How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

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PetiteFeet said:
Kinda iffy. My saturday has been completely devoid of effort, my energy or lack thereof perfectly matched with the weather. I think I ate a bad egg yesterday, which tasted and smelled fine but just gave me eggy burps and a mildly upset stomach, so I might just blame it on that being what caused me to sleep poorly as I have no other excuses or explanations otherwise.

Family dinner was fine. My father made lasagna, which was awesome minus him deciding to randomly chuck in a sweet red pepper (not a bell pepper) and I really dislike the taste of those. I made apple crumble, but it was lacklustre and bland compared to my usual standard. I really just can't cook or bake anything properly right now, it seems, even if I follow recipes that I know by heart.

I was informed yesterday that my appointments with the psych hospital have been made; four appointments total spread over march and april. Hope they can help me because I'm just done feeling like a waste of space.
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Hey, that’s great that you were able to make appointments, especially with a brand new place! If it works, that’s great! If not, you can always find a better one: but in the mean time, remember that there are still things you can do for yourself to remind yourself you’re not a “waste of space”. Remember your hobbies. Remember the good deeds you’ve done and the kind things you’ve said to people in your life. You’re not a waste of space. If you were, you’d have a thread here lol.
Neurotypical Mantis said:
thank you kings... my friend gave me $50
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HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR <Neurotypical Mantis>
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOUUUUU *im doing a crazy riff here but you can’t hear it*

As for my how-are-you!
You’d think PMS is bad enough, but sometimes your period skips out on you for three weeks when you’re already trying and it gets your hopes up that you’re pregnant only for you to find out that you’re not and your period is just being a bitch :(
I’m trying so hard to be patient and I know that I’m still young enough so it’s not like I need to be in a hurry to conceive, we haven’t been trying for that long, the more money we save up the better, yada yada yada, but like, jesus christ. How come child abusers and alcoholics are able to spit kids out of the wazoo and I can’t whenever I want to? Ughhhh.

edited because I forgot to remove my other multi quotes lmao
 
insomnia’s back full force. currently running on an hour of sleep. i feel disgusting, and i know the kids aren’t gonna let me catch up thru the day.

i forgot how it feels to be so tired that you feel sick. didn’t miss that. gonna have to look at ways to deal with this if it persists.

childbirth is magical, they say. i fucking hated pregnancy, and i hate postpartum just as much, if not more.
 
Welp, the mail preview that ruined my weekend was indeed bad. My actual employer who's ex-military and surprisingly considerate has booked me for a meeting tomorrow during which I'll probably just trauma dump. No sleep, unhealth, somehow bullied into a worsening memory. If I woke up tomorrow and worked -exactly- like my flawless coworker, I'd still be doing things wrong according to this bitch, because the get a pass and I don't.

I tell myself I'd like to have at least one full year of employment here and I got a 3 month resignation period, but I'm not sure I can shrug this mental turmoil off for another 3 months. Reading some of the posts in here, I got it good. I don't want money or fame and I'm not envious of people who can find an international gig for 2 years, but I'm envious of those with the balls to do it. That shit matters more than a 31% wage increase.
PetiteFeet said:
My saturday has been completely devoid of effort, my energy or lack thereof perfectly matched with the weather.
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Went shopping in rain and a grey sky on Sunday. Every now and then it all aligns to remind me "Oh yeah, life goes on". Working in a psych ward, I learned quickly that while we hope for better jobs and less hours, some people hope only for a laughable early retirement so they can get busy living. I'm so tired of soft skills, white shirts and vague jobs. I just had my car checked and I small-talked with the rugged mechanic. I wish I found myself in positions to meet people more often, but third places are for boomers and alcoholics.

The fact my post activity in this thread has risen again is a concern that I've gotten too invested in this job. Take the money, survive for a bit, leave. It'll be aight. I love my cat. :)
 
I'm doing some community outreach, Infact I should be working for the govt and shit.

I was walking home from the supermarket and this dude who was obviously on hard drugs was reaching around inside the back of his pants and doing something which I would describe as wiping. I told him that he was fucking disgusting and then we exchanged our fuck yous and on my marry way I went. His pants had started falling down and he was barely standing upright anyways so there was zero chance he could have gotten close.


have a happy birthday🎈🎂 @Neurotypical Mantis
 
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Neurotypical Mantis said:
thank you kings... my friend gave me $50
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Happy birthday!
Snusmumriken said:
it’s not like I need to be in a hurry to conceive, we haven’t been trying for that long, the more money we save up the better, yada yada yada, but like, jesus christ. How come child abusers and alcoholics are able to spit kids out of the wazoo and I can’t whenever I want to? Ughhhh.
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even perfectly healthy young couples can take a while, if it’s been over 6m it’s worth just getting a check. there’s a few things you can do to maximise your chances each month but often it’s just a waiting game.
 
Neurotypical Mantis said:
nobody got me anything for my birthday. not even my own family. :(
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Happy birthday

As for me, I stayed over at a friend's house this weekend and it was the TITS!!! I HATE being near my mom so much, so it's always amazing getting to escape an hour away from her and hang out with some doggos and my best friend. I also had what might've been the best sleep of my life on her couch with her pitbull. It was such an amazing sleep sesh that when I got home last night and went to sleep, I woke up feeling worse and groggier than ever cause I just realized oh my gosh my bed is so much worse than her couch. I hate this, I want the pitbull back. Currently right now I'm sad cause I just realized my scars are fading. I know for 90% of people this should be a moment of triumph, but for some reason, it makes me very sad.
 
Well the tech school got me in and I'll start next month, sad part is the classes are 3-10 PM and I work till 4:30 PM every day not to mention the place is over 30 minutes from work. This is a pipeline program so I'll most likely be funneled into a job during the school but that's my worry, its only a likely chance of happening. So either I quit my job to focus on the school (which is only 6 weeks) or I spend every waking hour of my day at work and school. And that is even if work allows me to cut at 2 every day which they very well may not. The school does give pay at the end of it with perfect attendance along with a stipend for groceries and tools so I won't be broke at least. I'm gonna be going to the school regardless, I just hope the job gets back to me with an offer before I start the school for it.
 
TotalNematodeDeath said:
Well the tech school got me in and I'll start next month, sad part is the classes are 3-10 PM and I work till 4:30 PM every day not to mention the place is over 30 minutes from work. This is a pipeline program so I'll most likely be funneled into a job during the school but that's my worry, its only a likely chance of happening. So either I quit my job to focus on the school (which is only 6 weeks) or I spend every waking hour of my day at work and school. And that is even if work allows me to cut at 2 every day which they very well may not. The school does give pay at the end of it with perfect attendance along with a stipend for groceries and tools so I won't be broke at least. I'm gonna be going to the school regardless, I just hope the job gets back to me with an offer before I start the school for it.
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It is worth working hard for 6 weeks to advance your life. Request being able to adjust your work hours for 6 weeks, and haul ass to make it happen. Congratulations on getting in!
 
Still trying to clean up the whole mess,worst part is I have to wait not knowing when i'll get back and if it'll get declined or not.
Is it really so hard to speak directly with the higher-ups?
 
Feel like an extreme low point where nothing is working out my way for the past couple of months. I'm trying to cope by using it as motivation to improve myself and cross off a bunch of "shit I wanted to do for a while but was to lazy to".
The cope's working in the sense that I'm making progress in that list, I don't actually feel any better about it but at least I'm doing something.
 
Found out on Monday, the last remote support guy at my old job passed away. He had been sick for a while. In his mid 40's with a wife and two young kids.

He was literally the only office based engineer that wasn't a useless piece of shit.

Because my old employer is just like GE, no one had any idea he was sick and of course, management just lets rumors spread.

I've had shitheads that wouldn't give me the time of day after I left suddenly calling up and texting if I knew what happened to Lamar.

"I heard he got into a DUI"

"He didn't drink. He had been on medical leave for two years"

"For what?"

"If he didn't tell you, he didn't want you to know"

And of course these assholes, who didn't give a shit about Lamar, are now all butthurt that he didn't share his medical diagnosis with them. Mother fucker, a six year old just lost his dad and you want to make it about you?!?

Guys like Lamar don't exist anymore. A competent engineer that mans the phones. He had been replaced, once he got really sick, with a fucking call center from India. No one pays for customer support anymore.

Every time I have to call a CS line, it reminds me he is gone and just want to punch a wall until I don't feel anything anymore.

I'm sick of outliving friends.
 
Today I worked on an application and I think it's going well but I've already been rejected two times.

I feeling like I am free bawling in Dante's inferno.
 
Asked out this cutie I know and been talking to recently and got rejected. That's not so bad, rejection is a part of life. However this happened on public transport and a couple of younger women were standing next to us and when the woman got off at her stop one of them turned around, gave me a finger wag and big "lmao nice try dickhead" smirk to compound my embarrassment.

It's all so tiresome sometimes.
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Stasi said:
Asked out this cutie I know and been talking to recently and got rejected. That's not so bad, rejection is a part of life. However this happened on public transport and a couple of younger women were standing next to us and when the woman got off at her stop one of them turned around, gave me a finger wag and big "lmao nice try dickhead" smirk to compound my embarrassment.

It's all so tiresome sometimes.
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At least you tried and knew the results

It's worse if you spend the rest of your life wondering what would have been
 
Stasi said:
Asked out this cutie I know and been talking to recently and got rejected. That's not so bad, rejection is a part of life. However this happened on public transport and a couple of younger women were standing next to us and when the woman got off at her stop one of them turned around, gave me a finger wag and big "lmao nice try dickhead" smirk to compound my embarrassment.

It's all so tiresome sometimes.
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That's when you look that meangirl straight in the eye with a smoldering gaze, raise one eyebrow, and ask, "how you doin'?"
:lol:

Fr, don't take it too much to heart. It's good you asked, and there will be more cuties.
 
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