full of rocksalt!"
I scrambled to my feet, just in time to be stuck with a baseball bat. My recently broken ribs screamed as I planted myself in the ground, nearly unconscious. A heavy cowboy boot came down on my lower back, my hands were yanked back violently, and I was brought to my knees and dragged backwards. One of the rednecks spit on the ground, and nudged me with his boot tip.
"This un's gots a purty mouth..."

 

[creamyfanta]

http://vampirewebsite.net/

These people think that they are ACTUALLY vampires and (as far as I can tell) will chimp out if you tell them otherwise. They are very pissy about "poser vamps" and have a whole list about why they are the real deal.

Spoiler: How he knows he's a REAL vampire

At 12 years old I was developing a strong interest in vampires. I had no thoughts that I might be one but I always instinctively knew what things in vampire movies was bullshit and what was fact. I got told many times by many people that it was all bullshit, because "real vampires are not real". :-) I always told them that they were wrong; something in me just knew it and knew the truth.

Four years later I started noticing traits that I always knew were the true facts about real vampires starting to develop in me, at this time I was 16. I began working with these traits and trying to make the best of the bad ones, and use the good ones to their fullest potential; this included being on the swim team, as well as the after school soccer team, while pulling A's and B's in all of my classes, except English and History. Because history class was my first class of the day I was too tired to stay awake, due to me always being a night person, go figure eh?

Not to mention at this age I had started my own coven, technically making me a priest. Problem is they don't ordain you before 18 years of age. So for all of the people out there that somehow think their rehashed ideas are more important than mine because they had their heads stuck in books and websites, I'll be out living you by a long shot because my physical health blows yours away. I guess you could call that my self awakening, and compared to most peoples awakenings that qualifies as one. However compared to what was to happen to me as time went on it registers as little more than a mild realization.

This continued to grow in my mind as I started to realize more and more that I was developing as an energy user, as well as other interests at a rate that had me doing stuff in energy use that most 40 year old practitioners weren't doing. To put it in to a relative point of view, I was a high priest at the age of 19, so really don't ever tell me you are a high priest/ess in an attempt to impress me by your knowledge.

Jumping to when I was about 20-21 years old. At this time I was sure that if real vampires existed that I must be one, but for some odd reason whenever asked, and I was getting asked increasingly more frequently, I never said that I was one with confidence. I only said that if real vampires existed then I must be one. To give an idea this is the point where everyone believes in full confidence that they are one, that is as in the group called the "vampire community" Their delusions are fed by others in that this group is falsely convinced that they are real vampires as well (which by my count is about 98% of them).

At 23 I knew I was a vampire, I was able to do everything that anyone who referred to themselves as a real vampire could do. I had all of the traits. I was able to say yes to all but 2 of the traits on my website that they had, that included the ones that I could tell by feel were vampires. Those of you who know what I mean by that feel know exactly what I'm talking about. For those of you that don't, I really try to help the best I can with this page. It was great, I was completely developed, I was doing really cool stuff, I was even doing some stuff that people still try to tell me is myth like biting for blood painlessly. Easy to teach takes a little practice to get good at, sort of like chess.

Early December 2001 Something started to feel missing, I was looking for something. It started to feel like I wasn't completely what a real vampire is, and I started trying to figure out what that was. I started doing stuff to try to make myself a target to be found by real vampires, hoping that one would find me and either get a hold of me in a good way or a bad way. At that time I didn't care which way it was. Before anyone goes thinking that they could have done that easily, don't even think about it. There isn't a single person in the 265 yahoo groups (that are all parts of the "vampire community") that I'm a member of (my name on these groups is ---------@yahoo aka steve) currently that I would have believed to be a real vampire. Except maybe the exception of Sappho. So I knew what I was, I knew I was missing something, and I knew I would know when I found it.

December 12 2001: This is when I started having weird dreams. Most of which were vamp related. All of the weird ones revolved around me meeting someone that looked the same in each dream, to where even though I'm bad at drawing I was able to draw her picture near perfectly. You may be asking yourself, why is a guy who couldn't remember his age earlier in this post able to remember exact dates, easy answer strong emotions create strong memories.

January 21st 2002: I'm in a little known chatroom website that is currently closed down beseen.com, talking like I usually did and a new person comes in. Didn't really say anything but was just lurking. I figured the person was just quiet because they were new and didn't know anyone there, but following my instincts I dropped like half of the conversations I was having (was a regular I knew everyone there) and started talking to her. Were talking for a bit and really hitting it off well. Her name is Raven.

She didn't have a pic up of her because she was on webtv, but little in to the conversation she linked her website to her name and asked me what I thought of it. The website was very loudly speaking the theme of vampire and in dreams. Being half awake it didn't fully click, but I did get the theme and I did love the site though, so I told her that I loved the site (a phrase I remember from the site was "walk with me and I'll show you things" and later she did). She said she didn't think that I understood the site so I told her the theme of it. Do not call me an idiot I was half awake at the time.

But I should mention that I completely got lost in talking to her and even though I didn't really think she was a real vampire yet, and she only said it once without pressing the issue of me believing her, which wasn't how most claiming to be real vampires act. I didn't realize that at this point I had completely stopped talking to everybody else. After a bit more talking we realized that it was getting late, as in about 5am late:-), and decided we both had to go to sleep.

January 22 (next day): I wake up. The website completely clicked, as well as everything that happened the night before. It's evening time. I run to the computer and hop in to the chat hoping she was there. Two hours later we are dating and talking on the phone. On an interesting note a blue moon happened that month. I started telling her about the dreams that I had been having. She told me of her having similar dreams, and was able to describe me without having seen a picture of me.

I was describing her as well, and asked about accuracy. She didn't say how accurate, but told me she would mail me pictures if I gave her somewhere to mail them to. I've always been a bold kid; some one threatens me online I give them my real address and phone number to confirm it, so I gave her mine with no hesitation. When they came in the mail a lot of them looked just like the pic I had drawn that she still doesn't know that I drew, but one was an exact look alike. Lol, she hates that picture because she doesn't think it looks much like her, but its my favorite because it looks exactly like how I knew her to look from the dreams and my drawing.

Oh God I'm rambling, alright we're talking about dreams, wishes, stuff of those sorts, making arrangements to meet in person, even bought the ticket. Worth mentioning February 23rd, knowing my birthday is coming up, she asks me if the question of "If I could have anything I wanted what would it be." I told her I haven't seen my dad since I was about 3. I know it's impossible because no one knows where he is, but I'd like to see him some day. She told me "maybe if we both wish for it to happen, it will happen"

Feb 25th my birthday: I go to a restaurant that I go to at times but not often, and there's a guy there that I felt like I had known a long time but didn't remember him (looked familiar though). I didn't recognize who he was and didn't really say anything to him, saw him though. After a bit when I went in to the restroom and out of the corner of my eye in the mirror it looked like he had followed me in. Spun around real quick thinking that it was some perv, and realized that it was my reflection.

Mom always said I looked exactly like my dad from the side. I bolted out of there to try to catch him hoping he hadn't left. When I got out my friend told me that the "weird guy" that had been looking at me in the restaurant left, saying that he had "really fucked up this time." He paid for our meal with a credit card and you get one guess whose name it was. To this day I still don't know how that happened, but the guy had a very strong real vampire feel.

March 3rd: I went out and saw her. The connection was even closer in person than it was while on the phone or online. So to speak I walked with her, and quite literally she showed me things. Things that I hear way to many saying real vampires can't do. Things that me and you all, if I didn't know better would say are impossible, so I'm not going to say them because if anyone believed me without proof I'd actually have less respect for them. However anyone that mentions doing odd stuff that I know is a sign of being able to do those things I will teach them how to do it.

We also exchanged blood, many times :-). Changes happened to me, I am sure that she had turned me (yes it was that many changes). At very least she definitely changed me to something more than I was before. In more ways than I think that she knows now.


The story of me and her only begins there and it's sadly not the best ending.

Here is a list how to make sure you are the real deal:

Spoiler

The sole purpose of this page is to help you figure out if you are a real vampire or not. This is to be used with the finding a real vampire page on this site. After all if you don't recognize yourself as a real vampire then you aren't a real vampire. All of the traits below are accurate for more than half of all real vampires. All real vampires have at least 85% of them, in other words if at least 85% of them don't apply to you then you are not a vampire. Assuming that you are a real vampire, the fact that so many of these traits are accurate for you may shock you.

Those are the traits that I am saying are 95% so that I don't rule any real vampires out that the traits may not be accurate for. If you are convinced that you are a real vampire, yet have few to none of these traits you really need to read up on a term that is known as enabling and stop claiming to be one. You could even seem to have all of them but there is still no guarantee that you are a real vampire.

Copyright 2005 Steve Leighton, copying without permission is forbidden by law, and will result in a DMCA report being filed against you and sent to your domain provider or to the owner of where ever you posted your copy of this vampire website.

"I didn't draw blood at first, but I did get an overwhelming feeling"


If you can relate to that quote don't waste your time reading any farther because you are definitely not a real vampire. You are, on the other hand, a classic case of
Reinfeld's Syndrome.

1. 1. Do you have unusually pale skin? You don't have to be white to be pale. If yes then cook up one or two (depending on the size) medium rare steaks (the best way to do this) If, by the time you’re done enjoying the second one, you have a new pinkish color throughout your body that you haven’t had in a while, read no farther; you are a real vampire. Humans can’t digest blood let alone get color from it, real vampires do.
   
   NOTE: The extra work involved in trying to eat medium rare or rare meat can cause a temporary pink color to the skin which is otherwise known as being flushed. Temporarily being flushed is not the color that is being referred to when a vampire gets color from the blood in the steak. It takes a lot less human blood than animal blood to get the same effect but animal blood is way easier to get.) If you were white before and still are you should see a doctor. Odds are you aren't a real vampire, you’re just malnourished, and they can help.
   
2. Have you ever been told by professionals that you’re lucky you survived an accident with only a few scratches or cuts?
   
3. Are you a naturally strong magic/energy user self-taught or self-realized?
   
4. As a kid, were you the strongest, smartest, or quickest kid in the class, and at around 16 years of age maybe all 3?
   
5. Did your dad disappear from your life while you were at a young age? (NOTE: 52% of vampires out of a large range of vampires have answered yes to this question. This includes people who believe they are real vampires however may not really be one.) Click for one theory on how this is vampire related: The Truth about the ''Vampire Community''.
   
6. Do people often tell you that you look very young for your age, or that they would have never guessed how old you are?
   
7. Are you extremely energetic at night but around the time the sun comes up become extremely tired?
   
8. Are you a slightly quicker healer than most, if not a much quicker healer?
   
9. Do you have an unusually high tolerance to alcohol and other poisons/toxins?
   
10. Do you tend to switch between very social and antisocial frequently?
    
11. Do you rarely get sick, or when you get sick does your body recovers quicker than most people
    
12. Are your six senses more enhanced than most other peoples, i.e. vision, hearing, touch, smell, taste, and intuition?
    
13. Do you have extremely good vision in the dark? How many times has some one said it’s too dark they can’t see while you were doing something like reading?
    
14. Do you tend to NOT be surprised or scared by the typical sudden loud noise in a movie or things like that because you sensed it coming?
    
15. Do you tend to react to things like catching a falling object or other normally unexpected things at an almost psychic speed? (As if you were expecting it to happen)?
    
16. Do you tend to get a high from human blood? When drinking someone’s blood do you tend to find yourself being able to do something that they could do (that you couldn't do) about 2 weeks after drinking it?
    
17. Are you sensitive to light or the heat from it? (Ranging from getting a bad headache from the glare to burning very easily.)
18. If, while your skin is white from lack of enough blood in you, do you bleed quite noticeably less than a person normally should, or more likely not bleed at all?
19. Are your nails clear like glass, yet very strong?
20. Is your bedroom the coldest and darkest room in the house?
    
21. According to multiple news articles easily found online, older adults can’t hear this sound. So far I haven't found someone over 36 who is a non-vamp that can. click to try to hear it. Warning: if you can hear it, it will be loud. (ALWAYS FOLLOW THE WARNINGS ON THIS WEBSITE) My reference: yahoo homepage/news 6-21-06, and testing it on friends .
    
    
    • A legitimate Vampire is able to safely digest more than 600% of the daily recommended amount of iron (RDA is 18mg. 600% of RDA is 108mg) when in the form of blood.
      (ALWAYS READ THE WARNINGS ON THIS WEBSITE!)
    
    
    • How often do you look at the person that almost bumped (or bumped) into you and think "you idiot” or “people are so stupid" because they didn't know you were only a couple feet away from them, because you always know when someone is that close to you? (Which, when you think about it, you only know because you can sense when someone is that close to you).
    • Do you always feel a strong urge to travel?
    • How often does something smell so strong that you can literally taste it, whether it’s a good thing or a bad thing? (NOTE: When most people say it smells so strong that they can taste it they only say it as a figure of speech. And the people that agree with you when you say it rarely can taste it. Think I'm wrong? Ask them yourself!)
    • Can you hear a whisper from across a room?
    • Do the words "come on outside, it's a nice bright sunny day, and there’s a lot of people out," seem more like a bad thing than a good thing to you, as opposed to the guy who said it to you, saying it with a big happy smile?
    • Regardless of how normal you may consider yourself to be, do you tend to meet a lot of weird people that you quite often hit it off with relatively frequently? (Keep in mind, normal is just a politically correct term for people that have no creativity. And definitely is NOT something to be proud of calling yourself).
    
    
    • Do you have a predator instinct that is so strong that it makes most people seem to act more like herbivores than the omnivores they consider themselves to be?
    
    
    • Does sunlight/bright light in general hurt your eyes and head, in most cases to the point of a migraine? (But you can still go out in it). See point 17.
    • Do electrical appliances generally tend to hate you? (Watches mess up often, computers malfunction for no reason, etc).
    • Are your dreams often extremely vivid and sometimes result in cases of déjàvu?
    • Do people often find you very empathetic to how they feel?
    • Do people usually either trust you completely or not trust you at all?
    • When you will things to happen do they usually happen?
    • Does your mood have an obvious effect on the mood of others around you? Only count this if it happens to the people that can’t see you. (Especially on babies and animals like cats).
    • Were you born with a number of health problems, including heart problems that quickly went away on their own?
    • Having only half of the traits listed does not make you a half vampire, it makes you nothing special. The only difference between a real vampire and a normal human is 1 endogenous retrovirus, making it impossible to be half vampire. The difference between a normal human and an ape is 3 endogenous retroviruses, making it a lot more likely for some one to be half ape than it is for them to be a half vampire. It is impossible to be a half-vampire, anyone that thinks otherwise is a total idiot.

Q and A section:

Spoiler

War with Vamps, and Lycans, real, or fake?

That is just a very annoying myth started by movies, to sell movies.

zayra_5821: You are not Steve.

You are an idiot

I've read your website and I can't quite remember if you answered these or not but Do you ABSOLUTELY HAVE to sleep ALL day? (If so, is it necessary to do so in a casket/coffin?) And If a human is turned, or if the slightest amount of U"V light makes contact with an actual Vampire, do they Really Burn alive? And besides playing dress-up or being surgically turned, is it Somehow possible to self turn?

No

Q. Can you turn to bat, Can you fly, is your blood black, Do you know people that turn to a wolf, All vampire hate garlic, vampires afraid cross? ((When they touch cross they're going to dust?)), Are you sleep in coffin, When human turn to vampire they need to die before, but vampire don't breath, that human will turn to vampire, Right?, You bite dog it will turn to a vampire?, Can it turn to a vampire (zombie dog), Maybe I think they turn human by touch?, When they hit human that human turn to vampire?, vampire has low temperature, vampire's skin is very cool? vampire can't fly but they can jump far more than human, Right?

A. No, to all of them. a few notes he is Thai so his first language is not English. Also people can be turned, but simply being bitten by a vampire won?t turn you in to anything.

MinaHarker: Is it true that psi vampires can feed both through their natural way and as a sang and be equally satisfied, but when sangs try to feed as a psi it isn't quite enough? If so, why do you think that is? (speculate and theorize only on this second question, as from what I can tell, no one knows for sure)

Yes I think you nailed it dead on correctly, because there are a lot that claim to be sangs simply because they think its nothing more than a feeding preference that decides what you are. It seems as if they never entertained the fact that there's more to being a real vampire than just a preference.

If it was nothing more than a preference then everyone that has a blood fetish and feels a psychologically induced high from getting some blood to fuel their fetish would qualify as a real vampire. Besides the only real kind of a vampire is the ones that literally do need blood, and not just to feed a "energy deficiency" of some kind or another.

Q.I want to know can you eat human's food? pizza, salad etc.

A. yes

I didn't draw blood at first, but I did get an overwhelming feeling...I still don't know how to describe it, but it was amazing. Since my teeth weren't sharp enough to break skin, I sharpened them(wow that hurt) and the next time I was able to do so. Again, I had an overwhelming sensation, somewhat erotic, but it was more blissful than anything else. Since then I've kind of adopted the manner and looks of a familiar vampire...SPIKE! lol

This is a dead give away, you got the feeling without even getting blood. You definitely are not a real vampire; you are just getting a psychologically induced high from the thought of getting what you like. It's no different from the self induced high that some people get from knowing that they could have gotten laid but they turned it down.

Q."something I just noticed is that a lot of ppl are asking me if I am 16 which im finding very odd cause when I was 16 ppl thought I was 20"

A. ?That?s because you wanted to look older then" (it?s the mildest form of the illusion ability that some maybe all of us have.)

A friend of mine asked me a good question, I should start writing them down because there are a lot of good ones, this is one that stuck in my head because I couldn't answer it at the time. Keep them coming, and remind me to write them down.

Is pregnancy for vampire women easier or harder than it is for normal women?

I talked to a friend of mine that had two kids before I made her a vamp and one afterwards she told me that during her pregnancy as a vamp the baby kicked a lot harder than either of the first two, logically I'm guessing they get that bonus strength from the start. She was a newly made vampire, my guess would be that a fully developed vampire's pain tolerance will cancel it out, because I have a friend in Chas that was born one, and didn't seem to be affected as much.

If I have blood regularly will my abilities be stronger.

A little while back when I had enough deer blood to where I was able to live off of just blood for a solid month, my abilities were a lot stronger, I felt healthier than I have ever felt before or since. One thing that sticks out in my mind is that towards the end of that month, I saw a bad blizzard coming, knew when it was going to hit within 10 minutes of when it got to where I was living, Two days before the national weather radar even knew that there was going to be one five days before it got to where I was, amongst many other things, that would be related to my vamp abilities.

"where do you live?"

Rochester, N.Y.

What is your definition of a vampire?

Basically my definition of a real vampire is some one that needs blood, however is not a hemophiliac. A real vampire is one that has the traits of a real vampire, however doesn't have them do to a medical condition. If they have the traits and haven't ruled out the medical illnesses that could cause them they should see a doctor and not a vampire website first. Not to mention the ability to effectively digest and use it as food, without suffering from iron poisoning do to ingesting more %200 of the RDA of iron.

Do you believe that there are different types of vampires? If so, what types and define these types. If not, why not?

*I believe that there are many out there that consider themselves energy vampires, however they are sadly mistaken. Though they are no more than normal people that are self awakened (or helped by some one else) energy users aka "magic users" that use more energy than they get by normal means, and feel that they must take some energy from others. However in truth, they could get that energy from anything including plants, rocks, water, etc.*

Do you believe vampires are human or non-human? Why?

*In all respects I believe that as a real vampire I am still human, for the most part. I believe that as a real vampire I may be in a sense more evolved yet still human. I also believe that people that are just human, that think being human is a bad thing are short changing themselves, and that they need to keep in mind that, humans as a race have single handedly made every animal that was ever once a threat to them either endangered or extinct and are the only thing on this planet to have ever done that.*

Do you believe that normal humans can be made into vampires? If so, how do you believe this is accomplished? If not, why not?

*I've met enough real vampires that were born a vamp and believe a human can't be turned into a vampire. I've also met plenty of real vampires that used to be human and didn't think that any one could be born a real vampire. Which obviously leads to one thing, I personally know that both kinds exist, and have personally turned five people into a real vampire myself, one of which may have just been an awakening. So I'm saying yes on that, and it?s done by an exchange of blood, however not by the exchange of a potentially lethal amount of blood.*

Do you believe all vampires need to consume blood? Why or why not?

*Funny, I almost feel like I'm being asked this by a person or one of the millions out there that think they are a real vampire, and reply to me saying I?m wrong. Energy feeds can hold off the hunger assuming that you eat plenty of normal food and stuff. However in the end every real vampire does need blood for color, also for many other reasons, and just basically because energy feeds-are to like being on an IV, like blood is to eating real food. Both can work but all in all the other you feel livelier you feel healthier and you obviously look a lot healthier.

Do you believe that all vampires need to consume energy? Why or why not?

The answer to that question is a definite NO. Though I think that every real vampire to a degree is psychic and uses energy, blood contains all of the energy needed (as well as many other needed things) if it is had on a regular basis. Blood (for those who can efficiently digest it) is the perfect food.

Define "energy"

*Energy is....the unseen force within all things that makes them exist in the first place. We all know that we see things because light reflecting off of objects stimulates the cones and rods in are retinas, which sends a message to our brains along our optic nerve, creating the illusion of an image. We know that we hear things because vibrations in air and other forms of what we call matter makes our ear drums move creating the illusion of sound.

We feel things because different things activate different nerves in our body creating the illusion of touch, we smell because different scents trigger different olfactory nerves in our nose creating the illusion of smell. We taste because different things activate our different taste buds which send a signal to our brain creating the illusion of it having taste. Energy is the true thing that causes the stimulation to these different parts of our body, and energy is the electrical impulse traveling through our nerves to carry these messages to our brains.

Do you believe in "psychic/psionic" abilities? If so, do you believe these abilities to be intrinsic to vampires? Why or why not?

*WoW after that explanation on energy you still ask me if I believe in psychic/psionic abilities, I'm truly impressed. Either these are automated questions or you weren't paying much attention :-). Yes I definitely believe in the ability to use and manipulate energy, and I believe that everyone has the ability to do it assuming they have the patience and focus needed to learn how (just like with any kind of martial art). However I also believe that for a real vampire it is a lot easier to learn how to do it, and a lot easier to get to next levels in the field of using energy.*

Describe the relationship between average people and vampires, in your experience.

*I never really gave it much thought, I mean yes we have our advantages, and I feel there are some that abuse those advantages, and others that use those advantages to help other people out, that aren't so lucky. I do believe its what you do, not what you can do that determines what kind of person you are, and being a real vampire I can do more and I do more, which maybe makes me a better person but this is the first time I've had to think about that. I have some close friends that are normal people and not real vampires, but I do enjoy the times when I take a break and go to one of the clubs out here and can stop holding back parts of what I am, and can simply be myself.*

Do you believe vampires have a special place in society? If so, what is that place? If not, why not?

I believe that the current society would be much better to live in if they had a higher level of openness to the fact that real vampires do exist and that we have been living amongst them for who knows how long. I would like it if they accepted the fact that real vampires exist to the degree of where we could buy blood in a grocery store as easily as a person buys a pre-made pizza whether it was animals blood, or simply because some people had willingly sold a pint to the cause for extra money.

Simple fact there is a lot of blood destroyed by the red cross on a regular basis because it wasn't used in time to still be usable in a blood transfusion but is still edible for a real vampire, and I know that anyone of us would be willing to pay for that blood that they destroy for that reason. If "us" as real vampires were commonly accepted as being a reality we would have the option to buy that blood. If you consider that being a special place in society which in a way it is then yes I think we could have one, however if you mean a special place as ruling over people and seeing them as cattle then big no we don't have a special place in society.

hey i have a question. do vamps have fangs? a lot of people say that they do but others say that they don't and that it has nothing to do with being a vampire. for instance, a person on 43things.com says that he has fangs and that it took him a few painful days to grow them in when he got turned. just wondering what your opinion was on this subject. also one more thing but what is a good enough reason for you to turn someone?

No, real vampires don't have fangs and turned vampires don't ever grow fangs. As for reasons why I would turn some one, I don't tell people reasons, if a person wants to be turned they must already have a reason for wanting it. If it's not a good reason to be turned then they can forget about being turned. Update: due to how many people keep asking me to turn them, stop asking me to do it. You can get yourself turned (without me) if you read the information given to you on this website, and really think about the information provided to you.

Here is a real vamp forum:
http://realvampireforum.forum-motion.net/
You have to register before you see anything, unfortunately.

This website seems like it is fairly active, they say they are a help site for people who are REAL vampires:
http://www.sanguinarius.org/about/introduction-to-sanguinarius/

Have fun.
I haven't explored too much since I just found it today.

 

[AnOminous]

Have fun.
I haven't explored too much since I just found it today.

No real vampire would send a DMCA request. They'd just say "I vant to suck your blood" and bite your neck.

 

[XYZpdq]

http://vampirewebsite.net/

These people think that they are ACTUALLY vampires and (as far as I can tell) will chimp out if you tell them otherwise. They are very pissy about "poser vamps" and have a whole list about why they are the real deal.

Spoiler: How he knows he's a REAL vampire

At 12 years old I was developing a strong interest in vampires. I had no thoughts that I might be one but I always instinctively knew what things in vampire movies was bullshit and what was fact. I got told many times by many people that it was all bullshit, because "real vampires are not real". :-) I always told them that they were wrong; something in me just knew it and knew the truth.

Four years later I started noticing traits that I always knew were the true facts about real vampires starting to develop in me, at this time I was 16. I began working with these traits and trying to make the best of the bad ones, and use the good ones to their fullest potential; this included being on the swim team, as well as the after school soccer team, while pulling A's and B's in all of my classes, except English and History. Because history class was my first class of the day I was too tired to stay awake, due to me always being a night person, go figure eh?

Not to mention at this age I had started my own coven, technically making me a priest. Problem is they don't ordain you before 18 years of age. So for all of the people out there that somehow think their rehashed ideas are more important than mine because they had their heads stuck in books and websites, I'll be out living you by a long shot because my physical health blows yours away. I guess you could call that my self awakening, and compared to most peoples awakenings that qualifies as one. However compared to what was to happen to me as time went on it registers as little more than a mild realization.

This continued to grow in my mind as I started to realize more and more that I was developing as an energy user, as well as other interests at a rate that had me doing stuff in energy use that most 40 year old practitioners weren't doing. To put it in to a relative point of view, I was a high priest at the age of 19, so really don't ever tell me you are a high priest/ess in an attempt to impress me by your knowledge.

Jumping to when I was about 20-21 years old. At this time I was sure that if real vampires existed that I must be one, but for some odd reason whenever asked, and I was getting asked increasingly more frequently, I never said that I was one with confidence. I only said that if real vampires existed then I must be one. To give an idea this is the point where everyone believes in full confidence that they are one, that is as in the group called the "vampire community" Their delusions are fed by others in that this group is falsely convinced that they are real vampires as well (which by my count is about 98% of them).

At 23 I knew I was a vampire, I was able to do everything that anyone who referred to themselves as a real vampire could do. I had all of the traits. I was able to say yes to all but 2 of the traits on my website that they had, that included the ones that I could tell by feel were vampires. Those of you who know what I mean by that feel know exactly what I'm talking about. For those of you that don't, I really try to help the best I can with this page. It was great, I was completely developed, I was doing really cool stuff, I was even doing some stuff that people still try to tell me is myth like biting for blood painlessly. Easy to teach takes a little practice to get good at, sort of like chess.

Early December 2001 Something started to feel missing, I was looking for something. It started to feel like I wasn't completely what a real vampire is, and I started trying to figure out what that was. I started doing stuff to try to make myself a target to be found by real vampires, hoping that one would find me and either get a hold of me in a good way or a bad way. At that time I didn't care which way it was. Before anyone goes thinking that they could have done that easily, don't even think about it. There isn't a single person in the 265 yahoo groups (that are all parts of the "vampire community") that I'm a member of (my name on these groups is ---------@yahoo aka steve) currently that I would have believed to be a real vampire. Except maybe the exception of Sappho. So I knew what I was, I knew I was missing something, and I knew I would know when I found it.

December 12 2001: This is when I started having weird dreams. Most of which were vamp related. All of the weird ones revolved around me meeting someone that looked the same in each dream, to where even though I'm bad at drawing I was able to draw her picture near perfectly. You may be asking yourself, why is a guy who couldn't remember his age earlier in this post able to remember exact dates, easy answer strong emotions create strong memories.

January 21st 2002: I'm in a little known chatroom website that is currently closed down beseen.com, talking like I usually did and a new person comes in. Didn't really say anything but was just lurking. I figured the person was just quiet because they were new and didn't know anyone there, but following my instincts I dropped like half of the conversations I was having (was a regular I knew everyone there) and started talking to her. Were talking for a bit and really hitting it off well. Her name is Raven.

She didn't have a pic up of her because she was on webtv, but little in to the conversation she linked her website to her name and asked me what I thought of it. The website was very loudly speaking the theme of vampire and in dreams. Being half awake it didn't fully click, but I did get the theme and I did love the site though, so I told her that I loved the site (a phrase I remember from the site was "walk with me and I'll show you things" and later she did). She said she didn't think that I understood the site so I told her the theme of it. Do not call me an idiot I was half awake at the time.

But I should mention that I completely got lost in talking to her and even though I didn't really think she was a real vampire yet, and she only said it once without pressing the issue of me believing her, which wasn't how most claiming to be real vampires act. I didn't realize that at this point I had completely stopped talking to everybody else. After a bit more talking we realized that it was getting late, as in about 5am late:-), and decided we both had to go to sleep.

January 22 (next day): I wake up. The website completely clicked, as well as everything that happened the night before. It's evening time. I run to the computer and hop in to the chat hoping she was there. Two hours later we are dating and talking on the phone. On an interesting note a blue moon happened that month. I started telling her about the dreams that I had been having. She told me of her having similar dreams, and was able to describe me without having seen a picture of me.

I was describing her as well, and asked about accuracy. She didn't say how accurate, but told me she would mail me pictures if I gave her somewhere to mail them to. I've always been a bold kid; some one threatens me online I give them my real address and phone number to confirm it, so I gave her mine with no hesitation. When they came in the mail a lot of them looked just like the pic I had drawn that she still doesn't know that I drew, but one was an exact look alike. Lol, she hates that picture because she doesn't think it looks much like her, but its my favorite because it looks exactly like how I knew her to look from the dreams and my drawing.

Oh God I'm rambling, alright we're talking about dreams, wishes, stuff of those sorts, making arrangements to meet in person, even bought the ticket. Worth mentioning February 23rd, knowing my birthday is coming up, she asks me if the question of "If I could have anything I wanted what would it be." I told her I haven't seen my dad since I was about 3. I know it's impossible because no one knows where he is, but I'd like to see him some day. She told me "maybe if we both wish for it to happen, it will happen"

Feb 25th my birthday: I go to a restaurant that I go to at times but not often, and there's a guy there that I felt like I had known a long time but didn't remember him (looked familiar though). I didn't recognize who he was and didn't really say anything to him, saw him though. After a bit when I went in to the restroom and out of the corner of my eye in the mirror it looked like he had followed me in. Spun around real quick thinking that it was some perv, and realized that it was my reflection.

Mom always said I looked exactly like my dad from the side. I bolted out of there to try to catch him hoping he hadn't left. When I got out my friend told me that the "weird guy" that had been looking at me in the restaurant left, saying that he had "really fucked up this time." He paid for our meal with a credit card and you get one guess whose name it was. To this day I still don't know how that happened, but the guy had a very strong real vampire feel.

March 3rd: I went out and saw her. The connection was even closer in person than it was while on the phone or online. So to speak I walked with her, and quite literally she showed me things. Things that I hear way to many saying real vampires can't do. Things that me and you all, if I didn't know better would say are impossible, so I'm not going to say them because if anyone believed me without proof I'd actually have less respect for them. However anyone that mentions doing odd stuff that I know is a sign of being able to do those things I will teach them how to do it.

We also exchanged blood, many times :-). Changes happened to me, I am sure that she had turned me (yes it was that many changes). At very least she definitely changed me to something more than I was before. In more ways than I think that she knows now.


The story of me and her only begins there and it's sadly not the best ending.

Here is a list how to make sure you are the real deal:

Spoiler

The sole purpose of this page is to help you figure out if you are a real vampire or not. This is to be used with the finding a real vampire page on this site. After all if you don't recognize yourself as a real vampire then you aren't a real vampire. All of the traits below are accurate for more than half of all real vampires. All real vampires have at least 85% of them, in other words if at least 85% of them don't apply to you then you are not a vampire. Assuming that you are a real vampire, the fact that so many of these traits are accurate for you may shock you.

Those are the traits that I am saying are 95% so that I don't rule any real vampires out that the traits may not be accurate for. If you are convinced that you are a real vampire, yet have few to none of these traits you really need to read up on a term that is known as enabling and stop claiming to be one. You could even seem to have all of them but there is still no guarantee that you are a real vampire.

Copyright 2005 Steve Leighton, copying without permission is forbidden by law, and will result in a DMCA report being filed against you and sent to your domain provider or to the owner of where ever you posted your copy of this vampire website.

"I didn't draw blood at first, but I did get an overwhelming feeling"


If you can relate to that quote don't waste your time reading any farther because you are definitely not a real vampire. You are, on the other hand, a classic case of
Reinfeld's Syndrome.

1. 
   
   
   • 1. Do you have unusually pale skin? You don't have to be white to be pale. If yes then cook up one or two (depending on the size) medium rare steaks (the best way to do this) If, by the time you’re done enjoying the second one, you have a new pinkish color throughout your body that you haven’t had in a while, read no farther; you are a real vampire. Humans can’t digest blood let alone get color from it, real vampires do.
     
     NOTE: The extra work involved in trying to eat medium rare or rare meat can cause a temporary pink color to the skin which is otherwise known as being flushed. Temporarily being flushed is not the color that is being referred to when a vampire gets color from the blood in the steak. It takes a lot less human blood than animal blood to get the same effect but animal blood is way easier to get.) If you were white before and still are you should see a doctor. Odds are you aren't a real vampire, you’re just malnourished, and they can help.
   • Have you ever been told by professionals that you’re lucky you survived an accident with only a few scratches or cuts?
   • Are you a naturally strong magic/energy user self-taught or self-realized?
   • As a kid, were you the strongest, smartest, or quickest kid in the class, and at around 16 years of age maybe all 3?
   • Did your dad disappear from your life while you were at a young age? (NOTE: 52% of vampires out of a large range of vampires have answered yes to this question. This includes people who believe they are real vampires however may not really be one.) Click for one theory on how this is vampire related: The Truth about the ''Vampire Community''.
   • Do people often tell you that you look very young for your age, or that they would have never guessed how old you are?
   • Are you extremely energetic at night but around the time the sun comes up become extremely tired?
   • Are you a slightly quicker healer than most, if not a much quicker healer?
   • Do you have an unusually high tolerance to alcohol and other poisons/toxins?
   • Do you tend to switch between very social and antisocial frequently?
   • Do you rarely get sick, or when you get sick does your body recovers quicker than most people
   • Are your six senses more enhanced than most other peoples, i.e. vision, hearing, touch, smell, taste, and intuition?
   • Do you have extremely good vision in the dark? How many times has some one said it’s too dark they can’t see while you were doing something like reading?
   • Do you tend to NOT be surprised or scared by the typical sudden loud noise in a movie or things like that because you sensed it coming?
   • Do you tend to react to things like catching a falling object or other normally unexpected things at an almost psychic speed? (As if you were expecting it to happen)?
   • Do you tend to get a high from human blood? When drinking someone’s blood do you tend to find yourself being able to do something that they could do (that you couldn't do) about 2 weeks after drinking it?
   • Are you sensitive to light or the heat from it? (Ranging from getting a bad headache from the glare to burning very easily.)
   • If, while your skin is white from lack of enough blood in you, do you bleed quite noticeably less than a person normally should, or more likely not bleed at all?
   • Are your nails clear like glass, yet very strong?
   • Is your bedroom the coldest and darkest room in the house?
   • According to multiple news articles easily found online, older adults can’t hear this sound. So far I haven't found someone over 36 who is a non-vamp that can. click to try to hear it. Warning: if you can hear it, it will be loud. (ALWAYS FOLLOW THE WARNINGS ON THIS WEBSITE) My reference: yahoo homepage/news 6-21-06, and testing it on friends .
     
     
     • A legitimate Vampire is able to safely digest more than 600% of the daily recommended amount of iron (RDA is 18mg. 600% of RDA is 108mg) when in the form of blood.
       (ALWAYS READ THE WARNINGS ON THIS WEBSITE!)
     
     
     • How often do you look at the person that almost bumped (or bumped) into you and think "you idiot” or “people are so stupid" because they didn't know you were only a couple feet away from them, because you always know when someone is that close to you? (Which, when you think about it, you only know because you can sense when someone is that close to you).
     • Do you always feel a strong urge to travel?
     • How often does something smell so strong that you can literally taste it, whether it’s a good thing or a bad thing? (NOTE: When most people say it smells so strong that they can taste it they only say it as a figure of speech. And the people that agree with you when you say it rarely can taste it. Think I'm wrong? Ask them yourself!)
     • Can you hear a whisper from across a room?
     • Do the words "come on outside, it's a nice bright sunny day, and there’s a lot of people out," seem more like a bad thing than a good thing to you, as opposed to the guy who said it to you, saying it with a big happy smile?
     • Regardless of how normal you may consider yourself to be, do you tend to meet a lot of weird people that you quite often hit it off with relatively frequently? (Keep in mind, normal is just a politically correct term for people that have no creativity. And definitely is NOT something to be proud of calling yourself).
     
     
     • Do you have a predator instinct that is so strong that it makes most people seem to act more like herbivores than the omnivores they consider themselves to be?
     
     
     • Does sunlight/bright light in general hurt your eyes and head, in most cases to the point of a migraine? (But you can still go out in it). See point 17.
     • Do electrical appliances generally tend to hate you? (Watches mess up often, computers malfunction for no reason, etc).
     • Are your dreams often extremely vivid and sometimes result in cases of déjàvu?
     • Do people often find you very empathetic to how they feel?
     • Do people usually either trust you completely or not trust you at all?
     • When you will things to happen do they usually happen?
     • Does your mood have an obvious effect on the mood of others around you? Only count this if it happens to the people that can’t see you. (Especially on babies and animals like cats).
     • Were you born with a number of health problems, including heart problems that quickly went away on their own?
     • Having only half of the traits listed does not make you a half vampire, it makes you nothing special. The only difference between a real vampire and a normal human is 1 endogenous retrovirus, making it impossible to be half vampire. The difference between a normal human and an ape is 3 endogenous retroviruses, making it a lot more likely for some one to be half ape than it is for them to be a half vampire. It is impossible to be a half-vampire, anyone that thinks otherwise is a total idiot.

Q and A section:

Spoiler

War with Vamps, and Lycans, real, or fake?

That is just a very annoying myth started by movies, to sell movies.

zayra_5821: You are not Steve.

You are an idiot

I've read your website and I can't quite remember if you answered these or not but Do you ABSOLUTELY HAVE to sleep ALL day? (If so, is it necessary to do so in a casket/coffin?) And If a human is turned, or if the slightest amount of U"V light makes contact with an actual Vampire, do they Really Burn alive? And besides playing dress-up or being surgically turned, is it Somehow possible to self turn?

No

Q. Can you turn to bat, Can you fly, is your blood black, Do you know people that turn to a wolf, All vampire hate garlic, vampires afraid cross? ((When they touch cross they're going to dust?)), Are you sleep in coffin, When human turn to vampire they need to die before, but vampire don't breath, that human will turn to vampire, Right?, You bite dog it will turn to a vampire?, Can it turn to a vampire (zombie dog), Maybe I think they turn human by touch?, When they hit human that human turn to vampire?, vampire has low temperature, vampire's skin is very cool? vampire can't fly but they can jump far more than human, Right?

A. No, to all of them. a few notes he is Thai so his first language is not English. Also people can be turned, but simply being bitten by a vampire won?t turn you in to anything.

MinaHarker: Is it true that psi vampires can feed both through their natural way and as a sang and be equally satisfied, but when sangs try to feed as a psi it isn't quite enough? If so, why do you think that is? (speculate and theorize only on this second question, as from what I can tell, no one knows for sure)

Yes I think you nailed it dead on correctly, because there are a lot that claim to be sangs simply because they think its nothing more than a feeding preference that decides what you are. It seems as if they never entertained the fact that there's more to being a real vampire than just a preference.

If it was nothing more than a preference then everyone that has a blood fetish and feels a psychologically induced high from getting some blood to fuel their fetish would qualify as a real vampire. Besides the only real kind of a vampire is the ones that literally do need blood, and not just to feed a "energy deficiency" of some kind or another.

Q.I want to know can you eat human's food? pizza, salad etc.

A. yes

I didn't draw blood at first, but I did get an overwhelming feeling...I still don't know how to describe it, but it was amazing. Since my teeth weren't sharp enough to break skin, I sharpened them(wow that hurt) and the next time I was able to do so. Again, I had an overwhelming sensation, somewhat erotic, but it was more blissful than anything else. Since then I've kind of adopted the manner and looks of a familiar vampire...SPIKE! lol

This is a dead give away, you got the feeling without even getting blood. You definitely are not a real vampire; you are just getting a psychologically induced high from the thought of getting what you like. It's no different from the self induced high that some people get from knowing that they could have gotten laid but they turned it down.

Q."something I just noticed is that a lot of ppl are asking me if I am 16 which im finding very odd cause when I was 16 ppl thought I was 20"

A. ?That?s because you wanted to look older then" (it?s the mildest form of the illusion ability that some maybe all of us have.)

A friend of mine asked me a good question, I should start writing them down because there are a lot of good ones, this is one that stuck in my head because I couldn't answer it at the time. Keep them coming, and remind me to write them down.

Is pregnancy for vampire women easier or harder than it is for normal women?

I talked to a friend of mine that had two kids before I made her a vamp and one afterwards she told me that during her pregnancy as a vamp the baby kicked a lot harder than either of the first two, logically I'm guessing they get that bonus strength from the start. She was a newly made vampire, my guess would be that a fully developed vampire's pain tolerance will cancel it out, because I have a friend in Chas that was born one, and didn't seem to be affected as much.

If I have blood regularly will my abilities be stronger.

A little while back when I had enough deer blood to where I was able to live off of just blood for a solid month, my abilities were a lot stronger, I felt healthier than I have ever felt before or since. One thing that sticks out in my mind is that towards the end of that month, I saw a bad blizzard coming, knew when it was going to hit within 10 minutes of when it got to where I was living, Two days before the national weather radar even knew that there was going to be one five days before it got to where I was, amongst many other things, that would be related to my vamp abilities.

"where do you live?"

Rochester, N.Y.

What is your definition of a vampire?

Basically my definition of a real vampire is some one that needs blood, however is not a hemophiliac. A real vampire is one that has the traits of a real vampire, however doesn't have them do to a medical condition. If they have the traits and haven't ruled out the medical illnesses that could cause them they should see a doctor and not a vampire website first. Not to mention the ability to effectively digest and use it as food, without suffering from iron poisoning do to ingesting more %200 of the RDA of iron.

Do you believe that there are different types of vampires? If so, what types and define these types. If not, why not?

*I believe that there are many out there that consider themselves energy vampires, however they are sadly mistaken. Though they are no more than normal people that are self awakened (or helped by some one else) energy users aka "magic users" that use more energy than they get by normal means, and feel that they must take some energy from others. However in truth, they could get that energy from anything including plants, rocks, water, etc.*

Do you believe vampires are human or non-human? Why?

*In all respects I believe that as a real vampire I am still human, for the most part. I believe that as a real vampire I may be in a sense more evolved yet still human. I also believe that people that are just human, that think being human is a bad thing are short changing themselves, and that they need to keep in mind that, humans as a race have single handedly made every animal that was ever once a threat to them either endangered or extinct and are the only thing on this planet to have ever done that.*

Do you believe that normal humans can be made into vampires? If so, how do you believe this is accomplished? If not, why not?

*I've met enough real vampires that were born a vamp and believe a human can't be turned into a vampire. I've also met plenty of real vampires that used to be human and didn't think that any one could be born a real vampire. Which obviously leads to one thing, I personally know that both kinds exist, and have personally turned five people into a real vampire myself, one of which may have just been an awakening. So I'm saying yes on that, and it?s done by an exchange of blood, however not by the exchange of a potentially lethal amount of blood.*

Do you believe all vampires need to consume blood? Why or why not?

*Funny, I almost feel like I'm being asked this by a person or one of the millions out there that think they are a real vampire, and reply to me saying I?m wrong. Energy feeds can hold off the hunger assuming that you eat plenty of normal food and stuff. However in the end every real vampire does need blood for color, also for many other reasons, and just basically because energy feeds-are to like being on an IV, like blood is to eating real food. Both can work but all in all the other you feel livelier you feel healthier and you obviously look a lot healthier.

Do you believe that all vampires need to consume energy? Why or why not?

The answer to that question is a definite NO. Though I think that every real vampire to a degree is psychic and uses energy, blood contains all of the energy needed (as well as many other needed things) if it is had on a regular basis. Blood (for those who can efficiently digest it) is the perfect food.

Define "energy"

*Energy is....the unseen force within all things that makes them exist in the first place. We all know that we see things because light reflecting off of objects stimulates the cones and rods in are retinas, which sends a message to our brains along our optic nerve, creating the illusion of an image. We know that we hear things because vibrations in air and other forms of what we call matter makes our ear drums move creating the illusion of sound.

We feel things because different things activate different nerves in our body creating the illusion of touch, we smell because different scents trigger different olfactory nerves in our nose creating the illusion of smell. We taste because different things activate our different taste buds which send a signal to our brain creating the illusion of it having taste. Energy is the true thing that causes the stimulation to these different parts of our body, and energy is the electrical impulse traveling through our nerves to carry these messages to our brains.

Do you believe in "psychic/psionic" abilities? If so, do you believe these abilities to be intrinsic to vampires? Why or why not?

*WoW after that explanation on energy you still ask me if I believe in psychic/psionic abilities, I'm truly impressed. Either these are automated questions or you weren't paying much attention :-). Yes I definitely believe in the ability to use and manipulate energy, and I believe that everyone has the ability to do it assuming they have the patience and focus needed to learn how (just like with any kind of martial art). However I also believe that for a real vampire it is a lot easier to learn how to do it, and a lot easier to get to next levels in the field of using energy.*

Describe the relationship between average people and vampires, in your experience.

*I never really gave it much thought, I mean yes we have our advantages, and I feel there are some that abuse those advantages, and others that use those advantages to help other people out, that aren't so lucky. I do believe its what you do, not what you can do that determines what kind of person you are, and being a real vampire I can do more and I do more, which maybe makes me a better person but this is the first time I've had to think about that. I have some close friends that are normal people and not real vampires, but I do enjoy the times when I take a break and go to one of the clubs out here and can stop holding back parts of what I am, and can simply be myself.*

Do you believe vampires have a special place in society? If so, what is that place? If not, why not?

I believe that the current society would be much better to live in if they had a higher level of openness to the fact that real vampires do exist and that we have been living amongst them for who knows how long. I would like it if they accepted the fact that real vampires exist to the degree of where we could buy blood in a grocery store as easily as a person buys a pre-made pizza whether it was animals blood, or simply because some people had willingly sold a pint to the cause for extra money.

Simple fact there is a lot of blood destroyed by the red cross on a regular basis because it wasn't used in time to still be usable in a blood transfusion but is still edible for a real vampire, and I know that anyone of us would be willing to pay for that blood that they destroy for that reason. If "us" as real vampires were commonly accepted as being a reality we would have the option to buy that blood. If you consider that being a special place in society which in a way it is then yes I think we could have one, however if you mean a special place as ruling over people and seeing them as cattle then big no we don't have a special place in society.

hey i have a question. do vamps have fangs? a lot of people say that they do but others say that they don't and that it has nothing to do with being a vampire. for instance, a person on 43things.com says that he has fangs and that it took him a few painful days to grow them in when he got turned. just wondering what your opinion was on this subject. also one more thing but what is a good enough reason for you to turn someone?

No, real vampires don't have fangs and turned vampires don't ever grow fangs. As for reasons why I would turn some one, I don't tell people reasons, if a person wants to be turned they must already have a reason for wanting it. If it's not a good reason to be turned then they can forget about being turned. Update: due to how many people keep asking me to turn them, stop asking me to do it. You can get yourself turned (without me) if you read the information given to you on this website, and really think about the information provided to you.

Here is a real vamp forum:
http://realvampireforum.forum-motion.net/
You have to register before you see anything, unfortunately.

This website seems like it is fairly active, they say they are a help site for people who are REAL vampires:
http://www.sanguinarius.org/about/introduction-to-sanguinarius/

Have fun.
I haven't explored too much since I just found it today.

That looks like it has potential.

And their insane spastic rules about what are and aren't vampires and how to be them are hilariously stupid and make me want to cook a couple of steaks.

 

[AnOminous]

It's pretty simple to determine if they're vampires. Shoot them, and if they don't die, they are. Then you put a wooden stake through their heart to prove it for sure.

 

[creamyfanta]

Are the vamps enough for me to make their own thread on the main lolcow page? I'd love for them to get some visibility. I think they are an untapped source of lols

 

[Vaffanculo]

Meet "Eddini", a toothless street magician/"hypnotist" with a foot fetish. He loves smelly feet, but especially loves women who drive barefoot. I haven't checked up on him for a few years. I was kind of deterred because when I followed his Facebook page for a few laughs I was promptly PMed and asked if I ever drive with no shoes on.

 

[plasticine]

http://vampirewebsite.net/

These people think that they are ACTUALLY vampires and (as far as I can tell) will chimp out if you tell them otherwise. They are very pissy about "poser vamps" and have a whole list about why they are the real deal.

Spoiler: How he knows he's a REAL vampire

At 12 years old I was developing a strong interest in vampires. I had no thoughts that I might be one but I always instinctively knew what things in vampire movies was bullshit and what was fact. I got told many times by many people that it was all bullshit, because "real vampires are not real". :-) I always told them that they were wrong; something in me just knew it and knew the truth.

Four years later I started noticing traits that I always knew were the true facts about real vampires starting to develop in me, at this time I was 16. I began working with these traits and trying to make the best of the bad ones, and use the good ones to their fullest potential; this included being on the swim team, as well as the after school soccer team, while pulling A's and B's in all of my classes, except English and History. Because history class was my first class of the day I was too tired to stay awake, due to me always being a night person, go figure eh?

Not to mention at this age I had started my own coven, technically making me a priest. Problem is they don't ordain you before 18 years of age. So for all of the people out there that somehow think their rehashed ideas are more important than mine because they had their heads stuck in books and websites, I'll be out living you by a long shot because my physical health blows yours away. I guess you could call that my self awakening, and compared to most peoples awakenings that qualifies as one. However compared to what was to happen to me as time went on it registers as little more than a mild realization.

This continued to grow in my mind as I started to realize more and more that I was developing as an energy user, as well as other interests at a rate that had me doing stuff in energy use that most 40 year old practitioners weren't doing. To put it in to a relative point of view, I was a high priest at the age of 19, so really don't ever tell me you are a high priest/ess in an attempt to impress me by your knowledge.

Jumping to when I was about 20-21 years old. At this time I was sure that if real vampires existed that I must be one, but for some odd reason whenever asked, and I was getting asked increasingly more frequently, I never said that I was one with confidence. I only said that if real vampires existed then I must be one. To give an idea this is the point where everyone believes in full confidence that they are one, that is as in the group called the "vampire community" Their delusions are fed by others in that this group is falsely convinced that they are real vampires as well (which by my count is about 98% of them).

At 23 I knew I was a vampire, I was able to do everything that anyone who referred to themselves as a real vampire could do. I had all of the traits. I was able to say yes to all but 2 of the traits on my website that they had, that included the ones that I could tell by feel were vampires. Those of you who know what I mean by that feel know exactly what I'm talking about. For those of you that don't, I really try to help the best I can with this page. It was great, I was completely developed, I was doing really cool stuff, I was even doing some stuff that people still try to tell me is myth like biting for blood painlessly. Easy to teach takes a little practice to get good at, sort of like chess.

Early December 2001 Something started to feel missing, I was looking for something. It started to feel like I wasn't completely what a real vampire is, and I started trying to figure out what that was. I started doing stuff to try to make myself a target to be found by real vampires, hoping that one would find me and either get a hold of me in a good way or a bad way. At that time I didn't care which way it was. Before anyone goes thinking that they could have done that easily, don't even think about it. There isn't a single person in the 265 yahoo groups (that are all parts of the "vampire community") that I'm a member of (my name on these groups is ---------@yahoo aka steve) currently that I would have believed to be a real vampire. Except maybe the exception of Sappho. So I knew what I was, I knew I was missing something, and I knew I would know when I found it.

December 12 2001: This is when I started having weird dreams. Most of which were vamp related. All of the weird ones revolved around me meeting someone that looked the same in each dream, to where even though I'm bad at drawing I was able to draw her picture near perfectly. You may be asking yourself, why is a guy who couldn't remember his age earlier in this post able to remember exact dates, easy answer strong emotions create strong memories.

January 21st 2002: I'm in a little known chatroom website that is currently closed down beseen.com, talking like I usually did and a new person comes in. Didn't really say anything but was just lurking. I figured the person was just quiet because they were new and didn't know anyone there, but following my instincts I dropped like half of the conversations I was having (was a regular I knew everyone there) and started talking to her. Were talking for a bit and really hitting it off well. Her name is Raven.

She didn't have a pic up of her because she was on webtv, but little in to the conversation she linked her website to her name and asked me what I thought of it. The website was very loudly speaking the theme of vampire and in dreams. Being half awake it didn't fully click, but I did get the theme and I did love the site though, so I told her that I loved the site (a phrase I remember from the site was "walk with me and I'll show you things" and later she did). She said she didn't think that I understood the site so I told her the theme of it. Do not call me an idiot I was half awake at the time.

But I should mention that I completely got lost in talking to her and even though I didn't really think she was a real vampire yet, and she only said it once without pressing the issue of me believing her, which wasn't how most claiming to be real vampires act. I didn't realize that at this point I had completely stopped talking to everybody else. After a bit more talking we realized that it was getting late, as in about 5am late:-), and decided we both had to go to sleep.

January 22 (next day): I wake up. The website completely clicked, as well as everything that happened the night before. It's evening time. I run to the computer and hop in to the chat hoping she was there. Two hours later we are dating and talking on the phone. On an interesting note a blue moon happened that month. I started telling her about the dreams that I had been having. She told me of her having similar dreams, and was able to describe me without having seen a picture of me.

I was describing her as well, and asked about accuracy. She didn't say how accurate, but told me she would mail me pictures if I gave her somewhere to mail them to. I've always been a bold kid; some one threatens me online I give them my real address and phone number to confirm it, so I gave her mine with no hesitation. When they came in the mail a lot of them looked just like the pic I had drawn that she still doesn't know that I drew, but one was an exact look alike. Lol, she hates that picture because she doesn't think it looks much like her, but its my favorite because it looks exactly like how I knew her to look from the dreams and my drawing.

Oh God I'm rambling, alright we're talking about dreams, wishes, stuff of those sorts, making arrangements to meet in person, even bought the ticket. Worth mentioning February 23rd, knowing my birthday is coming up, she asks me if the question of "If I could have anything I wanted what would it be." I told her I haven't seen my dad since I was about 3. I know it's impossible because no one knows where he is, but I'd like to see him some day. She told me "maybe if we both wish for it to happen, it will happen"

Feb 25th my birthday: I go to a restaurant that I go to at times but not often, and there's a guy there that I felt like I had known a long time but didn't remember him (looked familiar though). I didn't recognize who he was and didn't really say anything to him, saw him though. After a bit when I went in to the restroom and out of the corner of my eye in the mirror it looked like he had followed me in. Spun around real quick thinking that it was some perv, and realized that it was my reflection.

Mom always said I looked exactly like my dad from the side. I bolted out of there to try to catch him hoping he hadn't left. When I got out my friend told me that the "weird guy" that had been looking at me in the restaurant left, saying that he had "really fucked up this time." He paid for our meal with a credit card and you get one guess whose name it was. To this day I still don't know how that happened, but the guy had a very strong real vampire feel.

March 3rd: I went out and saw her. The connection was even closer in person than it was while on the phone or online. So to speak I walked with her, and quite literally she showed me things. Things that I hear way to many saying real vampires can't do. Things that me and you all, if I didn't know better would say are impossible, so I'm not going to say them because if anyone believed me without proof I'd actually have less respect for them. However anyone that mentions doing odd stuff that I know is a sign of being able to do those things I will teach them how to do it.

We also exchanged blood, many times :-). Changes happened to me, I am sure that she had turned me (yes it was that many changes). At very least she definitely changed me to something more than I was before. In more ways than I think that she knows now.


The story of me and her only begins there and it's sadly not the best ending.

Here is a list how to make sure you are the real deal:

Spoiler

The sole purpose of this page is to help you figure out if you are a real vampire or not. This is to be used with the finding a real vampire page on this site. After all if you don't recognize yourself as a real vampire then you aren't a real vampire. All of the traits below are accurate for more than half of all real vampires. All real vampires have at least 85% of them, in other words if at least 85% of them don't apply to you then you are not a vampire. Assuming that you are a real vampire, the fact that so many of these traits are accurate for you may shock you.

Those are the traits that I am saying are 95% so that I don't rule any real vampires out that the traits may not be accurate for. If you are convinced that you are a real vampire, yet have few to none of these traits you really need to read up on a term that is known as enabling and stop claiming to be one. You could even seem to have all of them but there is still no guarantee that you are a real vampire.

Copyright 2005 Steve Leighton, copying without permission is forbidden by law, and will result in a DMCA report being filed against you and sent to your domain provider or to the owner of where ever you posted your copy of this vampire website.

"I didn't draw blood at first, but I did get an overwhelming feeling"


If you can relate to that quote don't waste your time reading any farther because you are definitely not a real vampire. You are, on the other hand, a classic case of
Reinfeld's Syndrome.

1. 
   
   
   • 1. Do you have unusually pale skin? You don't have to be white to be pale. If yes then cook up one or two (depending on the size) medium rare steaks (the best way to do this) If, by the time you’re done enjoying the second one, you have a new pinkish color throughout your body that you haven’t had in a while, read no farther; you are a real vampire. Humans can’t digest blood let alone get color from it, real vampires do.
     
     NOTE: The extra work involved in trying to eat medium rare or rare meat can cause a temporary pink color to the skin which is otherwise known as being flushed. Temporarily being flushed is not the color that is being referred to when a vampire gets color from the blood in the steak. It takes a lot less human blood than animal blood to get the same effect but animal blood is way easier to get.) If you were white before and still are you should see a doctor. Odds are you aren't a real vampire, you’re just malnourished, and they can help.
   • Have you ever been told by professionals that you’re lucky you survived an accident with only a few scratches or cuts?
   • Are you a naturally strong magic/energy user self-taught or self-realized?
   • As a kid, were you the strongest, smartest, or quickest kid in the class, and at around 16 years of age maybe all 3?
   • Did your dad disappear from your life while you were at a young age? (NOTE: 52% of vampires out of a large range of vampires have answered yes to this question. This includes people who believe they are real vampires however may not really be one.) Click for one theory on how this is vampire related: The Truth about the ''Vampire Community''.
   • Do people often tell you that you look very young for your age, or that they would have never guessed how old you are?
   • Are you extremely energetic at night but around the time the sun comes up become extremely tired?
   • Are you a slightly quicker healer than most, if not a much quicker healer?
   • Do you have an unusually high tolerance to alcohol and other poisons/toxins?
   • Do you tend to switch between very social and antisocial frequently?
   • Do you rarely get sick, or when you get sick does your body recovers quicker than most people
   • Are your six senses more enhanced than most other peoples, i.e. vision, hearing, touch, smell, taste, and intuition?
   • Do you have extremely good vision in the dark? How many times has some one said it’s too dark they can’t see while you were doing something like reading?
   • Do you tend to NOT be surprised or scared by the typical sudden loud noise in a movie or things like that because you sensed it coming?
   • Do you tend to react to things like catching a falling object or other normally unexpected things at an almost psychic speed? (As if you were expecting it to happen)?
   • Do you tend to get a high from human blood? When drinking someone’s blood do you tend to find yourself being able to do something that they could do (that you couldn't do) about 2 weeks after drinking it?
   • Are you sensitive to light or the heat from it? (Ranging from getting a bad headache from the glare to burning very easily.)
   • If, while your skin is white from lack of enough blood in you, do you bleed quite noticeably less than a person normally should, or more likely not bleed at all?
   • Are your nails clear like glass, yet very strong?
   • Is your bedroom the coldest and darkest room in the house?
   • According to multiple news articles easily found online, older adults can’t hear this sound. So far I haven't found someone over 36 who is a non-vamp that can. click to try to hear it. Warning: if you can hear it, it will be loud. (ALWAYS FOLLOW THE WARNINGS ON THIS WEBSITE) My reference: yahoo homepage/news 6-21-06, and testing it on friends .
     
     
     • A legitimate Vampire is able to safely digest more than 600% of the daily recommended amount of iron (RDA is 18mg. 600% of RDA is 108mg) when in the form of blood.
       (ALWAYS READ THE WARNINGS ON THIS WEBSITE!)
     
     
     • How often do you look at the person that almost bumped (or bumped) into you and think "you idiot” or “people are so stupid" because they didn't know you were only a couple feet away from them, because you always know when someone is that close to you? (Which, when you think about it, you only know because you can sense when someone is that close to you).
     • Do you always feel a strong urge to travel?
     • How often does something smell so strong that you can literally taste it, whether it’s a good thing or a bad thing? (NOTE: When most people say it smells so strong that they can taste it they only say it as a figure of speech. And the people that agree with you when you say it rarely can taste it. Think I'm wrong? Ask them yourself!)
     • Can you hear a whisper from across a room?
     • Do the words "come on outside, it's a nice bright sunny day, and there’s a lot of people out," seem more like a bad thing than a good thing to you, as opposed to the guy who said it to you, saying it with a big happy smile?
     • Regardless of how normal you may consider yourself to be, do you tend to meet a lot of weird people that you quite often hit it off with relatively frequently? (Keep in mind, normal is just a politically correct term for people that have no creativity. And definitely is NOT something to be proud of calling yourself).
     
     
     • Do you have a predator instinct that is so strong that it makes most people seem to act more like herbivores than the omnivores they consider themselves to be?
     
     
     • Does sunlight/bright light in general hurt your eyes and head, in most cases to the point of a migraine? (But you can still go out in it). See point 17.
     • Do electrical appliances generally tend to hate you? (Watches mess up often, computers malfunction for no reason, etc).
     • Are your dreams often extremely vivid and sometimes result in cases of déjàvu?
     • Do people often find you very empathetic to how they feel?
     • Do people usually either trust you completely or not trust you at all?
     • When you will things to happen do they usually happen?
     • Does your mood have an obvious effect on the mood of others around you? Only count this if it happens to the people that can’t see you. (Especially on babies and animals like cats).
     • Were you born with a number of health problems, including heart problems that quickly went away on their own?
     • Having only half of the traits listed does not make you a half vampire, it makes you nothing special. The only difference between a real vampire and a normal human is 1 endogenous retrovirus, making it impossible to be half vampire. The difference between a normal human and an ape is 3 endogenous retroviruses, making it a lot more likely for some one to be half ape than it is for them to be a half vampire. It is impossible to be a half-vampire, anyone that thinks otherwise is a total idiot.

Q and A section:

Spoiler

War with Vamps, and Lycans, real, or fake?

That is just a very annoying myth started by movies, to sell movies.

zayra_5821: You are not Steve.

You are an idiot

I've read your website and I can't quite remember if you answered these or not but Do you ABSOLUTELY HAVE to sleep ALL day? (If so, is it necessary to do so in a casket/coffin?) And If a human is turned, or if the slightest amount of U"V light makes contact with an actual Vampire, do they Really Burn alive? And besides playing dress-up or being surgically turned, is it Somehow possible to self turn?

No

Q. Can you turn to bat, Can you fly, is your blood black, Do you know people that turn to a wolf, All vampire hate garlic, vampires afraid cross? ((When they touch cross they're going to dust?)), Are you sleep in coffin, When human turn to vampire they need to die before, but vampire don't breath, that human will turn to vampire, Right?, You bite dog it will turn to a vampire?, Can it turn to a vampire (zombie dog), Maybe I think they turn human by touch?, When they hit human that human turn to vampire?, vampire has low temperature, vampire's skin is very cool? vampire can't fly but they can jump far more than human, Right?

A. No, to all of them. a few notes he is Thai so his first language is not English. Also people can be turned, but simply being bitten by a vampire won?t turn you in to anything.

MinaHarker: Is it true that psi vampires can feed both through their natural way and as a sang and be equally satisfied, but when sangs try to feed as a psi it isn't quite enough? If so, why do you think that is? (speculate and theorize only on this second question, as from what I can tell, no one knows for sure)

Yes I think you nailed it dead on correctly, because there are a lot that claim to be sangs simply because they think its nothing more than a feeding preference that decides what you are. It seems as if they never entertained the fact that there's more to being a real vampire than just a preference.

If it was nothing more than a preference then everyone that has a blood fetish and feels a psychologically induced high from getting some blood to fuel their fetish would qualify as a real vampire. Besides the only real kind of a vampire is the ones that literally do need blood, and not just to feed a "energy deficiency" of some kind or another.

Q.I want to know can you eat human's food? pizza, salad etc.

A. yes

I didn't draw blood at first, but I did get an overwhelming feeling...I still don't know how to describe it, but it was amazing. Since my teeth weren't sharp enough to break skin, I sharpened them(wow that hurt) and the next time I was able to do so. Again, I had an overwhelming sensation, somewhat erotic, but it was more blissful than anything else. Since then I've kind of adopted the manner and looks of a familiar vampire...SPIKE! lol

This is a dead give away, you got the feeling without even getting blood. You definitely are not a real vampire; you are just getting a psychologically induced high from the thought of getting what you like. It's no different from the self induced high that some people get from knowing that they could have gotten laid but they turned it down.

Q."something I just noticed is that a lot of ppl are asking me if I am 16 which im finding very odd cause when I was 16 ppl thought I was 20"

A. ?That?s because you wanted to look older then" (it?s the mildest form of the illusion ability that some maybe all of us have.)

A friend of mine asked me a good question, I should start writing them down because there are a lot of good ones, this is one that stuck in my head because I couldn't answer it at the time. Keep them coming, and remind me to write them down.

Is pregnancy for vampire women easier or harder than it is for normal women?

I talked to a friend of mine that had two kids before I made her a vamp and one afterwards she told me that during her pregnancy as a vamp the baby kicked a lot harder than either of the first two, logically I'm guessing they get that bonus strength from the start. She was a newly made vampire, my guess would be that a fully developed vampire's pain tolerance will cancel it out, because I have a friend in Chas that was born one, and didn't seem to be affected as much.

If I have blood regularly will my abilities be stronger.

A little while back when I had enough deer blood to where I was able to live off of just blood for a solid month, my abilities were a lot stronger, I felt healthier than I have ever felt before or since. One thing that sticks out in my mind is that towards the end of that month, I saw a bad blizzard coming, knew when it was going to hit within 10 minutes of when it got to where I was living, Two days before the national weather radar even knew that there was going to be one five days before it got to where I was, amongst many other things, that would be related to my vamp abilities.

"where do you live?"

Rochester, N.Y.

What is your definition of a vampire?

Basically my definition of a real vampire is some one that needs blood, however is not a hemophiliac. A real vampire is one that has the traits of a real vampire, however doesn't have them do to a medical condition. If they have the traits and haven't ruled out the medical illnesses that could cause them they should see a doctor and not a vampire website first. Not to mention the ability to effectively digest and use it as food, without suffering from iron poisoning do to ingesting more %200 of the RDA of iron.

Do you believe that there are different types of vampires? If so, what types and define these types. If not, why not?

*I believe that there are many out there that consider themselves energy vampires, however they are sadly mistaken. Though they are no more than normal people that are self awakened (or helped by some one else) energy users aka "magic users" that use more energy than they get by normal means, and feel that they must take some energy from others. However in truth, they could get that energy from anything including plants, rocks, water, etc.*

Do you believe vampires are human or non-human? Why?

*In all respects I believe that as a real vampire I am still human, for the most part. I believe that as a real vampire I may be in a sense more evolved yet still human. I also believe that people that are just human, that think being human is a bad thing are short changing themselves, and that they need to keep in mind that, humans as a race have single handedly made every animal that was ever once a threat to them either endangered or extinct and are the only thing on this planet to have ever done that.*

Do you believe that normal humans can be made into vampires? If so, how do you believe this is accomplished? If not, why not?

*I've met enough real vampires that were born a vamp and believe a human can't be turned into a vampire. I've also met plenty of real vampires that used to be human and didn't think that any one could be born a real vampire. Which obviously leads to one thing, I personally know that both kinds exist, and have personally turned five people into a real vampire myself, one of which may have just been an awakening. So I'm saying yes on that, and it?s done by an exchange of blood, however not by the exchange of a potentially lethal amount of blood.*

Do you believe all vampires need to consume blood? Why or why not?

*Funny, I almost feel like I'm being asked this by a person or one of the millions out there that think they are a real vampire, and reply to me saying I?m wrong. Energy feeds can hold off the hunger assuming that you eat plenty of normal food and stuff. However in the end every real vampire does need blood for color, also for many other reasons, and just basically because energy feeds-are to like being on an IV, like blood is to eating real food. Both can work but all in all the other you feel livelier you feel healthier and you obviously look a lot healthier.

Do you believe that all vampires need to consume energy? Why or why not?

The answer to that question is a definite NO. Though I think that every real vampire to a degree is psychic and uses energy, blood contains all of the energy needed (as well as many other needed things) if it is had on a regular basis. Blood (for those who can efficiently digest it) is the perfect food.

Define "energy"

*Energy is....the unseen force within all things that makes them exist in the first place. We all know that we see things because light reflecting off of objects stimulates the cones and rods in are retinas, which sends a message to our brains along our optic nerve, creating the illusion of an image. We know that we hear things because vibrations in air and other forms of what we call matter makes our ear drums move creating the illusion of sound.

We feel things because different things activate different nerves in our body creating the illusion of touch, we smell because different scents trigger different olfactory nerves in our nose creating the illusion of smell. We taste because different things activate our different taste buds which send a signal to our brain creating the illusion of it having taste. Energy is the true thing that causes the stimulation to these different parts of our body, and energy is the electrical impulse traveling through our nerves to carry these messages to our brains.

Do you believe in "psychic/psionic" abilities? If so, do you believe these abilities to be intrinsic to vampires? Why or why not?

*WoW after that explanation on energy you still ask me if I believe in psychic/psionic abilities, I'm truly impressed. Either these are automated questions or you weren't paying much attention :-). Yes I definitely believe in the ability to use and manipulate energy, and I believe that everyone has the ability to do it assuming they have the patience and focus needed to learn how (just like with any kind of martial art). However I also believe that for a real vampire it is a lot easier to learn how to do it, and a lot easier to get to next levels in the field of using energy.*

Describe the relationship between average people and vampires, in your experience.

*I never really gave it much thought, I mean yes we have our advantages, and I feel there are some that abuse those advantages, and others that use those advantages to help other people out, that aren't so lucky. I do believe its what you do, not what you can do that determines what kind of person you are, and being a real vampire I can do more and I do more, which maybe makes me a better person but this is the first time I've had to think about that. I have some close friends that are normal people and not real vampires, but I do enjoy the times when I take a break and go to one of the clubs out here and can stop holding back parts of what I am, and can simply be myself.*

Do you believe vampires have a special place in society? If so, what is that place? If not, why not?

I believe that the current society would be much better to live in if they had a higher level of openness to the fact that real vampires do exist and that we have been living amongst them for who knows how long. I would like it if they accepted the fact that real vampires exist to the degree of where we could buy blood in a grocery store as easily as a person buys a pre-made pizza whether it was animals blood, or simply because some people had willingly sold a pint to the cause for extra money.

Simple fact there is a lot of blood destroyed by the red cross on a regular basis because it wasn't used in time to still be usable in a blood transfusion but is still edible for a real vampire, and I know that anyone of us would be willing to pay for that blood that they destroy for that reason. If "us" as real vampires were commonly accepted as being a reality we would have the option to buy that blood. If you consider that being a special place in society which in a way it is then yes I think we could have one, however if you mean a special place as ruling over people and seeing them as cattle then big no we don't have a special place in society.

hey i have a question. do vamps have fangs? a lot of people say that they do but others say that they don't and that it has nothing to do with being a vampire. for instance, a person on 43things.com says that he has fangs and that it took him a few painful days to grow them in when he got turned. just wondering what your opinion was on this subject. also one more thing but what is a good enough reason for you to turn someone?

No, real vampires don't have fangs and turned vampires don't ever grow fangs. As for reasons why I would turn some one, I don't tell people reasons, if a person wants to be turned they must already have a reason for wanting it. If it's not a good reason to be turned then they can forget about being turned. Update: due to how many people keep asking me to turn them, stop asking me to do it. You can get yourself turned (without me) if you read the information given to you on this website, and really think about the information provided to you.

Here is a real vamp forum:
http://realvampireforum.forum-motion.net/
You have to register before you see anything, unfortunately.

This website seems like it is fairly active, they say they are a help site for people who are REAL vampires:
http://www.sanguinarius.org/about/introduction-to-sanguinarius/

Have fun.
I haven't explored too much since I just found it today.

reminds me when I had sperg friends in middle school/highschool who would pretend to be mythical creatures.

 

[Randall Fragg]

I'm not sure where this is from, but the weebeyness oozing from it is hilarious.

I really hope to God that she never has kids.
Actually, no, what would be funny would be if she did have a gay son, who's an ultramasculine football player.