How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

[Quijibo69]

I think I'm starting to improve at least a little bit, a lot of getting out of a situation like mine requires acceptance, I fully admit I am not a people person, and to a big extent I can be a fucking asshole over the slightest annoyance, even here, I have come to see the ability to avoid annoying shit as a virtue, and as a person with a family history of mental health problems its literally far better to do less, like my daily life is usually some combination vidya,watching tv, going for a walk or riding my bike if its nice out, working on my novel,and making an occasional post on GWD here, I do think not reaching normal milestones previous people typically enjoyed (IRL Friends,Dating,Marriage,etc.) sucks but its good to remember that im not the only one here and im probably a common case among 25-30 year olds, past 3 weeks have been 2/10 whereas this week feels close to a 7-8/10 so its progress

I've never been a people person, I'm middle aged and never had a partner. My lifelong problem has always been I look younger than I am and it sucks.

 

[Mesh Gear Fox]

Just saw an old post by @WASR96 and he's no longer Kiwi gold. Which means his bank account has been closed out by his family. I mean we already knew he was gone, but this confirms it. Sad, I really liked the guy and wish we had a little more time with him.

 

[Dieter Laser]

Took a 4800 mile cross country road trip with my GF and just really reminded myself of how beautiful it all is and how blessed we are to be living here.

Been home a few weeks and life just feels right.

I’m happy, and I’m loving life.

I’m just happy.

 

[Otterly]

It's my birthday.

Thanks, KF and frens, for being a sounding board for all my misgivings with modern society.
Thanks for tolerating me when I was not at my best.
Thanks for being a place where I could meet other women kinda like me.

Happy birthday! We really need a secret handshake so we can identify each other at the school gates and assuage our terrible loneliness with RL meetings and cups of tea. Hope you’re getting a bit more sleep.

Just saw an old post by @WASR96 and he's no longer Kiwi gold. Which means his bank account has been closed out by his family. I mean we already knew he was gone, but this confirms it. Sad, I really liked the guy and wish we had a little more time with him.

He was nice - we exchanged a few messages, he was a likeable guy. I guess none of us know how much time we have left .

 

[PetiteFeet]

I think people with mental health issues are the only group who are shamed for taking medication to treat their illnesses. You never see anyone shaming people with diabetes for needing insulin but if you need prescription medication to treat depression you’re a wuss.

Just focus on getting better. Use any means possible to improve your health and your life. If meds make that possible then so be it.

I agree with you, I just haven't been unmedicated for longer than a month in the last 20 years. I would like to know if I have a personality hidden beneath the SSRI zombie. The SSRI zombie meme is overused, no doubt about that and it's overused by people who haven't got any experience with mental health issues, but there is a nugget of truth behind the jokes.
It's not shame, but curiosity, that has me wanting to be unmedicated.

That, and the insane amounts of money I spend every month on something that could be used on something else entirely, like a hobby or a gym membership. I am not destitute, nor am I poor, but the disability I'm on doesn't allow for much "fun" on the side.
I'm more or less just surviving, both economically and mentally. Not drowning, but I can definitely feel the sharks nibbling at my toes.

-
Made the mistake of listening to a streamer's karaoke, where she sang a couple of love songs. Now I'm just feeling sad and alone, yearning.
At least I got a new vacuum cleaner yesterday, like I promised myself I would.

 

[Agares]

So a couple years ago, an IRL friend of mine texted me for Christmas, and then when I tried to respond and reach out to him, I got a notice saying his number was disconnected. His life wasn't in the best place financially or emotionally and he did hint at suicidal ideations years ago, so naturally I worried he'd gone through with it. I wanted to know if he was ok, so I did something kind of stupid and asked his Steam friends if they'd heard from him lately (he never accepted my friend request or appeared online). Well, turns out he is ok and he changed his number without telling me and then he emailed me a long screed calling me a stalker for reaching out to his friends to ask if he was ok.

Bro, you literally ghosted me without telling me what was up. Why are people like this? He said he was going through some shit and I get it, but a simple "oh hey my life isn't too great right now and I don't want to talk" would be better than just ghosting someone for 2 years then crashing out at him when he reaches out to make sure you're ok. I wasn't even aware of any bad blood between us and he legit acted like I'd pissed in his cereal or something.

I'm sick of people, man. I'm probably better off as a recluse with a cat.

 

[Otterly]

I'm sick of people, man

You did nothing wrong.

I'm probably better off as a recluse with a cat.

Cats make everything better.

 

[Let it burn to fuckin ash]

Watched a great aussie sleep study/documentary. More or less everyone were 'technically' cured from insomnia by first only laying down in the hours they actually sleep, even if it's 3am to 5am, until they're in such severe sleep debt they sleep in those hours, after which they add a buffer in each end until they get 7-8 hours in a good window. On top of that; sleep on your side, no water an hour before bed, no screens an hour before bed, eat latest 4 hours before bed. Follow those rules and you're already in the top 5%.

But it's difficult and people relapse. I've sadly gone back to having my phone in my hand during bed cause I go to bed super early, but it's hard to force myself to sit up longer when I'm bored and depressed to death. Yet the path forward is literally there. Once you're used to it, it'll suck and hurt to stray from it.

Thanks for this. Sleep is like a checking account, feel like I've been on a negative balance for some time. Read this a few days ago, trying not to eat from craving though it is a challenge.

Phone is a good step to get rid of...being bored is a hard thing to relearn. Cognitively, I don't want to do any more hard brain stuff...work and studying tax my brain too much and sometimes I feel like I deserve to not think, you know? But then, it is a slippery slope.

 

[Let it burn to fuckin ash]

I learned a new breadmaking technique today, autolysis and folding
I also fed and multiplied my seven year old levain
For thee i offer you this meager offering of flour and water, hoping to appease the hungry gods of yeast

This is brilliant! Making bread is so satisfying!
It is also so easy to make good bread without so much work. I grew up thinking it was work, need to knead it, be strong arms, all that...but shit, after reading Flour Water Salt Yeast, just need a couple plastic bins, a dutch oven, and time. Except, levain might as well be magic to me.

 

[Let it burn to fuckin ash]

My nigga! Rowing is based. Top tier form of cardio for sure.
Edit: Since I've been on a daily cardio grind, my sleep has been amazing. Definitely should have jumped on the cardio grind much earlier, but I'm lazy and I kind of hated it. You can definitely feel the difference if you are consistent with it for weeks.

Thx...been on an off again for years but it seems the right thing to do now to address the sleep. How do you keep yourself doing whatever you do when you're not "feeling like it"? I have a hard time trying to pivot from whatever it is i'm doing to simply sitting in the saddle for 20m so always looking for ideas.

 

[long waters]

Thx...been on an off again for years but it seems the right thing to do now to address the sleep. How do you keep yourself doing whatever you do when you're not "feeling like it"? I have a hard time trying to pivot from whatever it is i'm doing to simply sitting in the saddle for 20m so always looking for ideas.

Caffeine (coffee) and venting frustration mostly. I usually have a cup half an hour or an hour before working out.

Thx...been on an off again for years

Yeah, kind of the same until last year. I've been slacking hard since some time after the corona covid thing. I started locking in more last year but I haven't really been fully committed to cutting. Dropped 25-30 pounds or something by just doing more cardio and eating more homecooked meals and less goyslop. But I've slowed down a lot on the last 20 I should be dropping. Not particularly concerned with that though, I'll get there in time. I'm just trying to consistently work out without slacking anymore, focusing on cardio and stretching mostly with some really basic calisthenics stuff other than the rowing.
After many years, I've come to the conclusion that the most important and effective thing when it comes to lifting as an amateur, is actually doing it and doing it consistently, rather than trying to find some magical program that will get you mindblowing results. The issue for most amateur fitness chumps like me is getting distracted or discouraged and not doing it consistently, when building discipline is one of the most important things to be doing when it comes to such things.

 

[souschef]

This is brilliant! Making bread is so satisfying!
It is also so easy to make good bread without so much work. I grew up thinking it was work, need to knead it, be strong arms, all that...but shit, after reading Flour Water Salt Yeast, just need a couple plastic bins, a dutch oven, and time. Except, levain might as well be magic to me.

Just fed the yeast babies. I got two jars now

About kneading, i learned a folding technique that makes bread baking really easy. Just let autolysis do the work, then fold the dough 5x, rest 30 minutes, then repeat the process 3 times. It gets incredibly smooth

Sometimes i still knead the old fashioned way doing brioches and such

One of my 2026 resolutions is to get better at panification because honestly i'm pretty lame at it

 

[Me•cha•ni•cal]

I would like to know if I have a personality hidden beneath the SSRI zombie.

I never got the numbing or suppressing feeling many complain about with SSRIs, but if you’ve been on them since childhood I understand that you wonder what it’s like to be without them.

insane amounts of money I spend every month on something that could be used on something else entirely, like a hobby or a gym membership

I highly recommend the gym. I’ve been back for like 3 weeks now and I’ve gone from taking 3-4h to fall asleep to less than 1 hour after going to bed. Where I live some gyms offer discounts if you have a prescription from your health care provider. I think it should be available where you live too.

At least I got a new vacuum cleaner yesterday, like I promised myself I would.

are you on team cord or team cordless?

 

[PetiteFeet]

I never got the numbing or suppressing feeling many complain about with SSRIs, but if you’ve been on them since childhood I understand that you wonder what it’s like to be without them.


I highly recommend the gym. I’ve been back for like 3 weeks now and I’ve gone from taking 3-4h to fall asleep to less than 1 hour after going to bed. Where I live some gyms offer discounts if you have a prescription from your health care provider. I think it should be available where you live too.


are you on team cord or team cordless?

I definitely want to get on a better exercise regiment than just walking my dog, but currently my body image is keeping me from joining a gym. I'm working on it, I'm trying to get my mother hooked on the idea of swimming once her second hip replacement surgery has gone through and she's recovered enough to safely do so but we're a couple of months away from that.
I'll remember and ask my doctor the next time I have the chance, thanks for the tip!

I am decidedly team corded. I only have 63 square metres of home but I have wood floors and a dog with long hair, so a cord isn't an issue for me at all.
I went ham and bought a Miele Guard M1 Cat & Dog although I have no idea if it is superior to other "pet owner" vacuums that were available to me. The shop I bought it from has a very loose attitude towards providing the same clear specs on everything on their website, be it phones, vacuums or dishwashers. Annoying, but the specialist mom & pop shops are all long dead.

 

[natsukashii]

fucking awesome

 

[AnOminous]

Just saw an old post by @WASR96 and he's no longer Kiwi gold. Which means his bank account has been closed out by his family. I mean we already knew he was gone, but this confirms it. Sad, I really liked the guy and wish we had a little more time with him.

It was pretty clear he was gone but it fucking sucks. I miss this dude.

 

[nycifer]

This is the last time I ever keep my hopes up about anything. I checked my work phone to see where I am and I did not see a 19. I was fucking lied to. It was more like 18.73, some .25 increase.

This puts into perspective, how even more full of shit that coach of mine is. You expect me to kill myself for you, now that I know you guys lied to me? After everything I do.

I feel more validated for using the ppto/pto system to.my advantage.

This is a learning lesson, do not make yourself overly reliable.

 

[Squanto Airi]

but currently my body image is keeping me from joining a gym.

Would it help if you realized a lot of the people in the gym also have body image issues?

 

[⋖ cørdion ⋗]

It's a leddit dump but basically explains my situation at work perfectly. I was sick for two days and was told "the skeletons come out when we have to look into your assignments". Bitch, the skeletons I have -despite- being reprimanded for trying to take initiative because of how you treat me? What kind of gotcha is that? "We noticed the dog pissing in the corner of the room after we beat and abused it for months. Curious...."

I highly recommend the gym. I’ve been back for like 3 weeks now and I’ve gone from taking 3-4h to fall asleep to less than 1 hour after going to bed. Where I live some gyms offer discounts if you have a prescription from your health care provider. I think it should be available where you live too.

I used to work out every day pretty much until I got this weird stinging in the center of my brain from exertion. I kinda wanna go back but I still just prefer "useful" training like biking or running. I recognize the mental use of going to the gym as well but man, really need to be in that mindset, and if I get my old job back, I'll be doing manual labor and walking 13k steps a day. Not exactly the kind of job that puts you in the mindset to work out as well. It would help as a replacement for wanting to drink at least.

Would it help if you realized a lot of the people in the gym also have body image issues?

"What if these roid bros obsessed with staring at themselves.. stared at me?". In general people think too highly of themselves. Rarely do people ever think of anyone but themselves, and if they do, it's a quick glance and "hm".

 

[A Proud Black Woman]

I AM BLACK!