How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

[rofllmaoxdwow]

I read a thread on here mentioning individuals I am directly tied to in real life.
The thread is inactive and they don't have the motivation or resources to subpoena me or attack the farms. Normalfags don't understand or give a shit, kiwis would understand and give a shit but would want evidence my anecdote is true - leading to a phonebook. I can't stop thinking about it now that I have read the thread. Its all so frustrating!

 

[(((I am NOT a jew)))]

I'm seriously weighing the options of doing something drastic right now.

My friend's cunt sister keeps sneaking her boyfriend in the house, who was banned for assaulting me. He didn't do much to me and I wasn't attacking back because 1)the dude's cunt sister was the only witness to the event 2)I'm a lot bigger than him 3)I had already been drinking. I didn't really feel like dealing with the police that night. Also, being an idiot, I only made a report and didn't try to get him arrested.
Well, she's sneaking him back in. My friend is a fucking coward who won't do anything besides text her that she's out of line. I'm stuck with two options
Stay out the lease for the next two months while knowing this piece of shit is being smuggled into the house by this faggots' literal bpd whore sister and try to find a place, or
Wait until he comes out, or bust her door down in the middle of the night and break his fucking head open.

I'm really wanting to go with the second option, considering no one else is doing anything. At this point, my life has very little going for it anyways so whatever happens to me as a result could be considered a positive. Setting a precedent of "No, you dumb cunt... you don't get to have your way" seems like an infinitely better option than "taking the high ground", which didn't accomplish shit the first time.
It's also been sad to realize how much of a coward someone I considered my friend actually is.

 

[DenseDeerFather]

I feel slightly excited. I've been saving up for a new laptop for some time now, and I hope to purchase it come June or July if sales are on my side.

I am usually not someone to get excited for what I consider leisurely luxury purchases (unlike the bed I got last month, because I really needed it, so I wouldn't get cut by the springs), but now I feel really hype for it.

My current device works fine because I meticulously do maintenance, but it's pre-owned and ancient, and the battery is getting kinda worn out, so it runs out faster now than it did five years ago when I bought it.

It's actually seven years old since the model came out in 2019 and as stated earlier, it was pre-owned. With the models I've looked at, I get the feeling that getting a new laptop is like going from one of those old brick phones from the 90s to an iPhone 15 with no in between in terms of processing power and speed.

 

[Me•cha•ni•cal]

I read a thread on here mentioning individuals I am directly tied to in real life.
The thread is inactive and they don't have the motivation or resources to subpoena me or attack the farms. Normalfags don't understand or give a shit, kiwis would understand and give a shit but would want evidence my anecdote is true - leading to a phonebook. I can't stop thinking about it now that I have read the thread. Its all so frustrating!

Idk what the circumstances are for you and your peeps but if the thread is not about a public figure (and inactive, old, short), you can try asking for a courtesy removal.

From the Removing content link at the bottom of the page:

Courtesy Removals​

In a rare situation, a courtesy removal may be given at our discretion.

• The thread is/was about a minor,
• The subject's Internet presence is now limited to our website,
• And they are no longer a public figure.

If you meet this criteria and your thread has been inactive for at least a year, Contact Us.

 

[Nameless One]

With what? How so?
I understand feeling like you wasted your 20s a bit. But literal childhood? Wasting it is quite literally the point. Should you have been in Harvard when you were drinking juice pouches?
The problem itself is with this overwhelming need in a lot of people in the first world to be "productive". To be validated or understood by a bunch of people who don't matter in the end. The idea of using your time wisely. When life just isn't really about that most of the time.
Either you're content or you're not. This is why you can find plumbers and janitors who are completely blissful and powerful politicians and entertainers who are miserable. If you don't want much and you're okay with who you are, you're pretty much set. If you want to do something because you love it and you're not doing it, you know what to do. If you want to do something purely because it will make you somebody or finally get rid of the fact that you weren't loved enough when you were five, you will constantly be disappointed.
The happiest moments of your life will tend to be those "wasted" moments that possibly could have been used to gain social or financial capital. But that's not what life's all about. You won't even notice how good of a time you were having until it's gone.

I agree. That's the whole point of life to waste it a little. Most of what I wasted weren't that regrettable when I'm doing well in life.

 

[Getmeout]

I read a thread on here mentioning individuals I am directly tied to in real life.
The thread is inactive and they don't have the motivation or resources to subpoena me or attack the farms. Normalfags don't understand or give a shit, kiwis would understand and give a shit but would want evidence my anecdote is true - leading to a phonebook. I can't stop thinking about it now that I have read the thread. Its all so frustrating!

That sucks, man, I'm sorry. My best advice is, well, you're not phonebooked rn and the thread's inactive so it's all good rn. Surreal to see, but all good.

 

[I Know 孤独のせい]

Feeling good albeit a bit tired. Played AoE 2 until 3 AM and had to nap twice during the day to feel okay again, and I am not even that old. Sometimes either through a game or movie or whatnot I get super into some specific period of history and start watching videos or reading wikis. This time it's the Napoleonic Wars again, so I am looking for recommended literature that would be interesting to read. Going to eat some hotdogs and pizza later and play some more video games. It's a good day.

 

[long waters]

Had a day... Idk if good or bad. It was some family event, technically it was a good thing. But while I tried to act as normal as I can, it did remind me I'm a retarded lonely incel chud, so instead of being happy about it I'm being a sadkunt tonight. Do I truly belong anywhere? Probably not. Every group both irl or "online community" that I'm part of is just a different mask. Maybe I don't even know who or what is the real me anymore. Maybe there is no real me.
Ah well, at least tomorrow I get to drink more coffee and work out more.

 

[PetiteFeet]

Welcome to my world, where I have no friends, I squandered my youth, then I squandered my prime, then I squandered my middle age, and now I am squandering the meager existence I have left, because squandering is all I have left.

Isn't "squander" just such a great word? Say it in your head right now. It rules. "I spent a lot of money on booze, women and fast cars. The rest I just squandered." George Best.

NGL, I would rather have squandered my life on boozing and being a slut than the way I did.
No. Actually. I'm pretty okay with being the opposite of a boozy whore, even if that makes me a shy wallflower kind of woman.

The thing that kills me the most is how bad I am at socialising unless it involves animals or specific "retro" video games (guess what, bitches, games from 20 years ago are retro now). The lack of identity and being able to connect with people over a broader range of subjects is what's sucking the life out of me.

Sometimes i dream about leaving everything behind and becoming a pilgrim

I've had this weird dream of walking the Shikoku 88 pilgrimage. Not because I'm religious or spiritual but the idea of having a clear goal in mind that goes beyond material wealth or social status feels like a valiant and noble thing to aspire to. Plus I've always wanted to visit Japan.
That, or walk the camino, for the same reasons just en route to Spain.
But I don't have the money nor the fortitude for either.

 

[Motherf*cker]

I'm drink, fuck life in it's gaping anus.

 

[Getmeout]

Confused. Ever since I had my ED phase at 17, I always had issues with my bladder. That was one thing I was always warned about, "Don't starve yourself! It'll fuck up your bladder". And lo and behold, after I recovered, my bladder was fucked. Last night I had the worst phase of it, I didn't sleep at all cause I spent the whole night pissing. I told my mom about it and she just said "Ah. Probably diabetes. You have put on weight." and I'm just... Confused? Really? So there were NO negative consequences to sweating pounds and eating nothing but a slice of lettuce a day? The consequences only came in when I STOPPED doing that??? Really???? Why did everyone tell me to stop then???????

 

[AnOminous]

Like SHIT! Like BLOW ME! Fucking fuck fuck fuck.

 

[nycifer]

I'm starting to have regular intervals of thoughts involving just not existing. Sleeping forever in nothing but darkness sounds pretty grand, to me.

 

[JanuaryViolet]

I hate society. Just put me in a psych ward forever, life would be so much better amongst the crazies.

Keep in mind that psych wards are, for real, full of people that are there because they have done stupid shit that got them in trouble with the law; or, (1) because they are mentally deficient and no one was watching them; (2) just entitled bastards or bitches who haven't yet gotten the serious asskicking they utterly deserve; (3) basic assholes that don't give a shit about anyone else; (4) addicts who have fucked their own lives and those of others; (5) BPD types that have somehow landed there; (6) some mixture of the above. A stay there will not help you.
It is not a place for depressed, anxious, halfway decent folks like you and me. A locked ward is basically a cleaner version of a medium security lockup. Club Feds are generally nicer.
Keep taking your Rx and be fucking sensible, ok? Ok.
=======
edit because typo and I should explain: my work involves sitting in arraignment court 8 hours a day, and I see this shit constantly.

 

[Friend of Dorothy Parker]

I'm starting to have regular intervals of thoughts involving just not existing. Sleeping forever in nothing but darkness sounds pretty grand, to me.

That's a fantasy of numbness or peace, not of death. Death isn't anything you feel, not darkness, not sleeping, not experience of nothingness. You just aren't.

 

[Getmeout]

It is not a place for depressed, anxious, halfway decent folks like you and me.

Your first mistake was assuming I'm a halfway decent person. My first stay at a psych ward was when I started crying and screaming and banging my head against walls and threatening to kill myself at high school. My second stay was when I actually tried to kill myself in the middle of the cafeteria. Gosh, high school was hell.