The anxiety is awful sometimes because it's very very slow loss and it's hard to explain how much I really don't notice it. I kinda shock myself when I'm faced with some situation and it's just beyond me, like finding a book on a bookcase. I don't FEEL blind until I have to cross a road and I can't see the cars or the stoplight or the ice on the road. But somehow it feels super retarded that I would use a cane. I want to only use it in scary places like when I'm walking around town by myself, but just the idea makes my skin crawl. I randomly see people I know all the time and I would lose my mind if they told my coworkers or family. I obviously shouldn't get yelled at or in trouble for losing my vision, but that's not reality. I always run into people and objects at the gym. But if I bring a cane to the gym, I'm going to be The Blind Guy at the gym. People who say people don't notice are fucking liars, half of the purpose is that it's super noticable and everybody knows what it means.
I don't currently have access to O&M but I know I should go, but same thing. I get really triggered by "pride" stuff. People whine and say "Well if it helps you should do whatever helps...." Yeah but consider the strong social benefit to not being The Blind Guy. I'm very privileged to be able to mostly disguise my vision loss, although it gets harder each year, I don't really want to stop, and no stupid purple-hair nosering bitch will make me feel differently. If I walk into a building and it's covered in pride flags and the most self-uglified women you've ever seen, I really don't want their takes on how I should identify.
Feta is pretty good on pizza
