How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

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Being unemployed fucking sucks. Nobody is hiring. Urgh, the absolute worst time to get fired. I am still not over the loss of my job. It's really bringing me down. Just even getting a temporary job would help me move on so much.
 
The Repeated Meme said:
Being unemployed fucking sucks. Nobody is hiring. Urgh, the absolute worst time to get fired. I am still not over the loss of my job. It's really bringing me down. Just even getting a temporary job would help me move on so much.
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Hope things get better for you mr hamtaro, maybe while you wait you can do something in the arts or crafting, learn a new skill, that always helps me when I feel like im between things, even drawing on mspaint and learning perspective helps your brains pathways out and at least keeps them active. So does juggling apparently!

Im doing okay, im in pain today, big ouch, torturous at times, but I got lots of sun with my rabbits, and picked many tomatoes and potats. My palms are growing amazing and my avocado tree is looking good! I have been missing having pet rats a lot though
 
Feeling good but I'm awfully bored. I wish more stupid jeet-scammers would call me on my voip number, because I could use more stupid punching bags to shout down. Best part is that they never learn.
 
As usual... mixed. Plenty of both good and bad.

Let's go ugly early. Parents keep screeching at me that I need to find a better job, since I'm "not making much or doing anything of note with this one" (currently making $15 an hour, with full insurance, for a job that's comparatively low-stress... and my parents act like I can just drop this one and automatically walk into something else). Writing's also stalled; was trying to take a crack at making a fantasy plot involving a shapeshifter, but I'm completely stuck.

As for the good? Job itself is going great right now, and I'm steadily building my bank reserve up; work's steady, tranny employee is leaving, and I might be getting a better work schedule here in the near-future. As for writing; mentioned this in some other threads, I divided my work into two different plots (fantasy and sci-fi), and the sci-fi plot is coming along swimmingly; plot's already outlined for the most part, character design is nailed down, all's that's left is... well, writing it down, really.
 
Got worked through very thoroughly at physical therapy today, much more intense than the first time. I was relatively low pain the last couple of days, didn't take any pain medication and managed my daily stuff fine, but after the session today i had to pop pills. I'm not too worried, physical therapist told me that there might be a slight increase in pain after he worked on my back today, though i didn't expect the increase being this high. I at least could exercise normally afterwards. Apart from that i am just mindlessly bored, as i usually am. Gonna visit my mother tomorrow, haven't seen her since her birthday, so that's one thing i am looking forward to this week. Wanted to watch a movie or continue reading the manga i started reading a couple of days ago, instead of doing that i am watching YT slop and browsing KF for the past couple of hours.

Found a pretty good channel, young black dude from Ingerland talking about intra-societal (sorry, no clue how to word this better) problems amongst blacks in the UK without sperging about muh racism or being overtly politic. Lots of the stuff he talks about resonates with me, despite being not black or from the UK. I am not sure yet if he realizes that many of the problems he talks about are more of a lower class/poverty issue and also general bug hive dweller issues rather than it being tied to skin color but i enjoyed the two videos i've watched so far (despite the stupid, algo-gaming title of the second vid), some very insightful stuff:
 
The Repeated Meme said:
Being unemployed fucking sucks. Nobody is hiring. Urgh, the absolute worst time to get fired. I am still not over the loss of my job. It's really bringing me down. Just even getting a temporary job would help me move on so much.
Click to expand...
I know how you feel. I began an Education at Distance course, Analysis and Systems Development - so I can at least say I have not a Bachelor's degree, but instead a vocational/technical degree. So far, nothing has improved on my job search.

Yet, we can't give up, and I got to give my best during studies, which I have been somewhat "mid". But there's still time, it has begun two weeks ago.
 
i hate migraines. so much.
i have to figure out how to stop these, as i have so many things i need to be doing, instead of laying here in the dark....!!
it has given me a slight reprieve at least, which is why i am able to type this, but ouch. (:_( i read a thing that says aged cheese can bring on migraines, and i wonder if that could be why im having them more often?? admittedly, i spend a small fortune on cheese every week, because im a glutton,but maybe? i wish i knew, so i could make them go away :(
i dont like imitrex either, but honestly i might get a prescription anyway, fuck this :'(

i hope all of you are having a nice week, at any rate :heart-full::heart-full::heart-full:
 
I found a half-bottle of my own Carolina Reaper hot sauce that I forgot I had, after I thought I'd run out of it.

So I guess today has been a net positive.
 
Banquet Meal said:
i hate migraines. so much.
i have to figure out how to stop these, as i have so many things i need to be doing, instead of laying here in the dark....!!
it has given me a slight reprieve at least, which is why i am able to type this, but ouch. (:_( i read a thing that says aged cheese can bring on migraines, and i wonder if that could be why im having them more often?? admittedly, i spend a small fortune on cheese every week, because im a glutton,but maybe? i wish i knew, so i could make them go away :(
i dont like imitrex either, but honestly i might get a prescription anyway, fuck this :'(

i hope all of you are having a nice week, at any rate :heart-full::heart-full::heart-full:
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My dad and sister get them chronically, with the former on imitrex as a preventative pretty much since imitrex was out to market. They both swear by these ice pack hats, to the extent my dad has his own freezer for them specifically.
 
Since none of you know who I am I might as well post here where I won't immediately get a visit from Concerned Individuals
I plan on attempting suicide within the next month. I've already made it up in my mind, and there isn't really much that words can do anymore. Not much of a difference between anything I'm writing here and spamming Nigger 300 times anyways, and advice is the same
I have a method, but it won't be a shotgun or flip because I'm a faggot. Part of me doesn't want my body to become a WatchPeopleDie front pager, at least the part that still cares about what my family will think if they find my body. My friend and my dad died in one piece so I at least should follow their lead.
The biggest thing keeping me from doing it now is trying to limit suspicion. I'm selling or giving away lots of things I have, but I can't really tell what I'd do with my money. I'm also reading guides on SS almost daily to know as much as I can about what it's like, so I don't regret things at the last second. I know it's something every survivor says happens but I'm becoming number to it, I won't know till I try I guess.
The other thing is that I hope by having a set method/date/plan I can live these next few weeks out without having to worry as much. Who knows, maybe something good happens to postpone things. But I can only wait so long. Before you go "just wait a little longer!," this has been 2 years coming and I know I'm at the end of the line and running on fumes. I can see myself living to graduation at most, assuming I can actually pass this semester, just to make my mom happy.
Rate this TMI or just doxx my location and send me to the psych ward, like it'll make a difference. At the very least, I thank God I wasn't born Indonesian.
 
Less Than Zero said:
Since none of you know who I am I might as well post here where I won't immediately get a visit from Concerned Individuals
I plan on attempting suicide within the next month. I've already made it up in my mind, and there isn't really much that words can do anymore. Not much of a difference between anything I'm writing here and spamming Nigger 300 times anyways, and advice is the same
I have a method, but it won't be a shotgun or flip because I'm a faggot. Part of me doesn't want my body to become a WatchPeopleDie front pager, at least the part that still cares about what my family will think if they find my body. My friend and my dad died in one piece so I at least should follow their lead.
The biggest thing keeping me from doing it now is trying to limit suspicion. I'm selling or giving away lots of things I have, but I can't really tell what I'd do with my money. I'm also reading guides on SS almost daily to know as much as I can about what it's like, so I don't regret things at the last second. I know it's something every survivor says happens but I'm becoming number to it, I won't know till I try I guess.
The other thing is that I hope by having a set method/date/plan I can live these next few weeks out without having to worry as much. Who knows, maybe something good happens to postpone things. But I can only wait so long. Before you go "just wait a little longer!," this has been 2 years coming and I know I'm at the end of the line and running on fumes. I can see myself living to graduation at most, assuming I can actually pass this semester, just to make my mom happy.
Rate this TMI or just doxx my location and send me to the psych ward, like it'll make a difference. At the very least, I thank God I wasn't born Indonesian.
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Look, mate. I don't know you and you don't know me, i'm anything but just another retarded user of this forum, i'll perhaps even powerlevel a little bit because i take this kind of post seriously, regardless of it being a shitpost or not, and i'd like you to read what i have to say with care

The fact that you posted this means that you haven't made up your mind, and i'm happy for that. You see i lost two friends to suicide. They made up their mind, nobody knew about it. First one, it was because of some breakup. He threw himself in front of a truck, it wasn't pretty. Great deal of sorrow that caused to us, his family, his mother was devastated. Nobody should bury their own sons. The second friend i lost to suicide killed himself hours after i last saw him. He had ongoing problems with depression, going in and out of hospitals, drank too much. His "friends" didn't give much of a fuck about him, honestly i wasn't even close to him, but last time i saw him he was just too fucked up for me to leave him alone in the streets, so me and some other guy spent the whole night with him at the city's terminal, i had just got off work and stood around him, all covered in (his) puke. Next very day he was dead at downtown's park, rat poison. It must have hurt a lot

What i'm first and foremost trying to tell you that you'll hurt people around you. You might think that people don't care but they do. You say you will pass the semester to make your mom happy, if she cares enough to get bothered by you flunking at college, what do you think she'll think seeing you cold on a slab? You lost your dad, your mom needs you. Think about this... Let me tell you something else, suicide is most of the time a radical solution to a temporary problem, there's few spots in life where you just can't unfuck your shit, i don't think it's your case. And i don't think you have the courage to throw life away, we're wired to live. Near death experience is a horrible thing, i won't disclose the details but i've been through an accident, and there's no such thing as seeing your life through your eyes movie bullshit, it's just drifting in and out of the dark and a heartbreaking feeling of regret that you're leaving life. Thankfully i'm around

My friend, give this idea up, it does not end suffering. Suffering is life and life is suffering, it's a part of being alive but so is happiness, joy, learning and developing into something better. We suffer because we crave and we crave because we're human. Take a time to reflect what you've done so far and with one step at a time you might fix this mess. Yeah, the world is often a dissapointing place, many hardships, and bad thinks happen to good people, but that's a part of the journey. To overcome it all and leave gracefully when our time trully comes

I hope my words brings you some reflection, sleep on them
 
Fucking exhausted. Everything aches. Isolated, in poor health, and occasionally having bouts of feeling absolutely fucking crazy, as opposed to just depressed. I'm carefully re-adding some meds to my routine after being off them for some time; but while they may stave off the uncharacteristic episodes of what the fuck is happening to me this has never happened before even when I was actively suicidal what the actual fuck, they aren't relieving the struggles I'm having with my circumstances, which only exacerbate my depression. Happy pills can only get you so far while your physical situation is shit. This year is not going well for me so far.

Less Than Zero said:
Since none of you know who I am I might as well post here where I won't immediately get a visit from Concerned Individuals
I plan on attempting suicide within the next month. I've already made it up in my mind, and there isn't really much that words can do anymore. Not much of a difference between anything I'm writing here and spamming Nigger 300 times anyways, and advice is the same
I have a method, but it won't be a shotgun or flip because I'm a faggot. Part of me doesn't want my body to become a WatchPeopleDie front pager, at least the part that still cares about what my family will think if they find my body. My friend and my dad died in one piece so I at least should follow their lead.
The biggest thing keeping me from doing it now is trying to limit suspicion. I'm selling or giving away lots of things I have, but I can't really tell what I'd do with my money. I'm also reading guides on SS almost daily to know as much as I can about what it's like, so I don't regret things at the last second. I know it's something every survivor says happens but I'm becoming number to it, I won't know till I try I guess.
The other thing is that I hope by having a set method/date/plan I can live these next few weeks out without having to worry as much. Who knows, maybe something good happens to postpone things. But I can only wait so long. Before you go "just wait a little longer!," this has been 2 years coming and I know I'm at the end of the line and running on fumes. I can see myself living to graduation at most, assuming I can actually pass this semester, just to make my mom happy.
Rate this TMI or just doxx my location and send me to the psych ward, like it'll make a difference. At the very least, I thank God I wasn't born Indonesian.
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I'm sorry. I wish I had something useful to say. It sucks to be there.
 
Less Than Zero said:
"Attention starved faggot begs for attention"
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Alright gay boy you got it, here it is.
Less Than Zero said:
I plan on attempting suicide within the next month. I've already made it up in my mind, and there isn't really much that words can do anymore. Not much of a difference between anything I'm writing here and spamming Nigger 300 times anyways, and advice is the same
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Alright I won't waste my time then, aside from a few points where you're clearly a retard and need help.
Less Than Zero said:
I have a method, but it won't be a shotgun or flip because I'm a faggot. Part of me doesn't want my body to become a WatchPeopleDie front pager, at least the part that still cares about what my family will think if they find my body. My friend and my dad died in one piece so I at least should follow their lead.
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Bodies look fucked up no matter how you die. You are going to piss and shit and vomit all over yourself in your dying convulsions pretty much no matter what you do. Your eyes are going to glass over and turn red looking two directions like a chameleon. If you hang yourself your whole head is going to swell up like Schwarzenegger in Total Recall and you're going to bleed from the burst capilaries in your nose. Assuming you're not such a dumb bitch that you turn yourself into a bloated waterlogged teletubby in blood soup in the bathtub in an effort to leave a "pretty corpse", if nobody finds you within a couple hours you're going to be stiff as a board and if you aren't laid out flat the EMTs are going to have to snap you like a glowstick to get you in the body bag. The fact that you're worried about this at all shows that you don't know what the fuck you're doing or talking about so either read up, pussy out or be prepared to be remembered as a fucking moron that traumatized your loved ones unnecessarily.
Less Than Zero said:
The biggest thing keeping me from doing it now is trying to limit suspicion. I'm selling or giving away lots of things I have, but I can't really tell what I'd do with my money.
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Write a will dipshit.
Less Than Zero said:
I'm also reading guides on SS almost daily to know as much as I can about what it's like, so I don't regret things at the last second.
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Don't worry, you will. No matter what. If you're lucky it'll be too late and you'll watch the light pull away from you as you're dragged backward into the darkness with a belated appreciation of what you just threw away, rather than surviving as a brain damaged crippled vegetable blight on everyone around you.
Less Than Zero said:
The other thing is that I hope by having a set method/date/plan I can live these next few weeks out without having to worry as much.
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I'm gonna let you in on a little secret: you can just do that. You can just live like that without killing yourself at the end. Dumbass. What, do you think death won't come for you anyway? You think death isn't always weeks, days, moments away? What a gay contrivance of a reason.
Less Than Zero said:
Who knows, maybe something good happens to postpone things. But I can only wait so long. Before you go "just wait a little longer!," this has been 2 years coming and I know I'm at the end of the line and running on fumes. I can see myself living to graduation at most, assuming I can actually pass this semester, just to make my mom happy.
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You don't give a fuck about your mom if you haven't even discussed this with her. Coward.

I have historically been a pretty autistic defender of the right to die because despite what many would like to believe there are situations that warrant it. But you ain't it.

Hug your fucking mom.
 
Less Than Zero said:
I plan on attempting suicide within the next month.
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No, you will not be doing that.
Less Than Zero said:
I've already made it up in my mind, and there isn't really much that words can do anymore.
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Then why are you telling us this? Clearly you have not made up your mind, if you want our input then deep down inside you want us to tell you not to do it. And that's just what we will do.
Less Than Zero said:
I have a method, but it won't be a shotgun or flip because I'm a faggot. Part of me doesn't want my body to become a WatchPeopleDie front pager, at least the part that still cares about what my family will think if they find my body. My friend and my dad died in one piece so I at least should follow their lead.
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Interesting, I was about to say I've been in the exact same place you have, but I guess I haven't. I was completely convinced my family wouldn't care, but you know your family would be horrified upon finding your body. Maybe think about how finding your friend and dad dead made you feel, and ask yourself if what you're currently going through is worth giving that to your family? Also @dick brain is right, there's no "clean" way to die so this is stupid to worry about.
Less Than Zero said:
The other thing is that I hope by having a set method/date/plan I can live these next few weeks out without having to worry as much. Who knows, maybe something good happens to postpone things.
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I really don't think you want to do this, mate. If you did, you wouldn't be talking like this. You wouldn't be thinking "Y'know I might come across a lucky penny, then I'll kill myself next week". Just be honest with yourself, you literally don't want this. I bet you haven't even been selling your shit like that, you probably just sold your copy of Mario Galaxy and considered that "Totally selling all my belongings cause I'm gonna kill myself". You yourself admitted you just want some attention, which is fine, I mean humans need attention to survive. But this isn't a very dignified way to get it, now is it?
Less Than Zero said:
I can see myself living to graduation at most
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Omg how old are you
Less Than Zero said:
I thank God I wasn't born Indonesian.
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confused.gif

Thread tax, just came back from crying and hyperventilating in my kitchen cause I remembered my molestation. So it's been a 50/50 day.
 
Once again feel angry at the state of things. I WANT to speak out against troonism, SHOW everyone, but if I did so, it would mean the loss of many opportunities. And this is difficult to navigate. Suppose all I can do is support certain people who advance certain goals from the shadows.

If you have the money, SPEAK UP with it and show support. It does no one any good if you're just sitting on money.
 
Got the week off but since I've no plans, I just feel like I sit back at home wasting time. I still got that feeling of "it's during the work hours of a weekday" so I don't really relax, and I stress about wasting my days off. I return to a bunch of deadlines at work but nothing I can't handle, but I'm still in that limbo of "ruh oh, they took away my primary tasks and if I ain't got much to do, I need to come up with something" which is bothersome. I really wanna just get used to working the bare minimum but I'm still paranoid about getting fired, well knowing I won't be.
Outer Space Traveller said:
I know how you feel. I began an Education at Distance course, Analysis and Systems Development - so I can at least say I have not a Bachelor's degree, but instead a vocational/technical degree. So far, nothing has improved on my job search.
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Finding a job is like winning the generational wealth lottery. Of course it makes sense to educate yourself or get an internship that'll lead into a job, but what if they don't? I've seen people go through 5 unpaid internships and at that point you might as well give up. On the other hand, "oh yeah I took a temp gig and it became a full-time job after 5 months". Makes sense, right?

I looked up a few old job databases I used when I was unemployed and jesus christ it was borderline existential. Nothing to apply for, didn't know what I'd actually apply for, but once that one perfect listing appears, it all makes sense. "It's tailored for me, I'll get it!", and then either you get it and it makes sense, or you don't and you might as well fortnite irl. :)

The Repeated Meme said:
Relationships are hard work, I don't doubt you for a second.
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Every time I entertain dating apps, I realize how much social competency you have to ignore just to appease the few matches you get. I've matched with two pretty suited women, but once I look through the vague talk and flirting, it's clear that they're the ones who can't function alone and need someone to lean onto for.. everything in life. Now that's fucking diabolical if the alternative is "Uhh I work, play WoW and drink beer". Independence is attractive, both for your own life and in others. You need two people capable of living alone to benefit each other.
 
I have zero access to drugs, and thats probably a good thing, because i would really want to be able to feel good and thats probably the only way i could possibly achieve that. If i had weed readily available i'd be high right now, even though its just worse off for me in the end and i'd end up wanting to be high all the time. I haven't really physically felt relaxed or happy or generally well and in a good mood for a long time, so even just a full day or two where i could feel good again would be pretty nice.
 
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