💀 Horrorcow Lucas Werner - A man of Spokane, Washington who is obsessed with millennial and Gen Z chicks
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That's less than $6000 per person per year.The finest schizobabble Spokane can offer
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- Aug 17, 2019
He’s trying way too hard to sound smart with the multiverse theory shit. It’s so easy to explain without writing dumb schizo essays. Infinite parallel universes would contain infinite possibilities. Any average person could understand the basic concept.
Knowing about multiverse theory is not impressive, Lucas. They reference it in marvel movies. It’s literal pop-science.
Knowing about multiverse theory is not impressive, Lucas. They reference it in marvel movies. It’s literal pop-science.
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The phrase "Brevity is the soul of wit" is lost on Lucas. He thinks he's plenty good if he can parrot a bunch of words and concepts he doesn't understand without ever making whatever fucking point he's trying to get across. I'm super curious what his answer would be if a therapist, or the like, were to ask him what he thinks that phrase means. He'd legitimately get frustrated as he tries his damnedest to wrap his brain around it and would probably somehow turn it into something about bigots and zoomer baes.
Anywho
More of the stereotypical screeching you'd expect from a schizofrenic rambling alone on the sidewalk
Comments from the cheese post. I don't think the zoomer baes are gonna bite TBH.
No new Tiktoks, but pulled these from his comments. Lucas, with his undying love to science, doesn't understand why women aren't fond of the term 'mate'. Doubly so when it comes from him because it very clearly bemoans his intent and how he views women.
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- Aug 17, 2019
Don’t be so sure. That’s way more positive engagement than he usually gets. Cheesemaxxing could be the winning strategy he’s been searching for.
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- Feb 1, 2020
Oh. Food is the best approach Lucas could take by farrrrrr. It's the only subject that can possibly hold his attention for a conversation extending beyond the initial greeting .He usually fails at the next step after the greeting. Hence why, one of the many reasons, he's never really thought through what happens after "Hi, I'm Lucas. Can I buy you a drink?". Though he's never had to think what comes after that miraculous game he spits since I doubt he's ever actually tried it. I'm convinced the only way he's ever interacted with unfamiliar women is by dropping them creepy lovenotes about his telomeres.
I'll pretend we live in one of Lucas's alternate realities for a moment, where Lucas isn't afraid of talking to people IRL, somehow strikes up a conversation with a zoomer bae, and she doesn't flee in terror as he approach her. Lucas would still have to figure out how to hold a conversation. Food might be good enough to get him past the initial stage of conversation and open up a bit, but for how long until he goes off on some completely unrelated schizo tangent? Or, like he did in that post, start talking about bizarre shit like farts tearing skin off someone? I imagine not long, LOL. One of the greatest crimes Lucas has committed is robbing us from being able to frequently observe how he manages social interaction. From complete randos to people like John 'MEGA' Longcock and 'Vivacious' Victoria the zoomer, watching him with other people would be like National Geographic.
That being said. Absolutely. Cheesemaxxing is Lucas's best chance because every other strategy is completely deranged and/or creepy.
Now back to the Werntent!
More schizo rambling, but the pizza one is great. I'm pretty sure his fractured mind compelled him to mention pizza, LOL.
Jesus schizofrenic Christ. More evidence the multiversal mooing is all one big cope that Lucas is fucking zoomer baes in other realities. Hopefully the voices on the wind get into his ear and get him on a tangent about him (or black dudes, I don't really care) fucking Myrna.
Oh man. I see a path where people start fucking with Lucas by repeating he hates Gen Z. Feels like he's primed and ripe for it, and it doesn't take much. Just commenters frequently telling him or asking him why he's so against Zoomers without expanding on anything beyond that. I can visualize the angry moos which'd ensure. Either way, everyone knows he hates anyone who doesn't give him exactly what he wants right now right now right now right now.
LOL. God bless Tiktok zoomers and God bless Lucas's comments.
Edit: More schizo
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- Jun 5, 2020
Give the man some credit, he got an 86% on remedial math when he went to college to meet chicks.
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Simpler, happier times. Back when Lucas attempting to lure millennial baes with board games on a couch in the school hallway while wearing Batman pajamas. When he changed his major every time he encountered a difficult class. Where he'd pretend he changed it because he became interested in something new, and the master manipulator figured no one would notice it was simply due to him being massive fucking retard with a defective brain. Although I doubt he ever formally did, nor would it even matter when you're enrolled in 0-level course.
What's hilarious is that Lucas was attending a fucking community college. There is a 0% chance he knew he wouldn't be able to get the necessary degree from that school. That'd he eventually have to go elsewhere and transfer credits. 0%. He absolutely thought 'After I graduate here, I'll immediately go be a Doctor of Telomeres or be the next Stephen Hawking and pick up my Nobel Prize'. Imagine being a counselor and this sped, who's at least 10 years older than everyone named Lucas Werner, explains to you what he wants to do. Then you try to get him in the most applicable program because you're at a fucking community college and this retard keeps talking about bigots, telomeres, and millennials. Oh to be a fly on that wall. Again
Simpler, happier times.
Anywho, let's see what ol' boy is up to today!
I see....Dr. Nigga is very smart.
Random reply to himself on one of his posts. I kinda doubt there was a reply from someone else and he deleted it, so I choose to believe he's replying to the voices on the wind.
Oh boy. 'Werner's Interpretation of an Infinite Probabilitive Rip'
Next up? His time machine!
Moo moo moo
LOL. Kinda hoping Lucas is posting his mumbo jumbo in some Facebook group and that's the response he's receiving.
Looks like theism and Christian mooing is slowly creeping in
Moo moo moo
LOL. This is absolutely why Lucas is so hung up on alternate universes right now. I'm not sure how much good it does for this universe's Lucas though.
Moo moo moo
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- Aug 17, 2019
“Werner’s Law: If everything exists, that means you aren’t in a universe where a future event erases the entire past from existence.”
Oh boy. 'Werner's Interpretation of an Infinite Probabilitive Rip'
Wow, thank you Lucas. One of my greatest fears was that some madman in the future would invent a time-bomb that destroys the past, but thanks to you I now realize if that were the case it would’ve happened already. Cutting edge theoretical physics here, folks. You’re witnessing the modern Newton at work.
Right lmao the first time I heard of the multiverse theory I was a kid and heard about it on fucking Family Guy.
WonderWino
kiwifarms.net
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Lucas is hyperfocused on the idea that there is some universe where he has everything he wants, which aside from ignoring that such a universe is irrelevant to whats happening to this universes lucas, he is forgetting that if all these infinite possibilities are a thing, it also must mean there are universes where cyril strangled him to death sometime in 1999 and dumped his body for pissing him off one too many times, another where he got busted getting rawdogged by jason perva, yet another where dan campbell beat his ass and multiple universes where he is doing prison time for all the pedo shit he did
and most importantly, there would be at least one where lucas either never got his retard pension and froze to death in the street after returning from his trip to LA
Plus there would have to be a universe where king roy and myrna are active members of this thread and constantly dishing on lucas's history, constantly enraging him
and lets not forget the inevitable universe where somebody retweeted lucas's toasterbortions to gordon ramsay, leading to gordon going mad with horror and flying down to lucas's fartbox to hold his head in a bowl of his own food abomination until he smothered to death, to spare the culinary world from lucas's food
and most importantly, there would be at least one where lucas either never got his retard pension and froze to death in the street after returning from his trip to LA
Plus there would have to be a universe where king roy and myrna are active members of this thread and constantly dishing on lucas's history, constantly enraging him
and lets not forget the inevitable universe where somebody retweeted lucas's toasterbortions to gordon ramsay, leading to gordon going mad with horror and flying down to lucas's fartbox to hold his head in a bowl of his own food abomination until he smothered to death, to spare the culinary world from lucas's food
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- Feb 1, 2020
Hopefully the voices on the wind will start getting in his ear about all the alternate universes that don't involve him fucking zoomers or Zendaya. Lulz will be had once those thoughts start creeping in.
A relatively quiet day in this Werniverse
The schizoscience mooing continues
Ofc, he wouldn't be Lucas if he didn't randomly interject food into the conversation every now and then.
Someone should pop Lucas with one of his go-to responses. "Where is your evidence?".
I also didn't realize they'd throw you in jail for like 8 years or w/e for giving a minor a creepy letter about wanting them to have your telomeres. What does he think the charge would be? LOL
Nah. How about you call the police and ask? The only chance any of them would remember would be the fact you're memorable as the old, fat, schizofrenic guy from Spokane who keeps talking about telomeres and wants to fuck young women. As notable as that may be, the average person laughed at the situation and moved on. I somewhat doubt there'd even be any police records unless there notes were stored in a random drawer that no one ever looks at.
Who are we supposed to believe? A journalist who wrote a local news story about the deranged schizofrenic that was kicked out of Starbucks for giving a young lady a creepy attraction letter informing her about your telomeric intent, or the deranged schizofrenic who lives in a nursing home and is obsessed with young ladies?
LOL. Unironically spoken like a boomer. "Those damn zoomers and their entitlement!!! Why won't they let me fist them under a bridge???" It's clear now more than ever that it's clearly an age thing, and not a generational thing.
What's even more zany is his target woman is an 18 (actually 14) year old woman with a high-paying job whose life revolves around Lucas and DTF (down to fist) at all times of the day. Like nigga, you'd have trouble enough finding a woman without all your retardedly incompatible requirements. Why do you think these women even exist???
The zoomers aren't buying it either.
Some comments from his Zendaya post, LOL.
WonderWino
kiwifarms.net
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'An article wrongfully said' huh lucas. Wrongfully according to who exactly? and notice he is trying to frame this as one article not a bunch in multiple countries and several actual news reports. Also note that he's entirely ignoring the fact that starbucks confirmed she was a minor and so did she. But lucas can't claim they're lying quite so easily so he lies by omission and deliberately leaves those facts out, hoping people aren't familiar enough with the incident to call him on it
As stupid as journos are they're not stupid enough to put out something that blatantly defamatory cause they'd get in shit with their employer and somebody would be risking getting sued. Aside from that, it wasn't 'an article' it was multiple media outlets including several news reports and articles flat out saying she was a teenager and 16. It was also starbucks itself commenting on the incident confirming she was a teenager as well as the girl herself at least once. Lucas is literally trying to gaslight everybody into thinking that starbucks, the media and the girl herself entered into some kind of conspiracy to lie about him and call him a creep. Its absurdly manipulative
Lucas is a fucking idiot. The only reason the police were even called was specifically because she was a minor. They did it because it was starbucks corporate policy to call the cops and have them give the person a warning when somebody gets creepy with a minor employee. If she had been 23 the cops would not have been involved at all unless he got pissy at being kicked out and needed to be trespassed
People do not make international news for passing a note to 23 year old baristas or hitting on them. That happens all the time in service based jobs like that
Nobody, anywhere at any point has ever claimed that the starbucks barista was 23 except for lucas himself. Its also the exact same claim he made about mia when he got busted, despite being repeatedly told she was 16
Lets not forget lucas himself made at least two videos where he explicitly admitted the barista was 16 and justified it as it totally being legal cause of the age of consent for WA, which he also blatantly lied about (and we know he knew it was a lie and did it deliberately, probably to try to use as an excuse if he ever got busted for something, because he always used the exact same provenly incorrect source every time someone brought it up as proof he totally did nothing wrong and refused to accept any other source)
Lucas's claim of 'if she was 16 I would have gone to prison for it' is absurd and makes him sound like a nutcase and a liar. As creepy as it is to hit on a 16 year old barista, its not actually a crime at that point unless that note happened to be an attempt at soliciting cp from her, which it was not (not that lucas doesn't have a history of doing that as well with at least one 17 year old in VA) Even lucas knows what he's saying here isn't true, its just a moronic attempt to manipulate people by pulling the 'if I didn't do anything wrong why am I not in jail?' routine that idiots use, both as a nonsensical gotcha and to try to steer the conversation away from the blatantly obvious truth that while it was not actually illegal to do what he did, it was an incredibly creepy thing to do and thats why he made fucking international news for it. Why? Because lucas doesn't have an excuse that justifies behaving in a creepy manner beyond calling everyone a bigot and he knows it
I'll say it again the incident would have never made the news at all if she wasn't a minor. That would not make sense as there would have been no reason to do a report on it. This simple fact completely eludes lucas's understanding
But no, of course in wern world everything is a conspiracy against him and every time he's called out for his behavior its always somebody lying or trying to gaslight everybody. He talks like a domestic abuser. Daily reminder that this is the same person who creeps around the local college campus taking and posting pictures of random groups of students studying together and publicly spazzes out about them while accusing them of having orgies together and being greedy and dangerous to the public in doing so during covid. Definitely the kind of person you can totally trust his word about on these kinds of situations
That said, fuck the starbucks incident, i'd like to see him explain the grooming the 15 year old with the burrito so she would date him when she was legal incident, which is textbook felony grooming of a minor under WA state law and the soliciting cp from that 17 year old in VA even after being repeatedly told he was committing a crime because she was a minor BY HER
No journos were involved in those incidents and lucas himself admitted to the burrito incident several times, further incriminating himself. The only reason he's not in prison for those incidents is because neither girl reported him for his actions
As stupid as journos are they're not stupid enough to put out something that blatantly defamatory cause they'd get in shit with their employer and somebody would be risking getting sued. Aside from that, it wasn't 'an article' it was multiple media outlets including several news reports and articles flat out saying she was a teenager and 16. It was also starbucks itself commenting on the incident confirming she was a teenager as well as the girl herself at least once. Lucas is literally trying to gaslight everybody into thinking that starbucks, the media and the girl herself entered into some kind of conspiracy to lie about him and call him a creep. Its absurdly manipulative
Lucas is a fucking idiot. The only reason the police were even called was specifically because she was a minor. They did it because it was starbucks corporate policy to call the cops and have them give the person a warning when somebody gets creepy with a minor employee. If she had been 23 the cops would not have been involved at all unless he got pissy at being kicked out and needed to be trespassed
People do not make international news for passing a note to 23 year old baristas or hitting on them. That happens all the time in service based jobs like that
Nobody, anywhere at any point has ever claimed that the starbucks barista was 23 except for lucas himself. Its also the exact same claim he made about mia when he got busted, despite being repeatedly told she was 16
Lets not forget lucas himself made at least two videos where he explicitly admitted the barista was 16 and justified it as it totally being legal cause of the age of consent for WA, which he also blatantly lied about (and we know he knew it was a lie and did it deliberately, probably to try to use as an excuse if he ever got busted for something, because he always used the exact same provenly incorrect source every time someone brought it up as proof he totally did nothing wrong and refused to accept any other source)
Lucas's claim of 'if she was 16 I would have gone to prison for it' is absurd and makes him sound like a nutcase and a liar. As creepy as it is to hit on a 16 year old barista, its not actually a crime at that point unless that note happened to be an attempt at soliciting cp from her, which it was not (not that lucas doesn't have a history of doing that as well with at least one 17 year old in VA) Even lucas knows what he's saying here isn't true, its just a moronic attempt to manipulate people by pulling the 'if I didn't do anything wrong why am I not in jail?' routine that idiots use, both as a nonsensical gotcha and to try to steer the conversation away from the blatantly obvious truth that while it was not actually illegal to do what he did, it was an incredibly creepy thing to do and thats why he made fucking international news for it. Why? Because lucas doesn't have an excuse that justifies behaving in a creepy manner beyond calling everyone a bigot and he knows it
I'll say it again the incident would have never made the news at all if she wasn't a minor. That would not make sense as there would have been no reason to do a report on it. This simple fact completely eludes lucas's understanding
But no, of course in wern world everything is a conspiracy against him and every time he's called out for his behavior its always somebody lying or trying to gaslight everybody. He talks like a domestic abuser. Daily reminder that this is the same person who creeps around the local college campus taking and posting pictures of random groups of students studying together and publicly spazzes out about them while accusing them of having orgies together and being greedy and dangerous to the public in doing so during covid. Definitely the kind of person you can totally trust his word about on these kinds of situations
That said, fuck the starbucks incident, i'd like to see him explain the grooming the 15 year old with the burrito so she would date him when she was legal incident, which is textbook felony grooming of a minor under WA state law and the soliciting cp from that 17 year old in VA even after being repeatedly told he was committing a crime because she was a minor BY HER
No journos were involved in those incidents and lucas himself admitted to the burrito incident several times, further incriminating himself. The only reason he's not in prison for those incidents is because neither girl reported him for his actions
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- Feb 1, 2020
I still wonder what happened to the attraction letter. It's a great shame that it never made it to the Internet, though it's almost certain to be identical to all his other attraction letters.
Speaking of conspiracy, looks like it all may have just been bad luck.
It all comes back to cheese.
The luck mooing may be a dark harbinger of things to come if the mania kicks in. It'd be perfectly in line for him to start throwing luck dust around with the hopes of a bewitched zoomer bae.
WonderWino
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Dec 17, 2019
Sometimes I wonder about that with him. I saw a study a few years ago on the effects of cheese on dogs brains and why they like it so much despite being lactose intolerant and as it turns out cheese has a similar physiological affect on the brains of dogs as cocaine does with humans. It makes me wonder if lucas's over the top cheese obsession is because his brain is all fucked up and has a similar reaction to it as dogs do. It would explain alotHackerX said:
It would also be hilariously ironic considering his admission that back when he was first committed to the nuthouse they had him so doped up that his mental capacity was reduced to the point of behaving like a pet dog, even to the point of pissing in bushes and coming when his name was called an a food related treat was offered
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- Feb 1, 2020
I mean there's probably some validity to it. His brain fundamentally doesn't work the same as a normal humans, and weed fucked his shit up even more causing certain neurons to fire which ought not be fired in a person. Lucas's concept of cheese is so far removed from our concept of cheese that it might as well be cocaine.
Now let's see what this universe's Wern was up to today.
This screed was under a post from yesterday. Notice he's not responding to anyone. He couldn't be any more of a stereotypical schizofrenic if he tried.
Ironic considering Lucas's struggle with identifying underlying patterns, behavioral patterns, day-to-day patterns, or just plain patterns.
Hopefully Lucas attempts to explain how all this mumbo jumbo explains how he's not a fat, schizofrenic, deranged hobo living in a nursing home, or why zoomer baes don't flock to him on command.
Comments from one of his recent TikTok posts. The zoomers aren't buying what he's selling.
Another set of comments. LOL.
Oh boy. Lucas cleverly thinking he's got one over on those Christian bigots. Unfortunately he's even more retarded than usual and forgot about this guy named God. Though Lucas struggles with abstract concepts anyways so it makes sense that part is invisible to him.
Lucas's violent tendencies are perking through. No idea what spawned this because I'm not tracking any atheist/Christian targeted murders recently? I love how he somehow makes shit up in his head and still defeats his own retarded point so effortlessly.
LOL. Is this Lucas's new gambit???
Way to complex of a question for Lucas. His mind went elsewhere at 'hypothetically'.
WonderWino
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