Musical LOLcows

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Crystal Golem said:
Kristin Lems is like every cliche of an elderly hippie wine aunt thrown into a blender. As far as I can tell she's been producing aggressively bland bullshit since the 70s. However what really makes her shine in this context is that her songs are so heavy in political and social sentiments they come off as straight up parodies. Have a listen to some of these bangers and see for yourself.
https://youtube.com/watch?v=1UpQUhRVJUohttps://youtube.com/watch?v=YSP3Lglmilohttps://youtube.com/watch?v=IEz3gMkTuks
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She's like the feminist equivalent of legendary Leftie nagger/bore Ray Korona.
 
PurpleSquirrel said:
She's like the feminist equivalent of legendary Leftie nagger/bore Ray Korona.
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It's nt even the preachy tone that gets me with these types. They've been playing the same five songs for like 40 years now. How do you not get bored?

"90s kids" and i-roc driving mullet wearers get shit for living in the past but at least they aren't trying to relive 1968 for the rest of their lives.
 
Would Nina Simone count? She was (I think) bipolar and pulled a knife on someone because they made too much noise during a rehearsal.
 
A few years ago Joe Lynn Turner went full retard. Married some trophy from Belarus younger than his adult daughter. Moved halfway across the world with her. Started howling on in interviews about the glories of Putin and Lukashenko and how uncultured and stupid Western people allegedly were. Alienated what little fanbase he had left and wound up singing weddings over there pushing age 70. Still bitterly continues to blame Ritchie Blackmore for borking his career.

I wonder if recent events in the Ukraine have finally wiped the smirk off his face? Wonder if he had to beg his daughter for a flight back home to Hackensack yet?
 
Tragi-Chan said:
I can't access YouTube from here, but L. Ron Hubbard.

Basically, as you probably know, L. Ron Hubbard was a science fiction author turned religious guru with the founding of the Church of Scientology, and is generally regarded as a conman. He was also extremely self-promoting and had a tendency to lie outrageously about his achievements. That was all very well at first, but as he got older he started to believe his own publicity, that he was capable of basically anything he put his mind to. At this point, he was surrounded by cultists who didn't dare to say, "No, Ron, you know nothing about music and you sing like gas being expelled from a corpse!" The result was an album called Space Jazz, which is shall we say unique.
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This LRH track is especially hard to take:

 
I'll just repost what I said in another thread.
Juan But Not Forgotten said:
Oh, boy, if I have something for you. Imagine more crazy, less coherent and bumfuck poor Elliott Roger, who stalks women and jerks off in shit. Now imagine that he has somewhere around three self-produced albums in a genre of doom/folk metal/grindcore/music by mentally ill people.

Too bad that he is russian, but I'll try to give you the idea of what his songs are about.

FOLMOR

fuck i would fondle her ass all my youth this is not fucking ok i've fucked up
youtth fucking wasted only jerked off and suffered rotted while their cunt were blooming
take off your panties give me your cunt sit on my bushes and give me a ride
fuck me gently Dasha like I am your Sergey and when I fall asleep then kill me
yes death for sex this is how it should be into the darkness fuck right when you get what you dreamed
overjoy to drop so i would lose to you in the end after all

Folmor.mp4

Another one, it is called Cult of Shit, so you know you are in for a ride.
i dont believe that women cum in porn at all
i dont like when i am being schmoozed
but i truly believe that in scat porn shit is real
and i am happy that i am not the only shiteater here

and someone too eats shit
i figured out long time ago
drinks urine instead of juice
maybe there is a restaurant in this world with brown food

i would give everything even liver and nails of mine
to travel here and eat different turds
doubt that negros work there since someone can bite off their finger or arm

let there be cult of shit forever
the essence of which is one -
to eat only shit
to tell that way that nothing really matters anyway

to tell that doesn't matter
if you eat food or shit
when you were pointlessly born
on this fucking earth, fucking shit

let there be cult of shit forever
will fill my stomach with shit to the top
let christ to look here
how i pour on bread and wine my diarea
https://youtube.com/watch?v=U_2hwFZI6R0
This one was on his bandcamp that is purged at the moment, so enjoy lyrics only.
one autumn morning right here on a square waiting for that lassie
soon i saw her going... cherry cheeks and skin like a snow
tell her, girl, oh, girl, aren't you the one who i persuaded one time
to let me hug you for free or for money?
yes, young man, i am the one
who you begged so hard to let you hug

girl oh girl can i walk beside you
just when you are going and nothing more?
her eyes told me
"yes but u ll get in trouble"

how i was going home nearly crying
throogh the park where the mountains are visible
mountains were covered in snow
even though day ago i thought it was summer at ol

Another one.
night was calm and skies were full of stars
to sleepy park i went to take a shit at some bushed
that was day or two before i got sent to looney bin

at that time my fate was being decided
i would be freed from all the burdns
hawever, as i'll find out later, this would cost my tears
cuz i will take enough loneliness
and my nest won't have any comfort
and my dreams of girls will be hellish

Another one, really bad grammar.
darck night flyies over myne lands
lassie moans in a feigned argasm
but mai bloo eyes dreep with sorrow
cuz is shitty to me that youth is passing irrevocably

two streams murmur to each other
moon alon in the clouds is flowing
songbirds in the grove are singing, they are always ok
tiger... screams on crossroads.. someones nomber somewhere is up

wolf on a moontain hawls lonely
and cats in bushes growl in a sin
inshort, everyone who isn't asleep naw
they either fuck or feeling shitty

no fucking way i'll get used to this shit
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  • DMX. Fucked his career up during its prime, never recovered. Tried to recover but kept ending up in jail.
  • RATM. Do I really need to say why? De La Rocha and Morello both need to be sent on a one-way ticket to North Korea.
  • Snoop Dogg. Just mentioned it in another thread, but he bought out Death Row Records and started issuing EVERYTHING as an NFT. Also the whole "Snoop Lion" arc, along with the fake Jamaican accent. Also how he keeps making up bullshit in regards to Tupac's final days.
  • Sting. Seriously, just read the personal anecdotes of anyone who had the displeasure of working with him, particularly his two Police bandmates.
 
I read up on Don Van Vliet/Captain Beefheart and honestly he was the biggest musical cow I can think of. He bragged about being in TV shows as a 9 year old, being taught sculpting by a famous, talented Portuguese sculptor, Agostinho Rodrigues. Not only he wasn't that famous, those shows were never found. He beat the shit out of both his drummer and guitarist, threw the drummer into a dumpster and the guitarist down a staircase. He was jealous of Frank Zappa and fucked up their association together. Got his first guitarist to quit by falling off the stage mid-concert because he saw a woman turn into a goldfish. Said he had five octaves of range and could shatter glass. Lived the rest of his life painting in the desert as a recluse.
ClownBrew said:
A few years ago Joe Lynn Turner went full retard. Married some trophy from Belarus younger than his adult daughter. Moved halfway across the world with her. Started howling on in interviews about the glories of Putin and Lukashenko and how uncultured and stupid Western people allegedly were. Alienated what little fanbase he had left and wound up singing weddings over there pushing age 70. Still bitterly continues to blame Ritchie Blackmore for borking his career.

I wonder if recent events in the Ukraine have finally wiped the smirk off his face? Wonder if he had to beg his daughter for a flight back home to Hackensack yet?
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I know you don't swing by anymore but if you ever see this, Joe Lynn Turner admitted he was bald his whole life, has alopecia, and has always worn wigs. Even during the 1980's.
Dysnomia said:
I think I mentioned former Kiss and Invasion guitarist Vinnie Vincent before. There are rumors that he has already transitioned. And he certainly looks like an old chunky lady now. But I came across an article about his behavior at the 1996 European Kiss Expo that cements his mental illness pretty well. Not as bad as keeping his dead dogs in plastic containers in his house because he missed them or being an animal hoarder in general. But it shows his paranoia and illusions of grandeur.
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I want everyone's attention on this particular specimen. If any of you have ever been to KissFAQ.com, it might surprise you to know that they have a proto-kiwi understanding of lolcowdom and continually archive and report on Vinnie's shenanigans. If I wasn't a lazy bastard and more invested I'd try making a thread on his decades long string of autism, but interestingly, Vinnie Vincent has been performing recently again.

In a group of a few dozen facebook followers, he usually makes them pay exorbitant sums of money for "concerts" in hotels where he gets a bunch of sycophants to arrange food and other things for him, and they come to listen to his disgustingly fucked up arthritis riddled shredding. From these meetings/concerts/gay orgies a bunch of memes have risen among this specific group of proto-kiwis, including making fun of the pinwheels and soup that a female concertgoer brought to eat. Most recently, Vinnie has paywalled the group to a sum of 200 or 400 dollars, and his poor mentally ill fans, which include a tranny for those who might want potential sideshows, have been reduced even further in number. Also, he has a bunch of sockpuppets in order to blow smoke up his own ass.

I know this because I'm there by coincidence lurking threads about Paul Stanley, my other favorite obscure lolcow. Generally every member of KISS that isn't Gene Simmons, Peter Criss, or irrelevant glam era members give great milk.
 
I'm surprised the Prophet Sunboy doesn't have his own thread. I want to know more about his dark past.

 
Xolanite said:
Would Nina Simone count? She was (I think) bipolar and pulled a knife on someone because they made too much noise during a rehearsal.
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Charles Mingus is kinda in that territory as well, infamously violent outbursts from what I remember
 
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