How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

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Getmeout said:
I've never owned a dog so idk if this is gay or not, but I know whenever my friend's pets would die, she just internalized the idea that they're at peace at an apple orchard now. Like, it sucked that she couldn't see them anymore, but they're happy now. I don't know if thinking like that could help, either way I'm very sorry about your dog and the health complications he went through. Same friend lost a dog to prostate cancer and it was pretty depressing watching him slowly fall apart.

Is there such a thing as black guilt? I've been trying to draw more often, but I always feel guilty drawing black characters unless it's them dying or being made fun of. I've noticed I also have been feeling guilty looking in the mirror and seeing that I am, in fact, black. I feel like I should be apologizing for something, I keep thinking about that Ukrainian girl on the train. Make it stop, I don't wanna turn into an ERFA, she was cringe.
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I love all doggies, they're such beautiful souls and are basically the only living creatures on Earth that make me feel like an innocent kid again, even if only temporarily 🥰
 
⋖ cørdion ⋗ said:
That's a skill I clearly need to refine. I don't want a big car or house, but to look someone in the eyes knowing they're 'superior' and ignoring it? Man.
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Maybe it's not particularly relevant but here it goes. When I started my math major, I was part of the cohort of students without olympic math contest experience and for the first time in my life, there were truly superior classmates next to me and I was struggling at class. My ego was struck down as a result and I felt at times I didn't have what it took to continue. I figured I should at least finish 1st semester before deciding to quit or not, luckly everything was fine in the end and shortly after picked up the slack. My point is that sometimes people are superior not because they're more talented than you, but because they took a different path in life and learnt shit you don't know ATM but can learn and suddendly they aren't superior anymore. If you still can't match the person you compare to, then you can be at peace for you'll know you've done the best you can.
 
N Space said:
My point is that sometimes people are superior not because they're more talented than you, but because they took a different path in life and learnt shit you don't know ATM but can learn and suddendly they aren't superior anymore. If you still can't match the person you compare to, then you can be at peace for you'll know you've done the best you can.
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That's in terms of a specific kind of smarts though. You watch streamers like NorthenLion be able to pinpoint the name of a wiki article about an Indonesian war based on 6 article tags enough times and you go "aight I'm not that witty", but money is sort of the total sum of your qualities in life if you're already in this shitty mindset. You don't look at someone like Arnold and think "if he hadn't made it as an actor, he'd be a poor bum somewhere". Once you have certain kind of qualities, you'd probably excel under pretty much any circumstances.

Most of us get to make the same choice of education and we all work the same hours (hopefully) a day. To not maximize the potential wealth and comfort in those choices is a fault of character (or lack of knowledge/early career grooming). With that in mind, looking at someone roughly your age who make twice your wage if not more, it's tough to just go "Aight. :)". I don't want wealth, I don't even know if I like kids, and I don't need a home unless I've got a reason to house someone else. Yet it's difficult to not look at aforementioned 8 hours a day and think "I could be making more than I do". Again, why if not money? Who knows. Fuck. Going back to work tomorrow, hope I just fall back into semi-comfy 9-to-5 and not a nervous breakdown.
Eduardodelvasquez said:
I love all doggies, they're such beautiful souls and are basically the only living creatures on Earth that make me feel like an innocent kid again, even if only temporarily 🥰
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I get these moments of pure euphoria, loving animals. Crows, pidgeons, dogs, anything. I regret not going into animal-adjacent work but I know even zookeepers make literally fuck all. The only worthwhile angle on animals is academia.
 
mounki said:
tentatively posting here to ask if anyone is available to talk or something I really feel so depressed i think I'm getting tired of it all (:_( I can't seem distract myself from these thoughts with things like hobbies or with classes and its just getting too much i don't care if I sound like afaggot saying this
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California Newt said:
A post like this isn't likely to get responses. You're not outlining a problem. "I'm depressed and vaguely suicidal maybe" reads as "give me your time/attention/energy".
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Yeah... also for some of us it's a kind of "yeah, you and me both mate" situation. Two depressed people talking sounds depressing.

Eduardodelvasquez said:
Someone basically told me if you just forge signatures nobody will even know or care cause they don't really verify that. What should I do? I'm tempted to go with the forgery thing cause I have way better things to do than attend these corny AA meetings I don't give a fuck about. Fucking 1990's ass punishment. Anyways...
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Since it's court related, I would just take the L and would not risk forging anything. Wtf did you do to end up in AA? Are you an alcoholic then?
 
long waters said:
Yeah... also for some of us it's a kind of "yeah, you and me both mate" situation. Two depressed people talking sounds depressing.


Since it's court related, I would just take the L and would not risk forging anything. Wtf did you do to end up in AA? Are you an alcoholic then?
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I heard that apparently a lot of people have managed to get their court mandated AA overturned because they were able to successfully argue it's a violation of the separation of church and state. But those must be extremely wealthy people who can afford the best lawyers because who else has the time and money to wage an expensive court battle over a few meetings that will honestly be over before you know it.

Sucks, wish I could do the same. And you're right I shouldn't lie about attending meetings and forge signatures. I just hate that this is going to take up so much of my time where I could actually be doing something productive instead of attending some so-called "self help group"(more like self-pity group)
 
At a standstill. Made progress but now its all stopped. I'm frightened and upset about it.
 
Not A Bunny said:
Progress isn't always a straight line. Are there any serious roadblocks?
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I was intransient for awhile for most my 20s and I was proud of myself for getting out of it. However, I am a victim of my own success, and because of the lack of important bookkeeping for my business I now may have to go back into it again. Its not fair. I have longstanding dreams and hobbies I want to fulfill.
 
Read a whole novel today (Flesh: A Novel, by David Szalay). I've been distanced from reading, my life's blood for most of my life, for a too-long time, so it felt really good to "allow" it to myself. I think I'm going to return to my old yearly practice of always reading the long list for the prior year's Booker Prize (usually the pulitzers as well, plus others, but the Booker is my starting point) as well. This one won for 2025.

This is in the How are you doing? thread bc I think it says something good that I am finally able to return to something I love, without guilt for letting it go for awhile, and also to choose to spend personal time not on work, not on chores/ to-dos/ admin, not on other people, not avoiding things, not distracted, and not on relatively low-elevation or passive leisure.
 
I hope it wasn't the girl I liked and her bf in a church I visited. I don't want to stumble upon anything like that. I want peace and tranquility, not extra stress because of an actual trifle a normal man wouldn't care much about.
Going to work tomorrow.
 
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Insomnia and nausea. I got laid off a month ago and every job interview i actually got, the place seemed shady so I declined. I have one with a decent and large company tomorrow, which just expanded in my city; so I'm feeling hopeful for once.
 
Forgot to mention this the other day.

My wife and I are kinda retarded with money. We save, but in the sense that we buy what we like, using the lowest possible offer out there. Ultimately we're still overspending, but we're smart in the process of doing it, lmao.

Anyway, I told myself three months back that enough was enough. The stress of being in debt, not having an emergency fund, and really trying to analyse if the shit I buy is REALLY worth it.

Well folks, if I can survive these next ~3 weeks without any emergency expenses, I will, on my next salary, have broken 'into the black.' For the first time in like 5 years I won't have been in negative figures come pay day.

And it's not just the savings. I feel like I've forged some real good habits recently. I'm an autistic retard so I tend to go 'all in' on whatever habits I form. Chances are I'm now going to be the guy not spending a single cent unless it's absolutely mission critical.

tl;dr how i stopped learning to worry and not spend on credit like a fucking nigger and love saving
 
I'm afraid I've fucked up my voice from singing too much Ghost. It's the only music that I've been super in to that gives me throat issues. I don't want to go to the doctor's and be told "lol go find a vocal coach", I don't need to be some opera star. I just wanna sing in the comfort of my own home. It could also be a result from being a shut-in who has been more or less selectively mute for majority of the last 15 odd years.

Yay, neuroticism.
 
BABANGUIDE64 said:
I hope it wasn't the girl I liked and her bf in a church I visited. I don't want to stumble upon anything like that. I want peace and tranquility, not extra stress because of an actual trifle a normal man wouldn't care much about.
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If that's the case, which would be a really really weird coincidence, I don't know what to do, I can't hide from this pain even in church. I'll find the answer next Sunday.
 
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