How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

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Somehow, despite all the shit I've dealt with at work for half a year, it never really affected me for more than the rest of the day. Now however I feel this shit even over the weekend. If my boss pulled me aside I don't think I'd be able to refrain from saying "then fucking fire me". Nobody ever gets fired in the public sector and often they relocate internally to satisfy everyone, so maybe it'd be a good thing. I saw a job post about my old gig and it was so tempting but it'd look shit on my resume.

I'm never gonna become Mr CEO and I've no desire to, but I can't stand this shit for much longer. I have no issues meeting up every day but I can tell my time spent on assignments is doubled or tripled because I have to double-check everything, knowing it has no bearing on what kind of reaction I'll get. Before turning my phone off for the weekend I saw a mail preview saying "I think that it's weird-" and it has literally ruined my weekend, knowing I have to deal with it on monday, but also that it's likely another rant about my behavior.

I should just smirk through it all and apply for other jobs. It's all I can do. Think of this as a brief job that enabled a better future and paid off my debts and leave it at that.
 
i dont believe it...after pressuring us to move sooner than the end of our lease...my realtor agreed to give us another year here, if i pay 1000 more per month. why didnt they do this 6 months ago??

it wouldve saved SO much stress...im glad though, because the housing market here is insane, and i dont want to buy a house, because i cant wait to get the hell out of this state. at any rate, this is a good thing, and it gives us a year to fulfill the 5 year plan we started 10 years ago, even. :semperfidelis:
 
Guess who wished a good night to the cashier (its 8:30am). Me of course

Didn't get sleep, and i have students later on... It's rainy and i wished that i was beneath my sheets sleeping. Bought some energy drink, but it doesn't do fuckall to me

Fuck my nigger life
 
Met up with my dad for the first time in about a year now. I never intended for it to go that long but I’ve had a real shit year so unfortunately I needed to separate myself from anything that causes me stress. It’s funny how time moves differently when you’re depressed. I feel like I go to sleep and wake up again the next day, and while I’ve slept everybody’s grown and moved ahead in life, while Im still the same.

We are at the same restaurant we always meet up at and it felt like no time had passed at all. I was very tired when I got home, made myself a cup of tea and got comfortable in my sofa. I do not kid when I tell you the entire back of my pants ripped right open. Not a tiny hole either, the entire leg almost came off. I’m just happy it happened at home and not in public 🥲
 
Went home early today by an hour. Honestly, I don't see the point of leaving an hour early when it's gone the moment I'm home. I only just wanted out of my store. I noticed that I am getting sloppy and people are starting to notice. It's not that I'm sloppy, I'm just uncoordinated from numerous factors at my store. I had an argument with my coach a week ago that has threw me off.

He bitched at me for taking a third break, when really I just do enough where lunch is creeping up that I just stop what I'm doing, clean up, then chill before it's lunchtime. It's not by a wide margin either, it's usually by about 5 or 10 minutes, but to him, he claims it's more than 20 minutes. Then he claims I take off at the end of the shift and wait by the doors with 9 minutes remaining until I clock out at 6:51, which he called 'ridiculous'. Sorry, dumbass, I wrapped up and did all of my tasks for the day that I am asked to do.

If there's nothing or nobody that's going to give me anything to do, I am going to wrap up. Also, learn what the 9 minute policy is before you're bitching at me because it is a thing, go bark up corporate's tree, not mine.

Also if we're going to talk about what is ridiculous to you, let me tell you what is ridiculous to me. You sat there and told me to my face when I pointed out how the foreign niggers are on their phones talking, are an exception to the rule. Your excuse for them was "well as long as they're working". Almost none of us are on our phones! It's a rule! They're breaking it! What makes them special? Because they're from a shithole country? Is that it? They must have some fucking plot armor to get away with so much shit for you to make them an exception.

Let's not even get into the fact that for a few days now, I've had to bail out one foreign nigger because he can't be bothered to push himself to be better. He slacks off and he knows it.

Then I get told that "there's cameras everywhere and we can see you" nice observation, you bald bastard, but I already know that? You know, this fucking store has always had it out for me and I don't fucking know why. I always come in an hour earlier than I do, I've accepted at times to start earlier than normal without complaints.

I've been more than charitable in helping out people when I both have the time or energy to do so. I get assigned about 5 - 6 departments a NIGHT that wears me down to no end, on top of extra bullshit activities I have to do as well. I've even accepted two 10-hour shifts before and I ran with that for a year and a half before the store manager said she can't do it anymore so I accepted going down to 4 days than 5.

And not once am I honored for anything, I keep getting snubbed every quarter, I would like to at least see my name recognized once, just once. If you can do it for just once, then maybe I'll be a little more motivated to try harder. But no, the names I see, belong to people who spend most of their fucking time, socializing, getting in my way (some are OPD and all), making my job harder as they're in previous shifts and my thanks is just getting dumped on more.

All the while, my team is compromised of a bunch of stupid fucking foreign nigger trash, who are having their hands held a lot, who milk break and lunch times so they can spend all of that time on their phones. All that they're good at, is just hugging and giving themselves handshakes, probably ass grabs too. They get away with SO much and too much to where I'm half tempted to call ICE on all of their asses just to see how many of them are illegals.

Some even fucking disappear for months, come back and still retain their jobs! Like, there are hundreds of people who're needing a job, but lets reserve a position for a foreign nigger where it won't matter how long they're gone for, they'll still come back and be at the same shit-leveled pace that they always were!

And I get to go home tired, burned out as I endured yet another thankless night dealing with all of this shit. So you know what, coach? You can go fuck yourself high and dry.
 
I'm not really sure what I'm doing anymore. It's almost been three years since I've properly seen my family, coming up on two since I've seen my dad. I moved nearly 1000 miles away out of anger and spite, and to persue a relationship that has slowly revealed itself to be a dead end. Lived in a dying college town for two years to support them and accomplished basically nothing in that span. Got an apartment there because they wanted to live there and I had a job in the two. Barely saw my partner in that time. The job fell through, I was forced to scramble to get a new job in a better area, now I'm even further from my family.

Was homeless for about three weeks in this new city while I was in between homes. Honestly it wasn't that bad, I had a car to live in and made plenty of money during that time through the job and other gig work.

Now I have a new place in this area. At first I was very proud of myself, I felt I was finally improving, finally moving up just a little. Then a couple months passed. Same type of job, same exhaustion, I haven't properly seen my partner in about a month. They're back in school, despite the fact we're living closer than ever, we talk less, its gotten repetitive. It's been months and I don't really have much to show for all of this, same tredmill work with no real momentum. I spent my birthday and Christmas alone this year. I don't feel like I have anyone.

I think I need to concede that I fucked up. End this dead end of a relationship that's teathering me to this place and go home. See if my dad will let me live with him, because I just need something. I'm tired of being alone, not being able to meet new people because I'm commited to a relationship that has stagnated, I'm not really getting much out of this except idealistc, romanticized fantasies. I let 2025 just pass me by and I really don't want that to happen this year.
 
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When I arrived here in the hell hole, I changed the name of my phone to "vibrate my membrane" partially so whenever a speaker connected to my phone it had to announce it loudly and I waited until someone noticed but no one did. The other reason why I've done this, is so that when I'm out in public I can see who is searching the networks for phones because inevitably they always laugh. Boom, you've been sexually harassed by a ghost, bitttch.

Every so often it pays off, like yesterday :eli:
 
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Nobody ever gets fired in the public sector and often they relocate internally to satisfy everyone, so maybe it'd be a good thing.
What you are describing is "quiet firing".

My old company exclusively does this to 1) not piss off the Japanese owners and 2) not have to pay out benefits for firing people.

They just make your life a living hell until you quit.

What is funny is that it only works on the people that give a shit. So in the end, you fast track the "Peter Principle" and the place becomes a nightmarish corporate hellscape of incompetent idiots.
 
My hot water heater crapped out and spilled its guts. Half my kitchen is construction zone, possibly a hazardous clean up zone too, My gas stove is disconnected. Living off of instant meal goyslop until then. All pending the results for asbestos testing of old, long buried linoleum.
Experiencing my first allergic reaction to poison ivy, triggering a psoriasis reaction.
Im just fucking peachy. How bout you?
 
Some people are just born to be miserable and want to drag their kids into it. After today's class on of the students stayed in the kitchen a little bit, eating the food and mingling with the other kids. His dad just berated him over this, for no fucking reason. Let the kid have fun and enjoy what he made, he worked 4 hours on it. I swear some parents of my students are fucking vile cunts. Like when the dishes are ready and the kids put it in little bowls and take to their parents for them to eat, and they outright say that they didn't like it... The age group ranges from 6 to 16, they're learning, and some parents can't even show some encouragement. They do this shit and later complain kids these day have no interest in anything. That shit makes my blood boil, no wonder some people end up dying alone with not a single phone call from their sons

I felt like smashing that cunt's head in, let the boy enjoy himself
 
I'm still sick. I'm going stir-crazy from doing nothing but rest, so I tried to do some minor chores that don't require much moving around. Ended up feeling weird and winded. My dog is also getting bored, even as patient as he is with me when I'm unwell, so I wanted to take him to the park and let him sniff around. In the time it took me to finish my coffee he started limping and licking his paw. I didn't see anything. I have a tendency to overreact when something appears to be wrong with him so I've wrapped a sock around it to keep him from licking and will check again in a bit. I will be calm and normal about this and won't rush to go spend a million dollars at the vet.
 
Oh, no. :-( I'm sorry for you & for her. Is your dad still involved with the person? Is it definitely over for your parents?
He was messaging her right before we caught him, idk if they're still in touch, I hope not. Yes, it's so over, there're aggravating factors that make it impossible for my mom to forgive him
 
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What you are describing is "quiet firing".

My old company exclusively does this to 1) not piss off the Japanese owners and 2) not have to pay out benefits for firing people.

They just make your life a living hell until you quit.
Nah this was close to the bottom and all physical work, so it wasn't lukewarm office routines and empty duties. Instead of threatening with firing or even having talks, they'd just move people around to avoid drama. I've spoken with people from my old workplace and they haven't even fired the guy who was sick once a week. Honestly, the more I read about my union's opportunities if I'm fired and given a 3 month grace period, the more appealing it is. Can apply for funding for 2 month courses with pay.

I just don't know if I can even find other work. The job market is completely busted and I'm not exactly desirable. Either way I need to stop thinking and talking so much about work. I've sat through worse things, all considered, this half year in the office, but this week I've constantly reminded myself about it outside work. Need to find shit to do after work so I actually split up my life in "misery and insecurity" and "my actual life".
End this dead end of a relationship that's teathering me to this place and go home. See if my dad will let me live with him, because I just need something. I'm tired of being alone, not being able to meet new people because I'm commited to a relationship that has stagnated, I'm not really getting much out of this except idealistc, romanticized fantasies
A friend randomly brought up moving back to one's hometown and it has started budding in my head, mostly because I could be 25 mins from my parents and the greater area around the capital where there's a ton of jobs compared to out here. I really need to freshen things up, but on the other hand, my parents are old, there are no around them, and everyone else moved away. Yet, just that idea of being back in familiar surroundings.

Where I live now I only know work and education. There's no sense of "oh, I could start a family here. Relate to the schooling system, local clubs, imagine actually staying here". Whenever I visit home and see young people working in the stores, I always think "Man, to live, work and study in your family's presence". If a job falls through, you got family. Shit day at work? Visit home. Call up old buddies. More to life than work. Whenever I visit home it's like entering a different kind of existence. It'd be surreal to live and work in that area in a good way. But I also know it's romanticized and doesn't work that way.
 
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I feel I am sinking into utter madness, but unlike other times, I just don't give a fuck any more. Maybe it will be fun. Is sanity even good?
 
Decided to just own the fact my hair is receding and shave it completely bald. Don’t look half bad bald so I’m happy about that at least.
You should've just adopted Jason Wynn's badass style and do that little horn thing he had going on with his haircut

Specially in older spawn comics

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I think I'm losing the tiny bit of my mind that I didn't even know I still had (to paraphrase an old Onion article back from when it was still funny).
 
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