How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

  • Want to keep track of this thread?
    Accounts can bookmark posts, watch threads for updates, and jump back to where you stopped reading.
    Create account
I'm coming off from five days off and already a night in of the work week. I think a lot of my problem, on my side of things, was that I am combating against a tide that I just know that will ever be present both before I was there and will be after I decide to be done with this store.

So, instead of trying to combat it, I'm seeking ways to use it to my advantage. Because all that combating has been doing for me, is caving in my chances of even holding a job while I am taking on financial burdens for future plans to work themselves out.

Especially so, that I'm confronted by individuals and beings who just cannot logistically and reasonably see multiple angles of the problems. It is all just merely complaints to the void, a void who gives no fucks and never did.
 
Well, as I was preparing my fourth meal of the day because I’m always hungry, I was contemplating adding cucumbers to my diet to maybe curb the issue. Since I have been snacking on som (admittedly mid) pickled onions, I thought to myself “I wonder if you can pickle cucumbers.” I’m a fucking retard.
 
Last edited:
So if you're outside of a rough situation for a while or find some time for your mind to connect the dots with your past experiences, puzzle pieces are going to get put together when you're simply going about your business in day to day life. Such an event happened last night while reading, though I won't get into details for more reasons than one. All I'll say it makes sense why my paternal family is the way it is given the vanity I've seen for years.

Incidentally, I'm getting back into daily walking with throwing some weightlifting in. First thing in the morning, I take the same walk which I feel helps me wake up; body's in a fasting state given several hours with no food. I switch off chicken and fish every day in regard to meals, and I'm glad to have gotten my hands on some whole milk and cheese again. Have grown to like beets as well. Had a good phone call with my cousin yesterday.
 
I've put off drinking for a while. Not any crazy milestone, but a month and a half is impressive for me. I think I'm breaking that cycle tonight. I like the clarity and stark honesty I've been having lately. And I don't want to fall into old habits.
But it has been a TIME lately. So I'm just going to enjoy myself tonight.
The new job I get all my weekends off and my nights as well. It's actually a nice job, with minimal drama, decent people, and I'm getting exercise everyday. It's the one thing I've been really enjoying lately.

Really hate how things have played out. Feeling shitty about a number of things. Have immense regrets about the past. But I'm going to try to actually have fun for my weekend.

I miss actually distracting myself. I might have wasted a lot of my life but I feel at least five years ago I was wasting it doing shit I liked. Don't get too stuck in your own head and philosophize your life away, kiwis. Just chill and enjoy the small things sometimes. Distraction can be toxic, but it can be a really decent coping mechanism sometimes.
 
Last edited:
Something clicked in my brain this week, and randomly I found myself capable of working 12 hour days. Today's my third 12-hour in a row, and I'm feeling pretty good if a bit tired. I can see myself working up to a 996 schedule this summer and becoming a workaholic. Will stop if it begins to fuck me up, but so far it's really not bad. Kinda surprised more people don't recommend this. My goals feel much more achievable now
 
Hypercop said:
Something clicked in my brain this week, and randomly I found myself capable of working 12 hour days. Today's my third 12-hour in a row, and I'm feeling pretty good if a bit tired. I can see myself working up to a 996 schedule this summer and becoming a workaholic. Will stop if it begins to fuck me up, but so far it's really not bad. Kinda surprised more people don't recommend this. My goals feel much more achievable now
Click to expand...
I liked my old job in regards to 12 hr days, because it'd rotate 2 days on and 2 days off, with a split shift thrown in there. It was an easy 40 hrs with the constant ability to get OT due to someone always calling out.
 
PetiteFeet said:
I miss having friends. I miss being a carefree teenager.
I wish I hadn't squandered my youth.
1AM blues.
Click to expand...
I'd be ur friend. You seem cool.
Nameless One said:
You can still at least make new friends along the way. Youth is wasted on the young, haha. I wasted mine too, but I don't regret it severely.


We all will waste some of our childhood. Especially as teens.
Click to expand...
I feel like a lot of childhood can still be enjoyed, only thing holding a lot of people back is shame. And maybe lack of time. I still like shows and toys and games from my childhood, but I also go to college. I guess the "friends" aspect I can't get back cause no one likes a 20 yr ld who still likes shows and toys and games from her childhood, but tbf I never had friends growing up so ya I guess nothing's changed!
 
PetiteFeet said:
I miss having friends. I miss being a carefree teenager.
I wish I hadn't squandered my youth.
1AM blues.
Click to expand...
Welcome to my world, where I have no friends, I squandered my youth, then I squandered my prime, then I squandered my middle age, and now I am squandering the meager existence I have left, because squandering is all I have left.

Isn't "squander" just such a great word? Say it in your head right now. It rules. "I spent a lot of money on booze, women and fast cars. The rest I just squandered." George Best.
 
Last edited:
AnOminous said:
Isn't "squander" just such a great word? Say it in your head right now. It rules. "I spent a lot of money on booze, women and fast cars. The rest I just squandered." George Best.
Click to expand...
Read a thread titled "those who worked for early retirement, did it pay off?". 4/5 replies were from middle-class boomers who sold a house to a $3m profit. What'd they do? Travel, buy cars, drink. I can't even be envious of that, sounds horrid. You've been to one tourist-infested south european city, you've been to them all.

Real adventure lies in things that cost more in effort and discipline than money. You can buy a bike and go tenting with strangers or hitchhike across the country and saying yes to every single invitation and end up in something short of a coming-of-age blockbuster. Hoes be depressed but not depressed enough to do something about it. Myself included. Well, I'm aiming for a motorbike; the question is whether I'll have the balls to rent a airbnb 200 miles away and going there. Maybe tenting nearby is a good start..
PetiteFeet said:
I miss having friends. I miss being a carefree teenager.
I wish I hadn't squandered my youth.
1AM blues.
Click to expand...
>Running around drunk with 'friends' you tell all kinds of personal things cause you're both drunk
>Act like you don't matter to them the next week until the next school party
>Rinse repeat
one thing Druk got right was that 'running in the middle of the empty road drunk' part. Peak euphoria. Sober enough to remember it and think "damn this summer heat got me hype for life". Then you graduate, telling your friends "nah bro we won't lose touch, we ain't like them" and yet you do.
 
Nameless One said:
We all will waste some of our childhood. Especially as teens.
Click to expand...
With what? How so?
I understand feeling like you wasted your 20s a bit. But literal childhood? Wasting it is quite literally the point. Should you have been in Harvard when you were drinking juice pouches?
The problem itself is with this overwhelming need in a lot of people in the first world to be "productive". To be validated or understood by a bunch of people who don't matter in the end. The idea of using your time wisely. When life just isn't really about that most of the time.
Either you're content or you're not. This is why you can find plumbers and janitors who are completely blissful and powerful politicians and entertainers who are miserable. If you don't want much and you're okay with who you are, you're pretty much set. If you want to do something because you love it and you're not doing it, you know what to do. If you want to do something purely because it will make you somebody or finally get rid of the fact that you weren't loved enough when you were five, you will constantly be disappointed.
The happiest moments of your life will tend to be those "wasted" moments that possibly could have been used to gain social or financial capital. But that's not what life's all about. You won't even notice how good of a time you were having until it's gone.
 
I hate society. Just put me in a psych ward forever, life would be so much better amongst the crazies.
 
Getmeout said:
I hate society. Just put me in a psych ward forever, life would be so much better amongst the crazies.
Click to expand...
Having spent some time in a psych ward I have to admit it was a really (cool) time and I (solved a few jigsaw pozzled) loved the people I had to interact with. I loved the weird little tickets you had to check off for your meals. I loved that we got to taunt normal people. I love that we got an audience of normies, and could yell "We represent the mentally ill" at them.

And we actually did taunt the same people. ;
 
AnOminous said:
Having spent some time in a psych ward I have to admit it was a really time and I loved the people I had to interact with. I loved the weird little tickets you had to check off for your meals. I loved that we got to taunt normal people. I love that we got an audience of normies, and could yell "We represent the mentally ill" at them.
Click to expand...
I've been to a psych ward too and ya, it was fun choosing meals and them actually be okay-ish, and to meet people who you talk to them and you're like. Oh! So they're JUST as weird as you! I had to leave early though cause my mom kept talking about how me being gone made her want to kill herself and coldly asking "So are you done with your little fit yet?" whenever I called to check on her. I still remember how bad she yelled at me when I came back, thinking back to it makes me want to vomit.
 
Early morning thoughts: I feel that the friends I've had just let me go, and it was so easy. May be I let them down easy, in some cases I couldn't see my value and I let them go. I have one friend who I would love to reconnect with but he has become a degenerate and it's sad because he loves me through my worst; he invited me over to a house party or just to chill. He introduced me to Vampire Masquerade and it was our Saturday. He encouraged me to play video games badly but he did not care. He knew me at fifteen and was probably the reason why I started smoking and other things.
I want to reconnect with him the most, but he has chosen a lifestyle which effects the way I see him.
All it would take is a phonecall
 
Every day is the same loop and each time I try breaking out of it it just continues the loop. It'd be less uniquely terrible if I wasn't trapped with no way forward aside from shit getting worse in my life because not event he people that can support me want to. I'm tired of the worst case scenario always being what predictably happens.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top Bottom