How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

[Otterly]

Issue is that there's nothing to learn here.

That does suck.

 

[stick]

I struggle with this myself. Never really gotten into the workbook/journaling thing, I know it’s useful but my brain just cringes right off it.

This is the one she suggested to me. I do think it's hard to get through without cringing. Pokes me right on that "what are you doing, you're obviously scum deluding yourself into thinking you're not" button.

I tried it briefly but I ran out of shit to write. I already talk to myself a lot and generally sit around thinking, which I guess is what journaling replaces for people who're incapable of that.

I think the purpose of journaling is a way to get the thoughts out of your head. If you talk to yourself out loud that would already serve the purpose, I guess? Despite being an overthinker I have always found journaling to be boring, though, so what do I know.

 

[⋖ cørdion ⋗]

That does suck.

Today I basically acted as if I was on the way out, expecting to get this old job back. It was almost liberating, not asking any questions out loud, trying to take on new duties and tasks. Just sit there and twirl around in the things I've already got going on which are of very little importance. Maybe I should just consider it quiet quitting while I look elsewhere. That brings me back to the original point though: There are no jobs here. A friend said he grinded away at a data input job and it made me realize there's literally no such hubs around here. No office buildings no nothing.

I've been listening to a lot of celebrity podcast type shit and I swear, they all found success moving to the big city. I guess that's just how it is? It's as if out here, there's only small-time blue collar work, which I still think I'd be better suited for. There's a 2-year IT thing for adults that people either speak greatly or poorly of. And in the end, no matter how much I discuss this type of thing with my friends, it's all "down to luck" and yet everyone got more of it than I.

I just miss not thinking about my job all the time. Shit, I didn't the first 4 months of this job. No idea why I started now.

 

[Otterly]

I've been listening to a lot of celebrity podcast type shit and I swear, they all found success moving to the big city.

There’s a lot of confirmation and survivor bias there, as well as the fact that celebs are t the people you want to listen to.
What do you want to do? what’s your ideal (within reasonable bounds) stuff that makes up a job? By that I don’t mean a job title, I mean the things that make up the job. Like working with your hands, working with people, creative, physical, analytical etc?

 

[Motherf*cker]

I'm not good

 

[PetiteFeet]

Had a good day.
My night was absolutely awful, didn't get any sleep until 5-6am and I basically cried myself to sleep but despite that I set an alarm to 12pm with the intention of, at minimum, going to the forest with my dog. I woke up ten minutes before my alarm, got dressed and fed the dog, put on a podcast and we left the house for I want to say 2 hours.
We met a dog/owner we've met a couple of times before, the dog is a 1 year old bichon who's a little shy and fearful (reminds me a lot of my own dog when she was a puppy) and she gets along pretty well with mine. The owner and I spoke a bit, just casual chatting about how the weather was nice and that her dog enjoys looking at the scottish highland cattle from the local farm. I asked if she wanted to join me walking through the dog park which is right next to where the cattle grazes and she agreed.
When we had walked through the dog park, I bid her farewell after pointing her in the direction of where she'd parked, as she's recently moved into the neighbourhood and doesn't know the forest like I do.
Went grocery shopping, spent more money than I probably should have on protein but my chicken reserves are running low in my freezer.
Showered, then took a nap because my stamina is still shit.

My biology is kicking my ass right now, so I'm feeling pretty accomplished all things considered. Really trying to internalise that I am allowed to feel accomplished, even if I "didn't succeed with my entire list of plans". My cottage pie ingredients won't spoil over night in my fridge and neither will the chicken I bought, and making mashed potatoes at 20:23 seems like an insane choice even by my standards.

 

[General Patton]

I have no qualms about going to the dentist, I'm luckily someone who is not phased by it but the cost is absolutely insane. Last time I got them fixed I took out a chunk of my superannuation to cover it, but this time is much harder to afford.

The problem is how expensive dental is and how it's not counted as medical.

 

[long waters]

I've been feeling really good lately, as in last week or so. I've been on a daily cardio and coffee grind for over 3 weeks now and I feel better than ever. Not really caffeine maxxing, keeping it somewhat moderate I think, a cup in the morning, one at lunch, and one at dinner. I know it sounds weird having coffee late but my sleep has been pretty great lately, no issues there. I'm telling you it's the cardio. Take the cardio pill, it feels great.

 

[Uncle Tom's Condo]

Cut work to go skiing last week and will probably do so again this week at least one day. It's been too nice to sit in the office now that the sun is getting off its lazy ass and warming things into the teens during the daytime. Spring is the best season. Hell, might ditch work on Friday too and take a roadtrip to get to some ski place I've never been to in the winter and make a long weekend out of it. Feels good, man.

 

[PetiteFeet]

The problem is how expensive dental is and how it's not counted as medical.

Not even in my socialist democrat universal healthcare wonderland does dental count under government healthcare. It sucks.
It's even proven that your oral health affects your mental health, and that people with mental health problems have worse teeth than those who don't have a mental illness.
I don't mind having to pay once or twice a year, but it's so expensive if you need more than a single tooth fixed. I can afford my dental work as it is currently but if my teeth get worse than they currently are, I am SOL. Thanks to my anti-depressants, I suffer from dry mouth and I can visibly see how my teeth have changed in the five years I've been on my current anti-depressants, even if my oral hygiene has never been better (thanks Cobes for inspiring me to take better care of myself)

Take the cardio pill, it feels great.

Exercise is so important. I hate sweating and moving around in clammy clothes, and I've always struggled with hitting that sweet "runners high" that people experience, but losing weight is fucking amazing.
Keep going, you got this!

 

[Getmeout]

I've noticed I have trouble noticing when I'm being loud, yet a bunch of noises going on at once makes me freak out. I think I'm just dumb.

Either way I went to the store today and that was very nice, for the most part. I went with someone else so I couldn't have my headphones in, ergo that stress with several noises going on at once made me very upset, friend said I looked depressed which is funny.

 

[General Patton]

Not even in my socialist democrat universal healthcare wonderland does dental count under government healthcare. It sucks.

America has a serious problem with dental care. Root canals are 2 grand or more. Which is why usually people just pay to get it extracted.

I have the same issues as you, dry mouth from medication. But I also grind my teeth at night and have TMJ. The mouth guard is 600 dollars.

 

[⋖ cørdion ⋗]

There’s a lot of confirmation and survivor bias there, as well as the fact that celebs are t the people you want to listen to.
What do you want to do? what’s your ideal (within reasonable bounds) stuff that makes up a job? By that I don’t mean a job title, I mean the things that make up the job. Like working with your hands, working with people, creative, physical, analytical etc?

I found peace in the idea of going back to cleaning, working for half a year and then figuring out whether I could do an adult education of sorts, but at the same time I know there's administrative work that is closer to the production. I don't know what I want, only that I see a job listing now and then and think it sounds appealing and that's not sustainable.

I see no issue in trying out different things but I swear the whole 'talk and work your way into a job' thing only applies to those who've volunteered in Ghana since 19. An old classmate dropped out, did marketing with no degree, then wrote a shitty book and suddenly found himself teaching English. Meanwhile I know aspiring teachers with a master's who couldn't find a simple part-time teaching job.

It's as if everyone I've known volunteers, sits on boards and whatever even if they're just working some slop position. Like, I'd be fine in a data input job for the next 3 years, but those barely exist anymore and if they do, they're picking from PhDs. If I had balls I'd just move back closer to home, work a dogshit job and attempt for something better.

 

[long waters]

I've noticed I have trouble noticing when I'm being loud, yet a bunch of noises going on at once makes me freak out. I think I'm just dumb.

Isn't that a sign of autism? I think both not liking noises and not controlling your own voice volume are things that are correlated with autism, or happen more frequently in people who have autism to some degree.

 

[Getmeout]

Isn't that a sign of autism? I think both not liking noises and not controlling your own voice volume are things that are correlated with autism, or happen more frequently in people who have autism to some degree.

Lots and I mean lots of people have said they think I have autism. My parents were very anti-disability so any suggestion from my teachers to get checked out was met with a harsh "fuck off". Sometimes I can't help but think maybe I could've done better in school if I actually got some sort of accommodation, I sorta just stumbled through the whole thing, convinced I was an idiot.

I dunno if I have autism, I see a lot of information on what it is and isn't to the point where it's all confusing. I never got along with people, cause everyone sorta just thought I was weird. And I kinda thought they were weird too, in the sense that I could never understand people and I still can't. It's like I'm surrounded by a bunch of aliens speaking a different language. I do weird things that make people raise their eyebrow at me, some people have told me their symptoms of autism, some people have told me they aren't. Maybe they are, but I think a lot of my behavior is also just me being weird. Like the hand flapping I do when happy, or the repeating of words. I kinda doubt autistic people do that, I think that's just me being weird. But I can see what people mean when they mention how bad I am with tone and... Well, like you said, volume. I've always been told I'm too loud, yet when a bunch of noises happen, it bothers me. It's like I can name every noise going on, and I really REALLY don't like that.

 

[long waters]

Lots and I mean lots of people have said they think I have autism. My parents were very anti-disability so any suggestion from my teachers to get checked out was met with a harsh "fuck off". Sometimes I can't help but think maybe I could've done better in school if I actually got some sort of accommodation, I sorta just stumbled through the whole thing, convinced I was an idiot.

I dunno if I have autism, I see a lot of information on what it is and isn't to the point where it's all confusing. I never got along with people, cause everyone sorta just thought I was weird. And I kinda thought they were weird too, in the sense that I could never understand people and I still can't. It's like I'm surrounded by a bunch of aliens speaking a different language. I do weird things that make people raise their eyebrow at me, some people have told me their symptoms of autism, some people have told me they aren't. Maybe they are, but I think a lot of my behavior is also just me being weird. Like the hand flapping I do when happy, or the repeating of words. I kinda doubt autistic people do that, I think that's just me being weird. But I can see what people mean when they mention how bad I am with tone and... Well, like you said, volume. I've always been told I'm too loud, yet when a bunch of noises happen, it bothers me. It's like I can name every noise going on, and I really REALLY don't like that.

Only way to know for sure would be to get tested by a proper medical professional.
I never got tested myself either; when I started going to therapy, the therapist mentioned that it seems like I might be 'tistic.. But I swear I'm like Janoy Cresva, it's slight, slight, it's like 1% autism bro, you can't even tell.
I myself, I'm not sure if there would really be a point in being tested. But I guess if you really want to know for sure, that would be the way.

 

[Kheapathic]

Going on 9 months without a job, and slowly losing my mind (and knowing the IT/CS field is completely fucked). Get plenty of people willing to talk, sometimes I even get interviews, and sometimes I get the rejection email before I even get home from the interview. I'm blessed enough to not need a job, but I have things I need to do and the more money I have, the faster I can do said things. I'd like to say I'm doing well enough, but sometimes I'm not so sure.

 

[Getmeout]

Only way to know for sure would be to get tested by a proper medical professional.

I've been wanting to but like... I don't know how. It seems so much harder to figure out when you're an adult. I tried once with one psychologist. She gave me a test to fill out and said "Well, you got like, 99% autism but uh... We should probably do some more tests" but never got back to me on that so I consider it still undetermined. I should prolly try again to find someone who'd test me.

 

[SOLDIER OF WALES]

Going on 9 months without a job, and slowly losing my mind (and knowing the IT/CS field is completely fucked). Get plenty of people willing to talk, sometimes I even get interviews, and sometimes I get the rejection email before I even get home from the interview. I'm blessed enough to not need a job, but I have things I need to do and the more money I have, the faster I can do said things. I'd like to say I'm doing well enough, but sometimes I'm not so sure.

In the same boat you are; 10 months without a job (that I technically don't need, just like you.) in IT as well. Stay strong.

Related, feeling kind of anxious about my degree. I'll have to burn the rest of my GI bill on it which is fine but I feel like I'm getting old for some reason when I'd only be like 24/25 when this degree is done. I should probably get out more but I'm also squirreling away money like a jew.

Everything will be OK once I get this degree though. I felt really anxious after reading this email from the new counselor I'm gonna have for some reason. I've been so unstressed lately that I'm getting instantly BTFO mentally whenever something slightly stressful comes up.

 

[Kheapathic]

In the same boat you are; 10 months without a job (that I technically don't need, just like you.) in IT as well. Stay strong.

Related, feeling kind of anxious about my degree. I'll have to burn the rest of my GI bill on it which is fine but I feel like I'm getting old for some reason when I'd only be like 24/25 when this degree is done. I should probably get out more but I'm also squirreling away money like a jew.

Everything will be OK once I get this degree though. I felt really anxious after reading this email from the new counselor I'm gonna have for some reason. I've been so unstressed lately that I'm getting instantly BTFO mentally whenever something slightly stressful comes up.

I saw my old position at the casino I used to work at, and put in my application as a joke. Two days later my old boss calls, leaves a message saying to call back. So I do, and asks how things have been and told me he's impressed with what I've done, but he only has a starting position that's $18/hour. I'm not gonna look down my nose at it and say I only get out of bed for six-figures plus, a job is a job, and beggars can't be choosers. But I know if I took that, the first time something real comes along I'm gone, and I'm not gonna uproot and move, temporarily, for a position I'd be going into knowing I'm gonna leave as soon as I can... and that aside, I can make $20/hr asking people if they want fries with their order. But they won't hire me, because they know I'd be gone the first chance I get. The world's fucked.