How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

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The last five sodas I opened have all been either completely or partially flat so I feel like I'm losing my mind or have entered some kind of sick alternate universe

(is this happening to anyone else?)
 
Chan Fan said:
The last five sodas I opened have all been either completely or partially flat so I feel like I'm losing my mind or have entered some kind of sick alternate universe

(is this happening to anyone else?)
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Did they all come in a pack? Did they come from the same place?
 
I'm miserable.
I didn't know how much grief can physically hurt until some days ago.

I had to put down my pet because of a nasty infection near his brain that was spreading and inoperable. Especially given how old he already was. I've went to so many vets in hopes they're wrong and all of them told me the same.

I've spend almost 1/3 of my life with this animal and now he's just gone. Everything feels so empty.

It hurts so much, I have no idea how to cope. I haven't cried in years, now I can't stop and it makes me feel even more like absolute shit. I know things will get eventually better, but right now? Fuck.

I'm sorry for the rant, tmi, and putting the mood down, I just needed to write it down and get it off my chest somewhere where nobody knows who I am.
 
Arthur Fleck was wrong. The worst thing about having a mental illness isn't that people expect you to behave as if you don't. It's that you behave as if you don't without realizing it, because you don't realize that your mind is fucking crumbling away.

That's how it is with depression, anyway. You don't notice the onset. Your pastimes don't please you as much as they once did, so you spend more time on them attempting to wring out the satisfaction you once earned. Your job feels more difficult and less engaging than it used to be, so you try various shit to make you focus on it again, and it doesn't work and you start to feel stress as your productivity wanes. People you talk to via phone and texts and shit don't seem to care anymore, or at least it seems that way to you, and you grow paranoid and untrusting of them. You don't become aware that something's sucking the life out of you; you just try to treat the symptoms as they come and keep on living as you had before. The further your shit falls apart, the more desperately you try to shore up what remains.

As you grow ever more and more miserable, you become frantic. You flail in every direction, like you're drowning in a pitch-black ocean; you can't even figure out which direction you should swim in to get a breath of fresh air. And holding in the air you still have, trying to stay alive at all, feels ever more difficult.

The most important thing, when that happens, is to know whom you can reach out to for help. If shit like a COVID lockdown hasn't chased you into the shadows and isolated you from the world, maybe people have already noticed and are already intervening. Either way, though, you have to realize that shit's fucked and you have to be ready to make changes. And it will feel hard to make changes. One of the worst things about depression is that every single thing you could try to do to better your situation feels insurmountably difficult. It's not, but it can take a push, or even a sharp prod, to get you to start fucking doing it.

Doing better, though. Hopefully will continue to get better. Lockdowns fuck you up a lot if you live alone and every avenue that you'd normally take to go out and meet people has been closed. They fuck you up even more if your surroundings have turned actively hostile, such as if the local parks have fucking tent cities full of stolen property in them because local law enforcement stopped giving a shit in the wake of the riots. I had to basically force myself to start seeking out local organizations that were based enough to flip the bird at anyone telling them they couldn't do in-person events. We'll see how that progresses in the coming weeks.

at least i didn't lose my anal virginity in the midst of my desperate flailing
 
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Just reading, preparing, trying desperately to get more information - any piece of advice that can improve my chances of not getting raped/murdered/trafficked or whatever. With this Covid-19 business going around I finally have a excuse to stay at home and prepare as much as possible.
 
Well I went to get some din din for me and to bring some back home for my mom at Freddy's Frozen custards and Steakburgers. Went through the drive through and got a double steakburger meal with cheese, no onion, and no pickle and an extra large fires.

Parked in the lot, put on my headphones and watched some stupid videos. Halfway through eating my burger I hear 2 guys yelling at each other, couldn't tell where it was coming from but I heard something and was wondering what they were yelling about. Next thing I hear is a loud BANG, a short pause and then about 2 more.

All the cars that had people in them literally scattered and NOPED the fuck out while I just sat there trying to figure out what the fuck just happened and then immediately went back to finishing my food. About 5 minutes later a cop car rolled around and asked me if I heard any loud noises, and I told him that I was wearing some headphones but I did hear some guys yelling at each and some gunshots, but I'm probably not much use for info since I couldn't see where the gunshots were came from. And then he said thank you and went to go ask the other people near by.

Once I finished my food I went through the drive through again to get my mothers food and a concrete custard with m&ms (I didn't want my mothers food to get cold while I ate my food like a selfish prick) by the time I had finished going through the drive through a second time there were about 6 more cop cars parked along the side of the restaurant. Then I just drove home and gave my mom her food and told her about what happened while I was out.

Overall I'm doing pretty fine so far.
 
A-Z0-9 said:
Just reading, preparing, trying desperately to get more information - any piece of advice that can improve my chances of not getting raped/murdered/trafficked or whatever. With this Covid-19 business going around I finally have a excuse to stay at home and prepare as much as possible.
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What's going on that makes you see a substantial likelihood of being raped / trafficked / murdered?
 
One of my neighbors called and complained to the super of our apartment about noise/a party I was having. 1) I never have parties, 2) if I was making loud noise, it couldn't have been later than 9pm because I'm usually always in bed by then because of my work hours.

So the super told me to expect a warning letter in the mail. But what kind of cuck neighbor goes and calls and tells on you. Just knock on the door and tell them to turn it down.

So I'm pretty fucking pissed off.
 
i have my last 50$ stashed away in a cigar box...but i wanna just take it and run to the store to stock up on booze...and then some cans of soup and boxes of hot coca powder because it's currently snowing something fierce in NJ where i live.


and yes i have other food in the house but am debating on just going that extra mile. what do you guys think? any advice on what to do?

edit: fuck it im going out ill stock up on what i can and if theres anything left ill out it away and try not to touch it again. I worked hard today, had to go too and from work in the middle of a snowstorm and still have to go to work the rest of this week. i deserve to enjoy myself and get hammered to forget my troubles.
 
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I'm doing a lot better since the last time I posted when I'd seen this thread pop up. Currently 7 months along and though the world is still burning, I'm much more excited and looking forward to meeting my new babe.

Still a little worried in the back of my mind of course, but I would be anyway with the kids that are currently earthside, so meh. 🙂
 
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