How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

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Acting class is incredibly fun! I personally am not seeing the "theatre kid" stereotype. At least not negatively, all my classmates are eccentric gay liberals but they're fun eccentric gay liberals

On the topic of jobs, how tf do you get a job I've been looking for months.
 
I'm feeling bad, tbh. I'm so miserable and feel so alone; I'm constantly isolated and never get to be around people. I hate doing online school, but my mom insists on it, and I don't have my driver's license. Luckily, my mom seems open to me getting one, but it's so embarrassing that I have to dream about milestones most kids got in their teenage years, and even if I get my license, it's uncertain what will happen next. Maybe I will get a job, but if I can't do that, it's just misery forever. I guess nothing ever changes. I don't even want to wake up anymore. Kiwifarms doesn't make me happy. I enjoy music, but it's not like it used to be; nothing makes me happy anymore. I feel like life is coming to an end; it's like my parents are driving a car into a wall, and I can't stop them. I'm very particular about numbers, and 6 is associated with bad things to me. 2025 seemed like the year to turn my life around, but literally nothing changed; it was almost an entirely wasted year, and now I constantly see the calendar moving closer to 2030, and I feel an impending sense of doom.

While I'm suffering from all of these problems, it upsets me so much being reminded of other kids going to college. I often overhear my parents or people at the grocery store talking about their kids going off to college and achieving things, and I have to hold back my tears knowing I could have gone to a real college like everybody else if it wasn't for my parents homeschooling me for no reason. As some of you know, I was online schooled throughout high school and now college, and it's so freaking lonely. All of my classmates are older than me and are usually going back to school. The only interaction I have with them is the forum posts for my grades, and those aren't very meaningful. I'm a people person, but I'm never allowed to be around people. The few times I am allowed around people that aren't family away from my parents, I feel like a weight is lifted off my shoulders. Life is great when my parents aren't around, but they are almost always around. I feel like a kid with no autonomy, and nothing ever changes. My mom insists she's proud of me for doing online school, but I'm ashamed of myself because I couldn't pass basic math tests, but she's so delusional she thinks I'm at a real college like the other kids.

Edit: I'm feeling a little bit better now. Hopefully the driver's license thing works out. Sorry for doom posting; I have mood swings.
 
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The loss of that "friendship" (from back in November) haunts me yet again. I was doing just fine and hardly thinking about it for a while but it just hit me really strongly today, for some reason. We'd usually still be jabbering at each other, around this hour. I'd probably have a meme or a video to look forward to when I woke up. Now I've got nothing, and it's largely my own fault for being such a self-isolating dickhead.

Still can't wrap my head around treating someone (the royal) you care about like they're a plaything you can just throw away when get bored of them. I dunno. I hate feeling like this. It'll pass, but it sure sucks nuts in the meantime.

The website development is going well, at least. Slow, because hobby, but I'm really enjoying it. I've gotten to the stage where I look back at all the stuff I did initially and go "yikes, that's messy" or "I could do that a million times better now" and end up going back to fix it. Fun to see the learning curve paying off, but annoying to constantly be moving the goalpost on myself, lmao.

I don't have any friends I can really show it off to, but I'm happy with my work. And that feels good.
 
sometimes self-reflection is needed more often than I currently do, it’s actually helpful when i contemplate how I feel about other people compared to what i do, as one person here told me we’re all wretched sinners at the end of the day
 
Skelboen said:
I can't explain how much I love cows. I've been a dairy worker for 10+ years but also do veterinary work for cheap cunts that can't afford to call the vet. I'll tackle a heifer and go elbow-deep in her to retrieve a calf, and I'll ween the shit out of that little thing. I've got so many potty calves that are like puppies or kittens at the moment
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Nah man, I get it. In another life I would've been either a vet and working with cattle, or a zookeeper working with large predators.
Cows are just something else. Big grass puppies. I like equines too but there's just something about a great big beef-bred bull that I can't explain. I think it's their gentle eyes that just ooze personality. Unlike a stallion. Of course, I wouldn't get between an intact male anything and his lady. That's just bad news bears.
Cups2Cups said:
I'm more of a multi-tool of useless knowledge that somehow comes out at the right time and suddenly everything is either better or burning.
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I have a lot of surface level knowledge on the most bizarre shit. None of it is really useful except to make people think I'm anything but a NEET.
I'd rather have useless knowledge that's potentially useful, than the assortment of random animal facts that take up space in my brain at the cost of everything else.
LongTallTexan said:
but it's so embarrassing that I have to dream about milestones
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Stop that. There's nothing embarrassing about wanting better for yourself, regardless of whether it's a milestone average people hit earlier than you did.
Go get your driver's license! I believe in you.
It's okay to doom-post, I do that too. Remember to be kind to yourself. It's one of those things that can feel incredibly difficult when you need it the most, so take your time.
You don't have to get everything right the first time. It's a very low percentage of us who did that.
 
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currently working on getting out of the horrible part of town I live in. stories of abuse, murder, theft are relatively common. there's also basically noone my age since it's overrun with snowbird boomers. things will look up for me soon though, I'm sorting everything out and will eventually be on my way to a new community, an actual community. community is what matters to me more than anything else and I've spent my entire life so far with a dearth of it. I'm sick of everyone I meet being awful faggots, sick of living like trash. I deserve better than trash.

it'll be over with soon though (hopefully by the end o' 2026 but that's kinda :optimistic:), and I can finally have a real life. God is on my side, too. i'll never doom
 
Collected my final check today. The lady who fired me was acting strange. Real quiet, basically spoke in a soft whisper (single party consent so she correctly assumed I was secretly recording), really generous too. Gave me all my performance and attendance bonuses and when I pointed out they forgot about my unused vacation time she quickly fixed it with no fuss. Quite the change from a few days ago when she tried to fire me on bulshit grounds because she liked a teacher and wanted to hire his friend. I wish I did more research on my workers rights because I bet I could have gotten severance too if I asked. But I just wanted to be done and gone. A simple boilerplate contract termination document and that was that.

I also wish I had a lawyer handy because the vibe I got from them was "We fucked up big time, please don't sue or report us."

I'm free, not sure what's next outside of leaving this fucking city, it's brought me nothing but grief the last few years and I'm ready to move on.
 
Work's been a bit rough, writing is... slow, and I've got several songs from K-Pop Demon Hunters stuck in my head on endless repeat partially thanks to a co-worker.

Send help.
 
Today went better than I expected. I didn't drink enough yesterday in honour of Cobes to get hungover, so I woke up early and got ready.
Almost had an anxious breakdown while shopping but it thankfully stayed entirely in my head, even if my heart made me think I was dying. Fucking hate those people that want to sell you a new phone plan and they don't take "no thanks" for an answer. I've been considering getting an "invisible illness" keychain that they give away for free. It feels a bit like deliberately giving myself a Judenstern and I doubt 80% of the public knows what it means, so it probably wouldn't stop people soliciting me at random either..

Met several of our doggie friends on our pre-dinner walk and I got to talk to the cutest 5 month old corgi. I may or may not have puppy fever.

I've been chipping away at a To Do list for tomorrow, I want to have no excuses to avoid my garden a fourth summer in a row. I'm going to get some flower seeds and some grass seeds, and I want to get rid of the moss and the dandelions in my lawn. I don't need a neat and perfect garden but I dislike the look of a dandelion field with bald spots of zero grass, and my gardening shouldn't be reliant on my father. I want to do better and have more control.
 
Getmeout said:
Acting class is incredibly fun! I personally am not seeing the "theatre kid" stereotype. At least not negatively, all my classmates are eccentric gay liberals but they're fun eccentric gay liberals

On the topic of jobs, how tf do you get a job I've been looking for months.
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There's always crushing your soul with foodservice (like me).

Tax: Working with foids in foodservice management has somehow made me more sexist than communicating with the foids on the Farms.
 
Squanto Airi said:
There's always crushing your soul with foodservice (like me).
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I applied to a good few but was rejected. Then I stopped admitting I was black on my application and I got an interview. They still haven't gotten back to me though, and I even wore a suit. I wore A SUIT for a McDonalds interview. I think I'm just eternally fucked or something.
Squanto Airi said:
Tax: Working with foids in foodservice management has somehow made me more sexist than communicating with the foids on the Farms.
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I've always been kinda sexist. Y'see, the issue comes from a lot of bad experiences with women, that COULD be fixed if I got a legit apology and understanding. But the only women who have genuinely said "That's awful, I'm so sorry" either barely or straight up didn't even identify as women. The women that are proud to be women are also proud to be shitheads. So I'm getting to a point where I have to wonder if I'm justified in hating women. What always stops me is replacing "women" with "black" and see how it makes me feel. There's probably some woman out there like me, self-hating, self-flaggelating, and carrying the guilt of her entire race gender on her shoulders, the thought that she's out there makes me hold back any genuine misogyny out of solidarity and empathy.
 
Getmeout said:
I applied to a good few but was rejected. Then I stopped admitting I was black on my application and I got an interview. They still haven't gotten back to me though, and I even wore a suit. I wore A SUIT for a McDonalds interview. I think I'm just eternally fucked or something.
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That's just The Man trying to keep a proud Balack brotha down ✊🏿
Getmeout said:
I've always been kinda sexist. Y'see, the issue comes from a lot of bad experiences with women, that COULD be fixed if I got a legit apology and understanding. But the only women who have genuinely said "That's awful, I'm so sorry" either barely or straight up didn't even identify as women. The women that are proud to be women are also proud to be shitheads. So I'm getting to a point where I have to wonder if I'm justified in hating women. What always stops me is replacing "women" with "black" and see how it makes me feel. There's probably some woman out there like me, self-hating, self-flaggelating, and carrying the guilt of her entire race gender on her shoulders, the thought that she's out there makes me hold back any genuine misogyny out of solidarity and empathy.
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It's less that, and more so the same catty behavior that drives me sexist is also seen in other men so that drives me towards "self-hating man".
 
Slow day. Annoying Boomerlib coworker's wife comes in and they start talking about Erika Kirk. Had to take my lunch break earlier than I wanted so I don't have to be in the room for whatever sludge comes out of their mouths next.

The thing is, he's a nice guy on the surface, but not around other libtards. If he knew my political views I think he'd want me to die.
 
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PetiteFeet said:
dandelions
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Ah! I have a tool recommendation for you!
Behold the fiskars upright weed puller . Do not even think about tackling dandelions without it. Dandelion root can be dried and all parts are edible. The leaves can be salad or tea. Not if you dog goes out and pees in rhe lawn though.
But - do leave some - they are the first flowers that open (if you live where I think you live) with enough pollen for the bees, so they are an important food source. And don’t worry about moss either. Stick some mixed clover and grass seed down and enjoy the wildlife IMG_5483.jpeg
 
Otterly said:
Ah! I have a tool recommendation for you!
Behold the fiskars upright weed puller . Do not even think about tackling dandelions without it. Dandelion root can be dried and all parts are edible. The leaves can be salad or tea. Not if you dog goes out and pees in rhe lawn though.
But - do leave some - they are the first flowers that open (if you live where I think you live) with enough pollen for the bees, so they are an important food source. And don’t worry about moss either. Stick some mixed clover and grass seed down and enjoy the wildlifeView attachment 8766029
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Thank you, that's exactly my plan. Alas, I don't want to eat the dandelions and I don't have a rabbit or know someone with a rabbit, so they're just gonna get chucked. I don't mind weeds, it's a silly concept in general but I also don't want to be a nuisance to my neighbours because I'm overrun by dandelions. I'd like to have them managed, rather than entirely outlawed from my garden. I try to pluck the heads before they sprout into the fuzzy seed bombs but otherwise I leave them.
Same with the moss, I don't want to ban it completely as my garden is pretty shaded in general and it'd be a foolish endeavour, but I'd wager a sweet deal of 20-25% moss and then a mix of flowers, clovers and regular grass for the remaining lawn is an acceptable and "bio diverse" garden. Plus my dog would love frolicking in the clover.

I think my father has a weed puller, otherwise I can afford to buy my own. I have an oldschool hand dandelion tool but my general neglect of my physique has been the main hindrance in getting to work with it, so the weed puller would be a god-send.
 
PetiteFeet said:
my general neglect of my physique has been the main hindrance in getting to work with it, so the weed puller would be a god-send.
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You’ll hurt your back doing it with a hand tool, but this lets you just go at your own pace and pull them out. So it’s nice exercise too, and fairly gentle on your body.
One year I pulled three wheelbarrows full of thistles and dandelions out… insanity! You can compost the dandelions, and chuck the thorns. Enjoy!
 
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