A lot of people have trashed Jon for his treatment of pets in his house, and rightly so. What stuck with me was the passage he wrote about his last time seeing Miss Lana (I commented on it, but here it is in full, italics from the original):
"I saw my cat last only a few years ago-- on my birthday, in fact. I hadn't seen her in a few weeks (it was her wont to hide away in the weeks before giving birth and weaning, so I didn't think much of it then). She was crossing the neighbors' back lawn. I could see she was resplendently pregnant. I called to her, and she looked at me for a moment. I picked her up and held her for moment, but she pulled away, gently wiggled out of my arms and lighted to the ground (as best a cat who looks only days away from delivering a new generation of baby Lanas can light, at any rate). She left, and didn't look back, as if to say
It's best we make a clean break. Please don't make this harder than it has to be. Miss Lana was a very dear pet and friend, and I do miss her. "
Allow me to point out a few other bits of Jon's journal concerning this "pet":
"The thing was, Lana was a bit peculiar in that she didn't really like to be touched, and yet she had many, many (many, many, many, many, many, many, many) children. "
"Motherhood definitely agreed with her, leaving her more aggressive impulses temporarily stilled. Once they were off the nipple and on their own, though, she was back to scrapping like a champ."
"Despite her often standoffish nature, we got along pretty well-- I think I was about the only human Lana trusted.
Of course, as she grew older, she became somewhat more distant, prone to the occasional violent fit of temper, and started spending less time indoors."
Hm.
Full disclosure: I've never been a cat owner; my allergies won't allow for it. Plus, I'm just not a cat person. But I do believe that
@atomik fyre is, and I completely agree - Miss Lana was not an indoor cat. The evidence backing this belief? Why, look no further than the wording of Jon's post:
she didn't really like to be touched
her more aggressive impulses temporarily stilled
she was back to scrapping like a champ
standoffish
I think I was about the only human Lana trusted
somewhat more distant
prone to the occasional violent fit of temper
started spending less time indoors
it was her wont to hide away
She left, and didn't look back
Hmm ... I dunno about you folks, but I think I'm sensing a pattern. Again, not being a cat person, I can't say for sure, but my amateur sleuthing skills lead me to believe that Miss Lana was neither a particularly sociable nor affectionate feline and did not liked to be touched by humans. That's just my general impression, however.
But then I see another pattern, a pattern that is hard to miss, given that just about every post Jon has ever made on the internet ever has always employed this pattern. Well, it's not so much a pattern, as it is an obvious trait: narcissism.
We see it in his comics, we see it in his perverted, violent fantasies, and we saw it when talking about both his father and his mother. Look at the original Mother's Day post. What does Jon say about his mother? What wonderful memories does he have of her from, say, wonderful Christmas mornings? How did she comfort him when a pet inevitably died? What were her dreams growing up? Her favorite musicians? Her middle name? What exactly are we told about Jon’s mother in this supposedly heartfelt tribute to her?
Nothing. He posts a pic of when she was younger, but that’s it.
Ah, so. Well. Um. Is there, perhaps, something Jon wishes to immortalize about her in the follow-up piece? Well, we … we learn that she doesn’t have control of her social filter. She can tell stories that embarrass Jon. Okay. Yeah, see, the majority of the post is filled with more examples of Jon joyously laboring under the bizarre delusion that people really want to see an exhaustive description of his comics and characters. It’s not about his mother. It’s about Jon.
It’s the same thing with Miss Lana. We don’t have any stories presented to us about her mothering style, the way she would hiss at those she didn't like, and what not. What we have is yet another stream of “Me me me, I I I.” What’s even more disgusting is that Jon described his friendship with his cat with much more loving detail than he did with his mom. It reminds me of the bit that
@TheIceCreamMan posted once about Jon, when hearing that his beloved dog was involved in a dogfight outside, ran for his legendary Bludgeoning Weapon of Ambiguous Type and ran outside to defend Fido, just as the fight had ended.
Yup. You read right. Jon’s mom beaten by a group of guys? Hid in the house and let her take the beating. Jon’s dog gets in trouble? Couldn’t get out there fast enough.
But as ugly as all of this is, it’s Jon’s virtual anthropomorphizing of Miss Lana that's the ugliest. “She left, and didn't look back, as if to say
It's best we make a clean break. Please don't make this harder than it has to be.”
Uh, no. No, that’s not the impression a reasonable person would get at all. The cat’s reported behavior would have indicated something along the lines of
Leave me alone. Stop touching me. I don’t want to associate with you. Let go so I can leave.
Jon ends the bit with:
“Miss Lana was a very dear pet and friend, and I do miss her. "
Why? Why does he miss her? What affection or loving did she show him? He doesn’t note any, but he attempts to turn the relationship into something that it obviously wasn’t. Miss Lana clearly didn’t give two hairballs about Jon, or his family for that matter. They were convenient hosts for her pregnancies, that’s all.
Which leads me to the point of this diatribe: What I find interesting about Jon’s recollections (and behavior towards) Miss Lana is that they are really no different than those of his time at ASU. Jon did not have fans; he did not have friends; he did not have the respect and admiration of his co-workers; he did not have a girlfriend. He’s simply inventing stories to comfort himself, mentally shanghaiing people from his past into them, since they can’t really speak for themselves (or don’t feel like it).
I am now convinced more than ever that Jon is a genuinely friendless individual, who presents a far more unlikable personality offline than even that which we’ve seen online. Take away his really disagreeable face, his poor mental faculties, his childish behavior, his deviant fantasies, his recidivist tendencies, his constant whining, his craven cowardice, his hissing voice, his incorrigible laziness, his bottom-feeder mentality, his bigotry, ignorance, and overwhelming stupidity, you’re left only with …
… Nothing. There’s literally nothing of any significant value left once you take away Jon’s negative traits. This is an entirely
worthless human being. He’s practically nothing but one bad side, with no good side to counterbalance it. His worthlessness – his inability to be desirable or useful in any way when it comes to his fellow human – must cover him like a sheen coming off a glowstick. If people don’t actively avoid him, they clearly treat him as nothing more than background noise. If that is indeed the case, I can see why Jon would deliberately try to make history where actual events would disagree.
Must be hard living in a world where nobody loves you but your mom.
