How do you overcome shame? - Is it even possible?

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If I am being honest with myself, a big source of my depression is linked with shame and my inability to deal with it. No matter how trivial in absolute.

In some ways, it fuels to me to compensate (which is a net benefit), but holds me back in other ways. Like the ones that matter in life.

It's nothing crazy either, I am no tranny of furry. It's just that I can't look back, without having the urge to dive into something else so I can forget and feel good about what I am doing right now.

I made mistakes in my youth, and moved really far away from it. But in some ways, I am still bearing guilt. The shame follows me around.
 
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I think maybe you could try to understand where that displaced shame comes from. Maybe its root is innocuous or something you thought were over/ hadn’t affected you, but that did actually impact you and how you approach the world around you. And then also you could try to understand what makes you feel the most shameful and why, because maybe you need to work on things like your self esteem or something.
im sorry you are dealing with that, I really understand your struggle :semperfidelis: :heart-full:
 
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So. There is nothing that we can do about the past, except modify our behavior in the future. I have many shames, but try to live in the moment and make living amends. When I help other people, it helps me, as selfish as that sounds. Have you tried doing community work?
 
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pork and beans said:
I think maybe you could try to understand where that displaced shame comes from. Maybe its root is innocuous or something you thought were over/ hadn’t affected you, but that did actually impact you and how you approach the world around you
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You may have a point. I do have something in mind, but that would be very old, like below 10yo. And there are other things. I am not someone can say they are proud to be related to in many ways. I am very normal now, but I wasn't always.

Not like I can talk to anyone here, the demand is higher than offer.

And I have other things to do than to look for someone I can pay to complain to.

But thanks for your advice

OrionBalls said:
So. There is nothing that we can do about the past, except modify our behavior in the future.
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My motto so far. And so good I guess.
 
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Here is the Catholic pitch. Shame is the natural reaction to having committed a sin. If you sin you feel ashamed. There are two ways to deal with shame. Confess your sins to a priest, or directly to God which is the Protestant way, by prayer. This way you get rid of your sins, shame and guilt are gone automatically. OR. Externalize your sins, turn them inside out. Shame becomes "pride". Be proud of your sins. And that is the definition of the LGBT thing. Pride. But you will not be able to get rid of your sins and your shame. This will drive you insane. LGBT and trannies are fucking insane, because they have no options of dealing with their shame and guilt. And madness leads to criminal behavior in the very last consequence.
 
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Butterschmalz said:
Confess your sins to a priest, or directly to God which is the Protestant way, by prayer. This way you get rid of your sins, shame and guilt are gone automatically.
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You forgot about penance. The guilt and shame do not go away without trying to make things right, or going and sinning no more.
 
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Here is the psychological therapy take on old memories that bring you shame/cringe/regret/whatever whenever you think about or, or that are bothering you by popping up in the forefront of your mind even without you wishing it (intrusive memories):

If a memory is old (more than 2 year old or so) and still bring sudden emotional response whenever thought about, then it is not digested properly. This is a normal psychological mechanism that is made to make you keenly aware of something that your brain doesn't deem you to be ready to face again.
The solution to that is uncomfortable but shouldn't take long. Choose one of those memories, and write down everything about it. What happened, what you think about it, anything. You will essentially relive it and everything surrounding it, and thus process it. By going over it logically and not purely emotionally, you will make your brain digest it and move it to the long-term storage with the other memories. It's a modified form of exposure therapy for singular events or memories, and not things.

If you can think about your grand-father that died a decade ago without sudden emotional burst but can't think of a cringy thing you did a decade ago in high school without emotional outburst, it's a perfect candidate for that.

Yes you will have to repeat the process for each memory that bothers you. If you did a lot of dumb shit, you might have to do it quite a few times.
But when you have many sins, confession takes a long time. It's the same psychotechnology.
 
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Butterschmalz said:
Here is the Catholic pitch. Shame is the natural reaction to having committed a sin. If you sin you feel ashamed. There are two ways to deal with shame. Confess your sins to a priest, or directly to God which is the Protestant way, by prayer. This way you get rid of your sins, shame and guilt are gone automatically. OR. Externalize your sins, turn them inside out. Shame becomes "pride". Be proud of your sins. And that is the definition of the LGBT thing. Pride. But you will not be able to get rid of your sins and your shame. This will drive you insane. LGBT and trannies are fucking insane, because they have no options of dealing with their shame and guild. And madness leads to criminal behavior in the very last consequence.
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Regarding trannies, I was just trying to clear the field, because you never know around here. It's not even remotely related to anything sexual.

I don't believe in a religion, so it's not exactly like this. But I do believe in basic human decency I know I fell short of that. In this regard, I think it does not matter if you're coming from a religious background or not, there should be an obvious consensus

I don't want to disrespect, but I am already way past confessing. Most of it is public.
OrionBalls said:
You forgot about penance. The guilt and shame do not go away without trying to make things right, or going and sinning no more.
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How do you exactly go about penance? Who is a victim enough to deserve it and how do you even get there?
 
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Dude unless you did more that fuck your Alzheimer's mom, whatever you did other people have done. Unless you're some turbosperg that this place hasnt uncovered i doubt you should let shame negatively impact you. Think the thought and move on with your day.
 
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Claude Sigma said:
The solution to that is uncomfortable but shouldn't take long. Choose one of those memories, and write down everything about it. What happened, what you think about it, anything. You will essentially relive it and everything surrounding it, and thus process it.
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This seems awfully optimistic and very modern-psychology to me. I can contemplate and analyze bad memories as much as I like, but that hasn't changed a single thing about my emotional response to them.

Some life events just suck because they suck and no amount of "processing" will make them un-suck.
 
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DiggieSmalls said:
Dude unless you did more that fuck your Alzheimer's mom, whatever you did other people have done. Unless you're some turbosperg that this place hasnt uncovered i doubt you should let shame negatively impact you. Think the thought and move on with your day.
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I can confirm I never fucked my mom, there is that.
 
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rel=alternate said:
How do you exactly go about penance? Who is a victim enough to deserve it and how do you even get there?
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In all seriousness, penance and reconciliation are individualized processes. It depends on what you feel shame for, who you hurt that is causing the shame, and how you can try to make it better. If you even can. This isn't really a place to air such things, though.
 
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Ibanez RG 350EX said:
This seems awfully optimistic and very modern-psychology to me. I can contemplate and analyze bad memories as much as I like, but that hasn't changed a single thing about my emotional response to them.

Some life events just suck because they suck and no amount of "processing" will make them un-suck.
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Ruminating about it isn't enough, you need to externalize them in some way and observe them. The common approach is to write it down. Pen is better because it's slower, but typing works as well. It's the basis of CPT, Cognitive Processing Therapy.
It's the best solution modern psychology has to offer, so it's worth a shot, doesn't cost anything.
 
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In a messed up way be happy that you can acknowledge these emotions. Some people do not understand if they are in the wrong or accept that they could commit wrong. It’s like how some people can’t understand why when they are hungry they get angry, if it’s not learned or if the person can’t acknowledge it, it will always be a problem.

I also wouldn’t beat yourself up to badly about anything you did, most things time will heal and even you will forget what happened, it takes a long time but you get there. Just like the incel/can’t make friends problem I’d recommend getting into a hobby it’s magic how passion can fix things.
 
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