🎨 Artcow Iconoclast / Jonathan Mack Sweet - The Chris-Chan of Arkansas

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The snopes posts are pretty good.
Sweet said:
I would like to do a sociological experiment about female orgasms. I propose that if you give me twenty women of various races, religions, and social strata, a dorm room type setting, a TV, a VCR, and tapes of horror movies such as "The Exorcist", "Hannibal", "Friday the 13th", and "Nightmare on Elm Street", we could find a link between fear and arousal. If we observed each woman and how often she has an orgasm when scared, we could determine that (A) there is a link between the aforementioned factors and (b) which women are the most sexually receptive and uninhibited.

an intrepid bullshit spotter said:
Really now, how many women that you know orgasm spontaneously while watching horror movies?

So far, just this Catholic girl I dated. That's why this experiment came to mind. "The Exorcist" has a lot of religious imagery in it, and it really set her off. So are Catholics more prone to get off during that movie? Folllowing the religion/sex hypothesis, would a Jewish girl get off watching "Schindler's List?" One girl is an anomoly; several is a representative sample.
This is also why I don't take my dates to public theaters. I love horror movies and I don't want the usher throwing us out because she can't control herself.

Women are constantly orgasming in movie theaters and need to be thrown out. Guessing his bumfuck town doesn't actually have a movie theater.

Sweet said:
I had a rabbit beagle whose favorite treat was my used booger-covered tissue paper. Yummy.
:cryblood:

Sweet said:
It seems that our teens are caught in a rationalization frenzy inspired by our esteemed ex-President, and are engaging in more oral relations--reasoning that it's safe because it isn't real sex. Quicker than a fart after a heavy Mexican meal, the gonorrhea numbers across the Fruited Plain rose dramatically.

This one is pretty informative:
Sweet said:
Misty, I'm 25, single, and still trying to figure out what I want in a woman. For all I know *you* could be the one. I went to college for three years, had a relationship in each, and loved each one for vastly different attributes. One girl I dated for five months abruptly left me when I wanted to push things to that next level too soon. Another, whom I had been friends with through most of the previous affair, immediately upgraded to lover status, but left even sooner because it was a long-distance thing and she charged $300 on her phone bill in just a month talking to me. So here's my quandry: be with a woman who I'm not sure I have that much in common with who lives only 15 miles away, or go after a woman who's much better suited for me who lives 2000 miles away? Actually, she's engaged now and off-limits....but I'm repeating old patterns: I'm e-mailing a young woman who lives in CA also and who shares my interests, and I think I'm falling in love *again*. I hinted I could probably have feelings for a girl like her but never really used the "L" word.
Point being: whether one month, six months, or a year, if you can talk about your feelings, needs and wants with him and he doesn't run screaming for the door, he's a keeper. Listen to him, too. Don't use sex as a weapon. Don't overgeneralize or lump all men into preconcieved negative categories. Eat your vegetables.

"I think it's not just about the sex, but the dating in general. I'm just not a "dater"...maybe that's something that I'll have to change, but every guy I've ever even kissed was someone that I cared for to some extent. I've never dated...I've gone from completely single to having a boyfriend in a single bound."
I recall reading in another of our posts you've been with five lovers, which means you must get out *some*. Unless you mean that they never took you anywhere but the bed, in which case, it's little wonder you're disenchanted. I haven't dated much myself, being too busy with my studies in college, and not many girls want to be with a man who never takes his ladies further than the caf on campus. My studies were so time-consuming my second two relationships were conducted mainly by phone (maybe that's why I'm single; I'm a compulsive workaholic).
I want a woman with a healthy sex drive, yet one with a bit of mystery to her. A curious virgin? Possibly. Which is why this girl I've been e-mailing of late is so appealing to me.
In short (a) the most erogenous zone in a woman is her brain and (2) respect each other, and you have the foundation to a good amor.

This is one of my favorite threads on here, all this new information is great! Thanks again everyone.
 
The snopes posts are pretty good.






Women are constantly orgasming in movie theaters and need to be thrown out. Guessing his bumfuck town doesn't actually have a movie theater.


:cryblood:



This one is pretty informative:


This is one of my favorite threads on here, all this new information is great! Thanks again everyone.
Ok, that's ten different kinds of creepy. I wonder if Sweet has ever been slapped with a restraining order. Given how badly he misreads a situation (as he thought everyone enjoyed his "performances" in college), I wouldn't be surprised if he pursued a woman who told him to fuck right off, and he took that as her playing hard to get instead of at face value.
 
Last one for now, I promise. Sometimes Sweet likes to shill his works under his own name, and at other times he pretends to be an impartial third party: https://archive.is/33HlQ

What he gives away of the plot for Eve Bade Adam Eat sounds very special:

a story about a lawyer who meets a woman and falls in love with her--but he finds out she's lying about her past. It turned out that she's really this guy the lawyer got fired back when they were in college together, and his life kind of went down the toilet after that. So he had some weird brain-transplant sex change over in Europe almost 30 years ago and then came back to get revenge on the guy.

Here's Sweet complaining about cuts to a B-movie

you guys cut the skinny-dipping scene! That was one of the best parts, and it isn’t like you could see anything.

And here, Sweet has discovered another comic artist complaining about their work being compared to Sonichu, and decided to point out the ways in which he himself was superior to Chris-Chan:

I sympathize. I and my work have been likened to Chris-Chan and his twisted brainchild; I assure you, we are worlds apart. I realize my limitations, I went to a real University as opposed to a community college, and I wear clothes appropriate to my age and gender. Plus my writing and art are head and shoulders above Christian Chandler's. Sure, I'm not perfect, and never claimed to be. But compared to this fat fartknocker, hell, I'm damn near royalty.

So much milk in such a tiny package, there. Condensed milk, if you will.
 
Just a reminder to everyone that the real-life woman he claims is "Ashleigh" is the daughter of active members of a Baptist church. Nor are her parents rich, nor is her father an attorney.
 
Could it be that at first, in an effort to keep the peace, they moved him to different departments within the Herald due to complaints from the other staff members, and the way they explained it to him was that he was getting promoted?

Dreading that I might have to post a correction on my assertion that "Mr. Sweet was not repeatedly promoted at The Herald," I have double-checked this information.

Staffers at The Herald were hired on a probationary basis. After a few weeks to a month, they were removed from probationary status, assuming they were doing acceptable work. Mr. Sweet's mentor removed him from probationary status after this period had expired. This was not a promotion; he was never promoted and was never going to be promoted.

Also, a question from long ago in this thread: Was Mr. Sweet paid for his work at The Herald? Yes. A grand total of $35 for the entire semester. Highly remunerative when you consider that his subsequent work has generated tiny fractions of a penny per hour of effort.
 
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And Sweet tries to trollshield once again. In some ways, Chris is better than Sweet, in that he can drive, and is familiar with modern technology. I know Sweet wanders near his house looking for cans, but how often does he venture out of his decaying abode to actually do something? He never mentions going to see a movie, or helping shop for groceries, or doing anything to help his mother. I wonder how his other sibilings view him, but it seems apparent he's the black sheep.
 
And Sweet tries to trollshield once again. In some ways, Chris is better than Sweet, in that he can drive, and is familiar with modern technology. I know Sweet wanders near his house looking for cans, but how often does he venture out of his decaying abode to actually do something? He never mentions going to see a movie, or helping shop for groceries, or doing anything to help his mother. I wonder how his other sibilings view him, but it seems apparent he's the black sheep.


Chris would be more fun to hang out with. That really says something.
 
I never really watched Daria, and so can't confirm, but it seems that Jonichu - at least half-past-1997-vintage Jonichu - is basically a genderswapped Daria recolour.
No particular resemblance between Jonichu and Daria is apparent to me. Daria is ascerbic, intellectual, and deadpan. Jonichu is... I don't know. Goku-get-'em?

Iconoclast said:
Would a Jewish girl get off watching "Schindler's List?"
You know nothing, Jon Sweet.
 
Thoughts on "Spring Break in Hell," Jon's Daria fanfic:

The short version is that the protagonists of Daria end up in Jigaboo Junction, where Daria falls in love with Jonichu and everyone bemoans the town's abundance of black people. The climax of the story involves Jonichu's evil twin kidnapping Jane, and really isn't worth recounting. Jon dedicates this fanfic to his father, "God rest his soul."

Jonichu is introduced in a scene in which he beats up a black guy-- sorry, apprehends a "BLACK TOUGH"-- using a boomerang. Jon actually specifies that the characters usually represented as stick figures in his comics would be animated as such in this "episode." Later on, Jon writes that Jonichu's "muscular chest" gives his "boyish good looks a more manly appearance." I'm not sure how one would render a muscular chest on a stick figure.

Jonichu and Daria are immediately and visibly infatuated with one another, giving me vibes of Chris and Meg. Jane refers to them as "identicla twins seperated at birth," and numerous other characters echo this observation.

Daria and Jane are alternately casually racist and disdainful of racism. To wit, Jane deploys the word "nigger" without apparent irony, and then, later in the same passage, refers to another character as a "filthy mouthed racist." It's possible that, for Sweet, calling someone a "nigger" falls short of making one a racist.

Throughout the story, Sweet displays a thorough knowledge of the Daria canon, but badly mischaracterizes Daria and Jane all the same. (To wit, Daria-- a romantically inexperienced, antisocial and somewhat defensive character-- has sex with and discusses the possibility of having children with Jonichu after having known him for just a few days.)

Jon lists himself ahead of Daria's voice actress in the "credits."

There is an Italian character. His name is "Luigi." He cooks pizzas. His first line is, "Okay, piasanos! The pizza, she's-a comin' up hot and fresh-a!"

There is an Indian character. His name is "Habib." He runs a convenience store. His first line is, "Ah|! ... That is being an interesting look for you. But you are not having the legs for that skirt."

There is a black character. His name is "Mojo." He is a brutal street thug. His first line is, "Lo'd DEMI-JON, one'a yo' loyal followers done has returned f'um above. He wanna talk wif' you."

As you might expect, about 80 percent of the story is tedious, self-indulgent nonsense that I haven't summarized or excerpted here.

DARIA: Jigaboo Junction. ... There's something about that name I don't like.

JANE: That the town's name is a racial slur?

DARIA: No...not that.
JANE: Anyway, I'm sure that if we ask real nice, they might loan us a pair of jumper cables --if they're not using them to string up some nigger from the highest tree
JON: My super-sense just went off like a bad Mexican takeout dinner at three in the morning.
JON: I blame the liberal government that thinks they can raise our kids better than we can.

DARIA: Amen. (pause) God, it's weird. We only have a couple of blacks in Lawndale. Until I came here, I didn't know a town could have so many.
DARIA (continues): Anyway, MRS. SWEET, I find your town to be very-- uh -- interesting. Crowded, violent, dirty, and black.
BG MUSIC: ... with all the jigs around, loud, profanity-filled rap music would be apropos.
DEMI-JON: Well. I have trained you and your kind [i.e., black people] to be merciless, efficient killing machines, who strike in the dead of the night with swift, silent pecision in my name and leave no hint of your prescence but dead bodies and broken lives. But now I hear that you and one of your lowlife friends stole a car, robbed a liquor store, and got caught. In broad daylight, nonetheless.

I have to say, Sweet is sometimes rather good at capturing the texture of Daria's quippy dialogue, which makes the incongruously Sweetian additions to the story even more bizarre in effect.
 
Sweet probably likes Daria just because Beavis and Butt-Head call her "Diarrhea."
 
To the people researching his school, can someone confirm if he actually graduated or not?

Mr. Sweet has a B.A. in English from Arkansas State University. He spent one semester -- or part of one semester -- in grad school there as an English major before being expelled for being an unrepentant lunatic who flatly refused to cooperate fully when ordered to get a checkup from the neck up.

. . .

Had Sweet attended my university, he would have been dragged in for psych eval long before he could plagiarize anything and probably forced to live off campus if not expelled entirely. He would have gotten his ass handed to him by his dormmates repeatedly for disrupting meal time and special events.

You and I may have attended the same school.

During my time as an undergrad, I was aware of three people who showed up on campus exhibiting symptoms similar in type but milder in degree than Mr. Sweet's. Two of them were notorious for the excruciatingly embarrassing comedy routines they would regularly perform outside the student union and in the dining hall. The other was best-known for sitting in the student union and fixing his creepy gaze on every remotely attractive woman who walked by. Not one of them made it to the end of his first semester, although the creepy gazer (known to all as The Man in Black because of his unvarying attire) resisted being expelled -- perhaps motivated by the scrumptious buffet-style food in the cafeteria? -- to the point that he handcuffed himself to the bed in his dorm room when the campus police showed up to escort him from the campus. (Yes, he kept handcuffs in his dorm room.)

If Mr. Sweet sperged out in the dining hall or his dorm, he would have been told -- very, very pointedly by guys with large, gristly fists -- to stop. If he didn't, there would have been consequences.
 
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I'd never really looked at the wiki pages Sweet made for his characters, but I should have - there's a lot of biographical bits there. The section below from the page on SweetTart (ebola-hair cheerleader girl) is fascinating.

Sweet appears to suspect that one of the people he blames for getting him fired from his college newspaper may later have thrown a garbage can at Sweet from a fourth-floor window.

The scene where Johnny is killed outside his apartment building mirrors a real-life incident shortly after his firing. Sweet was performing his famous impersonation of comic Andrew Dice Clay for a couple of fans in a window across the way when he heard a lound banging noise. It turns out someone had dropped a trash can out a window at his dorm, which had landed a few feet behind Sweet as he stood there on the sidewalk. Sweet noticed that a fourth-story window was open; he later learned that Scott Mitchell lived on the fourth floor, which--because of the suspicious timing, only a month after his firing--lent what normally would be only an innocent, if dangerous, prank a very ominous tinge. In the story it is revealed that Tom Little, under Borstein's orders, dropped the can that struck Jimmy in the head, snapping his neck and instantly killing him.[/spoiler]

A tiny dorm-room wastebasket thrown from a fourth-floor window at a yowling moron screaming obscenities strikes me as a pretty foolish assassination attempt.

Let's examine Mr. Sweet's claims a bit more closely.

Everyone in sight of the failed killing would have had his eyes on Mr. Sweet. They would have easily identified the room from which the almost-deadly wastebasket was launched. The wastebasket is lying there, almost certainly covered with the would-be murderer's fingerprints. Why not pick it up and call the cops? Seeing which dorm window was open would make it very easy to find out from which room the nearly fatal missile was hurled. Why not find out if it was indeed Mr. Mitchell's room?

Mr. Sweet is obviously not the type to let something like this go. So, after barely escaping with his life, why did he do nothing about the incident except create insane revenge fantasies for the next twenty years?

I think we all know the answer.
 
I don't think there's much more I can contribute on Mr Sweet (although now that I realize we were there at the same time I'm kicking myself trying to remember him, but we had our own resident weirdos to deal with), but I'll comment on the "watching porn in the common areas of the dorms" thing. Frankly this sounds way off. Porn was as tolerated as drugs or beer in the dorms, which is to say not at all

It's conceivable that some kids who weren't thinking clearly could set up porn in a common areas once, but as soon as an RA, staff, security or snitch found out about it they would have been shut down and likely expelled, and there's no way in hell it would happen a second time. My best guess is that this wasn't really even porn. Maybe at worst Playboy level porn, more just models and topless nudity and maybe the occasional bush, but no sex, no dicks, no penetration, etc.

I'm not saying it couldn't have happened but "public group porn viewings" don't sound in any way like what I saw on campus. If it had been the kind of place where you could do shit like that and no one would care, I wouldn't have transferred out, so I'm actually kind of curious as to what exactly was going on with this.
 
Communal porn watching reminded me of the Family Guy pilot where Peter and his friends got together and watched porn. My theory? Jon got the idea from a college movie where the characters did the same thing since his worldview is limited to the entertainment he indulges in. I don't know if such a movie exists.
 
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