How do men make friends as adults?

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What's with all the anti-social chuds who think men are incapable of having or making longterm friendships, forever doomed to a life of loneliness and stoicism? Get a better personality, it's not fucking hard.

What happened to your friends from school days? Have you ever walked outside and talked to your neighbors? Were you too much of a pussy to sign up for military service?

I've made lasting friendship with a guy I passed at a grocery store one day because we were both wearing t-shirts from a band we were both going to see in concert that night.

Leave your house. Other men with similar interests are everywhere.
 
Conan O'Barbarian said:
What happened to your friends from school days?
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Fucked off to God knows where. We accepted that we were parting ways when we went to different colleges and got jobs in different industries. Try talking to someone you haven't seen in ages, who let a different town, different social group and different university culture influence them and see how much you still have in common
 
Most of my close male friends are through hobbies. Men talk shop while doing stuff. Its proximity. Shared activities.

But as I've gotten older, as someone pretty shy as a kid, I think you just need to be prepared to invite people to stuff (there are plenty of equally introverted people waiting for someone else to initiate friendship), and actually accept invitations to go to stuff. The former is especially hard because there is that risk of rejection.

Either way its not going to fall into your lap. I mean as much as kiwifarms likes to shit on "the internet" because daddy jim doesn't think internet friends are real, if you play games and talk to the same people every day, maybe open up a bit? It just depends on what you need from a friendship.
 
I think you need to adjust for time. As you get older it takes longer to form friendships. Once you're out of the education phase, you're not meeting as many random people as you used to, and there aren't as many impromptu interactions that lead into organized meetups. This means it's going to take much longer than you're used to to make new friends. I think it's a shock for some that you used to be able to make a friend in a couple weeks, to a couple months, and now the same thing might take over a year to really take off. So you get many people saying "I can't make any new friends," but in my experience they just mean "I can't make any new friends as quickly as I want."
 
I love it when a thread brings out all the well-adjusted socially functional kiwis.

Joining groups can be good, but you might end up having to try out a few. I feel its like dating apps; the risk of meeting someone you dislike and then running in to them all the time is higher in small towns. At least in a city you can have more social and hobby groups to bounce around. I gave up on a couple of local special interest groups because of a few spergy regulars.

Aside from more orchestrated opportunities to meet people I recommend just starting conversations. I know it sounds impossible but just a bit of light banter at the bar to see if anyone bites, or finding an excuse to ask a neighbor about some local happenings as an opener works. Then you get to say hello and talk next time you see them. And maybe they introduce you to someone else. IDK. I've never tried to make friends, it just happened organically.

I just did a mental tally and I've got one male friend from college, one who lives near by and we just started talking in the street a lot then progressed to hanging out. The rest are just randos I collected in pubs. That magical time of night in the hard-core boozers* where weirdos just start talking to anyone. Hang around enough and the other drunk weirdoes will accept you. Or fight you. Or both. Added bonus, they already know you're a pathetic alcoholic with no life so you don't have to put up a front.

I've never made any lasting male friends through work, oddly enough. Lots of near-friends (go to their wedding, help them move house etc) but no one I'd really go hang out with regularly.

Also, there are a couple of exes I stayed friends with, but I understand fucking a dude as a first step towards friendship might be a step too far for some. Much like Warhammer.

I think it depends what you want out of a friendship and where you are in your life. My best friend is almost twice my age. My other closest friends have very different lifestyles and interests to me.
On the other hand, Mrs Clovis makes friends through work, and they're all at much the same stage in life so can connect over shared experiences. Not sure if this is a male/female thing but I have a feeling female friend groups tend to be more homogenous.

*two of my local pubs are putting up posters for suicide prevention men's groups. That's the kind of place I drink in, the ones for emotionally crippled failures to drown their sorrows. But, if you can get past the human husks you meet some really interesting people.
 
Clovis said:
*two of my local pubs are putting up posters for suicide prevention men's groups. That's the kind of place I drink in, the ones for emotionally crippled failures to drown their sorrows. But, if you can get past the human husks you meet some really interesting people.
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Well, makes sense.

I'm a woman but all of my old drinking buddies are either sober or dead. It starts to pop off pretty quick when you get into your early 40s. I wouldn't recommend it long term.
 
I would say search your Facebook for people you grew up with/went to school with who you could potentially tolerate. Everyone changes between their school years and adulthood, so the casual friends that you drifted apart from might make better friends now. I would say that, but I’m a woman and even with it being well-known that I’m bi, it raises a lot less eyebrows when I spontaneously reach out to other women. Not that this is a less valid option for you—I’m just not sure that method would work out between straight men. Worth a shot?
 
Ben10 said:
Most of my close male friends are through hobbies. Men talk shop while doing stuff. Its proximity. Shared activities.

But as I've gotten older, as someone pretty shy as a kid, I think you just need to be prepared to invite people to stuff (there are plenty of equally introverted people waiting for someone else to initiate friendship), and actually accept invitations to go to stuff. The former is especially hard because there is that risk of rejection.

Either way its not going to fall into your lap. I mean as much as kiwifarms likes to shit on "the internet" because daddy jim doesn't think internet friends are real, if you play games and talk to the same people every day, maybe open up a bit? It just depends on what you need from a friendship.
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Just for general advice making friends, ben10 makes the most important point. You have to issue some invitations and accept invitations, even if you might get turned down sometimes. I would assume it works the same for men and women.

Example - a few coworkers and I were talking about food, and we all liked a particular type of food. I suggested we all go grab dinner together some weekend. We make a plan, go to dinner, and friendship is initiated. These people aren't going to be my besties, but they're nice people with some common interests that I can socialize with.

Also, meeting people through other people happens when you accept invitations to do things. Good way to meet potential boyfriends or girlfriends too, since if you aren't a toxic asshole, your friends will introduce you to new people that you might hit it off with.
 
I forge unbreakable bonds with random people I meet at stores

Then I never see them again
 
Snusmumriken said:
I would say search your Facebook for people you grew up with/went to school with who you could potentially tolerate. Everyone changes between their school years and adulthood, so the casual friends that you drifted apart from might make better friends now. I would say that, but I’m a woman and even with it being well-known that I’m bi, it raises a lot less eyebrows when I spontaneously reach out to other women. Not that this is a less valid option for you—I’m just not sure that method would work out between straight men. Worth a shot?
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I would think it being well know that you're bi would raise a lot more eyebrows if you randomly reached out to some chick you used to know.
 
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Common interests and friends of friends. All of my current friends sans two of them (one i met in third grade, other in Highschool) I all met as an adult.
It's like 60% female 40% male on the gender ratio
 
Pub quiz team. Join one, or start one.
It's an excuse to invite people out for a drink (flatter them, tell them you need their specialist knowledge). Colleagues, neighbours, anyone you talk to. Put up a notice asking for quiz team members on the work noticeboard.
Just grab a likely acquaintance and ask if they have any knowledgeable friends they'd like to invite or if they'd like to join.
If you dont like them you get to go home after the quiz. If you do like them, invite them on for a drink in another venue or whatever. It's a casual way to meet new people.
If in lower-income suburbia: Then once your're talking to men mention a DIY task you're working on. You get a billion tools loaned to you and a random old retired dude will turn up to do most of the work for you. But then you're accepted into the local man pack. You have to show them your shed and pieces of wood collection but after that you're part of the group.
 
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In short: activities you are both involved in.

Sports is a huge one. Most of my current social circle is from various sports I play.

I also have a close friend from a shared experience working abroad. Very unique job and few "get it" like we do. That happens sometimes.

Sometimes even stuff like chess, hiking, etc, can lead to friendships.

Just gotta have similar personalities and you'll wanna hang out and do more activities like nightlife when the main activity is over.
 
GoysGoneWild said:
In short: activities you are both involved in.

Sports is a huge one. Most of my current social circle is from various sports I play.

I also have a close friend from a shared experience working abroad. Very unique job and few "get it" like we do. That happens sometimes.

Sometimes even stuff like chess, hiking, etc, can lead to friendships.

Just gotta have similar personalities and you'll wanna hang out and do more activities like nightlife when the main activity is over.
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These are all things you should also be doing to find a girlfriend, consequently.
 
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