🎨 Artcow Iconoclast / Jonathan Mack Sweet - The Chris-Chan of Arkansas

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I was once told by a tumblrite that I was a shitlord because I thought bikes should stay on the sidewalk where possible instead of disrupting traffic by riding in the road. Apparently that's ableist, because people in wheelchairs take up the whole sidewalk and can't share it with bikes. He had me there; there's absolutely no other solution to that quandry. :lol:

But the hospital story really bugs me. He says he was stuck there for eight hours because he had no way to get home, he couldn't find a phone, there was no one at the front desk to ask for help, etc. It's one thing to be lazy, but so lazy you sit in a hospital for eight hours? I cannot imagine being stuck somewhere for even one hour without flagging down the first person I saw, and you can't tell me there was absolutely no one in the entire hospital. Either it didn't occur to him to ask a doctor or nurse to direct him to someone who could help him, or he has such terrible social anxiety that the idea was worse than the idea of hanging out in a hospital until midnight. Likewise with "I couldn't walk home through a black neighborhood!" In spite of what he says about growing up in the ghetto, it seems like his whole conception of black neighborhoods comes from movies and TV. No one is going to hassle a guy just for walking down the street. Tito the pusher is not actually going to try to get you to take free crack rocks and blue star tattoos. Nobody is going to give a shit... unless you're acting like a huge jackass. So either Sweet has such terrible social anxiety that the idea of seeing a black man walking down the street was more terrible than hanging out in a hospital until midnight, or he remembered the last time he'd walked through, shouting "YO YO YO WHAT UP DAWG" at the top of his voice and getting hassled.
 
Given what we know about him, I'd say Sweet has a crippling social phobia. In the hospital, he sat around waiting for someone to offer help. He never approached someone to ask for a phone. He's very passive in real life it seems. Others have pointed out he expects solutions to be handed to him, rather than seek them out on his own.
 
ToroidalBoat said:
Sweet posted a (censored) comic of himself fapping whilst talking on the chinaphone. That is the ideal relationship to Sweet - what college dating is (supposedly) all about.
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That is the most pathetic thing I've ever heard, because I know I won't ever be able to read it to see it.

Not joking, he is genuinely like that one chimp in this science experiment that was raised with a wire mother who gave it food and the one that gave it comfort because it was covered in cloth. Right down to failing to adapt with others and tarding out at random.
 
Chan the Wizard said:
Did the chinaphone calls start after the articles? I want to hear more about the chinaphone from Sweets. What did they talk about? How many chinaphone calls were there? Did he spank it during the first call? Did Ashleigh know he was spanking it? Was she just a troll the entire time? Is she Bluespike's mom?
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The chinaphone timeline is a little confusing. I don't think it's related to the articles, supposedly Ashlaay was calling for his roommate and ended up talking to Sweet instead.
The chinaphone calls went on for months, it seems. Notably, on an old forum Sweets mentioned that Ashlaaay mentioned getting a ladyboner over the exorcist? or some other horror movie idk. He uses this piece of anecdotal evidence on the forum to postulate that all Catholic girls get hot over horror movies or something else equally stupid.
From the way he talks about it most of the time, it was mutual. But the recently posted comic paints a different, poorly drawn and utterly disgusting picture. Sweet is just jacking it for no reason while she talks about random stuff on the phone. So who knows.
Being Bluespike's mom is a pretty good theory.
 
I notice that a lot of the posters who say my experiences weren't "real" are the same ones who dropped out of college after less than a semester, spent their time getting drunk or high constantly, and never went to parties or joined clubs or did extracurricular activities.
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I would like to know who he's referring to.

For the record, there are some people who had to drop out of college because it got too expensive. I don't want to powerlevel anyone but there are a few people I know who had to drop out of a prestigious art school but ended up working for major animation or, get this, comic studios. It kind of helps to work hard and not be a gigantic weenie about criticism.
 
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I graduated from a Big 10 state university with a BA in communication, attended several parties (many associated with all the theater I was involved with), and never drank until my mid-30s. I also published a sci-fi comic strip, and enjoyed the company of the journalism students.

Jon was being ugly and had no girlfriend.
 
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Hypothetical "what if" scenario here - I wonder how Sweet would do if he went to ASU. No, not the ASU in Arkansas, I mean the one in Arizona. It's so big that there's several campuses all around the "Valley" metro area, much larger amenities, and I think the student body and staff there actually are more progressive than the ASU in Arkansas (and probably more racially diverse). All of the ASU campuses (except the East or Polytechnic campus) are in the midst of an actual city as well.

Anyway, I recall Sweet saying he didn't want to live in an actual city because "the liberuls" micromanage everything to an insane degree. I think Sweet exaggerates how much power the left has over everyday life via a mechanism similar to the projection he always does - he reads or hears about abuses of power here and there and thinks that the insanity is pervasive everywhere - far more than it actually is in reality.
 
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I stop paying attention to Sweets for a couple of days and... just wow.

He Sets Me On Fire said:
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Sweets is possibly the only cow I've ever see be constantly, unequivocally, unironically fucking self-aware. How can he--no. How can anyone draw this up and then think, with a straight face, that the slob with no job, living with his parents, constantly pining over some stupid college somewhere (with the subtle jab FU), is the good guy. Yes, I know that there are a couple of forms of fictional media that portray these kind of guys as the protagonist, the first one coming to mind being the nerd that was the hero of No More Heroes, but those things are done as satire, because no one, in their right minds, would ever view this kind of shit idealistically.

Sweets is possibly the best example of explaining why lolcows are lolcows. One defining characteristic of lolcows is that they are simply unable to grasp the perception of others. It's not that they're biased to their worldview, but that they're completely unable to view the world otherwise. It would be hilarious if it wasn't so fucking depressing, but Sweets is literally locked into this mindset where a man is wrongfully stuck in his shitty life due to a perceived injustice in his past, that it's all part of one big sociopolical conspiracy, and that everything was alright in this one pocket universe where he was some self-proclaimed god.

Sweets, I know you're lurking the Farms, so I'm going to repeat what everyone said because you seem to keep missing the point.

  • You were never funny, and your stand up routines were a mess.
  • You were never a bad boy of journalism, and your articles were the kind of journalistic disaster that people gather around to mock. If you submitted them at any other paper, you would have been laughed out of the office.
  • You were never a god. Your gifts were all pranks, and everyone mocked you if they weren't pissed off by you.
  • You were never an artistic genius. Belch Dimension is painful to look at and it's so confusing to follow that I would probably have better luck trying to read an untranslated Japanese manga.
  • You are an insensitive bigot who thinks that he can say a bunch of racist shit about other people because the very, very, very small circle you grew up with tolerated your idiotic antics.
  • You are the laughingstock of politics everywhere and any truly honest and intelligent person well-versed in politics would be offended to have you ever taking up their position.
  • You are unimportant and there is no conspiracy. You were removed from ASU because you were an exceptionally spastic individual. Everyone there has stopped caring about you. No one noticed you left, and the only people that would notice if you returned
  • You are a coward who cannot win an honest, intellectual discussion, which is why you were taking potshots on AJM, and why you are taking potshots at dA when AJM stopped being a perfect little hugbox.
And I know that typing all of this is futile, because like I said, you're completely unable to perceive anything outside of that shriveled peanut you call a skull. In your mind, this is all wrong because the opposite was true. You are completely correct, a journalistic prodigy, an artistic master, and are wrongfully oppressed by some huge conspiracy that's only dwarfed by the Lenspiracy in how laughably naive, childish, and idiotic it is. Keep believing what you want, because

Today you are an artistic hack with a poorly drawn webcomic who keeps ineffectually trying to refute the accusations made by a forum that is laughing at you.
Tomorrow you will be an artistic hack with a poorly drawn webcomic who keeps ineffectually trying to refute the accusations made by a forum that is laughing at you.
And forever more you will be an artistic hack with a poorly drawn webcomic who keeps ineffectually trying to refute the accusations made by a forum that is laughing at you.

Chan the Wizard said:
I know it's often asked about Chris, but what happens to Jon when Momma Sweets dies?
Since Jon isn't even in control of his tugboat and hates his brother, what happens?
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Reality delivers a haymaker to his face.
 
I'm kind of surprised that he has yet to make caricatures of the Kiwi Farms "roadblocking" him.
ToroidalBoat said:
Anyway, I recall Sweet saying he didn't want to live in an actual city because "the liberuls" micromanage everything to an insane degree. I think Sweet exaggerates how much power the left has over everyday life via a mechanism similar to the projection he always does - he reads or hears about abuses of power here and there and thinks that the insanity is pervasive everywhere - far more than it actually is in reality.
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He complains about cities he most likely never been to. He thinks he would be fined on site if he was caught in New York with a Big Gulp. I explained before, their "Soda Ban" is just a restriction on what sizes restaurants can use, he could still get his sugar water at 7-11 with no problem.
 
From what I've seen of the articles Sweet wrote (the "critique" of modern art and the TV ratings one), they remind me of the stories that have been shared of Sweet's standup routines in the ASU cafeteria.

Also, I saw this in the default screencap of a video on the first page of this thread:
Sweet said:
I am a great belcher, and have been known to clear a room when I bake an air biscuit.
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But remember, the "progressives" at The Herald "wanted to kick him off the paper for his conservative views!"

John Titor said:
he could still get his sugar water at 7-11 with no problem
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Speaking of food, Sweet mentioned he can cook in the very first post he made in this thread. But elsewhere he mentions ramen and hot pockets (typical college fare) as the food that's been stolen from him by his brother, IIRC.
 
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ToroidalBoat said:
Speaking of food, Sweet mentioned he can cook in the very first post he made in this thread. But elsewhere he mentions ramen and hot pockets (typical college fare) as the food that's been stolen from him by his brother, IIRC.
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If autism has a signature food, it's Hot Pockets.
 
Something about the "Ashleigh Banks" situation - you'd think someone who watches TV all the time would've caught on sooner that she was a troll - Ashleigh Banks is the name of a character from The Fresh Prince of Bell-Air. Then again, the show was what Sweet referred to as "TV-B" in that TV ratings article, so he may not have seen it, and of course, no one told him about it.

ThunderCavalier said:
Reality delivers a haymaker to his face.
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I hope it doesn't take a real tragedy to get Sweet to get over his old grudges, get over his unrealistic view of his experience at ASU, abandon the unworkable solution to his problems of going back to half-past 1997, and get off his ass and really contributes to society (even if it's just a little volunteer work). But that may very well be the case. And even then, a tragedy may not even cause Sweet to change those things.*

*And seeing as how Sweet hilariously misinterpreted my joke idea of therapy disguised as a "lolcow academy" posted back on page 103 of this thread, and seeing as how Sweet lurks here, no, these aren't threats - unlike threats Sweet made against us awhile back (see page 83 of this thread). Surely Sweet can at least see that?
 
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ToroidalBoat said:
From what I've seen of the articles Sweet wrote (the "critique" of modern art and the TV ratings one), they remind me of the stories that have been shared of Sweet's standup routines in the ASU cafeteria.

Also, I saw this in the default screencap of a video on the first page of this thread:

But remember, the "progressives" at The Herald "wanted to kick him off the paper for his conservative views!"


Speaking of food, Sweet mentioned he can cook in the very first post he made in this thread. But elsewhere he mentions ramen and hot pockets (typical college fare) as the food that's been stolen from him by his brother, IIRC.
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I've been thinking about this lately. Sweet repeatedly mentions free food and of course the scrumptious buffets. But it's not like he pays for food anyway... he doesn't make any money so it's got to be ma buying the stuff, right? So why the obsession if he doesn't have to pay either way?
My conclusion is that him and his mom probably aren't very good cooks. Mom probably makes typical junk like Barb tier spaghetti and Sweet thinks putting a hot pocket in the microwave is cooking. That's why he loved those buffets so much, whereas normal people who can cook decently or go out to eat don't or are even repulsed. I mean, I'm pretty sure my campus cafeterias had way better food than asu and I still don't really have any fond memories there. I'm a little surprised he claimed he could cook but he lied a lot in that first post here.
 
meltychocolate said:
I've been thinking about this lately. Sweet repeatedly mentions free food and of course the scrumptious buffets. But it's not like he pays for food anyway... he doesn't make any money so it's got to be ma buying the stuff, right? So why the obsession if he doesn't have to pay either way?
My conclusion is that him and his mom probably aren't very good cooks. Mom probably makes typical junk like Barb tier spaghetti and Sweet thinks putting a hot pocket in the microwave is cooking. That's why he loved those buffets so much, whereas normal people who can cook decently or go out to eat don't or are even repulsed. I mean, I'm pretty sure my campus cafeterias had way better food than asu and I still don't really have any fond memories there. I'm a little surprised he claimed he could cook but he lied a lot in that first post here.
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I think the issues are availability and variety, or choice for short. Sweet complained that his brother would eat all the food, leaving him to starve like a doghee hee heeheeheeHAAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh, man, I'm sorry, that just tickles me. Sweet on all fours, tears in his eyes, whimpering over an empty bowl that read "Jon" on the side. Heeheehee. Ahhhh.

Anyhow, the thing is, Sweet has no freedom where he lives. He eats what his mom makes, or uses the ingredients his mom buys. He hasn't the freedom to just go out and get what he wants. Buffet-style dining would allow him to eat all that he wanted, providing him with a variety of choices, with no fear of his brother taking it away from him. If we assume that money is tight around the Sweet household, it's probably not too much of a stretch to also assume that Jon keeps hearing about how tight money is. At his beloved buffet, that wouldn't be something to worry about. Just like the big screen TV's and robust cable packages in the student lounges, Sweet took advantage of something that, as a student, he was entitled to, but could not extend that entitlement into the real world.

Btw, @TheIceCreamMan, I'm working on a reply to your post above. It was really intriguing. I'll post it tomorrow after work.
 
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