🎨 Artcow Iconoclast / Jonathan Mack Sweet - The Chris-Chan of Arkansas

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I think back on half-past page 97 of this thread is when we see the term "bad boy of college journalism" first introduced - in a chat that was posted there:
Sweet said:
My bosses were grooming me to be the new "bad boy" of college journalism-- until their jealousy and resentment over my success began poisoning the waters[...]

In reality, the "grooming" was being moved from one assignment to the next (according to the Doctor), and Sweet's "success" was at annoying people and writing crappy articles, from what we've seen so far.

Also, later in that same conversation, and in response to an anon telling Sweet to move on from the whole Herald drama, Sweet replied:
Sweet said:
No. [...] Moving on is a ploy. I've learned that the hard way.
 
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his writing style is *very* familiar to me, showing strong influences from the kind of authors a kid growing up in the middle of nowhere in the late 80s/early 90s would think were classy.

if I'm guessing his influences correctly, the kind of authors he read often went out of their way to flatter the reader by suggesting the same or even stating it outright.

This sounds intriguing. Have you got any examples of what it is you think has inspired Sweet? I too used to read a lot, and still do, and I too thought I was smart because of it. Now that I've grown up, I don't regard myself as smart anymore.
 
This sounds intriguing. Have you got any examples of what it is you think has inspired Sweet?

Unfortunately, no. I've been racking my brain ever since I first read some of his prose work, months ago, and I haven't been able to come up with any really good examples. It's probably been a good 25 years since I read the stuff, and I doubt most of it was from major writers, but I still recognize the flavor, you know?

The one author who comes strongly to mind is Harlan Ellison, both his fiction work and his essays. I want to say Ellison makes the style work because he knows how to be entertaining or moving while being overwrought and also has a good sense of what details are important, but it's been a long time since I've touched his work and I suspect I wouldn't find it as elegant and effective as I did when I was a dumb kid.

What really comes to mind is anthologies of Golden Age science fiction, interwar and midcentury stuff by second-tier SF writers. Maybe also early Stephen King, which was often a cracking good story with sludgy prose. Some of the tropes he uses--slow poisoning of a spouse, for example--feels pretty early/mid 20th century pulp.

I hope somebody with a better memory or more familiarity can help out!
 
Sometimes Sweet's authorial tone of treating the reader as if they are dumb reminds me of every time I've tried to read a Richard Matheson book. Matheson of course had much better ideas than Sweets could ever come up with, but the treating the reader as an idiot has the same flavor to me. Also, King and Matheson fans go pretty hand in hand, it's a possibility.
 
When Sweet checked out of his dorm room -- I'm assuming after he was expelled; my source is not clear on this point -- the RA who had to check the room after his departure found a jar filled to the brim with Sweet's urine. Home is apparently not the only place where traveling to the bathroom involves far too agonizing a journey for Our Hero to possibly endure.
So, because I'm not goddamned mental, I've never saved up enough urine to tell if it's pungent at all, so...

... Would that have smelled?

Because oh god, I don't even want to imagine what that would have smelled like.
 
So, because I'm not goddamned mental, I've never saved up enough urine to tell if it's pungent at all, so...

... Would that have smelled?

Because oh god, I don't even want to imagine what that would have smelled like.
I don't know about human urine, but if cat urine is any kind of reference, then yes. Horribly.
 
Also, this is a minor issue I've always had with Belch Dimension, but given our inspiration and our views on shit and whether or not it's worth mentioning, I feel I should bring it up.

Sweet's main character self-insert that I cannot be bothered at all to remember the name of is a stick figure. As Sweets has autistically explained, this was to signify some... uhh... something about an emptiness inside and a lack of self-worth and something about being betrayed at ASU or some shit. Really, any stylistic design can be traced back to "ASU Herald" at this point. So, yeah, sure, let's give Sweets this fact that making him a stick figure is some deep message.

Don't give him a cape then, dumbass.

You know what a cape is? It's a flowing piece of fabric that generally flows down the back of a character, used for aesthetic purposes 9 times out of 10. You know what it looks like when the body that's sporting it is literally a line? It looks like a fucking body to someone that isn't paying attention.

So good job. Instead of you looking too lazy to draw a body on your main character, you instead make it appear like you can't draw bodies worth to save your life and you were too lazy to make proper hands and feet. I could accept the fact that the stick figure design meant something if it weren't for the fact that the stupid cape ruins everything.
 
Unfortunately, no. I've been racking my brain ever since I first read some of his prose work, months ago, and I haven't been able to come up with any really good examples. It's probably been a good 25 years since I read the stuff, and I doubt most of it was from major writers, but I still recognize the flavor, you know?

The one author who comes strongly to mind is Harlan Ellison, both his fiction work and his essays. I want to say Ellison makes the style work because he knows how to be entertaining or moving while being overwrought and also has a good sense of what details are important, but it's been a long time since I've touched his work and I suspect I wouldn't find it as elegant and effective as I did when I was a dumb kid.

What really comes to mind is anthologies of Golden Age science fiction, interwar and midcentury stuff by second-tier SF writers. Maybe also early Stephen King, which was often a cracking good story with sludgy prose. Some of the tropes he uses--slow poisoning of a spouse, for example--feels pretty early/mid 20th century pulp.

I hope somebody with a better memory or more familiarity can help out!

Sweet claims in some of his bios that his work has been compared to that of Stephen King and Joe Lansdale. (For some reason, he doesn't provide links to any of the nonexistent critics who make these nonexistent, ludicrous comparisons.) So he's probably trying -- with egregious lack of success -- to imitate King and Lansdale in particular.

Sweet can usually manage to write a simple declarative sentence that contains no errors in grammar, diction, usage or spelling. But his attempts at writing fiction are so aggressively terrible on so many levels that analysing what's wrong is an overwhelmingly hopeless task. Nonetheless, I'll take a shot at hitting a few of the high spots.

(1) A complete and utter lack of originality. Everything I've read by him is either a thinly disguised revenge fantasy or a thinly disguised sex fantasy. In both cases, the main character is always a thinly disguised Jonathan M. Sweet his own self.

(2) His stories are riddled with major factual errors. This is most noticeable whenever he attempts to introduce science into the narrative. He is simply too arrogant and too lazy to do research beyond what is necessary to "borrow" plot elements as "tributes."

(3) His characters are invariably two-dimensional props. They exist for the sole purpose of being clumsily maneuvered through the derivative and hackneyed plot. They have no backstory and almost no personality; they are motivated by either revenge or sex, unless the story is a longer work, in which case they may be motivated by revenge and sex. It is simply impossible to have any interest in -- much less sympathy for -- his characters and what happens to them.

(4) His dialogue is grotesquely bad. And his constant use of phonetic spellings of demotic speech is howlingly incompetent. His dialog sometimes contains so many apostrophes that it is incomprehensible and looks remarkably like transliterated Klingon. (From The Kestron Lenses: "“Good luck t’y’ll when you get back to school in ’loxi, y’hear?”) His characters who are supposed to be educated Southern college students often sound like they're attending a casting call for Porgy and Bess. And no Southerner has ever said ayup instead of yes or yeah; but Sweet seems to think it's common usage in Dixie. His dialog is the work of a tone-deaf moron and constitutes nothing less than a master class in how not to deal with regional or ethnic accents in prose.

(5) The racism. The characters Sweet describes as "boisterous Negroes" (one of whom he names "Buckwheat") in The Kestron Lenses make a fine example. And Sweet's attempts to write dialog in black English (like his attempts to draw black people) are unintentionally hilarious -- and racist.

(6) A feeble command of idiom. It is not surprising that someone with Sweet's total lack of social awareness is also maladroit when it comes to using expressions that have a meaning that deviates from the strictly literal. He routinely mangles these constructions.

(7) "Show, don't tell" is one of the prime dictates of writing fiction. Sweet ignores it. A good example of this is how he describes the places his characters visit in their quests for revenge and/or sex. Instead of properly setting the scene, he will write something along the lines of, "They went to a picnic area surrounded by trees." Really makes you feel like you're right there in the middle of the action.

(8) A lack of even an amateur attempt at editing by some semi-literate person. Typos, misspellings, grammatical blunders, punctuation lapses, factual errors and continuity problems are far too common in Sweet's work. Just because material is being published on the Internet doesn't mean that readers should be subjected to an avalanche of errors in the text.

I could go on, but what's the point? Sweet rejects all criticism out of hand as the vicious and envious yammering of lesser beings. His mind filters reality, shifting it out of phase with the world the rest of us live in. (For example, in his mind, making terroristic threats means he "said some unfortunate things" or maybe just possibly "went too far"; in reality, it's a serious crime.) He regards his comics and his fiction as works of genius that go unrecognized because of a vast conspiracy. In reality, both are weapons-grade crap. The quality of his work will never change; he will never change; he is incapable of doing so.
 
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Sweet claims in some of his bios that his work has been compared to that of Stephen King and Joe Lansdale. (Needless to say, he doesn't provide links to the any of the nonexistent critics who make these nonexistent, ludicrous comparisons.) So he's probably trying -- with egregious lack of success -- to imitate them.

Sweet can usually manage to write a simple declarative sentence that contains no errors in grammar, diction, usage or spelling. But his attempts at writing fiction are so aggressively terrible on so many levels that analysing what's wrong is an overwhelmingly hopeless task. Nonetheless, I'll take a shot at hitting a few of the high spots.

(1) A complete and utter lack of originality. Everything I've read by him is either a thinly disguised revenge fantasy or a thinly disguised sex fantasy. In both cases, the main character is always a thinly disguised Jonathan M. Sweet his own self.

(2) His stories are riddled with major factual errors. This is most noticeable whenever he attempts to introduce science into the narrative. He is simply too arrogant and too lazy to do research beyond what is necessary to "borrow" plot elements as "tributes."

(3) His characters are invariably two-dimensional props. They exist for the sole purpose of being clumsily maneuvered through the derivative and hackneyed plot. They have no backstory and almost no personality; they are motivated by either revenge or sex, unless the story is a longer work, in which case they be may motivated by revenge and sex. It is simply impossible to have any interest in -- much less sympathy for -- his characters and what happens to them.

(4) His dialogue is grotesquely bad. And his constant use of phonetic spellings of demotic speech is howlingly incompetent. His dialog sometimes contains so many apostrophes that it is incomprehensible and looks remarkably like transliterated Klingon. It is, in fact, a master class in how not to deal with regional or ethnic accents in prose.

(5) The racism. The characters Sweet describes as "boisterous Negroes" (one of whom he names "Buckwheat") in The Kestron Lenses make a fine example. And Sweet's attempts to write dialog in black English (like his attempts to draw black people) are unintentionally hilarious -- and racist.

(6) A feeble command of idiom. It is not surprising that someone with Sweet's total lack of social awareness is also very clumsy when it comes to using expressions that have a meaning that deviates from the strictly literal. He routinely mangles these constructions.

(7) "Show, don't tell" is one of the prime dictates of writing fiction. Sweet ignores it. A good example of this is how he describes the places his characters visit in their quests for revenge and/or sex. Instead of properly setting the scene, he will write something along the lines of, "They went to a picnic area surrounded by trees." Really makes you feel like you're right there in the middle of the action.

(7) A lack of even an amateur attempt at editing by some semi-literate person. Typos, misspellings, grammatical blunders, punctuation lapses, factual errors and continuity problems are far too common in Sweet's work. Just because material is being published on the Internet doesn't mean that readers should be subjected to an avalanche of errors in the copy.

I could go on, but what's the point? Sweet rejects all criticism out of hand as the vicious and envious yammering of lesser beings. His mind filters reality, shifting it out of phase with the world the rest of us live in. (For example, in his mind, making terroristic threats means he "said some unfortunate things" or maybe just possibly "went too far"; in reality, it's a serious crime.) He regards his comics and his fiction as works of genius that go unrecognized because of a vast conspiracy. In reality, both are weapons-grade crap. The quality of his work will never change; he will never change; he is incapable of doing so.
Because I don't think rating this Winner is enough to convey the high quality of this post, I'd just like to say how much it reminds me of "Fenimore Cooper's Literary Offenses." Though I'm sure Mark Twain would agree that next to Sweet, Cooper looks completely brilliant.
 
Because I don't think rating this Winner is enough to convey the high quality of this post, I'd just like to say how much it reminds me of "Fenimore Cooper's Literary Offenses." Though I'm sure Mark Twain would agree that next to Sweet, Cooper looks completely brilliant.

You are too kind. I initially thought of titling the piece "Jonathan Sweet's Literary Offenses" and trying to mimic Twain's structure and style. But I quickly decided that the game wasn't worth the candle. It would have required reading Sweet's monstrosities again and taking notes. Life is too short.
 
So, thought:

So, Sweets's protagonists are all literally himself playing out ASU revenge fantasies one after another. We've gone over this repeatedly.

But Sweets keeps saying that "dem liberals" can't understand his story and that it's loved by True & Honest Conservatives like himself.

Disregarding the fact that many of our Conservative Kiwis have said they thought Belch Dimension was sub-Sonichu levels, I have to ask... what exactly is Sweets implying with that statement?

Is he saying that he's some kind of huge Conservative hero? ... Or is he implying that his case is not unique and is actually relatable anongst Conservatives. Because both possibilities are hilarious AND somewhat offensive to the right-wing.
 
... Would that have smelled?
I've been to bathrooms that haven't been properly cleaned, so yes. Especially if it didn't evaporate. Also, old pee has ammonia in it.

Also, like we have said, Sweet obviously just can't see beyond the bizarre worldview he's locked in. At all. Any criticism that contradicts such a worldview probably gets filtered to strawmen of Whitewash Jones speak.

Sweet is also so attached to his old grudges and getting back into "AS(S)U" Eden that including references to them in the stories he puts together is more or less unavoidable, and he has at least 2 commemorative bricks of ASU (although one is on campus, I believe). Like I quoted earlier, he may never move on from ASU and the grudges, because he himself has said that moving on is a "ploy."
 
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Sometimes Sweet's authorial tone of treating the reader as if they are dumb reminds me of every time I've tried to read a Richard Matheson book.

Thank you! Richard Matheson is an excellent example of the kind of author I'd been trying to think of. Despite his iconic status, I'd probably put Isaac Asimov in there, too.

And no Southerner has ever said ayup instead of yes or yeah; but Sweet seems to think it's common usage in Dixie

I feel like a cad in only quoting a tiny snippet of your amazing post, but this example really highlights the King influence. I've never seen ayup outside of King's work, so I guess it's common (or King thinks it's common) in Maine. Also, you're spot on with the Porgy and Bess bit (and also made me literally chuckle, so thanks), although I think it's more like "a casting call for an amateur production of Porgy and Bess in an all-white boarding school where auditioners are asked to improvise their lines."
 
Sweet claims in some of his bios that his work has been compared to that of Stephen King and Joe Lansdale. (For some reason, he doesn't provide links to any of the nonexistent critics who make these nonexistent, ludicrous comparisons.) So he's probably trying -- with egregious lack of success -- to imitate King and Lansdale in particular.

I got vague Stephen King vibes from reading "The Window" (I can't remember what I said exactly and can't be arsed to find a link because I have a hangover, sorry - I posted a copy of the review zillion pages back). Sweetinator didn't think that particular story was inspired by King, though.

Aside of the rest, great analysis. I believe he has some interesting ideas and basic competence at writing, but botches things in a million ways and is too stubborn to learn and improve. Which is all, of course, a great big shame. The Window was kind of annoying example of the traits you list: a vaguely interesting idea that turned into clumsily executed pseudo-pr0n in Sweet's hands.
 
Also, like we have said, Sweet obviously just can't see beyond the bizarre worldview he's locked in. At all. Any criticism that contradicts such a worldview probably gets filtered to strawmen of Whitewash Jones speak.

Sweet is also so attached to his old grudges and getting back into "AS(S)U" Eden that including references to them in the stories he puts together is more or less unavoidable, and he has at least 2 commemorative bricks of ASU (although one is on campus, I believe). Like I quoted earlier, he may never move on from ASU and the grudges, because he himself has said that moving on is a "ploy."

His life must have been so fucking boring before and after his time at ASU that is was probably the most eventful time of his life.
 
His life must have been so fucking boring before and after his time at ASU that is was probably the most eventful time of his life.
It terrifies me to think that "Mom being beaten up by 'negro thugs'" might actually register lower in Sweet's life as a memorable event to "phone sex with some girl."

You didn't just fall on your head. The ground got up and piledrived your head to fuck you up that bad.
 
This is what I assume to be the typical landscape around the only part of the world Sweet has ever really known:
https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Mississippi_River_floodplain_in_Pemiscot_Township.jpg

If Sweet were in the city I live in, it'd probably be an overwhelming culture shock to him.
In my university, I have this one friend of mine that's a white girl, a pretty open bisexual with a mild British accent and a love for Japanese and British media.

I think that alone would be a culture shock to Sweets. I don't think he knows that any type of person outside of "Stereotypical White Southerner," "Stereotypical Generic Asian," and "Stereotypical Niggo Thug" exist.
 
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