How do men make friends as adults?

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NoReturn

NoReturn

Please read all posts in the voice of Neco-Arc
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
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Aug 28, 2019
It's hard enough making new friends as an adult in general, but I know I'm lucky (very lucky) to have friends I care about.
I got curious, though, and looked at my local meetup groups, and goddamn are there a lot of women-only things. Don't get me wrong, that's cool in and of itself, but there were almost no men's groups except for some sobriety groups and a couple Christian ones.
There are a ton of articles (including ones that came up in "Is this already being discussed?" when I started making this thread) about how men don't have friends, but how are they supposed to make friends in the first place? There's clearly a demand for it, but do none of them just take the initiative to so something like that? Do they think it's gay?
 
Men typically form friendships over activities, while women do via emotions. Men will typically meet when entertaining a hobby of theirs, like working on cars or playing sports.
 
Hiking groups, golf (sports in general) clubs, weird hobby stuff, etc.
Don't trust sobriety groups by the way they want to take your soul
 
Great timing on this thread. I'm planning on moving to a new state within the next few months, and I was thinking about this exact thing earlier today. I think adult men mostly meet new friends through work and stuff like adult recreational sporting leagues.

The solution I'm looking into is volunteer firefighting. It looks like it's a good mix of meaningful work, benefits, networking, community service, time commitment, etc. Good way to stay in shape if you work an office job. All different kinds of people go into volunteer firefighting, so you'd have an opportunity for a broader social circle than you would have had otherwise.
 
There are more meetups for women than men because women create and fund these organizations themselves. Men usually don't create groups for friendless men for reasons unknown to me and thus there are less avenues for friendless men. If I were you, I'd try video game groups/forums, bars ( especially while an important sports game is happening), welding, physical activities etc
 
Get a feel of what people where you live like to do, and see if it matches your interests. You can make some lifelong friends that way. Do hobbies that allow you to excersize your best traits and further your goals. I found my first job designing microchip architecture because I found a friendgroup who were into amateur robotics
 
Martial arts or motorcycle clubs (the AMA type) are a good way. Or basically anything that brings you together with dudes over a common interest, but I prefer to meet new friends over more active ones over D&D or playing vidya.

Contact/live martial arts like BJJ, Judo, MMA, or Muay Thai are probably the chummiest since you're sparring with a live person. It helps to develop a degree of trust with someone that is punching you or dry humping you into submission. With that said, even less "live" martial arts classes can be a good way to make friends. Not everyone practices MA to learn to fight, and you can still make friends and have fun in the McDojoest of McDojos.

Motorcycle clubs are similar, but you'll probably want to get a bit of riding experience before you join a club, decide what kind of bike you want. You can kind of buy into HOG (Harley Owners Group) if you're a boomer, but there are plenty of groups for all kinds of riding.

Neither of these groups as a whole tend towards wokeness, either.
 
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Red Hood said:
Martial arts or motorcycle clubs (the AMA type) are a good way. Or basically anything that brings you together with dudes over a common interest, but I prefer to meet new friends over more active ones over D&D or playing vidya.

Contact/live martial arts like BJJ, Judo, MMA, or Muay Thai are probably the chummiest since you're sparring with a live person. It helps to develop a degree of trust with someone that is punching you or dry humping you into submission. With that said, even less "live" martial arts classes can be a good way to make friends. Not everyone practices MA to learn to fight, and you can still make friends and have fun in the McDojoest of McDojos.
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I've made good friends boxing people at gyms, even if I don't talk to most of them anymore. Meanwhile, I've been to maybe one or two DnD sessions and all the players were salty sweats
 
Common interests e.g. fishing/shooting/sports/martial arts/weight training/motorcycles/musical instruments/videogames/whatever.
As @DNA_JACKED said, men tend to bond over activities. Find something you like doing, then look for a club/group.
 
Scipio Americanus said:
Great timing on this thread. I'm planning on moving to a new state within the next few months, and I was thinking about this exact thing earlier today. I think adult men mostly meet new friends through work and stuff like adult recreational sporting leagues.
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Work is a big one. It depends on where you live, but neighbors are often a good pool of potential friends. You have to put up with one another anyway, may as well be friends. Plus a good sense of community is worth more than gold in times of crisis.
Scipio Americanus said:
The solution I'm looking into is volunteer firefighting. It looks like it's a good mix of meaningful work, benefits, networking, community service, time commitment, etc. Good way to stay in shape if you work an office job. All different kinds of people go into volunteer firefighting, so you'd have an opportunity for a broader social circle than you would have had otherwise.
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If you are politically inclined, checking out your preferred local or county party office can be a good source of like minded individuals with a built in common interest. It also helps you suss out how moderate or extreme your local party's views are.

On that note, this is also a good place to potentially meet a partner with similar views.
 
NoReturn said:
I asked men first, and to summarize the answers I got:
  • "Tits or GTFO"
  • Dungeons and Dragons
  • Warhammer 40k
  • "Buy a dog"
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Buy a dog is good advice actually. It is a wonderful icebreaker, and taking your dog to a dog park is another great way to meet people. Also being able to care for a well-adjusted dog is a signal of stability.
NoReturn said:
  • "Join a church"
  • Befriend your wife's/girlfriend's friend's husbands (← This seems like terrible advice)
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That last one is great advice. If your wife's/gf's friends hate you, they have an amazing ability to poison the well of your relationship. Befriending the bf's/husbands of those friends means those hangouts are more fun and information is less biased between all parties. Two husbands or two wives can coordinate to dial down the heat on any conflicts.
 
Netizennameless said:
Buy a dog is good advice actually. It is a wonderful icebreaker, and taking your dog to a dog park is another great way to meet people. Also being able to care for a well-adjusted dog is a signal of stability.
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What about apartment dwellers? That seems unfair to the dog.
Netizennameless said:
That last one is great advice. If your wife's/gf's friends hate you, they have an amazing ability to poison the well of your relationship. Befriending the bf's/husbands of those friends means those hangouts are more fun and information is less biased between all parties. Two husbands or two wives can coordinate to dial down the heat on any conflicts.
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Maybe with husbands and wives, but if your friends are all via your gf, and you break up, then don't you lose the entire friend group?
 
NoReturn said:
What about apartment dwellers? That seems unfair to the dog.
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Depending on where you live, a lot of apartment complexes have dog parks as an amenity. In any mid-size city, there will be dedicated dog parks around. Also public/city parks work as well.
NoReturn said:
Maybe with husbands and wives, but if your friends are all via your gf, and you break up, then don't you lose the entire friend group?
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Not with GFs. A friendship tends to last longer than relationships, even if there is a dark period before breakup. Hell in this day and age, marriages too.

One of the most depressing terms I've ever heard was "starter marriage". I don't know why that sticks with me so much.
 
NoReturn said:
I asked men first, and to summarize the answers I got:
  • "Tits or GTFO"
  • Dungeons and Dragons
  • Warhammer 40k
  • "Buy a dog"
  • "Join a church"
  • Befriend your wife's/girlfriend's friend's husbands (← This seems like terrible advice)
Click to expand...

Some good advice, some bad. Really seems to be missing the active component a couple other posters pointed out. I'm not first to mention is but a gym or especially a martial arts gym is a surprisingly good place to make friends. Often times if you're looking for advice as a new guy there will be plenty of men who want to help you out. I would also check bulletin boards in local businesses, around here there are flyers for mountain biking clubs, soccer, golf, softball, and disc golf teams, a garden club, and a few other such groups.
 
When we're out and about, if we make eye contact with another man, primordial instincts kick in and we engage in vicious, brutal combat. If we mutually feel that we are worthy adversaries, the brawl ends in a tie and we celebrate out newfound friendship over beer and hot wings (as the ancient warriors of old were to do).

Or some just bond over shared interests and hobbies, no combat involved. But those guys are weird.
 
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