How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

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Sorry to hear you're going through it right now, shit fucking blows.
@Otterly is the one suffering from it right now (or was at the time of her post), i am alright. I used to get hardcore, biweekly migraines with aura in the past that put me down for up to three days but as i stated in my other post, it's now only a couple of times per year. I was at a point where i haven't had an attack in over six months and thought the migraines where gone entirely but nope, no such luck.
And yes, the differences between a bad headache and a genuine migraine are night and day, i got really worried the first few times i had one because it hurt so bad and it just wouldn't go away even after days and popping aspirin and ibuprofen like mad. Luckily back then i was able to see a neurologist very quickly. I legit thought i got a brain tumor or something because of the vision thing and the intense pain.
 
NGL, I'm worried for @WASR96. I hope he and his family are spending time together, but deep down I know the worst has happened.
It feels weird to worry about a person I never met or exchanged many words with outside of this thread.

Hope y'all are keeping things together, such as they are. Life has a way of happening, no matter what we do.
 
I'm mentally ill.
OMG me too!
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It feels weird to worry about a person I never met or exchanged many words with outside of this thread.
I get what you mean but much like with @Cats you can just tell by the way he writes that he's a good dude so it does not feel too weird to me to have sympathy for him and his situation despite him being practically a complete stranger to me. Man got dealt the worst possible hand and it just sucks.
 
I hate Christian girl influencers that are speaking on behalf of rapists and gangs. I lowkey just hate other women tbh. You're just as much of a piece of shit as me. Don't stick your neck out for the beasts.
 
I was recommended Zoloft and the thought of taking it makes me feel horrible despair. I'm trying to do research but it's hard because I get the feeling SSRIs are discussed like vaccines, where people avoid bringing up anything negative about them. I want to know the good, bad, and ugly. Just frustrated...
 
NGL, I'm worried for @WASR96.
It's been over 2 weeks now since he last logged in to the Farms. I think we all know what that means. Whatever kind of cancer he had was extremely aggressive. Even after platinum chemo and a stem cell transplant he had new lesions on his brain. I knew he wouldn't have much time but damn. I thought we would have a little more time with him, a few months, but I guess not. :(
 
God bless @WASR96
I think it is a little too early to call it, but I do feel in my heart that if he hasn't already died, he is too sick to be online, so it is goodbye all the same to us.




I have been enjoying what I've been calling "intuitive eating" but I'm not sure it actually has much to do with the woowoo books, I haven't read any of them. I have relied heavily on meal plans and a mental perception of force-feeding myself to keep weight on, since getting all crippled and dumb. Over the course of a few years it only got more autistic, but it definitely turned into a large source of control as well, in the face of having no good answers from doctors. I started losing weight and my response was more strict planning. The stricter the planning.... the harder it is to accomplish. I dunno if it's the pure-ocd coming back.

Either way, I decided to give up. It was very easy to stop trying, and for a few days I drank so much juice. At all hours. Then a switch clicked somewhere and I didn't need to shotgun simple carbs anymore.

The pain is really unreal sometimes. I can't believe how much pain I was masking with autistic rituals, like some sort of cargo cult.

When I decided to eat on demand vs. by order of autisitic plan, it immediately became clear that it was impossible for me to eat because of physical pain. And this loop is why I stopped feeling hunger.


Losing weight kinda gives you this numbing, analgesic feeling. I don't really know why. Intuitive eating- eating to reactivate your sense of hunger and drive to eat- is a good tool against it. I used to have rules against such things, but lately I eat most of my meals laying down and shrimped forward. I used to be a super big protein shake addict and I totally stopped having them. I switched to soup. So I'm eating half a can of beef stew at 4AM, in bed. I used to avoid social things if they interupted mealtimes, but now I just bring food, even if the food isn't what I'd intended to have for a meal. I used to plan out all my food, and so getting enough calories meant successfully eating everything I planned to eat- which I could never do. Now I try to give myself excessive portions (like eating from the canister of nuts instead of counting some out) and just did away with the idea that I've got to finish all my food.





It is basically impossible to talk about to anybody IRL because most people in my life are amerifats. I get butthurt when people do the "I wish I had your problem" bit. I think I have avoided having an eating disorder only by merit of meticulous planning and valueing my strength/refusing to let it get that bad. At the end of the day I'm happy to chug protein shakes and milk to keep weight on. But that's not my ideal mode.
 
I was recommended Zoloft and the thought of taking it makes me feel horrible despair. I'm trying to do research but it's hard because I get the feeling SSRIs are discussed like vaccines, where people avoid bringing up anything negative about them. I want to know the good, bad, and ugly. Just frustrated...

Out of all the SSRIs on the market, Zoloft has to be the one with the worst reputation and I am astounded that it's still available and being prescribed to anyone. I'm personally indifferent to SSRI/SSNRI medications and I know they may help many people, but professionals really should be less quick to hand out shit that fucks with your brain chemistry, especially when they can't be certain about a diagnosis.

Anyone I knew on it had a horrifying reaction to it for one reason or another. A girl in my friend group in high school barely finished her senior year after being put on it. She was having manic episodes and in and out of the psyche ward for about six months, turns out it will seriously fuck your shit if you have bipolar disorder and you aren't properly evaluated.
 
Out of all the SSRIs on the market, Zoloft has to be the one with the worst reputation and I am astounded that it's still available and being prescribed to anyone. I'm personally indifferent to SSRI/SSNRI medications and I know they may help many people, but professionals really should be less quick to hand out shit that fucks with your brain chemistry, especially when they can't be certain about a diagnosis.

Anyone I knew on it had a horrifying reaction to it for one reason or another. A girl in my friend group in high school barely finished her senior year after being put on it. She was having manic episodes and in and out of the psyche ward for about six months, turns out it will seriously fuck your shit if you have bipolar disorder and you aren't properly evaluated.
Nearly every testimony I've read has praised it but they mention something that sets off alarm bells, like "it's great, I did gain 40 pounds and my libido is dead but yeah it's amazing and I wish I did it sooner" and I'm just like hmmmmmm
I did a search on here to see what I could find too and practically every cow either was or currently is on some dosage which I find interesting.
 
I have been dealing with a severe B12 deficiency and I found out that I don't absorb B12 correctly. I have to take sublingual B12 supplements, where they dissolve in the mouth.

I have been taking the supplements for about a month I am still dealing with the symptoms that it causes like hallucinations, I have been seeing shadows like the dwarfs from Snow White, I get tremors in my hands, a random rapid heart beat, impaired balance that feels like I'm being pulled back or to the side.

Severe fatigue that causes me to pass out, tingling in hands and feet which I original thought was diabetes but since I have been tested so many times it was not that. My memory is real bad, I'm often confused and forget things like names of people I see everyday. I have even found strands of grey hair, for my age this is not normal.

My doctor told me if the supplements don't work I will have to get injects for the rest of my life, I'm deathly afraid of needles. I was also told that a prolonged deficiency can lead to permanent damage and I'm worried that I am already past that point since some of these symptoms I have had for years.

I think everyone should see if they have an aliment that is caused by a vitamin or mineral deficiency. The symptoms from a vitamin or mineral deficiency can be the same.

I haven't had much choice, Two years ago I went to yet another gastroenterologist and I told him all about nausea which just won't go away and a bunch of other symptoms. He told me, cool story go on a low FODMAP diet and gave me a print out. The rub was, that I had already been on a low FODMAP/elimination diet for a few years beforehand and I had already figured foods which I'm sensitive to and I had all the information already for him. I did get a colonoscopy/endoscope on the same day and all it showed was that for years acid reflux has been destroying my esophagus.
My current GP wants to put me on a month trail of a new drug which is supposed to help with stomach acid but it won't help sleep. I guess I should be excited because he is finally listening to my stomach issue but I just wanted to sleep. Could I not have like a week of good sleep before trying this new shit?
I may have felt a little unheard again and I told him that I have been abusing gravol and I have no intentions of stopping..

I didn't sleep, I screamed in a closet, made tea and then rage cleaned the dishwasher at 2AM.
I found a channel which plays endless episodes of Intervention.

I don't know why my formatting is dumb but I don't want to edit it
My grandmother had the same procedure as you last year. She lost her appetite and sense of taste and she lost a lot of weight, she went from 150 pounds (68 kg) to 102 pounds (46 kg) in a span of five years. She was diagnosed with Barrett's disease which would cause her symptoms and was proscribed omeprazole.

She also experiences nausea and I told her to try ginger root and she said that helped for her nausea and she was able to eat something even though she doesn't quite have her appetite back. I told her to cut it in small slices like chips and boil it to soften or put it in tea or coffee since her teeth are not so good as they used to be.

get some carafate, i swear by it...when my stomach starts acting up and hurting really bad, i can take this and it goes away...apparently it coats your stomach or something, but its great.
i found a channel that is nothing but outdoor sheds being repossessed, and its amazing.
Ginger root is good for nausea and heart burn. I have read some articles where they said ginger root may even reduce glucose levels since you mentioned your a1c. My grandmother is a severe diabetic and her doctor said for her age her a1c needs to be at 7 but it is usually at 8 when she gets tested.

What could also impact glucose levels is dehydration and stress. It's a good idea to get a blood test and see what your a1c is.

To give you an idea how quick glucose can rise I tested my glucose at a normal rate and ate a small slice of mango and tested myself 20 minutes later it went from 94mg/dL to 116mg/dL. 117mg/dL is considered prediabetic if you are fasting for 8 hours.

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I was recommended Zoloft and the thought of taking it makes me feel horrible despair. I'm trying to do research but it's hard because I get the feeling SSRIs are discussed like vaccines, where people avoid bringing up anything negative about them. I want to know the good, bad, and ugly. Just frustrated...
I want to preface by saying that even though it didn't work for me doesn't mean it might not work for you.

I was diagnosed with manic depression when I was 14 years old and they put me on Zoloft which caused my suicidal thoughts to get worse when was 15 I tried to kill myself with Ambien and vodka. I woke up with my mother screaming at me and sticking her fingers down my throat while on the phone with an ambulance.

It was a traumatic experience that has made me reluctant to take any medication. As for other antidepressants my friend tried Fluoxetine, she said that she felt tired most of the time but had moments of happiness.

I also read a story about a boy who killed his grandparents and blamed it on Zoloft. Considering how I felt about myself I wouldn't be surprised if it causes someone to kill somebody.
 
I'm going batshit insane and my sleep patterns are completely disturbed.

I hope @WASR96 is okay but he probably isn't. Such an awesome dude.

I have been talking to the dead while both awake and asleep. I can't even tell the difference between when I'm awake and asleep. This is both good and bad.

I remember when a dead friend of mine showed up in a dream and told me "death is a lie and we all live forever." He was a best friend and I've never really recovered from losing him.
 
So the place I'm looking at I googled the address and apparently it used to be a notorious slumlord crack house. I'll still view it to see if it's still bad, but I think I should set my sights on something a little more expensive. But this place is affordable and a 5 minute drive from my work and if I leave my valuables and server at my parents place I should be able to handle whatever happens.
 
I was recommended Zoloft and the thought of taking it makes me feel horrible despair. I'm trying to do research but it's hard because I get the feeling SSRIs are discussed like vaccines, where people avoid bringing up anything negative about them. I want to know the good, bad, and ugly. Just frustrated...
I've been meaning to get my hands on a book about SSRIs and what happens to your brain before/after you've stopped taking them. I'm like 99% certain this is the book in english, it's called something else in Danish but it's the only other title under the author's name on Amazon. It's available as an e-book on danish libraries, although I doubt that's of much use to you if you don't speak the language.
professionals really should be less quick to hand out shit that fucks with your brain chemistry, especially when they can't be certain about a diagnosis.
For real.
I started exhibiting depressive behaviour as a teenager and I'm not sure exactly WHEN I was put on anti-depressants, but my first encounter with psychiatric care was in '06. I have been on medication for longer than I've simply existed, unmedicated. None of my doctors have questioned why I'm still medicated or why I've gone through the amount of different drugs that I have with little to no improvements. As I've aged, I've come to accept that my depression is a symptom of what I would eventually get diagnosed with - a personality disorder, but it's not the root cause of my misery so why am I only being treated with medication?
It's actually frightening how many literal children are on drugs to help alleviate psychiatric issues, and just drugs in general. We overmedicate. Simple as.
 
I am a champion ginger eater, I love it and I put that shit on everything. There's a market which sells wild and Thai ginger and since it's much stronger it is great stuff. The only problem is that I have to eat A LOT of ginger for it to be effective :lol:

oh that SUCKS! is it the webbing between your thumb and index finger?? ouch.
one time, my husband was putting a new bathtub in, it was at this old run down house were in at the time..and he had thrown this board down that had a huge rusty nail sticking out of it, and i came along and stepped on it, and the damn nail went right through my shoe, into my foot!
OWWWWW. :'(

I have two scrapes on the palm of my hand the bigger one is adjacent to finger webbing. Last night they kept stinging So badly when I was trying to make dinner and then wash up. every frigging time. Then I tried to put liquid skin to cover them but the bigger one just would not take a coat]
 
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NGL, I'm worried for @WASR96. I hope he and his family are spending time together, but deep down I know the worst has happened.
:(
I'm going batshit insane and my sleep patterns are completely disturbed.
The only thing that reproducibly works for me as a hardcore insomniac is cold water. Prolonged immersion and a good swim. At least half an hour. Water around 5-10c . Get up at 5am, be busy all day, swim in cold water.
I still feel a bit off but I’m on the mend.
 
Husband picked a fight, we are making Sunday breakfast and since husband needs more of the stove top, I put mine together earlier. I was feeding my dog and I wanted some coffee but I touched one of the pans and it spun. We got into it and I tried to be like, sorry I understand but fucker just would not drop it and kinda made me feel like shit in front of my folks. Mom of course played music loudly in protest of having to hear him berate me because mother most effected.
A fight over what? You touched his pan handle and it moved? And then you both fought about this while your mother turned up the music?

Could you please spoiler these vignettes going forward? These are abuse/dysfunction as a daily grind, and the play-by-play is disturbing.
 
A fight over what? You touched his pan handle and it moved? And then you both fought about this while your mother turned up the music?

Could you please spoiler these vignettes going forward? These are abuse/dysfunction as a daily grind, and the play-by-play is disturbing.
I do try to, sorry. I don't know, guys get uppity about retarded shit and it made him assmad that the handle spun. That was the reason.

Dog was overly excited about the snow and jumped
into my nose. I've had my nose smashed enough time that it just made my eyes water but fortunately my nose didn't start bleeding. I waited for the burning feeling to stop and we went to the park. I have a good bruise on the bridge of my nose and eyebrow
I have no luck with anything recently.
 
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It's never a good feeling to lose that someone, who you never met or knew personally. But you just knew, that they meant something to someone else and feels like a piece is just gone that helped make something feel a little more whole before.

There's been people online I've met before, never knew personally, but thinking of them being gone and how they meant to the respective communities that they were in and how people knew them. Nothing was ever the same.
 
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