My 600 pound Life - literal and figurative cows.

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Jesus Christ I'm finishing the Assanti Bros. Part 2 now.
This guy is a total piece of shit. I'm not going to e-diagnose him, but I'm almost getting a sociopath vibe. He also reminds me of Phil and has comparable rat teeth.

Did anyone else laugh when he fell out of the golf cart?

Thing is, when I saw him I thought he looked awfully familiar. Turns out he was on Dr. Phil years ago under his middle name, John. Dr. Phil was hosting a 'house of hate' where a bunch of tools with hate issues (one hated gays, one hated whites, etc) and put them all together so everyone started out hating each other for some bullshit reason. He was there because he 'hated skinny people' (his foil was some skinny athletic chick who hated fatties). The point of the shows were to teach these people to be less judgmental and awful (I suggest finding the clip where they literally paint the white guy black and give him a black man hair wig). Shocker, Steven just wanted attention or to get help losing weight or some shit and Phil actually called him on his BS.

Apparently he wouldn't help with chores and wouldn't shower so he stank up the place.
 
God, watching the Assanti part two is bad for my mental health. Trying to resist a-logging but I just want this guy dead, death is the only happy ending possible. He's is a giant maggot.
 
Dr.Research said:
Did anyone else laugh when he fell out of the golf cart?
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Me and my friend did.

We were also surprised he wasn't actually injured, because it drew comparisons to Boogie2988's accident (and mind you he's lighter than FatBoyGetDown), which led us to conclude that his blubber combined with falling on grass instead of parking lot probably softened the blow to his ass. This is of course, assuming he didn't set up that fall.

But it was still funny as hell.
 
anyone want to give me a rundown of the lulziest episodes? I'm watching penny right now. waiting til part two of the brothers show up on the internet.

episodes with people who just won't stand the fuck up are my favorites. the tantrum baby episodes.
 
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resonancer said:
anyone want to give me a rundown of the lulziest episodes? I'm watching penny right now. waiting til part two of the brothers show up on the internet.

episodes with people who just won't stand the fuck up are my favorites. the tantrum baby episodes.
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Part 1:
-Steven is about 800 pounds, give or take a little.
-He got kicked out of a Rhode Island hospital for ordering pizza.
-Dr. Now agrees to treat him. He gets hauled to Texas in an RV (not even a van). He breaks the bed, needs to be propped up on cinder blocks. IIRC the back of the RV scraped because of all the weight in the back.
-Eventually Steven is admitted to the hospital, but is kicked out because he verbally abuses the staff, demands pain meds every 10 minutes and is a general ass. He lost about 100 pounds. Dr. Now had to call his daddy to pick him up.
-His dad buys him a new apartment and he gets a home health aid that actually wants to help.
-He threatens his dad in RI to order him pizza.
-He eventually goes back to Dr. Now and gained the weight back.

Throughout the episode he has this shit eating grin when he tries to smooth talk and manipulate people. There's also some about his almost as fat neckbeard brother who whines about how much he hates his brother and how he's better off because he can walk. He also went to Texas and got nutrition advice from Dr. Now but doesn't follow through.

I might be missing a few highlights but that's the basic rundown.

EDIT: Sorry, I misunderstood your post. I thought you wanted a recap of Assanti Part 1.
 
I did enjoy Dr. No doing something totally new at the end of the Assanti's episode, the mirror of shame. Making the super fatty stare at himself in the mirror and be like "look at you you gross ass motherfucker, look at that shit real good. You are repulsiveness made flesh." Assanti makes Baron Harkonnen look sexy and slim in comparison.

Also, LOL, at his brother opening up a "hobby shop" dude should totally embrace his spirit animal the Simpson's Comic Book Guy and just make being the most stereotypical super obese NEET ever a marketing gimmick for his sad little store. Extra points for getting taken to work in a wheelbarrow by his daddy.

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For a bit I actually felt sorry for the Assanti's father, the I realized he is as exceptional as his sons and should probably chop his dick off to ensure he doesn't poison the world with anymore super obese leeches. Siring the world's most disgusting, exceptional fat man should mark him with some sort of scarlet letter for life. At least the mother was smart enough to drink herself to death after seeing what their union had produced.
 
Steven falling off the golf cart will probably go down as the highlight of the season, but my favorite segment was when he was pulling out his hair. The giant bald patch, Dr. No telling him he's a weirdo and to knock it off, poor Princess sweeping up the hair clump. It was almost surreal.
 
Finally watched it. That shit was so rage inducing but me and @wagglyplacebo were wheezing with laughter when Dr. Now put him in front of the mirror. That shit was so harsh lmfao.
 
are they literally too fat for clothes? why are all these morbidly obese people lying around half nude all the time. Or does the camera crew only show up to film when these hambeasts are undressed for cleaning/medical assessment.

also why don't they just surgically remove all the fat or do turbo-lipo or something more extreme and invasive than gastric lapband surgery.
 
millais said:
are they literally too fat for clothes? why are all these morbidly obese people lying around half nude all the time. Or does the camera crew only show up to film when these hambeasts are undressed for cleaning/medical assessment.

also why don't they just surgically remove all the fat or do turbo-lipo or something more extreme and invasive than gastric lapband surgery.
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Yes, they are too fat for clothes. Steve Assanti is example #1 also I think it's such a struggle to take clothes on or off (if they can even find ones that fit) that they just give up. They do shit and piss in the bed after all.

They can't remove fat like that via lipo. Lipo is for small pockets of fat, not tons of it. Lipo takes a pound or two of targeted fat off - these people's entire bodies are covered in 100's of pounds of the shit. Once they lose hundreds of pounds they then have to get "skin surgery" because they have so much excess skin left over from losing weight. Loose skin can be removed, large rolls of fat cannot.
 
MirnaMinkoff said:
Yes, they are too fat for clothes. Steve Assanti is example #1 also I think it's such a struggle to take clothes on or off (if they can even find ones that fit) that they just give up. They do shit and piss in the bed after all.
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Clothes for the morbidly obese are also more expensive than regular clothes. If you're on welfare and blowing all your money on food there's not much left to buy XXXXXXXXXL shirts and pants.
 
nonnewtonian said:
Clothes for the morbidly obese are also more expensive than regular clothes. If you're on welfare and blowing all your money on food there's not much left to buy XXXXXXXXXL shirts and pants.
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I'm surprised no one has made velcro tarps for these things.

If there was a helicopter big enough to drop Steven out of, someone should have by now.
 
millais said:
meh, for every Steven, you could be dropping 7-8 commies, depending on how long they've been on hunger strike.
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Drop Steven on commies. Two for one, crush as many people as his mass and the resulting shockwave would take out, also get rid of Steven.
 
Dr.Research said:
Part 1:
-Steven is about 800 pounds, give or take a little.
-He got kicked out of a Rhode Island hospital for ordering pizza.
-Dr. Now agrees to treat him. He gets hauled to Texas in an RV (not even a van). He breaks the bed, needs to be propped up on cinder blocks. IIRC the back of the RV scraped because of all the weight in the back.
-Eventually Steven is admitted to the hospital, but is kicked out because he verbally abuses the staff, demands pain meds every 10 minutes and is a general ass. He lost about 100 pounds. Dr. Now had to call his daddy to pick him up.
-His dad buys him a new apartment and he gets a home health aid that actually wants to help.
-He threatens his dad in RI to order him pizza.
-He eventually goes back to Dr. Now and gained the weight back.

Throughout the episode he has this shit eating grin when he tries to smooth talk and manipulate people. There's also some about his almost as fat neckbeard brother who whines about how much he hates his brother and how he's better off because he can walk. He also went to Texas and got nutrition advice from Dr. Now but doesn't follow through.

I might be missing a few highlights but that's the basic rundown.

EDIT: Sorry, I misunderstood your post. I thought you wanted a recap of Assanti Part 1.
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not what I was after but informative as hell anyway! haha
 
Dr.Research said:
Did anyone else laugh when he fell out of the golf cart?

.
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Um. Of course! Who didn't laugh? I laughed because it was painfully obvious (if you'll pardon the pun) that he planned that little stunt. You can see him start to wiggle himself lower and lower on the seat and when they go up that curb, he stops holding on and flings himself on the ground. The screaming and crying was all kinds of uncomfortable.
Disgruntled Pupper said:
Steven falling off the golfpoin t will probably go down as the highlight of the season, but my favorite segment was when he was pulling out his hair. The giant bald patch, Dr. No telling him he's a weirdo and to knock it off, poor Princess sweeping up the hair clump. It was almost surreal.
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I wanted to punch him in the fucking nuts when he claimed his pain was a 9/10. For real? I've watched people pass babies and kidney stones and they'll say it's a 8, but this smiling, manipulative mother fucker is claiming a nine? I know pain is subjective but if you tell me you're a 9, there'd better be tears. I love how the fire department was like, "WtF did we just walk into?" When Dr. Now pulled out that drug print out, I was happy dancing. I was hoping that there'd be a cop in the room instead of a mirror.
 
Lackadaisy said:
Anyone have a link to part 2? I really want to see Steven fall off of a golf cart.
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He takes his spill at 1:00:02. But watch the whole episode, it really spells out how much of a massive cunt he is.
 
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