Nice Gals/Femcels - The Lesbian Equivalent of Nice Guys

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Women who like men get it too, and sometimes they get crazy, stalkery, or entitled. Maybe something about the way women are socialized means that they're more likely to assume that it's their fault when a man doesn't like them back? Or, as I've seen, they're more likely to focus their negative attention on whatever woman the man dates instead of them.
 
Um Oh Ah Yeah said:
Women who like men get it too, and sometimes they get crazy, stalkery, or entitled. Maybe something about the way women are socialized means that they're more likely to assume that it's their fault when a man doesn't like them back? Or, as I've seen, they're more likely to focus their negative attention on whatever woman the man dates instead of them.
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So in short: Lesbians can be abusers too?
 
vertexwindi said:
Lesbian abuse is actually a very under-reported crime.
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Exactly. Most people in gay abusive relationships don't report it because they're afraid or have been subjected to homophobia or just general jerkassery from people who don't care. It's a sad thing and I think Tumblr (and parts of the internet) make it worse.

All this is doing is grooming people to become victims. These people can act like men are the only abusers but they have the advantage of being a woman. People generally don't see women as abusers. A woman can do really shitty things like stalk, harrass and beat up a guy and people will shrug it off, laugh, ignore it, or not take it seriously. Very rarely do men even report abuse they receive from women. And many times they aren't taken seriously.

I can only imagine the horrors some of these people think about when being groomed by places like Tumblr. Being told that all men are evil and out to get them, even the nice ones. But women? They'll ALWAYS love you. They'll never hurt you. That's why they slap you, berate you or physically harm you. It's just to remind you that they love you.

...sound familiar?
 
Xerxes IX said:
Why's this behavior less common in people who like guys? Femcels prove that "wah wah she won't date me but I deserve it" attitudes doesn't have to do with being a guy as much as it has to do with being attracted to women.
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Gay guys and women who are unsuccessful tend to ruminate and take it out on themselves, instead of externalizing the blame. they retreat to crying, ice cream and cats. Because we live in a culture where men are considered pursuers and women pursued, being rejected by women means you are missing out on what you are entitled to pursue, but being rejected by men means you are not worthy of pursuit and that you are invisible. One results in anger and lashing out, the other slinking away into depression.
 
queerape said:
Gay guys and women who are unsuccessful tend to ruminate and take it out on themselves, instead of externalizing the blame. they retreat to crying, ice cream and cats. Because we live in a culture where men are considered pursuers and women pursued, being rejected by women means you are missing out on what you are entitled to pursue, but being rejected by men means you are not worthy of pursuit and that you are invisible. One results in anger and lashing out, the other slinking away into depression.
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Ah yes, the cycle of rejection. My personal favorite, it's like you're stuck in Anger or Depression and never find Acceptance.
 
ISOPODEYES said:
Ah yes, the cycle of rejection. My personal favorite, it's like you're stuck in Anger or Depression and never find Acceptance.
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The problem is that there's no balance with these people. Being rejected by a guy isn't the end of the world, and being rejected by a girl isn't the end of your life. Eventually people get this after they first start dating or if they have a crush on someone and learn to let go. But these femcels (I'm calling them that because they are that) can't let go. They can't let go of the fact that women aren't swarming to be with them. And they can't believe that men would ever be nice to a woman because they themselves are so caught up in their own rhetoric that they can't face reality.

In reality, rejection and heartbreak sucks, but you still got a life to live and plenty of people to discover and to learn about. For as many people that you are rejected by their are plenty more that you can just talk to about anything else and lean on for support. That's the beauty of it. There isn't really one possible outcome for your situation. Your life can take many turns you don't expect leading to possibly new opportunities. But of course...these people don't see that. So for every rejection they get, it's sinking further down their "support" group for help.
 
Tanti-Fanti said:
The problem is that there's no balance with these people. Being rejected by a guy isn't the end of the world, and being rejected by a girl isn't the end of your life. Eventually people get this after they first start dating or if they have a crush on someone and learn to let go. But these femcels (I'm calling them that because they are that) can't let go. They can't let go of the fact that women aren't swarming to be with them. And they can't believe that men would ever be nice to a woman because they themselves are so caught up in their own rhetoric that they can't face reality.

In reality, rejection and heartbreak sucks, but you still got a life to live and plenty of people to discover and to learn about. For as many people that you are rejected by their are plenty more that you can just talk to about anything else and lean on for support. That's the beauty of it. There isn't really one possible outcome for your situation. Your life can take many turns you don't expect leading to possibly new opportunities. But of course...these people don't see that. So for every rejection they get, it's sinking further down their "support" group for help.
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Alternatively, they can never leave you if they're dead. :unholy:

Personally I eagerly anticipate Tumblr's first serial killer. Let's hope it's a lesbian WOC to really push those boundaries!
 
Pickle Inspector said:
It doesn’t help that lesbians seem to be disproportionately bipolar/have borderline personality disorder.
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That's another thing that gets me too. A lot of these lesbians on Tumblr clearly have mental issues, but they seem to REFUSE to deal with them outside of the internet. Places like Tumblr (and everything else really) on the internet are the worst support simply because instead of there being groups for people to confide in, it becomes a competition for who is the most oppressed and who has it the worst.

Really, the only online thing you need for your mental illness is research on your condition, professional help, and meds if needed. Good research too. Not Nu-Age bullshit. Lesbians who are this mentally ill should not be on the internet. You see it all the time with people claiming how tired they are about all the hate they get online and I'm like, "just turn off the computer?" Is it that hard to take some responsibility and develop a hobby? Hell, that could even lead you to meeting new people and possibly a girlfriend!


But no. Just they sink further into the abyss and amalgamate with others who share their shitty ideals.
 
Tanti-Fanti said:
Exactly. Most people in gay abusive relationships don't report it because they're afraid or have been subjected to homophobia or just general jerkassery from people who don't care. It's a sad thing and I think Tumblr (and parts of the internet) make it worse.
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I think it also partly how few homosexuals there are to date. I have checked few international studies and even in western countries the biggest numbers were around 5 % of men are gay, 3 % of women are lesbians and 1,4 % of men and 1,6 % of women are bi. Not that huge numbers and I can’t help but think that these are inflated by queer being cool at moment but I did pick the biggest numbers so that’s be expected plus normal margin of error and based on self reporting issues. The difference in numbers between gay and lesbians was fairly consistent.

Still being homosexual cuts down the dating pool alot and has an effect that you can’t really meet people trough hobbies and other shared interests as easily. If you happen to meet somebody interesting, you can make a safe bet that they won’t interested. To homosexuals easiest way to look for a partner is by starting them being gay and then if they happen to be good for you. Also men and women in general have different mating strategies and same sex relationships tend to emphasize that. Really active hook up culture in gays and super fast moving relationships with lesbians*. I think many homosexuals especially lesbians just get so sick of dating that they figure this is as good as it gets and bad relationship is better than no relationship.

* What do lesbians order on a second date? A moving truck!
 
Amber the Hedgehog said:
Still being homosexual cuts down the dating pool alot and has an effect that you can’t really meet people trough hobbies and other shared interests as easily. If you happen to meet somebody interesting, you can make a safe bet that they won’t interested. To homosexuals easiest way to look for a partner is by starting them being gay and then if they happen to be good for you. Also men and women in general have different mating strategies and same sex relationships tend to emphasize that. Really active hook up culture in gays and super fast moving relationships with lesbians*. I think many homosexuals especially lesbians just get so sick of dating that they figure this is as good as it gets and bad relationship is better than no relationship.
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On that note, I think that feeling like you have to compete with men for dating opportunities ups the aggressiveness of femcels. I mean, if for some reason two guys wanted the same girl and they got super pissed at each other and then into a physical fight, that would make sense.

But then if you’re a girl, what the hell are you going to do? Go up to that dastardly Chad Thundercock and physically fight him? That makes no sense, so you’re like “I have to fight tooth and nail for this, otherwise I don’t stand a chance”. Or you could just bitch and moan on Twitter/tumblr, that’s a lot less actual work.
 
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Tanti-Fanti said:
That's another thing that gets me too. A lot of these lesbians on Tumblr clearly have mental issues, but they seem to REFUSE to deal with them outside of the internet. Places like Tumblr (and everything else really) on the internet are the worst support simply because instead of there being groups for people to confide in, it becomes a competition for who is the most oppressed and who has it the worst.

Really, the only online thing you need for your mental illness is research on your condition, professional help, and meds if needed. Good research too. Not Nu-Age bullshit. Lesbians who are this mentally ill should not be on the internet. You see it all the time with people claiming how tired they are about all the hate they get online and I'm like, "just turn off the computer?" Is it that hard to take some responsibility and develop a hobby? Hell, that could even lead you to meeting new people and possibly a girlfriend!


But no. Just they sink further into the abyss and amalgamate with others who share their shitty ideals.
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There's a word for those types of communities.

They're called crab buckets.
 
scathefire said:
But then if you’re a girl, what the hell are you going to do? Go up to that dastardly Chad Thundercock and physically fight him?
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Only if you want to be dating him. Chad Thundercock loves strong women that aren't afraid to fight for what they want and believe. Lesbian or not, you only go toe to toe with Chad when you want the greatest dicking of your life.

But I don't see why, at least if you're a lesbian, they feel like there is competition with men. Ideally a lesbian would seek a relationship with another lesbian and the only time they'd need to worry about a dude in the picture is if the girl they pursue is bisexual. I feel like they are using the "competition with men" thing as an excuse to write off bisexuals and then complain about them not wanting to slam some clam. I think it's less "competition with men" and more they are pushing potential partners away with their over aggressive bullshit and defeatist attitudes.

EDIT: In other words these lesbian femcels are exhibiting a lot of "toxic masculinity" :story:
 
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